


Please Save me

by HPfanatic12



Series: Love Comes at the Most Unexpected Time [1]
Category: Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: AU, Abuse, Alternate Universe - Human, Amelia plays matchmaker, Cuddling, Domestic Violence, Drama, Emotional Abuse, Fluff, Fluffy, JEDTAVIUS, Jedtavius is endgame, Kissing, M/M, Octavius cries a lot, Physical Abuse, Slight Humor, Slow Burn, Slow Updates, it's not graphic, mentions of previous abuse, rape mentioned in chapter 30, tablet guardians, very angsty, will be fluffy at times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-08-03 03:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 42
Words: 142,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16318262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPfanatic12/pseuds/HPfanatic12
Summary: Jedediah is a domestic violence survivor. His heart has been closed off but then he meets someone who makes his heart flutter for the first time in a long time.But this mysterious stranger has a secret of his own.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yall! I got this fic idea when I watched a domestic violence PSA (I have a weird fascination with PSA's)  
> I'm going to make this as realistic as possible. I've done a lot of research so I hope I get this right. It's going to be pretty sad but not overly so much that it's cheesy. Also, I love Lancelot but it was either him or Kahmunrah to play the jerk and idk I like seeing him portrayed as a jerk lol sometimes. 
> 
> I'm not sure how long this will be, longer than 10 chapters I know that much.  
> Anyway, enjoy!  
> Edit 10-20-18: I decided to take the rating down from mature to teen and take off the warning about violence. It'll still be plenty bad but I don't think it'll be quite that bad in terms of the abuse

Jedediah Smith was not a morning person.  
He was perfectly content with sleeping the afternoon away.  
Unfortunately, those ideals are thrown out the window when one owns a pet, particularly a cat.  
Taffy, the mangy feline, was horridly impatient and had certain tactics for demanding food. She pranced around his apartment as though she owned the place, and maybe she did because she had that certain look to her that made Jed feel like a little kid being scolded by his mother.  
Jed preferred this over a dog, though. Hissing he could handle, litter box cleanup he could handle, but an overactive mutt that would drown him in debt between food, toys and vet bills? Nope, not gonna happen.  
A glimmer of sunlight peeked through the curtains, snacking him straight in the face. Reluctantly, he cracked an eye open. Taffy was right next to him, staring into his soul. Caught off guard, he flinched.  
“Dang nabbit,” he grumbled, glaring once his heart finally slowed down. “How many times I gotta tell ya you’ll get yer breakfast?”  
The cat didn’t reply. But if she could make facial expressions, he was sure she’d be raising an eyebrow; perhaps at his question, perhaps at his insanity for talking to a cat.  
Either way, he needed a drink and it was only eleven.  
“Well come on,” he sighed resignedly. The cat meowed, hopping on the floor and went in search of the kitchen. She was way too smart for her own good. Yawning, he made his way to where Taffy was and pulled out the container of food. “You’re very spoiled, you know that?” he remarked as she dug in hungrily.  
Again, talking to a cat.  
He really needed a drink.  
“What to eat, what to eat,” he muttered, rummaging the cabinets. He hadn’t gone shopping yet so the only edible items were a jar of mayonnaise, cereal and a bottle of water that he was sure had been in there for a while. Well, he needed something so he went for the cereal, standing near the counter as he always did, eyes overlooking the dreadfully lonely apartment.  
Living alone hadn’t been the dream but he was making due. What other choice was there? He’d had his pity party already, now he had to man up. It was the only way to survive.  
_“You can’t survive without me.”_  
Jed flung the bowl, misjudging the amount of force behind it. It crashed into the wall, shattering instantly with soggy cereal and milk trickling down to the floor. Taffy screeched, scurrying out of the room faster than he’d ever seen her.  
Suddenly not feeling very hungry anymore, he headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth, desperately trying to get his mind on something else besides him.  
That voice, it was faint but clear. Jed shivered. He should’ve been over it by now but, five years, it seemed, was not enough time. But that only raised the question, what was enough time? Would he be old and sitting in a rocking chair and still have his mind wandering back to him? It wasn’t fair. He was gone, for good, yet Jed, he was stuck; stuck in some kind of prison.  
And he didn’t know if he would ever get out.  
Jed was brought out of his daydream by a cold splash on his midsection. He glanced down; the water had already filled the sink and was dangerously close to overflowing. He hadn’t even noticed that he turned on the fascet. He took a handful of water and splashed it against his face, hoping it would bring him back to his senses.  
It wouldn’t.  
Long ago, he stopped looking at the reflection in the mirror. It was just a reminder; a reminder of what he once had. But today, he decided to humor himself.  
Unsurprisingly, he hated what he saw.  
His hair, albeit unbrushed, was once his most distinguishing feature. It was a bit shaggy, not long enough to reach his shoulders but down to his ears. Girls used to love his blonde locks. But what had once been a gorgeous mane, was now unkept and hid most of the time underneath a hat.  
His skin turned a sickly pale and his eyes look sunken and no longer sparkled like they had. The pictures his parents took showed a happy, healthy child. The few pictures taken in his adulthood showed an entirely different person.  
He hated that person too.  
He was nearly done brushing his teeth when someone knocked on the front door. “Ima comin’,” Jed groaned. He didn’t have to guess as to who it was. Amelia’s knocks were distinctive (and obnoxious, but he wasn’t about to say that to her). He quickly spit out the remaining toothpaste and washed the brush. By the time he made it out to the hallway, Amelia had let herself in and was currently spinning in one of the stools by the counter. He was suddenly thankful he’d gone to bed with pajamas on this time.  
“You took too long so I just used the key,” she said by way of explanation, shrugging.  
“What key?” he crossed his arms. “I ain’t never gave you one.” She grinned, toying with an innocent expression that he narrowed his eyes at.  
“You know the one in the plant pot.”  
“You mean my emergency key?”  
“Yeah! That one,” she snapped her fingers, nodding like a bobble head. “It’s mine now.”  
As if he didn’t know.  
“So,” she crossed one leg over the other, fixing him with a look of unusual caution, “how are you feeling? I know yesterday must’ve been rough but honestly, Jed, if you need to talk I’m here.”  
“I know,” he interjected before she could continue her spiel. “I’m fine, Ames. Really,” he insisted at her raised brows. “Quit worrying’ so much.”  
The redhead, thankfully, didn’t press the subject. She meant well, of course, but there was only so much emotional toll he could take. “So,” she repeated, not giving him the chance to interrupt yet again, “I was thinking we could hangout today. You know, get some coffee and pastries, eat ice cream, decorate the apartment, maybe go to the-”  
“Hang on,” he put his hands on his hips, the irritating innocent smile returned to her face, “what’s all this ‘bout decorating?”  
“Come on, Jed,” she groaned, “this place could use a little,” she waved her arms around, inwardly searching for the appropriate word, “life.”  
Taffy had come out, curiously sniffing the air and rubbed up against Amelia’s legs. The redhead was all too happy to provide her with ear scratches.  
“It’s got plenty of life,” he defended. It wasn’t homey by no means and definitely not his final resting place, but it was his place for the time being. Actually, it had been a great deal at the time. He’d been twenty-two and after bouncing from place to place, shelter to shelter he found an ad in a newspaper. The place was suspiciously cheap but better than nothing. He half expected a run down, decrepit motel-like atmosphere but much to his surprise it was a very nice apartment complex run by a generous owner. The man took pity on his situation and offered it to him even though he hadn’t been able to pay the first month’s rent until a month after. Fast forward five years later and hardly much had changed. Sure, he put up a few picture frames and a couple potted plants but it was mostly bare.  
“Jeeeed,” she whined. “Just go with me on this. You don’t have to pay for it, I’ve got that covered. The boss gave me a raise and I want to share it with you. Let me.” She gave him her signature puppy dog eyes.  
Jed groaned. He was never able to win against those.  
“Fine.”  
She cheered and he quickly added,  
“But, you can’t go crazy. Not like last time.”  
Amelia pouted. “It was one time, aren’t we past that?” Jed remembered helping her furnish and decorate her own place. She’d gotten so excited that she accidentally made a huge hole in the wall. Needless to say, her landlord was not happy.  
“No. Crawford will have my head if that happens here.”  
Eager to change the subject away from her own mistake, Amelia said, impatiently, “Have you eaten yet?” she didn’t wait for an answer before continuing, “go get dressed and we’ll go to the bakery and get breakfast.”  
He checked the clock. “It’s almost noon.”  
“Alright. Brunch. Now move!”  
“Slave driver,” he muttered but obayed nonetheless. He picked out a plaid button up and slipped on a pair of dark jeans along with his boots. When he finished, Amelia was waiting by the door.  
“C’mon, Cowboy,” she said, handing him his jacket.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Octavius! I'm not thrilled with this chapter but I wanted to post something.  
> Also, I forgot to say in the previous note that there won't be cussing in this so I hope that doesn't take away from the realism of this story.

Octavius Caesar used to be a morning person.  
Octavius Caesar used to be a dreamer.  
Octavius Caesar used to be happy.  
Not anymore.

***

The luxurious apartment was silent; a strong contrast from the night before when Lance had stormed in after a bad day at work and it went downhill from there. The china that Octavius had to replace again was now scattered around the living room, shards and all. The carefully kept bookcase, alphabetized by publish date, was knocked over. Some of the furniture was torn and the TV was destroyed. All in all, it was trashed. Nothing was a match for Lance’s temper. Had this been Octavius’ apartment he would have been frantic. There was no way he could afford to replace any of that. But Lance could. It took nothing for him to call a housekeeper to spruce up the place.  
Nothing.  
Nothing.  
As if he didn’t terrify Octavius while in his fit of rage.  
As if he didn’t spend nearly two hours screaming obscenities at him.  
But.  
But, he did pry. He did try to get Lance to talk about his day which was a horrible idea. Lance told him numerous times not to talk to him when he was in a mood but he didn’t listen.  
So he paid the price.

 

**

 

Octavius’ eyes fluttered open, taking in the sight of their bedroom. It took a moment to process due to the extreme exhaustion and dull throb of pain he was experiencing. Using his eyes as to not move his head, he glanced at the clock.  
Eleven thirty.  
The Italian frowned. He’d nearly slept the entire morning away! As a child he would wake up at the crack of dawn to watch his mother do her housework, soon enough it became habitual. This progressed into his adulthood; an essential tool for a productive day. Even after he met Lance, he tried to keep it up as much as possible. Only, Lance didn’t like it. Who went to bed at nine-thirty? Certainly no one he knew. Before Octavius knew it, the blonde tried to discourage these habits.

 

“ _C’mon. You’re nineteen, not eighty. Live a little.”_  
_“Don’t you want to be cool?”_  
_“We won’t last long if you can’t keep up with me.”_

 

Little by little, Octavius gave in. What was the harm? Maybe Lance was right, it wouldn’t hurt to live a little on the wild side of things. It was supposed to be a small stretch, an hour tops, but Lance had a way of persuasion, one that played Octavius like a fiddle.  
Octavius gasped softly when hot breath hit the back of his neck. Lance was spooning him again, arms wrapped around his waist in a tight hold. Unfortunately it was also squeezing his already full bladder. He took in deep, cleansing breaths, trying to get his mind on anything but relieving himself. He couldn’t just get up, again Lance.  
“Good morning,” a kiss was placed on his ear, making the young man shiver.  
“M-Morning,” Octavius blushed.  
“How are you feeling?” he traced over the black eye he’d left the night before.  
“Err, fine.” Maybe now that he was awake he could finally pee. He tried to get up but was pushed back down and the hold around his frame tightened.  
“Where do you think you’re going?”  
“The bathroom.” Even the mere thought was taunting. “I-I have to pee.” That was enough for Lance to let go. There had been an instance where he hadn’t and ended up with both of them saturated in Octavius’ urine. Not only embarrassing, Lance had a major meltdown, resulting in Octavius being homeless for a total of two days until the blonde caved in to his sexual cravings and invited him back with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers.  
He was a sucker for flowers.  
He was a sucker for a lot of things, actually.  
“Hurry up!” Lance snapped, shoving his face under a pillow.  
Octavius did as he was told. Afterwards, as he washed his hands, he spared himself a glance in the mirror. He looked older than his twenty-seven years of age. His short black hair, typically much tidier, was giving off a wild, bed-head vibe. Not much else was out of place other than the newly formed black eye and cut lip. He was required to be. Lance was very meticulous about his appearance, which meant Octavius had to be as well.  
“Octavius!” He flinched. Lance didn’t sound happy.  
“Yes?” he called, hoping his lover could hear him through the closed door.  
“I want coffee and muffins.”  
Octavius slouched a bit in disappointment. He’d been hoping to catch up on some reading after eating an early lunch. But that obviously wasn’t going to happen.  
“Lance, why don’t you just make your own coffee?” Octavius furrowed his brows as he came back to the bedroom. “It’s cheaper and there are plenty of muffin mixes for you to use.”  
Lance glared. “I don’t want to make my own. I want you to go and get me some.”  
“But-”  
_shut up, shut up! You’ll make it worse._  
“Are you questioning me, Octavius?” Lance asked, voice smooth. Too smooth. “Because I thought you knew better than to do that.”  
“Yes, I-I mean no! No! I’m not questioning you,” Octavius’ knees felt like jelly. “I’ll get dressed and get you some.”  
Lance smiled, that same million watt smile that made the Italian fall in love with him.  
“Good boy. Get yourself a bran muffin while you’re out.”  
Octavius smiled tightly. He would’ve preferred chocolate chip. But, oh well. No need to make a fuss.  
“Have you got any plans today?” he inquired as he searched through the closed they shared for something to wear.  
“Just the usual meetings with Father.”  
“How is Edward doing?” Octavius’ (hopefully) future father-in-law had been rather unwell and the young man was feeling concerned.  
“Fine I guess. Listen, we’re having an important dinner with Father and some of the company’s executives tonight so be presentable and make sure everything is perfect,” Lance sighed dreamily. “Hopefully by eight o’clock I’ll be running the company.”  
Octavius frowned but didn’t say anything else.  
Lance was about to say something but then caught hold of what his boyfriend was wearing. “You’re wearing that?”  
Octavius glanced down at his outfit guiltily. He should’ve consulted Lance on the matter. He’d chosen a pair of black trousers, a plain red t-shirt with a blue sweater that had stripes of different colors.  
“You look like a freak,” Lance stated plainly. “Take the sweater off.”  
Octavius did and exchanged it for a solid red sweater.  
“I don’t know why you refuse to ask me,” Lance sighed as if it were a mortal wound. “I would’ve helped you.”  
“I will next time,” the Italian promised.  
He quickly brushed his teeth and hair and was prepared to leave but Lance stopped him before he could.  
“Remember,” was all he said.  
“I tripped over my dog,” Octavius said dutifully.  
Lance smirked.  
“Good boy.”

 

**

 

Octavius ordered the coffee and bran muffins from a rather perky young woman with braces. She must have been a teenager, he assumed. He took a seat near the counter, becoming enveloped in his thoughts.  
He’d always been a helpless romantic, even as a child. Growing up, his mother read fairy tales to him before bed and unlike most boys his age, he relished them. As he became older, he desired to have a relationship, one that was filled with romance, unexpected surprises, random kisses, the like. He knew he was gay once middle school happened, thankfully his parents accepted his choice. His mother became his wingwoman of some sorts, dead set on finding her son a suitable partner. It was embarrassing at times but some of the fondest memories of his mother were those of her trying to play matchmaker.  
When he met Lance at sixteen, it was like a dream come true. He was a true gentleman, opening doors for Octavius, kissing his hand, even going as far as to drop his coat on a rain puddle for Octavius to step on as to not get his shoes dirty (Octavius had blushed madly). The Italian thought he was perfect in every way but his mother thought otherwise. She didn’t voice it, but her son could tell she didn’t quite approve of his boyfriend.  
Perhaps with good reason.  
“Order number 268!”  
Octavius rose to his feet gracefully, thanked the girl, Abby, her name tag read, and turned to exit the shop when he suddenly crashed into someone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo-Wee! Another chapter! They'll steadily start to get longer.  
> In this one Jed meets a handsome stranger;)

Jed was not a happy camper.  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Amelia apologized for the twentieth time, trying to catch up to him. "I didn't know it was closed for construction, give me a break, geeze."  
Their hangout day, so far, was a bust. Jed's stomach, having only ate a couple bites of his cereal, yearned for something sweet and fattening. He should've known something would go wrong. No sense in saying that in front of Amelia, though. She'd chastise him for his pessimistic attitude.  
"S'alright," he sighed. She was just trying to help.  
Amelia bit her lip, the wheels turning in her head. They'd been wandering the streets of Brooklyn aimlessly for fifteen minutes.  
"Oh, I know! Let's try that coffee shop," she pointed to a small building on the other side of the street.  
Jed shrugged.  
"I bet they have hot chocolate," she tried to persuade him.  
"Whatever you want, Ames."  
She blew a puff of air from her lips. "This is supposed to be your day, Jedi. What do you want to do?"  
He scowled at the use of that blasted nickname. "I wanted to stay home."  
She glared.  
"Fine," he gave in. "Let's go. But I want two cookies."  
"Okay."  
"And a danish."  
"Doable."  
"And a hot chocolate."  
"...Okay."  
"And a coffee with lots of sugar."  
Amelia grinned upon noticing the teasing glint in her friend's eyes.  
"Jedediah Smith, you're going to get fat."  
"Fat and happy," he snickered.  
"Nope. Just fat."  
They crossed the street, avoiding the oncoming cars. Amelia grabbed Jed's hand, dragging him along. The shop itself was discreet enough that if you weren't paying attention you'd miss it. Jed thought it should have been painted a more cheerful color but then again, he didn't know the first clue about design. The inside, he learned, wasn't any better. Rather depressing, actually.  
"Hope the food's better than the person who made this place," Jed remarked.  
Amelia rolled her eyes. "I'll be over here, kay? Here's my card." She went to find them a seat. He nodded absentmindedly, eyes scanning the menu. Hmm. The food better be worth the price, he inwardly huffed. since when did coffee shops get so expensive?  
Maybe he'd try one of those danishes or maybe he'd stick with cookies. Or maybe-  
CRASH!  
It took a millisecond for what had just happened to register in Jed's mind. Blinking owlishly, he stared at the fallen cups of coffee that splattered the floor and the soggy muffins that followed.  
He was anticipating a long, angry rant from whomever he ran into but that never came. Jed, curiously, dared to look at the stranger.  
And oh.  
_Oh my._  
He was...he was cute.  
No. Cute wasn't good enough. Gorgeous. Yes, that was it. The stranger was drop dead gorgeous.  
He was a little shorter, probably only up to Jed's chest. His hair was short and black and wore hipster glasses that made him look smart and dignified. Sticking out from the glasses was a sore looking black eye. But that didn't do anything to make him any less attractive. Jed swallowed thickly. Sure, he'd seen lots of men before but this guy, he was one of a kind.  
Jed swore under his breath when something, someone pinched his side.  
"Jed!" Amelia hissed. "That guy was talking to you."  
"Huh?" Jed said blankly.  
"I'm so sorry," the stranger repeated, looking ashamed. "I should've watched where I was going."  
Jed was momentarily mesmerized by the European accent he possessed. He suddenly understood why girls went crazy over British people and the like.  
Focus Jed. Focus.  
Jed frowned a little at the obvious act of self blame. If anything, he definitely wasn't paying attention. But the poor guy looked like he was scared, like Jed was going to go off on him. He'd have to make it up to him.  
"Don't worry about it, Kemosabe," Jed smiled, trying to show him he wasn't mad. "Let me buy for you," he gestured to the ruin remains.  
"You mean let me buy," Amelia said dryly. Her comment went unnoticed. Jed glanced at the guy, pleadingly.  
The stranger bit his lip, looking as though he was having an internal battle. "There's really no need-"  
"Please," Jed insisted. The stranger deflated.  
"If you insist."  
"I do," Jed asked what he wanted and the man repeated his order. He wrinkled his nose when the other man had mentioned the bran muffins.  
"Bran muffins? What are ye, eighty?"  
He'd meant it as a joke, but the man flinched. Amelia gave him a you'd-better-apologize-look.  
"Look I'm sorry," he rubbed the back of his neck. "Was just joking. If it helps, ye don't look a day over twenty-five."  
The man's face contorted, almost resembling a smile but then it vanished.  
"I'm twenty-seven."  
"What a coincidence," Amelia interjected, grinning, "so is Jed." Jed was going to ask the stranger his name but at that moment his order was up. The man thanked him profusely and again apologized for running into him before dashing off. He didn't realize he was staring until Amelia nudged him.  
"He was cute," she said slyly.  
"Yeah," he agreed automatically then comprehend what he had said. "Shut up, Ames."  
"I knew it!" she cackled as they made way to the seat she picked out. "I knew you thought he was cute!"  
"So?" he scowled. 'Ain't like I'll ever see him again."  
"You don't know that," she said with a twinkle in her eye. A fraction of a second passed and she became seriously. "Jed, this is huge. I've never seen you even looking at someone since Jake."  
His eyes darkened. His hand clenched his cup of hot chocolate like it was his lifeline. "Don't go talkin' 'bout him, Amelia." His friend looked like she was going to protest but ultimately thought otherwise.  
"My point is," she said, ignoring his death glare, sipping her black coffee sparingly, "if you think he's cute, go for it. I don't want this to come off the wrong way but don't you think it's time to move on? Five years is a long time."  
Jed's stomach churned. He vaguely heard Jake's voice whispering contemptuously in his ear.  
"You don't understand," he said at last. "You don't get it. You were never with someone who-" the words got caught in his throat, "who-"  
"Someone who abused me?" she spoke softly. He nodded, unable to form anything else. "You're right. You're right. I don't get it but what I do get is that you've got to realize there are other guys out there and they aren't Jake." She wasn't being mean, rather, speaking truthfully. She was right, of course. Plenty of other people had healthy, meaningful relationships.  
But could he?  
"Jed," Amelia swallowed a bite of her coffee cake. "I just want you to be happy. I want you to be in love; so in love in hurts." He raised an eyebrow and she winced.  
"Poor choice of words..."  
Despite the word vomit, Jed was touched. He was immensely grateful to have someone like Amelia in his life. Even if she was a little on the crazy side.  
"Thank you," he held her hand, squeezing it. She squeezed back.  
"Anything for you, Jed."  
"So back to the guy," she smiled mischievously. He rolled his eyes. Trust her not to let it go.  
'What about him?"  
"You thought he was cute."  
"So did you."  
"Yeah but in a oh-look-at-that-cute-child-way. You thought he was cute in a I-wonder-what-he's-like-naked-way."  
"Why are we even friends?"  
"Because you love me and I buy you food."  
He snorted but didn't disagree.  
"Shame I didn't get his name."  
Amelia whipped out her phone, typing furiously. Jed had a bad feeling about this.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Nothing."  
"Ames," he said in a warning tone.  
"I'm putting up an ad on Facebook," she explained as if it were normal.  
"What?"  
She handed him her phone. As he read through it, his eyes popped out.  
_Looking for a man in his late twenties. Kinda short, black hair, glasses and was seen wearing black pants and a red sweater at the coffee shop on Main Street. Hit me up if you know his name. Thanks!_  
He stared at the phone then at Amelia and back at the phone. "You're unbelievable."  
"I know," she was very proud of herself.  
"This will never work," he pointed out.  
"You don't know that," she echoed her earlier words. "He could come back to this very spot because one of his friends showed him the ad." Her face suddenly went into a big, scary smile. She leaned across the table, whispering, "What if he's your soulmate?"  
"Amelia-"  
"I'm serious! Jake clearly wasn't so what if this guy is? He could be your true love."  
"Ain't no such thing," he said grumpily.  
"Don't be silly. 'Course there is. Everyone has one," Amelia said dismissively.  
"I think you've been reading' too much," Jed nibbled on his cookie, not feeling very hungry.  
"Why are you so against this?"  
"Why are you so for it?" he retorted.  
She groaned, hiding her face in her hands. "You're impossible."  
He kept silent. Maybe she'd finally give up.  
"So, what kind of paint do you want?"  
He sighed in relief.  
"I dunno. Blue or green, I guess."  
She nodded approvingly. "You need something else, something warm and inviting."  
"What in the blazes are you on about, woman?" he was confused.  
"What I mean is," she shifted in her chair, "your apartment sucks. I mean really sucks."  
"Thanks," he said sarcastically.  
"Your home is supposed to reflect you and your personality," she continued. "Your place has the personality of stale bread."  
He wondered if there was a point to this.  
"It's probably why you've been so grumpy lately. Once we spruce it up you'll be a completely different person!" she exclaimed.  
He doubted that.  
"And we won't stop until we find everything."  
"Everything?"  
" _Everything."_  
He grumbled good naturedly. It was going to be a long day, for sure.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavius gets back home and Lance isn't happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONGEST CHAPTER YET! YAY!  
> Also this probably won't be addressed but Lance's name is Lance Camelot (not Lancelot) because I'm crappy with trying to think up names (hence why I went with Caeser for Octavius)

Octavius hurried down the street, breathing heavily. His feet nearly tripped over one another as they tried to move at maximum speed while still trying not to be a klutz. 

_ Again _ . 

The events in the coffee shop replayed in his mind. How could he have been so clumsy? He should’ve asked for a cup carrier instead of trying to juggle two coffee cups and a bag of muffins. It was his own fault. Lance was always trying to tell him he needed to think before he acted. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid! 

Still, the other guy was nice. 

Almost too nice. 

Octavius was expecting screaming, demanding that he pay for his jeans to be cleaned because there had been two drops that splashed on the ends,  _ something _ . 

In the end, he didn’t. He offered to replace everything! At first, he didn’t want to accept. Time was of the essence; not only would his boyfriend be angry that he had wait but also because his food had been bought by another man. 

Finally, after a struggle with the crowds, Octavius entered the lobby of the complex, greeting Tony, the bellhop with a shy smile. 

“Whoa there,” Tony chuckled. “Where’s the fire?” 

“Sorry,” Octavius shifted the weight onto his other foot. “I have to get these to Lance.” 

The smile on the bellhop’s face was replaced with a frown. “I’m sure he’ll survive a few more minutes. You hardly talk to me anymore,” he observed. 

It was true. When Lance invited Octavius to move in with him the young Italian made a fast friendship with Tony, whom wasn’t much older than himself. Their weeks consisted of movie nights, occasions when Octavius tried to get Tony interested in the latest book he was reading and vise versa with the bellhop trying to interest him in poker games with his girlfriend. All of that changed rather suddenly. Octavius made excuse after excuse as to why he couldn’t make it to their weekly events. 

“I know,” Octavius avoided his eyes. “I’m sorry. Lance-he-I think he was a little jealous that’s all. We were spending every week together.” As soon as the hurt appeared on Tony’s face, he knew that had been the wrong thing to say. 

“I thought you liked our hangout days?” 

“I did!” Octavius said, desperately trying to salvage the conversation. “I did! It’s just-just-” 

“Lance,” Tony’s tone hardened. “It’s always Lance.” It was no secret Tony disliked Lance, and that was putting it mildly. Octavius had to admit his boyfriend could be a little....brash with the staff. Very embarrassing but what could he do? It wasn’t his place to correct him. However, he did disapprove of his reactions. Everyone deserves respect, even if they weren’t of the same social status. 

“Can we talk later?” Octavius felt as if was going to erupt from nervousness. “I’ve really got to go.” 

“Sure,” Tony muttered. “If Lancie lets you we will.” 

Octavius was sure he wasn’t meant to hear that, unfortunately he did. “It was nice seeing you,” he called as he pressed the button for the elevator. 

“Yeah. You too.” 

Octavius got in the contraption, jabbing the button with more force than necessary. He preferred to use the stairs typically, not only for exercise purposes but personal reasons as well. Elevators were too closed in, which induced his claustrophobia. His heart sped up, his hands formed and unformed a fist. He took deep breaths, reminding himself that he would be off soon enough. 

After a minute or so of agony, it reached the top floor. The Italian hurried off. He stood just outside the door, contemplating on how to explain the situation to Lance. All things considered, he just decided to face him. Maybe he wouldn’t make too much of a fuss. 

Maybe. 

“I’m home,” Octavius’ shaky voice echoed. It was unusually quiet, save for the soft strokes of a mop; the housekeeper must have arrived while he was gone. 

“In here,” Lance called shortly from the kitchen. Octavius swallowed at his tone, walked to the extravagant kitchen where Lance was sitting at the island. 

_ Sipping coffee _ . 

“I-I thought you wanted me to get you coffee,” Octavius asked confusedly. 

“I did, but you took too long so I had Carla get me some,” Lance said calmly. 

Carla was the housekeeper but he was never allowed to refer her by name, made it too personal Lance said. 

“Oh,” Octavius said softly. “I see.” 

“What took you so long anyway?” was the inevitable question he hoped to avoid. 

“No reason,” he shoved the muffin his mouth, effectively detouring the long line of questions that would come. His boyfriend narrowed his eyes at his suspicious behavior. 

“Octavius.” There it was, low but dangerous. Some mothers had a look to them that made their children straighten up, Lance used his name. It only took one time of saying it, much like a child with his mother. It was like a training tool; he learned to fear it, fear the very name his parents gave him. 

The Italian choked down the dry muffin, praying that it wouldn’t be a bloodbath. “I-I ran into someone.” 

The anger on Lance’s face dissipated, briefly. “You ran into someone?” he was trying to decide if that was a bad thing or not. 

“At the coffee shop,” Octavius took a deep breath. “I got your order and when I turned around, I guess I wasn’t paying attention and ran into someone and it fell to the floor. I’m so sorry!” he burst out. “The man offered to replace everything and I didn’t want to accept but he insisted and I didn’t want to be rude. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” He was talking rapidly by this point. Maybe it would lessen the blow. 

“You let another man pay for you?” Octavius saw his clenched hands and cringed. This wasn’t good. 

“What are you? Some kind of whore?” 

Octavius’ stomach dropped. That couldn’t he true. He wasn’t. 

Was he? 

Lance was more experienced in relationships than he was. He’d know it if he saw it. 

But. 

“It was just coffee and muffins,” he protested weakly, throat dry. “It meant nothing, I assure you.” 

Lance said nothing, which wasn’t a good sign. Had Octavius been naïve he would have assumed the conversation was over. But it was never over, not this quickly. 

“I see.” 

Octavius regarded him warily. Of all the things that he expected to roll out, that was not one of them. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Please forgive me.” 

“Do I not make you happy, Octavius?” Lance stood up, drumming his fingers on the marble counter. 

“No! You make me happy, of course,” Octavius stammered. 

“Do I excite you?” 

He swallowed thickly. “Yes.” 

“Do I not make you comfortable?” 

“You do...” 

Then tell me,” oh crap, he was slowly advancing with a look like a wolf about to devour its prey, “why you seem to have trouble staying faithful to me?” 

Octavius’ brain was on overdrive. How was he supposed to answer? When Lance was like this anything could---and would---worsen his already foul mood. 

_ It’s your own fault. You should’ve said no. He’s right, you were whoring yourself off.  _

He let out a gasp when Lance gripped his forearms, bending down to whisper in his ear. 

“I should punish you for your...disobedience.” 

Octavius shivered, remembering his last punishment. He very well nearly landed in the hospital; Lance patched him up, though, and took very good care of him, apologizing for his temper. 

He looked up into his lover’s eyes, pupils dilated, they looked like two black holes of nothing, not the warm ones he was acquainted with. 

The hold on his arms became tighter if that was even possible. 

“And to think I trusted you,” the blonde stroked his cheek. ‘What a mistake.” Without warning, he slapped Octavius; the crack echoing. The first time he was unprepared, taken completely by surprise. 

Now he didn’t utter a sound. 

Octavius relaxed a little. After a hit or so Lance could calm himself down. But what he didn’t account for was a pair of hands around his neck, not quite holding it hard enough to choke him but enough to constrict air flow. 

The time suddenly stopped. 

Octavius met Lance’s eyes again. With nothing else to do, no way to defend himself, he stared, begging and pleading silently that today wasn’t going to be his last. 

_ Jupiter protect me...  _

“It’s all clean Mr. Camelot,” came the droning voice of Carla (the housekeeper, Octavius reminded himself). “Anything else you need?” 

Lance’s grip on his neck relinquished. He acted as though he was merely dusting off Octavius’ sweater, eyes warning him to keep his mouth shut. He turned back to the housekeeper in a business-like mode. 

“No. That’ll be all,” he said curtly as a way of dismissal. When she didn’t budge, he snapped, “What are you waiting for?” 

She held her hand out, lips pursed and eyebrows raised. “I don’t work for free.” 

Lance practically threw the small wad of bills from his wallet toward her. “I could fire you and hire a professional.” 

She snorted. “Good luck finding someone to put up with your crap.” He seemed flabbergasted that she dare speak to him that way. Octavius feared for her safety. It took little to nothing for his temper to skyrocket. What if he attacked her? 

“Get out,” the blonde snarled. 

She sashayed over to the door. “Try not to trash the place,” she snarked, slamming the door shut. 

Lance growled, glancing back at his lover. “What’re you smirking at?” he barked. “Think it’s funny, don’t you? Think it’s funny how she disrespects me?” 

Octavius was at a loss for words. Instead he opted for making unattractive choking noises because he  _ literally _ could not form a reply. His heart was pounding like it had in the elevator and his hands felt clammy to the touch. 

Lance reached out to move a piece of Octavius’ hair. “Your hair is so nice when it’s straight,” he remarked, all traces of anger gone, eyeing the little curls with distaste. “Cut them.” 

“What?” Octavius was a little upset if he was honest. He rather liked his hair. “Why?” 

Thankfully, Lance chose to overlook his probing. “I won’t have you looking scruffy at dinner. I told you that you must be presentable.” Octavius was disheartened. “Dear, if you want to survive in high society you must look the part. I’m doing this for your own good.” He kissed his cheek roughly. It was a bit uncomfortable being that it was the same cheek he had slapped.  “You understand, don’t you?” 

“Yes,” the Italian whispered. “I understand.” 

“Good,” he kissed him again. “Remember Octavius, you’re mine and only mine.” Said man felt Lance’s tongue licking away at his lips, waiting to be let in. It was disgusting but it was what his lover liked so he went along with it. 

Just as they deepened the kiss, Lance’s phone ringed. They broke apart panting. 

“Hello,” the blonde said coolly. He rolled his eyes and made faces like a child. Octavius guessed it was Edward’s secretary. Lance didn’t like her very much, something about being too forward for a woman. 

“Yes, yes,” Lance said in a bored tone. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Bye.” 

“Father needs me earlier than expected,” he said briskly. “When I’m done I’ll bring everyone over for dinner. The take-out menu is in the drawer. It better be here on time.” 

“Wouldn’t you rather I fix something up myself,” Octavius wasn’t a fan of take-out or quick fix meals. His parents ingrained in him the importance of cooking food oneself without all those added flavors. Naturally, his boyfriend didn’t agree with this approach. 

Lance snickered. “Your cooking skills are less than desired.” With those words, he took his leave without so much as a goodbye or even another kiss. 

_ Stop being so greedy. He already kissed you _ . 

 

** 

 

The first thing Octavius did was cut his curls. 

He stood in the bathroom, staring at his distressed reflection with the electric razor in hand. It was only hair, it would grow back. He could do this. But by Jupiter it was  _ his _ hair. Shouldn’t he be making decisions about something on his own body? 

_ Don’t be stupid _ . 

Lance cared about him enough to say something, didn’t he? If he truly didn’t care, like Tony had said several times before, then why did he try and teach him everything he knows? They were wrong, just wrong. They didn’t understand him. Sure he had his bad days but didn’t they all? 

He cut the first curl, promptly wincing. Mother was probably rolling in her grave at this point. She loved his hair as much as he did, once commented that if he ever grew it out she was sure it would make beautiful braids. Well, Octavius wasn’t quite that eccentric so he just laughed along with her in response. 

Four minutes later was a sight he thought he’d never see. 

His locks of hair now laid on the floor in a neat little pile, mocking him, taunting him. 

One thing was for sure, 

_ he hated it _ . 

He looked more juvenile, in his opinion. The curls gave him a more dignified look to him, one that meant mature. This was the exact opposite. 

Perhaps it was the shock of it all, the stress of the entire morning (afternoon-ish if he was going to be technical) or just seeing his hair gone from his head but tears blurred his vision and cascaded down his face. 

In a fit of rage he threw the razor across the room, it landed in the bathtub with a loud  _ clunk _ . 

His jaw trembled; he fought to keep control. Where had his manhood gone? He was twenty-seven for heaven’s sake! Men at this age don’t cry. 

A flood of memories rushed to his mind, of all the times Lance had called him names or otherwise insulted him. 

_ Weak.  _

_ Pathetic.  _

_ Worthless  _

_ Mistake  _

He was so  _ ugly _ , so selfish, so needy. It was by luck that Lance noticed him at all. He hadn’t, and still wasn’t, much of a looker. His face was so plain in comparison to every other male in existence. 

_ Like that man from the coffee shop _ . 

The man, Jed, (he thought that was his name, at least, that’s what the woman with him said) was indescribable in words alone. His hair was blonde, shaggy kept and his eyes, oh Jupiter his eyes, they were the bluest Octavius had ever seen. He was taller, about the same height as Lance but the way he carried himself was not in an intimidating way; it was pretty easy going. 

The pretty woman with him must be his girlfriend. They didn’t look at all alike so she definitely didn’t seem to be a sibling. Octavius, personally, had never been involved with a woman before although he was well aware of what straight men found attractive. He wished them all the happiness in the world. They deserved it, Jed especially. 

He sighed, realizing that he was going to have to clean up the mess before Lance got back. 

Maybe it was true when they say that love hurts. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chap with Jed! The next one will be with Octavius (I'll be keeping that pattern for a while) and that will be the last chapter to be done in the same day (if that makes any sense).  
> Enjoy!

Jed’s knees buckled from the unnecessary added weight of the shopping bags. What a sight he must have been!  Why did Amelia have to insist on so much stuff? Better yet, how could she afford all this? Either she was secretly loaded or about to have a taste of poverty after this little shopping spree.

One of the more heavier bags fell from his grip, landing straight on his toes. A few choice words escaped his lips to which a disapproving nearby mother leaving her own apartment shook her head in disgust, covering her children’s ears.

It wasn’t to say he wasn’t grateful; on the contrary, he was eternally. 

He was just...well.

A bit overwhelmed.

He couldn’t remember the last time he was spoiled like this,  _ genuinely _ .

Jed’s idea of decorating was buying a couple new curtains, lint rollers (because Taffy was shedding horribly this time of year) for the couch, a new bed sheet and some screwdrivers to fix the ceiling fan. A reasonable list, so he thought.

Wrong.

Amelia took over once it became apparent he had no idea what he was doing, and took it upon herself to buy the whole ensemble: lamps, curtains, new picture frames to replace the old ones, a brand new ceiling fan, everything. Jed had a sneaking suspicion her “raise” wasn’t the complete truth but didn’t comment further and let her have her fun.

_ “Do you want this in beige or the fuchsia?” Amelia asked, holding up the couch pillows. _

_ Jed stared, blinking. _

_ “What and what?” _

_ Amelia, bless her soul, was thoroughly patent with him throughout the entire process. _

_ “They’re colors. Beige is this one,” she held up the yellowish one, “and this is fuchsia.” _

_ “Err. Beige I guess...?” _

“I got us dinner,” she said, appearing back at his side, incidentally startling Jed. “Hope you feel like Chinese.” She took out her key, opening the door, stepping aide to let him in first. Jed made a beeline for the couch, collapsing and allowing his aching arms to rest. He was used to physical exertion, but somehow Amelia completely wore him out. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled, voice muffled. “Didn’t have to.” 

He couldn’t see it but she rolled her eyes. 

“How many times are you going to say that? I want to, Jed. You’re my friend, my best friend.” 

He smiled softly. He and Amelia met three year ago. Actually, it was quite comical if he was honest. The exact details were fuzzy but he’d been running late to something and quite literally ran into the redhead. She wrongly assumed he was trying to attack her; the end result was a swift kick between the legs. Jed saw stars that day. 

“Thank ya, Ames,” he said sincerely. “ ‘preciate it.” 

They ate their food quietly, occasionally breaking the silence to discuss where things should go or to laugh at Taffy, whom was fascinated by the foreign objects in her home, inspecting them by sniffing the air pompously. Jed thought she looked right silly, and adorable but he wouldn’t dare use the word aloud. 

Periodically, Amelia would slid her phone out her pocket, furrowing her eyebrows as she scrolled before begrudgingly setting it back to where it had been. 

“No sight of mystery man yet?” he meant it as witty wisecrack, not to be taken seriously. Unfortunately, she must have thought he was interested now, for she perked up a bit underneath her own exhaustion and disappointment. 

“No,” she sighed, licking soy sauce off her plastic spork. Jed wrinkled his nose. “Plenty of admirers though,” she added, showing the blonde the comments her friends had written. 

 

_ OOOOH! Get it, Ames;) _

 

_ He sounds gorgeous!  _

 

_ Omg xD sounds like a catch already!  _

 

Most of the commenters were women, however there were two males that had a few words to say and Jed had to admit he didn’t like the atrocious wording nor the implications that the mystery guy was some kind of prostitute. Totally not cool. Perhaps they were only mocking the ogling girls or, maybe, they liked guys too. He decided to ask Amelia. 

“Them?” she snorted. “Nah. They’re two of the biggest girl-crazy dorks I’ve ever met. They’re just messing around, they don’t mean it.” He showed her the comments they made.

“Look at what they said, Ames! That’s a load of crap!” 

She agreed with him.  “I’ll tell them to tone it down, that’s uncalled for.” 

He continued eating, satisfied. His peaceful meal was interrupted by her smirking from across the island. 

“What?” he said, irritatedly. 

“Nothing,” she played the innocent card once again, twirling a noodle. 

“Amelia.” 

“Jed,” she said in the same tone. 

“Just tell me,” he rubbed a hand over his face. He really didn’t have time for her games. 

Her smirk widened. “You like him.” 

“Who?” okay, now he was purposely playing dumb. He knew exactly as to who she was referring to. 

“You know who,” she gave him a look, eyebrows raised and all. 

“I do not,” he protested. 

“Do too.” 

“Do not.” 

“Do too.” 

“I do  _ not _ .” 

‘Do not.” 

“Do too-ah!” he glared at her smug expression. “You tricked me!” 

“So?” she cracked a knuckle, grinning. “All’s fair in love and war.” 

Did he mention he hated that saying? 

“You’re so falling for him,” she stated, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “I can see it.” 

“No I ain’t.” Didn’t they just have a conversation about him earlier? Why did she feel the need to repeatedly bring him up? It wasn’t as if Jed would ever see him again in all probability. 

“Oh, really? Then why did you just defend him?” 

He stared at her weirdly. 

“I’d do the same thing for ya.” 

“That wasn’t a friendly gesture, Jed. It was like you were his boyfriend or something.” 

He was starting to regret saying yes to their hangout day. 

“Can’t I just help somebody without you playin’ matchmaker? Would you want strangers dissin’ you on the internet?” he challenged. “Hmm?” 

She disregarded his question. “C’mon, Jedi. I know a crush when I see one.” 

“It ain’t no crush!” his voice rose an octave, slamming his utensil on the counter. Distantly, Taffy squeaked like she had done earlier. “Can’t you understand that!?” 

Amelia didn’t react, besides to wipe away some of the sauce that had flown from the fork to her cheek. Her face was of concern, not anger. 

“Jed.” 

He buried his face in his hands. He felt like a grade A idiot. Here she was, trying to help him, as she had done all afternoon and this was how he repaid her. By acting like this. 

_ My, my, Jedediah, always running the mouth. I tried to tell you. See where it’s gotten you now?  _

“Jed? You okay?” Amelia noticed how rapidly his body language changed, how he stared past her at nothing yet was so terrified. “Jed!” 

“I’m sorry,” he sounded shaky. “Shouldn’t have blown up at ya.” He pushed his food away. “Let’s get started. You ready?” he walked away, starting to undo the bags. 

Amelia blinked, wondering what the heck just happened. 

 

*** 

 

It took a few hours, five or six if he was going to get technical, but after living in an unfurnished, bland apartment, it was now new and improved. Jed was amazed at the difference. The debate about paint color ended up with navy blue for the living room and bedroom with a splash of red for the bathroom; they decided to use a lighter blue for the kitchen. The dusty curtains were replaced with new ones and so was the ceiling fan. Jed could finally breathe in clean air. In addition to that, the holes in the couch were fixed, the throw pillows were on both ends. They used his tools to repair a few other odd ends. It was strangely nice; they mostly worked in silence, except to ask where something should go, but it was nice, real nice. 

“Wow.” 

Amelia beamed. “You like it?” she nudged him. 

It was...definitely not the apartment he’d woken up in. She was right. This, this place had life and he liked it. 

“I love it,” he grinned. “This is amazing, Amelia. Thank you,” with a rare surge of courage, he embraced her. She was surprised but quickly hugged back. Jed wasn’t the one to show affectionate anymore, especially physical affection. 

“No problem, Jedi,” she smiled warmly. “You’re worth it.” 

He glanced at her. “As long as ya ain’t gonna go broke over it....” 

She waved his worry away dismissively. “Please. I’ve been saving up for this for months.” 

“I knew it,” he muttered. “I knew it couldn’t of been from no raise.” 

She shoved her hands in her pockets. “The raise helped but I knew you needed this and wasn’t about to let a few minor details stop me.” 

“I don’t think anything could,” he told her seriously. 

The conversation died down as they stood, admiring their handy work. The night had sprung upon them without warning, the sun long set. It was coming up on ten o’clock and he really needed to get his behind to bed. Asking off for four days straight probably hadn’t been the brightest idea-his boss practically had a temper tantrum when he called in to request his time off and vowed that if dared to ask again he would be fired-but he just didn’t have the motivation or the concentration to work.

As ‘punishment’ he would have to work for two weeks without a day off. That would mess up some plans, sure, but oh well, he could handle it. 

In reality, if he wasn’t desperate for cash, Jed would have quit a long time ago. He was a part time mechanic, well, more like a little less than part time but that wasn’t the point. He didn’t necessarily like working on cars but it paid his rent. That was all that mattered at the moment.

Eventually, Jed knew Amelia would want an explanation as to why he was working the weekends and missing out on their plans. And he would tell her, sometime, maybe. He loved her dearly but she had a tendency to nag. In a weird way she was a mother figure to him (a really bad mother figure since Jed was always having to save her from whatever predicament she got herself into).

“Well,” she yawned, “I should get going.” 

His initial excitement dropped. He’d had so much fun, excluding the moments when he felt like crying. Now he would be all alone. 

Again. 

“So soon?” screw going to bed, maybe he could persuade her into watching a movie or something. 

“I’ve got work tomorrow, Jed,” she reminded him. “We’ll hang out again soon, I promise.” 

“Oh,” he kept his eyes downcast. “Okay, that’s fine.” 

She smiled sympathetically, reaching over to hug him one last time and kiss his cheek. 

“Bye Jedi.” 

“See ya, Ames,” he patted her back, watching her retreating figure leave. 

Amelia would scold him for this but whatever. He turned off the light, enveloping him into darkness and fell back on the couch. Sitting the dark wasn’t unusual for him, he rather liked it. It was peaceful, to sit and and just listen to nothing. 

Five minutes passed. 

He was still there. 

The blonde just couldn’t bring himself to go to bed, despite how much he was craving sleep. 

But he was craving some good ol’ vodka more. 

It became habitual for him to be drunk as a skunk on  _ that _ day. Too many reminders of what had been, he said when Amelia questioned it one day. She tried to see to it that he get help but he refused. He hated doctors and hospitals from a young age ever since his grandpa died when the blonde was only six years old.

His stomach growled, bringing him back to reality before things got crazy. 

Hmm, there was some unfinished Chinese food which luckily hadn’t been thrown away. 

Maybe he’d eat that. 

He chewed thoughtfully, recalling the day’s events. He still felt guilty for blowing up at Amelia and thought up possibilities on how to make it up to her. 

_ How about not existing?  _

For the third time that day, Jed found himself nauseated and unable to eat. Jake’s voice was always so destructive. He could normally block it out if he was engaged in a conversation with someone, namely Amelia. But today, under the pressure of work, changing up his home, meeting that handsome stranger and dealing with the teasing as a result, he was just so worn out and cracked. It was just too much. 

Jed abandoned the rest of his food, opting to curl up on the couch. He couldn’t-- _ wouldn’t _ \-- go to the bedroom, not yet. Vivid memories of Jake and him appeared in his mind, ones of the simpler days when they cuddled in bed, moaning and groaning of how much they hated work and would rather be with the other. A part of Jed longed for it, another didn’t. 

_ Don’t forget how much he hurt you _ , Jed’s own inner voice said indignantly.  _ He broke you and there’s no coming back from that. _

A lone tear dropped down his cheek until it hit the couch cushion. How pathetic was he, crying over a long gone ex? Maybe Jake was right, maybe the world would be better off if he didn’t exist. 

Surely no one would miss him. 

Well, Amelia might. 

No, correction, she’d revive him, kill him and revive him again if he ever did such a thing. She was not a woman to mess with. 

Bending his knees so his body could fit on the couch, Jed stared ahead at the wall, shivering when a draft of cold air hit him. 

God, he was so lonely. 

As his eyes fluttered shut, his mind wandered. 

He wondered what the handsome stranger was doing at that exact moment. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner party.  
> Dun. Dun. DUUUNNN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter there will be a time jump and I promise in another chapter or two Ahk will make an appearance  
> Enjoy my lovelies!

The young Italian gnawed on his lower lip, face scrunched in concentration, fingers fumbling. How did Lance do this everyday? Why, converting a dictionary into another language was less tedious than this! He stared at himself in the mirror, boarding on helpless. Everyone would be arriving very soon and he wasn’t even ready! Well, at least he was dressed, kind of. Due to the limited amount of clothing he owned, Octavius chose a solid black button up, some old dress slacks he acquired from his father and a pair of oxford’s Lance had bought him a time ago. He debated on whether to roll up the sleeves or not, but, knowing his boyfriend’s prim and proper ways, he left the sleeves alone. 

Out of habit, he  _ tried _ to run a hand through his hair, the strands were so short and stiff now.  _ Ugh _ , he cringed at the sight. No matter, he needn’t get distracted. He couldn’t afford it, not tonight. This was a very big deal to Lance and should be to him as well. 

The food had arrived, emitting a divine aroma that reminded Octavius of home. He remembered spending most evenings in the kitchen with his mother, observing as she cooked. Every meal in the Caesar household was homemade from scratch. Like most mothers, Mama Caesar didn’t agree with partaking in the indulgence of processed food. And while she preferred her son to keep a well-maintained diet, she didn’t stop him if he used his allowance to buy a soda pop or other kind of treat now and then. 

Octavius’ chest pain at the memories but he pushed that aside. If he reminenced too much, he’d cry and he couldn’t do that. So, straightening up his shoulders, he put on a brave face just as he trained himself to do. In his mind he planned out the evening perfectly. Lance would come home with the guest, they’d eat, chat and if Lance got what he wanted they might share a rare romantic moment together, sipping wine on the terrace. Maybe even a cuddle if he really good. 

He shook his head. He was never going to be ready if he didn’t get his head out of the clouds. He decided to discard the tie, it was only a dinner party, no need to be so formal. 

Now what was he going to do about that black eye? He couldn’t very well go out, pretending it wasn’t there. It was smaller than the last one but still very noticeable. He wondered how Jed didn’t notice it, or maybe he just didn’t say anything. 

Octavius froze. What was he doing? He had a boyfriend, a very successful, handsome, wonderful boyfriend who took care of him despite his flaws. Maybe he had been right when he said that he was whoring himself off. He was ashamed to admit it but his mind had been drifting toward Jed all day since their meeting at the coffee shop. The Italian’s posture slumped. What kind of boyfriend was he? This, this was practically cheating! Or, in the very least, along the lines of it. 

He tried to calm down. Maybe luck would be in his favor. Who said he would ever see Jed again? Better yet, he didn’t even know if Jed lived in New York. He could just be visiting and just happened to stop at the coffee shop the same time as Octavius. Yes, it was a mere coincidence. That’s all. Next time there would be no Jed or red headed woman and he could buy the coffee in peace without distraction. 

“I thought I told you to wear a tie?” Octavius whirled around to find his boyfriend, arms crossed and a scowl written on his face. 

“I couldn’t get it right so I decided not to wear it,” he replied, feeling like a germ under a microscope under Lance’s glare. “It’s only a dinner party, do we really need to be so dressed up?” 

The Brit advanced forward. “Only the biggest dinner party of my career,” he growled. “Or do you not care about that little fact?” 

“N-no,” Octavius stuttered, mentally slapping himself. “I mean. I-I do care! Of course I do, dear.” 

Lance cuffed him on the back of his head. “I told you not to call me that.” Octavius had forgotten. Lance despised pet names. It was not sophisticated, he insisted when they first started dating. So they continued that way, nicknameless. It made for awkward moments when they did become intimate. That might be all right for Lance but Octavius liked to show he cared and that was one of the ways. 

“I’m sorry,” Octavius apologized. Then, to redirect the blonde's attention, he added, “You look very handsome tonight.” 

It worked. Lance turned to face the mirror, admiring his attie and adjusting his jacket. “Yes, yes. I do, don’t I?” 

“Like something out of a magazine,” Octavius smiled softly. But that smile was instantly wiped off by Lance’s next words. 

“If only you could have the same appreciation for your appearance as I do.” 

His heart sank. Maybe he didn’t have the enormous wardrobe like Lance did but did he always have to make a remark about it?

“It’s all I have,” he said quietly. “You know I don’t have the money to buy what you have.” 

Lance didn’t even look at him. “Pity. I’d rather die than wear something so, so ghastly. It’s bad enough you have to wear those hideous glasses.” 

Octavius frowned, self consciously touching his face. Lance had a tendency to be dramatic, perhaps an effect from watching so much theorator as a child. He bit the inside of his cheek. “You know, I didn’t expect you to be home this early. Have the others arrived?”

“No,” Lance said in a tone that suggested he didn’t care, which was probably true. “Never mind that. Go change into something of mine,” Lance ordered, halfway throwing his hands up in the air exasperatedly. “I’ll not have you embarrassing me. You do enough of that already.” 

“How will that work?” Octavius wondered. The blonde was significantly taller than him. His clothes would be ginormous on him!

His boyfriend made a strangled noise. “I don’t know and I don’t care just  _ move _ !” Just as Octavius was about to turn toward the closet, the doorbell rang. Lance swore under his breath.

“Do you still want me to change?” the Italian asked with uncertainty.

“No,” the Brit said harshly. “There’s no time. Come, come now!” they glided down the hallway, stopping right at the door. Lance gripped his arm firmly which would probably result in a bruise. “Remember, don’t embarrass me or else,” Lance whispered before plastering a fake smile on his face.

“Welcome! Welcome!” 

*** 

Octavius tried to socialize but that was hard. For one, he hadn’t expected the amount of people that showed up. Lance said it would be his father and  _ some _ of the executives, not his father, some of the executives and their wives. Secondly, he’d always been on the shy side ever since he was a child. Ordinary things like phone calls or going into stores and getting cornered by a worker gave him anxiety. Ordering food had once been a huge ordeal until he met Lance and had to run for coffee every morning. 

Octavius blnked, coming back to focus in on the older gentlemen he’d been talking to. The man had been rattling on about some vacation home he recently just visited when the Italian tuned out. 

“Err. I’m sorry, what did you say?” Octavius saw Lance’s eye twitch out of the corner of his eye. 

Luckily the other man wasn’t offended at all. Instead, he chuckled. “Got your head up in the clouds today, don’t you? I said I didn’t know Lance wa dating anyone. He doesn’t ever mention you at the office.” 

That wasn’t a surprise, a little hurtful but not surprising. Lance liked to keep a professional atmosphere around him and previously expressed his disapproval of fellow co-workers gushing about their significant other. Octavius thought it was rather sweet. 

“You two planning on getting married?” the man asked, wiggling his eyebrows, saving Octavius from having to reply to his previous statement. 

“I hope so,” Octavius said, a blush creeping up on his cheeks. It wouldn’t necessarily be much different than it was now, except for the official recognition of their relationship. They already lived together, slept together (with and without sex), acted like a married couple. It was kind of disappointing. But still, the prospect of marriage excited him. 

“How long have you two kids been together?” the old man sipped his wine, occasionally pausing to wipe his mustache. 

“Ten years,” Octavius said fondly. 

The old man whistled. “That’s a long time.” 

“It is,” Octavius agreed. “Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself.” He watched Lance as he entertained a couple dressed in extravagant clothing. 

“You planning on having kids?” 

Octavius smiled tightly. The subject of children had come up more than once. Personally, he wanted one or two but Lance didn’t. He said they’d get in the way of work and that Octavius wasn’t responsible for one. The Italian thought he was probably right. How could he care for a child when he couldn’t dress himself properly? 

“I think not. Lance is so busy with work and I personally don’t care for children.” 

_ Liar _ . 

“Oh,” the gentleman frowned but quickly composed himself. “I see. Well-” 

The conversation pretty much died after that comment. Octavius went to find someone else to chat with but the others were so boring and stuffy. None of them came from the same background as him so it made for less than superb discussions. Even Edward was uptight, which was a rarity. All in all, Octavius wished he would have just stayed in bed. Sure, Lance was having a good time but he? He’d rather be somewhere else, reading preferably and eating a chocolate chip ( _ not _ bran) muffin. 

Finally,  _ finally _ , they progressed to dinner. Octavius said across from Lance who was sitting next to the head of the table, occupied by his father. The wine was passed around the table; Octavius poured himself a little less than half. Lance said he refused to deal with any drunken antics so he was never allowed to have as much as everyone else. 

For some odd reason, perhaps due to his insane nervousness, but the young Italian was feeling impulsive.  _ Maybe this is why I shouldn’t drink _ . He rose to his feet, holding his glass. “Excuse me,” he said a little louder than necessary. “Excuse me.” Lance’s head snapped up to stare at him with an obvious What-the-heck-do-you-think-you’re-doing-look. 

“I’d like to make a toast, to my wonderful boyfriend and all the success he’s had this year,” Octavius beamed. Edward nodded approvingly and raised his own glass, as did the gentlemen. The others just shared a look and followed suit, almost confusingly. 

Lance laughed nervously, an odd look etched onto his face. “Thank you,  _ sweetheart _ .” 

It was only done because he certainly would not create a scene in front of his co-workers and father, but it still made Octavius’ heart soar to hear the nickname come from him. 

“This is exquisite,” one of the ladies remarked, taking a dainty bite of her fish, making sure not to let a drop of lemon juice stain her dress. “I must get the recipe.” Little did she know it came from a little seafood restaurant on the other side of town. Posh as Lance was, his food intake was a whole other story. 

“And what did you say your name was?” the lady who inquired about the fish, asked him. It wasn’t really out of genuine curiosity, just an obligatory pleastitry to check off. 

“Octavius,” he told her. “Octavius Caesar.” 

“Like the salad?” one of the men joked, earning a few laughs in return. 

“Err, yes,” Octavius’ cheeks deepened in color again. If it was one thing he hated about himself it was how easily he blushed. 

“My, what an unusual name,” the lady murmured. 

Octavius wrung his hands underneath the table, uncomfortable by the whole situation. The gentleman from earlier would turn to look at him every so often, frowning. This made him uneasy. Was this some kind of test from Lance? To see if those etiquette lessons paid off? 

“Are you not hungry tonight, Octavius? You’ve hardly touched your plate,” the lady,  _ Mrs. Gordana _ he heard someone say, said. 

_ Of course _ this made everyone at him. 

“I’m fine,” he said politely. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all.” She accepted this and went back to talking with the other Mrs. Executive about how her husband recently bought their third boat. 

The rest of the night passed by rather slowly. After dinner, the group of eight headed for the living room where stories were exchanged, jokes were told and Octavius had a really hard time not nodding off. He tried to stifle a yawn because, as Lance said, yawning in front of people was rude. 

This time no one talked to him, not willingly, anyway. Once Lance mentioned him in a story and two of the me glanced at him in amusement but that was about it. Not that he minded. 

The man from earlier was  _ still _ glancing at him, though. What could he want? It was kind of creepy after a while. Octavius wished he’d paid attention to the man’s name when he told him. 

*** 

It was nearly midnight before the guest decided it was acceptable to leave. Or, at least they tried. As soon as someone made to step out, someone would say something else and another conversation started up. It reminded him of when he and his mother would go to the store and she would spend close to half an hour speaking to whomever she saw. His younger self hated it and now his older self did too. 

He stood off to the side, sitting on the arm of the couch, turning his body to look out the large windows absentmindedly. His eyes kept trying to close but he fought it off. Just a little while longer.  Lance was talking to the men, his father included. If all goes well, he might be getting lucky tonight! 

“Nice night, isn’t it?” Octavius flinched. “Sorry, lad. Didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice chuckled. 

“It’s alright,” it was the man that kept staring at him. Octavius was tempted to excuse himself but stopped. Before he opened his big mouth and straight up lied, they’d been having a pretty good time. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you,” the man admitted. “Hope I didn’t bother you with all that staring.” 

“Of course not,” Octavius lied. “What is it you needed?” 

The man licked his lips, seemingly hesitant. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” he began, “but are you happy?” 

Huh? What kind of question was that? 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Octavius’ stomach churned. “My life’s great, fantastic even.” 

The man wasn’t convinced. “No. Are you really,  _ truly _ happy? Are you happy with Lance, Octavius?” 

“W-What?” he said, shocked by the blatant intrusion. 

“I’ve seen a lot of relationships in my day and let me tell you, yours isn’t what it seems.” 

What was that supposed to mean?

“I assure you Lance and I are perfectly happy together,” Octavius said coolly. 

“Are you? Do have the spark? Do you love so much it hurts? Tell me, would you do anything for Lance? Even if it meant sacrificing yourself and everything you’ve dreamed of?” 

“Yes,” Octavius said automatically. Lance was his number one, his world. 

“And would he do the same for you?” the man asked softly. 

Octavius was rendered speechless. Would Lance? He truly didn’t know. Maybe. Wait, of course he would. He loved him, since they were sixteen, for heaven’s sake! This man was crazy! How dare he! How dare he have the audacity to accuse Lance like that! He didn’t know him like Octavius did. They had a deep connection. It wasn’t perfect but no relationship was. 

“I can see it in your eyes,” he looked like he was staring right into Octavius’ soul. “You keep playing it off like you’re happy but this isn’t what you want.” 

How was he supposed to respond to that? 

“Well, I better be off,” the man said before Octavius could give him a piece of his mind. “Just think about what I said, alright?” he turned to leave. 

“Wait!” Octavius said, keeping an eye on Lance as he did so. 

“Yes?” the man said. 

“I never got your name.” 

The man smiled slightly. “Marcus Stevenson.” 

“I see. Well, goodbye.” 

“Goodbye,” Marcus went to share hands with Lance before departing. 

After everyone left, Octavius flopped down on the couch, exhausted, but still eager to hear the news. “So?” he said excitedly, “did you get it? Are you running the company now?” 

Lance’s back was facing him. The blonde answered tersely, “No. Father says I’m not ready.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Octavius felt bad for him. “I know how much you wanted it.” 

Wordlessly, Lance went over to him, Octavius thought he was getting a hug and opened his arms. Instead, he was slapped. 

Hard. 

“What did Marcus say to you?” he asked angrily. “I saw you two talking!” 

“Nothing, nothing,” his cheek stung like crazy and tears threatened to spill but he held it together. “Lance, nothing happened.” 

“ _ Just like nothing happened at the coffee shop _ !” Lance screamed. “I’m not stupid, Octavius!” He shoved the Italian, causing him to fall to the ground, hitting his head on the edge of the coffee table. 

_ Not again _ . The pain was immediate; throbbing so intensely his vision blurred, from both dizziness and tears. His heart sped up to compensate for the blow. The food and wine he consumed was begging to be let back up. Octavius swallowed, feeling it rise in his esophagus and reaching his mouth. The after taste was disgusting; a sour, metallic coating that made him pledge to never eat fish ever again. 

Octavius would have been just fine to stay there for the rest of the night but he very well knew Lance wasn’t done with him. He’d pushed him too far. 

“This is your fault, all your fault,” Lance muttered furiously under his breath. The alcohol was finally catching up to him. “I could’ve been the CEO. I could’ve been rich. But  _ you _ ,” he pointed a long finger accusingly, “ruined it.” 

Well, at least he stopped interrogating him about Marcus. 

“And that toast? What were you  _ thinking _ ?” 

“I was just trying to be nice!” Octavius cried. 

“Nice? _Nice?_ How many times must I tell you? You do not speak at the table without permission!” 

Octavius whimpered. “I’m sorry...” 

“I don’t know why I bother with you,” Lance seethed. “I should’ve broken up with you a long time ago.” 

Octavius panicked. 

“No, no! P-please! I’ll do better, Lance. We can work through this, can’t we?” 

The blonde crossed his arms, deliberately refusing to acknowledge his plea. 

“ _ Please _ ?” Octavius couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him. 

“Why should I?” Lance broke the silence. “You obviously don’t respect me or our relationship.” 

“Of course I do,” Octavius staggered to the couch, trying to stay balanced. “I love you, Lance. No one else, just you.” 

“You have a funny way of showing it,” Lance scoffed. 

“Tell me what I can do to make it up to you?” the Italian begged. “I’ll do anything.” 

The Brit sighed. “It’s going to take more than a few simple favors to fix things.” 

The tears that started to well in his eyes earlier have returned. 

“Go to bed, I can’t even look at you.” 

Octavius headed for the bedroom, attempting to stifle his incoming sobs. 

“Octavius-wait.” 

He turned around, hopeful. 

“Sleep on the floor. You’re not welcome in the bed tonight.” 

“Alright,” the Italian whispered. He got dressed in his pajamas, all the while wincing at the pain in his temple. Gingerly, he touched it, grimacing at the hardened bump that magically appeared. 

As he got into his makeshift bed, he couldn’t help but ponder Marcus’ words. 

The old man was crazy. No way was he not happy. He was freaking ecstatic. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration but the point was made. He was whole, complete. There was absolutely nothing missing from his life.

Nope. 

Definitely not.  

There couldn’t be. 

Could there? 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayyye here's a new one for Jed. Personally, I don't like this chapter but I hope you guys like it.  
> I was hoping to have Ahk in the next chapter but I dunno, depends on where the inspiration takes me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOW over 100 hits, 7 comments (technically it's 9 but two are from me), and 6 (I think) kudos!!! Thank you guys so much! Ya'll are the best!

The sun was just beginning to set. The sky was painted with a bright red, almost orange kind of tinge. It was a beautiful, picture perfect scenery.

Jedediah was beyond tired. His limbs ached, a headache was beginning to form like a tight rope around his head and on top of all that, he was hungry; starving, even.

The days just blurred together after a while. Those required two weeks turned into three, then a month. Jed was working non stop. Every day he would wake up early, work until after dark and come home to relax until it was time for bed whilst trying to calm down Taffy, whom missed him dearly. There was barely any time to breathe! His boss had a sick sense of humor, that’s for sure. Thankfully, the rigorous schedule was coming to a halt. He’d worked so many hours in a row that his boss could no longer force the overtime. It was great on the wallet but not the body or his mental state.

Then again, when had his mental status ever been great?

He strode down the sidewalk, lost in his own little world. The weather was diving deeper into autumn, leaves fell and the temperature dropped. Jed hated the cold and preferred the summer months, except when he had to wear his thick mechanic uniform in the humidity. That was torturous.

A yawn escaped his lips. Now that the weekend had arrived, Jed was looking forward to sleeping in and watching crappy TV sitcoms with a big bowl of ice cream.

Screw the bowl, he’d eat out of the container.

His morning was rough. Taffy threw up on his bed, having gotten into his toothpaste during the night and eating half of it (he swore she was of the dumbest breed, whatever she was). He also nicked himself shaving and forgot his lunch.

It wasn’t the worst part. Upon checking his phone’s notifications, he realized what day it was.

His mother’s birthday.

Jed had not spoken to his family in years, not since choosing Jake over them. Naturally, they were heartbroken and tried to call, text him but he just changed his number and moved on. He couldn’t go back, not after everything that conspired. They’d warned him repeatedly. But did he listen? Jake had been the most important person in his life so when he requested that Jed accompany him to New York, he didn’t hesitate.

He long since regretted it.

The reminder from the calendar stared back at him. He missed his mama, so very much. He wished he could just forget it all and call her to have one of those long talks like they used to have before Jake.

Tears developed in the corners of his eyes but he wiped them away and recomposed himself.

Jed’s stomach growled, begging to be fed. Today was Friday, which just so happened to be payday. His paycheck was fantastic, he might actually pay his bills on time this month. There was even some extra cash so he could spare a few dollars and stop for some food.

The coffee shop was in view. The heavenly smells sliding out the door and onto the streets. He was less than a block away but the smell of fresh coffee and toasted pastries hit him point blank. He should probably have some real food. Besides breakfast, all he’d had was a bag of chips and a soda from the vending machine. One of his co-workers had offered to share but he declined.

In the end, Jed’s cravings won over his common-sense. One (or two) chocolate muffins and a hot chocolate wouldn’t hurt. Amelia once commented that he definitely had a chocolate addiction after he scarfed down the box of chocolates she got him the first Christmas after they became friends.

While she was likely right, and she usually was, he wasn’t about to give it up.

“Hello, what can I get for you?” The teenage cashier beamed, a blush forming on her cheeks. 

“Errm, two chocolate muffins and a small hot chocolate please,” he smiled at her. She tapped away on the cash register, nodding. 

“Okay. Three dollars please.” 

He reached into his pocket for his wallet, handing her the money. 

“It’ll be right out,” she giggled. 

“Thank you,” he nodded, 

With his back against the counter, arms crossed, Jed chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. Many of the customers were couples, enjoying the quiet atmosphere as they talked quietly. Some didn’t speak at all, rather, gaze into each other’s eyes in that innocent way young kids in love do. 

God, he wished he had that. 

Jake had been his everything. He would’ve moved mountains for that guy. Now that he was gone, Jed had nobody. 

Moving on to a new relationship wasn’t an option. Who would go for him anyway? His life was passing him by and all he could do was stare. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. 

But that was okay. He didn’t need anyone. He didn’t need anyone but himself. 

Jed drummed his fingers against a glass tub full of suckers. His order had to wait, for now, because the cashier was preoccupied with someone else. He blew out a puff of air, reminding himself of his own teenage working days and how difficult some days were because of impatient, arrogant customers. 

He let his eyes wander around the establishment, simultaneously stretching his stiff muscles. 

It was a moment later that he noticed  _ him _ . Tucked away in the far back, mug in one hand and large, thick book in the other was the stranger Jedediah had run into a month prior. He was a little too far away for Jed to read the title but he was sure it was one of those books only nerds read, if the length was anything to go by. The blonde nearly leaped in surprise. 

_ He’s still pretty cute even in that getup.  _

His style was far more formal than of that fateful day. He wore one of those fancy white dress shirts and tanned khakis. Jed wasn’t really one for anything but jeans, specifically black jeans. A discarded tie laid on the table, forgotten by its owner. But that horribly done up attire wasn’t what caught Jed’s eye next. It was his  _ hair. He cut his hair _ . 

_ Why!?  _

The little curls around his head were gone and now it wa painfully short (it had been short anyways but this was worse) and gelled back that made him look like a person of business or something. 

That had to be the worst decision he’s ever made and Jed didn’t even know the guy! 

Even though he wished he did. 

Jed went completely still after that thought. All that working and lack of food must have went to his brain. Yeah. That was it. 

Still, should he go over and say something? Lord knows Amelia would kick him to Texas and back if he didn’t. He was still wondering what his name was and this was the perfect opportunity to ask.

Or...maybe not.

Talking to strangers was never a problem in his childhood. He was a very outgoing kid and would never shy away from an adventure. In fact, his mama had to have several talks with him about the dangers of going up to strangers. He was too trusting, she said, and maybe she was right. 

The stranger hadn’t noticed him yet, still engrossed in his book, whatever it was. It was kind of cute, actually. His face lit up at certain parts, eyes going wide at others and he eagerly turned each page. 

_ Definitely a bookworm _ . 

Thank God Amelia wasn’t here. She’d of already pushed him over there by now. And anyway, why was he making such a fuss about this? It wasn’t like he was trying to score a date. It would be nice to have a male friend. Amelia was great, of course, but he needed some male presence too.

He hadn’t had any of that since Jake. 

He hadn’t had a lot of things since Jake. 

_ Stop thinking about him. This was a good day don’t ruin it. _

Right. If he kept this up he would drive himself in a bad mood. Poor Taffy dealt with enough of his moods already. 

Okay, okay. He was going to do it. He’d just pop over and say hi. Couldn’t be that hard. 

What was the worst the guy could do?

Ignore him? 

His feet didn’t seem to want to move. He stood there like a moron, staring at the stranger. He must’ve looked like a predator hunting for its prey.

_ Oh for crying out loud! Just go! _

In the midst of his internal battle, Jed, hardly pay attention, incidentally made eye contact with him just as he raised his head to, presumably, look out the window. 

_ Oh my god _ . 

Jed stood, like a moron, gaping. His brain completely fizzed out, the only thing computing was that  _ he _ was staring at him, equally as astounded. 

“H-hey partner,” Jed’s foot moved on their own until he was beside the table that  _ he  _ was at, resting his hands on the back of the opposite chair. “Remember me? I ran into you and made ya drop your stuff.”

_ Woooow. You should write greeting cards. _

In the short time since he had come upon the realization that  _ he _ was in the shop once again, Jed had already gone through a dozen different scenarios of how this was going to go, none of which ended pleasantly.

Still, he didn’t think he was going to react like  _ that. _

“H-hello,” he said back, stammering. “Yes, I-I remember you, quite well.” 

Jed didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. 

“I hope I didn’t ruin your day, you know when I made ya spill your coffee and muffins,” he spoke up, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“No, no, you didn’t,” he answered quickly, too quickly.

“Oh,” Jed shuffled his feet. “That’s, err, good.” The other man tugged on his collar, as if it were choking him. Jed was concerned by his behavior. He’d flinched when he first spoke, which was probably due to his sudden appearance, and clenched his book protectively to his chest; whether he thought the blonde was going to attack him or the book Jed didn’t know.

Some of the other patrons looked at the pair nosily, anticipating a fight or some juicy gossip, but for the most part were disinterested and went back to whatever they were doing. Jed didn’t fancy being the center of attention but that wasn’t important right now. He had to figure why the other guy looked to frightened. His dark eyes were wide, nearly black. His body was rigid and if Jed didn’t know any better, by the way he was glancing around he looked like he was looking for a way out.

“Hey, hey,” Jed hoped he sounded comforting. “It’s alright pal. Didn’t mean to scare ya if I did. Just wanted to come over and say hello.” 

A five second silence passed over.

The other guy regarded him almost in a fearful way, like Jed was secretly an axe murder.  “Well then,” he swallowed, his accent becoming thicker by the minute, “hello and good day.” 

“But you were just reading,” Jed furrowed his eyebrows. “Can’t be in too big of a hurry.”

“Yes well-” the guy was trying to think up some kind of excuse and Jed didn’t like that. If he wanted to be left alone he could’ve just said so.

He grabbed his things hastily, about to pass Jed by but the blonde wasn’t letting him off that easily.

“Wait.” The stranger stiffened at their close proximity. He and Jed were nearly nose-to-nose. Jed noticed this and took a step back, feeling his face light up with a bright red blush. “Can’t we, uh, sit and talk or something? I’m still waitin’ on my order but if you’ll wait we can-” 

“No thank you,” he interjected. “I have plenty to do.” 

“Oh,” Jed tried not to be  _ too _ disappointed. “Alright. See ya ‘round?” 

But he didn’t answer. He scurried out of the coffee shop, without even a glance at Jed, whom was trying not to show how heartbroken he really was. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so it's clear:  
> -Jed met Jake at 18  
> -Octavius met Lance at 16  
> -Jed's parents are alive  
> -Octavius' are dead


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavius' reaction to seeing Jed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HALLOWEEN!   
> I was originally gonna wait to post this but I got sudden inspiration and yeah, there ya go! Hope you guys like it!:)

He’d woken up with a very sore back, not only that but his head throbbed, particularly that one spot on his temple, still domain to the lump from the night before. Lance was gone, he noted with a frown. Octavius must have slept until the afternoon because there was no way Lance would leave before then, angry or not. He did leave an outfit for him to wear, laying on the bed, still hung up on the hanger. It wasn’t something he would have normally wore but it saved him the struggle of finding something suitable that would please them both. 

_ You should be grateful he took the time to buy you decent clothing.  _

After finding himself something to eat, he sat, bored out of his mind. He lollygag around, absentmindedly cleaning and rearranging. Oh how he wished he had a job. It would make his days so more productive than laying around, watching mindless television. It hadn’t always been like this. As a teenager he’d applied to one of the more prestigious universities with plans to major in history, not expecting to hear any positive news. But by Jupiter he  _ got in _ . He got in! He immediately telephoned Lance, anticipating a heck of a celebration later on. Only, Lance wasn’t as supportive or happy even, as Octavius assumed he would be. Actually, he acted as though his acceptance was a mistake and urged him to rethink it. 

_ “I don’t mean to insinuate anything,” Lance wrapped his arms around the Italian’s frame, nuzzling his face, “all I’m saying is do you really think you’re cut out for this? I’ve seen you struggle with basic academic questions. I don’t want you to fail, that’s all.”  _

_ Octavius wasn’t sure what to think but than again, Lance just wanted the best for him.  _

So he gave it up, deciding to go to the same university as Lance. It wasn’t as well known, which wasn’t really a problem, nor was it as respected as the one he’d originally chosen, but that didn’t matter. He was going to school with Lance again, that’s all that mattered. 

Octavius adjusted his glasses, eyes taken to an elderly looking couple across from him, snuggling and giggling like teenagers. He sighed. 

He only made it a year when Lance requested he drop out. 

He remembered feeling shocked, spluttering incoherently. College was something he had been waiting forever (it felt like) for. It was what got him through the tough days of junior high and high school of dealing with bullies. He absolutely couldn’t wait to make something of himself. 

It didn’t even make any sense. What was the harm of him going to school? Octavius had put up a fight, going as far as contemplating on breaking up with the blonde. It was Lance who persuaded him into decline the school of his dreams, it was him who wanted Octavius to accompany him to the university he was attending and after all that, he expected him to just drop out? No questions asked? 

Apparently so. Lance was incredulous that Octavius dared to defy him. They had a heated discussion that ended with the Italian nursing a bruised cheek and busted lip. Lance apologized, intent on buying him a gift to show his remorse. 

Octavius didn’t want it but knew if he didn’t accept, there would be trouble. So he did. He also realized that maybe taking a break wouldn’t be so bad. It wasn’t like he was dropping out forever.  He could reapply. 

Lance was only concerned about his safety and their relationship. Octavius hadn’t been aware but while they would walk around the campus, girls and boys alike stared at him hungrily like packs of wolves. Octavius blushed at the accusation. In no way was he that desirable. Lance, however, was serious. If they were going to survive then he needed to work with him on this. The Italian reluctantly went along. 

His parents hadn’t reacted well--his mother cried, insisting that he was throwing his dreams away. His father exploded, muttering furiously in Italian. It was like a weight fell on his chest. He wasn’t used to being a disappointment; but there he was, eyes filled to the brim with tears, running back to his old bedroom at the dismissal of his father. 

He promptly sobbed himself to sleep that night. 

 

The sky was so pretty at this time of the night. Octavius admired it from a far. It was amazing how ordinary it looked during the day and how mesmerizing it was when it would settle into the nighttime. 

His watch beeped, indicating that it was time for Lance to be home. If he was being perfectly honest, he was trying to hold off on returning back to the penthouse as much as possible. 

_ Because of Jed _ . 

Lance texted him just as he was halfway through a novel, asking if he could go to the coffee shop and bring him back one of those cappuccinos and a danish by the time he was set to arrive back. It gave Octavius an idea; a dangerous one but an idea nonetheless. He could go to the coffee shop early to sip coffee and read and then buy whatever Lance wanted and go home and he wouldn’t know! 

He didn’t make it a point to be rebellious, he was just itching to do  _ something _ . 

As he strode down the street, he prayed he wouldn’t get caught. Lance would kill him and he couldn’t be sure that it wouldn’t be the truth. 

Even with the potential threat hanging up in the air, he managed to have a good time. The coffee was magnificent as always and he got his chocolate chip muffin this time. All was well until  _ he _ showed up. 

Octavius didn’t know he was there at first. This was the first time in a long while he had the chance to read in peace so he relished in the moment. But when he finished the latest chapter, taking a moment’s break to look up at the window, he became aware of someone staring at him with piercing eyes. 

But it wasn’t any old piercing eyes. 

It was Jed’s. 

_ Crap. Crap. Crap. Double crap!  _

Octavius’ mind shut down. Unable to think or respond clearly, he opted for staring. Jed must’ve thought he was a nutcase. The blonde looked like he just got through working. There were smudges of dirt on his red stained cheeks and he was obviously tired. It was really endearing, actually. 

_ You shouldn’t be thinking about strangers like that. He’s got a girlfriend, remember?  _

Jed’s red headed girlfriend was nowhere to be found. Perhaps he came by himself. That was probably for the best. Octavius didn’t know if he could handle the embarrassment of having a jealous girlfriend on the warpath against him. 

When Jed came closer, Octavius was prepared to receive the screaming that should have happened last time. 

But he didn’t. 

The Italian could still hear the words reigning in his ears. 

 

_ “Remember me? I ran into you and made ya drop your stuff.”  _

 

Did Jed really think it was he who ran into Octavius and caused the whole fiasco? That was absurd. For one, Octavius had been in dream land and not paying attention like he should. What was wrong with this man? 

Jed’s presence startled him in more ways than one. He planned on leaving quietly but the blonde wouldn’t hear of it. When he stood, trying to slide by, Jed advanced until they were nose-to-nose. Octavius could smell hints of aftershave and motor oil. 

One might consider it disgusting. 

He thought it was intoxicating. 

_ Easy there. Don’t forget about Lance.  _

Oh, yes. His boyfriend. He didn’t forget, how could he? Jupiter would he blow a gasket if he saw what was happening.  Octavius stiffened up at the mental imagine. Suddenly, Jed stepped back, allowing him room to breathe. In their incredibly short conversation, the blonde asked if they could sit and talk. It scared Octavius at how much he wanted to say yes, sure, he’d love to. 

_ You’re a fool. A complete and utter fool.  _

He ran out of the shop. He didn’t know where he was running to, just that he was running and needed to get the heck out of there. 

Passerbys glanced at him curiously, others glared after he accidentally bumped into a few, apologizing profusely. He well worked himself in a frenzy of panic

The leaves crunched beneath his shoes. The previously moderate temperature dropped and the air became chillier. He instinctively pulled his arms closer to his body, wishing he brought a jacket. The occupants in the park he sought refuge in started to retreat back to their homes. The children squealing and playing various activities at the playground were called by their parents; cueing the inevitable whining, pleading for more time. 

Octavius’ phone buzzed. Even without looking he knew who it was. It had been buzzing for the past few minutes.  He humored himself anyway. 

Twenty-five texts from Lance. 

He was surprised he hadn’t called yet. 

Most of them were inquiring his whereabouts, a couple snarkily asked if anyone had paid for the drink this time. Despite his psychological lethargy, he replied, apologizing for keeping him wait. He deliberately left out the part where he saw Jed. That would rise suspicions and getting out of the penthouse was hard enough. If Lance thought he was secretly seeing someone behind his back, Octavius would never be allowed to leave again. 

The Italian leaned his back against the bench, gazing up at the darkened sky. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia and Jed have a heart-to-heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow 3 updates in a row, ya'll are lucky!  
> I might get another one in today I dunno

The weather was ridiculously perfect outside, not too cold nor too warm. A light breeze flew through the air, providing a cooling agent to the bright, beaming sun above. It was a week since seeing that stranger again, Jed was left in a disheartened state. Amelia, on the other hand, was ecstatic about the whole thing, even if he did run off. And, as was typical of her, Amelia barged in, fully intended on forcing Jedediah into the land of the living. 

Unfortunately, the furthest they got was the living room. 

“I can’t believe you scared him off!” Amelia exclaimed, tossing the tiny bouncy ball against the wall, catching it with ease as it came back to her.

“I did not scare him off,” Jed scowled, resting his feet on the coffee table with crossed arms. “He said he was in a hurry.” Of course, he wasn’t entirely sure if he believed that but he wasn’t going to say that to Amelia. 

“You really believe that?” Amelia snorted. She slung a leg over the couch, flopping down all the while still bouncing her ball. “There’s only two explanations: one, he was avoiding you because he hates your guts or two,” she grinned impishly, “he’s totally into you and the mere sight of you gave him an erection that he couldn’t handle.”

Jed spluttered, fighting against the blush creeping up his neck. “Ames!”

She raked her teeth over her bottom lip, innocently. “What?”

“That-why-oh my God!”

“Did you look?”

The blonde looked horrified. “NO!”

“Calm down, won’t you?” she rolled her eyes at his dramatics. “I was kidding. Mostly,” she added under her breath.

Jed was still bothered by her presumptions. “He’s not into me,” he asserted, not sure whether he was trying to convince Amelia or himself. “He couldn’t be.”

This was an ongoing argument. Jed was absolutely certain that the stranger, whoever he was, was not into him. That was impossible. They’d only just met, sort of. And anyway, no one had been into him besides Jake and they both knew how that ended. 

“You’ll never know until you try,” she reminded him. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” 

He let his head fall back, rubbing a hand tiredly over his face. He knew she was not going to give up until she got what she wanted--him in a relationship, with the stranger, preferably. Couldn’t she see that it wasn’t as easy as she thought? Didn’t she realize that he wanted it too but knew that it just wasn’t something achievable right now? Heck, yeah he wanted a boyfriend. Yeah he wanted someone to call his, someone to eat ice cream with and someone to come home to besides his cat. Jake was supposed to have been that person but that dream had failed. 

It failed big time. 

Amelia suddenly lunged her ball at the wall, pelting it with a loud thud. Jed flinched. “I swear if I ever meet this Jake guy I’ll kill him for what he did to you,” she said darkly. 

He chuckled weakly, in part from being spooked and from the tone of voice she used. It jogged his memory of the times when Jake would loom over him, smirking and taunting him. “Yer pretty scary when ya want to be.” 

Amelia nodded approvingly at his statement. 

“He screwed you over so bad!” another hit, this time it rebounded, nearly aiming for the lamp. “And don’t you dare defend him,” she glared when he opened his mouth. “You know what he did was horrible.” 

“It wasn’t-” 

“He nearly  _ killed _ you, Jed.” 

Jed was silent. The memories of that night came flashing back. She’d been the only other living person he told about that; he didn’t trust anyone else and it was very hard to earn that trust.

_ Are you really going to let her talk about me that way?  _

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, feeling ashamed. “I’m real sorry, Ames. Yer just trying’ to help, s’all.” There came the tears, god he was so emotional lately. Amelia beckoned him over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” she said quietly. “I should. I’m sorry, Jed. I forget how much he meant to you. I just want you to be happy. I hate seeing you like this.” 

“I know,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. He settled with his head on her lap with her fingers grazing through his hair as he stared ahead at nothing. It was a position that only occurred seldomly, when he was feeling particularly vulnerable. They never spoke during that time, that would cheapen the experience. 

They stayed that way for some time. Taffy came prancing out of who-knows-where, meowing obviously. Probably for food or attention, or both. Jed glanced at his pet and for a split second, with locked eyes, they came to a sort of understanding. It was as if Taffy became aware of his internal pain and she came closer, headbutting him in the face. 

“Dumb cat,” he said fondly, leaning into her touches. 

Amelia twirled a piece of hair around her finger, admiring its softness. “Jedi?” 

“Yeah, Ames?” 

“Do you think about him often?” 

Jed swallowed. “All the time.” 

“That sounds like it sucks.” 

“That’s an understatement,” he tried to laugh it off. 

“Do you think you’ll ever get over him?” 

“I hope so,” Jed said honestly. “I just don’t know, Ames. There’s times I think I’m fine, I’m living life and then there’s times I’m crying my eyes out because I make a mistake and Jake-” a lump formed in his throat that he had to talk around, “Jake’s always there. Whether I want him to be or not, he’s there.” 

Amelia rubbed her thumb on his shoulder comfortingly. 

“I don’t feel safe anymore. Nothing feels right. It’s been five years and it still feels like it just happened.” 

“There’s no timeline for stuff like this,” she said softly. “You’re allowed to grieve, Jed.” 

“But what about a month ago? When you told me I needed to try and get over it?” he said confusedly. 

She sighed. “I know what I said. Sure, I’d like it if you got into the dating pool again but let’s face it, realistically, you’re still scarred. I still want you to be happy but I want you to be happy at your own pace. And if that means it takes you years to find someone, I’ll support that. I don’t want to force you into anything you’re not comfortable with.” 

He let the tears flow freely, this time without feeling guilty. He sat up, hugging her tightly, burying his face in her shoulder. “T-Thank you,” his body shook in her arms. “T-Thank you. Y-Ya have no idea how m-much that means to me, Ames.” 

“You’re welcome,” she kissed his cheek and wiped away the excess tears. “But I’m still rooting for you and that handsome stranger of yours,” she winked. 

He laughed. “I have no doubt you will.” 

“So, tell me what happened exactly. Don’t leave out any details,” she advised when they let go of each other and settled on opposite ends of the couch. 

He raised his eyebrows. “I already told you.” 

“No. You said you saw him and he ran off,” she eyed him sternly then became excited. “Something happened, didn’t it? I knew it! Something must have happened.” 

“Nothing happened.” Her face fell. “I walked in, ordered, noticed him, went to say hi, he freaked out and left. That’s it. Nothin’ special.” 

“Why would he freak out?” she frowned. “No offence, Jed but you’re not intimidating or anything.” 

“Beats me,” the blonde shrugged. 

“Hmm,” she thought it over. “That’s strange. What was he doing when you came in?” 

A tiny smile graced Jed’s features, something which Amelia noticed right away. “He was readin’. Dunno what it was, some big book.” 

“Oh?” Amelia hid a smile. “Must be a bookworm.” 

“I thought so too.” 

“Uh huh,” Amelia tapped her fingers on her chin. “Maybe you just disturbed him. I got a friend like that. She doesn’t like it when she’s interrupted either.” 

“Maybe,” he didn’t know why but that just didn’t seem to be the right answer. “He looked different, too. Wearing some getup and he cut his hair.” 

Amelia’s jaw dropped. “He cut his hair? Why?” 

“Dunno. Real shame, he did. I liked his hair.” 

Amelia grinned wryly and he backtracked, blushing again. 

“No, no! Not like that!” 

“Then what  _ did _ you mean?” she was amused. 

“Well, ya know,” he was stumbling over his words. “It just looked better with them curls.” 

“I bet it did.” Jed didn’t like the way she was looking at him. 

“Say, did anyone answer your ad on Facebook ‘bout him yet?” 

“No, why?” she grinned. 

“No reason,” he stubbornly kept his eyes away from hers. “Just askin’.” 

“Mhm,” she said in disbelief. “Okay.” 

Unknowingly, he began turning her out. Jed could recall the moment he stopped close to the other man, staring into those brown eyes.  He’d been so close... Jed shook himself from the daydream. 

_ Easy there, boy. Calm them hormones.  _

The lack of sex in his life for the past five years must be taking a toll on him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance leaves for a business trip

“I’m leaving.” 

Octavius dropped the dish he was washing. Luckily, it didn’t shatter but it did land noisily in the sink. 

“What? Why?” the Italian ran through a list of potential things he’d done wrongly, one in particular stood out but he didn’t think Lance knew about that. At least, he hoped not. 

Lance looked at him like he was a complete idiot. “Father and I are going to Hong Kong for a business trip. I’ve mentioned this before. Were you not listening?” 

“I-I guess not,” he was pretty sure his boyfriend said no such thing but Octavius was so relieved that this wasn’t him trying to breakup so he let it slide. 

“Figures,” Lance rolled his eyes.

“How long will you be gone?” Octavius didn’t fancy being alone. It was one of his greatest fears, that he would end up all alone with no one to care for him. 

“Two weeks, perhaps a month if all goes well,” Lance grabbed a can of beer from the refrigerator. He caught sight of Octavius’ saddened face and spat. 

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re going to get emotional now?” 

“I’m sorry,” Octavius felt embarrassed by his behavior. “I’ll just miss you very much. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a bed by myself, you know.” 

“I might as well be dating a woman,” Lance hissed. “Honestly. Have you no shame? Children react better to such things than you do.” 

Octavius hung his head. He didn’t mean to be so melodramatic. His attachment issues emerged rather suddenly and without warning. It was all very silly. Lance was troy hourly aggravated by them, as he had said several times. He was insistent that Octavius should simply get over them but that easier said than done. 

“I’m sorry,” but no sooner had the words left his mouth that Lance cut him off. 

“There it is again! Always apologizing. Just stop it!” 

This was one of those times where Lance must have forgotten his own rules. At one point, he told Octavius that he should automatically apologize if he did something wrong. Now he was telling him not to apologize? The poor young man was confused, very confused. 

“You know what? Forget it,” Lance threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know why I try to talk to you.” 

Octavius wiped his hands dry and went to try and calm his boyfriend down. “When do you leave?” he asked from a reasonable distance away. “I’ll help you pack.” 

“It’s already done,” Lance said snippily. “The housekeeper did it. My flight is tonight and lord knows you can’t pack correctly.” The jeer went right past him, for the Italian was more upset by the fact that he was leaving today and only just now told him about it. 

“What did you find out?” Octavius asked, imaging how horrible it was going to be without his person. 

“A month ago, if you must know,” Lance sneered. 

_ And you’re only just telling me now.  _

“Oh,” Octavius’ smile was fixed. “Well here’s an idea, why don’t I come with you? I’ve always wanted to travel and I’ve never seen Hong Kong before. It must be marvelous. We could do some sight seeing together.” 

Lance let out a bark of a laugh. “You? Come with me? Ha! Preposterous. There’s a gala happening at the end. As if I could trust you to act dignified in front of everyone.” 

Octavius’ heart broke. “But it would be fun? Just the two of us, alone,” he tried to speak in what he hoped was a seductive tone but trying to act sexy was not his forte. 

“Absolutely not. I’ll not have you ruining my career, you’ve done so already.” 

He tried to look on the bright side. Without Lance, he could read in peace for hours. His boyfriend tried to discourage this habit, citing that there were other things to be done then to lollygag around in a fantasy world. 

“My assistant  will be moving in temporarily until I return,” Lance pocketed his phone, glancing around to make sure he heard everything. 

Octavius, meanwhile, was rooted in shock. This sounded strangely like he was forcing his assistant to babysit him. He was nearly thirty! He didn’t need a babysitter. He’d met Charlie, once or twice from a distance and he seemed to be an okay fellow. Like Octavius, he was one of those kids from a background, not necessarily poor but not rich either and worked his way up. He was a stickler for the rules that Lance set and did everything he asked without question, never mind that he had his own life to attend to. Octavius would’ve liked the younger man if he wasn’t so stiff. Conversation wouldn’t come easy, though perhaps that had to do with the social awkwardness that occurred on both ends. Octavius dreaded to think how boring the next two weeks would be. 

“Can’t you let me stay home by myself?” he blurted out. “I’m sure Charlie has better things to do besides watch after me.” 

_ “Excuse me _ ?” 

“I-I-I just mean because I can take care of myself...don’t you think so?” he trailed off for fear of retaliation. 

Lance grabbed him by the front of his collar, yanking him forward like some useless dog. “I know what game you’re playing. You must really think I’m stupid if you think I don’t see it.” 

“W-What?” Octavius winced. Had he found out about his coffee shop adventures after all? 

“You’re just waiting for me to leave you all alone so you can gallivant all over Brooklyn for a good time! Well I won’t have it,” he let go, leaving the young man in a state of hurt over his accusations. “My assistant will stay here and make sure everything is in order. If you need anything he’ll be the one to get it. I don’t want you leaving this penthouse. Understood?” his voice implied that there was no room for further discussion. 

_ Why does he even ask? He knows you’ll agree.  _

“Understood,” Octavius confirmed shakily.    
“Good,” Lance swiftly headed down the hallway, disappearing from view. 

Octavius glanced at the forgotten sink full of dishes. He suddenly didn’t have the energy to deal with them anymore. Charlie would be over before he knew it. 

The Italian opened the refrigerator door, searching for something indulgently sweet. Dinner consisted of roast beef and potatoes for Lance and a salad without dressing for him. He was absolutely famished. 

A lone glazed donut caught his eye. He stuffed it in his mouth, relishing in the delectable flavor. He finished it in three bites. 

“Are you trying to get fat?” 

Sheepishly, he turned around. Lance was watching him with a quirked eyebrow. 

“It was just a little snack. I’m still hungry from dinner...” 

“Yes and that’s just a bit of fat on your waistline,” Lance wrinkled his nose. 

Octavius looked down at his stomach, hidden by the fabric of his crisp ironed shirt. He’d never been exceptionally gifted with the willingness to work out or an athletic body. But he wasn’t unhealthy either. He was able to maintain a reasonable weight for his height and age. 

_ Still, a donut? He’s right. You are looking a bit bloated as of late.  _

“H-Have I gained weight?” he voiced his concerned. “I haven’t stepped on a scale lately but I never thought...” 

“You’d do well to lose a few,” Lance’s face was pinched. “Can’t have you getting fat on me. That would hurt my image.” 

_ Do you even care about me and how I would feel about it?  _

_ Stop that! Of course he cares, that’s why he’s warning you about your sugar intake.  _

The doorbell rang, halting the conversation. Octavius had a nagging feeling that was Charlie. 

His hunch proved to be correct. 

“Took you long enough,” Lance said impatiently. 

“Sorry sir,” Charlie seemed to do a lot of that, he must have. The words came out perfectly, like he’s done it millions of times. “Had to double check that I brought everything. Is this him?” he jerked a thumb in Octavius’ direction. 

“Yes,” Lance nodded, checking his watch. “Make sure he doesn’t leave for anything and doesn’t talk to anyone. He’s already tried to cheat on me once.” 

Charlie peered at him, not out of disdain but curiosity. Like he couldn’t imagine why Octavius would do such a thing, even though it didn’t happen that way. 

“I see,” the younger man said carefully. “I’ll make sure he stays out of trouble.” 

Octavius felt like a child, a disobedient child that was being punished. 

“Good. I shall take my leave then,” Lance, suitcase handle in hand, was about to leave when he stopped. Instead, he pressed a kiss on Octavius’ lips, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

All the anger, crippling feelings disappeared and he was filled with a surge of pleasure. Too bad Lance had to leave...he might have been able to persuade him into hopping in the bed. Charlie was still standing there, tactfully looking away. Usually this would have bothered Octavius; he wasn’t the one to have a hot and heavy makeout session, or any kind of PDA in front of other people. Lack of experience made him easily embarrassed. But he was deprived; his body craving the smooth, tenderness of Lance’s lips; the light scratches on his back. He wanted intimacy; he  _ needed _ it. 

As abrupt as the display of affection was, it left just as quickly. 

“Goodbye,” Lance said, hurrying out the door, slamming it shut. Charlie said his own goodbye, pulling out a notebook from his pocket.  

Octavius shyly clasped his arm behind his back, unsure of what to say or do. Lance had probably given him a list of what was and wasn’t acceptable for him to do. 

Charlie’s head jerked up, as if just realizing that Octavius was still there. “Don’t you, uh, have something to do?” 

Perhaps he didn’t, after all then. 

Might as well be hospitable. 

“Would you like some tea or coffee?” he asked the younger man politely. 

Charlie seemed taken aback. “Tea would be fine, thank you.” 

Octavius got to work, all the while thinking maybe their time together might not be so bad. He’d thanked him, unnecessarily it was, but immensely appreciated. 

“I hope you like honey,” Octavius handed him the mug, while bringing his own to his lips, sipping. 

“Love it,” Charlie took a big gulp, wiping his mouth with the napkin that Octavius handed to him. “Thanks.” 

“Sooo,” Charlie ran a hand through his light brown hair, “how long you and Lance been together? He never mentioned he was dating anyone.” 

That seemed to be a recurring theme. 

“Ten years,” Octavius said, his mind flashing back to the night of the dinner party. 

“That’s....that’s cool,” Charlie said awkwardly. 

Not much was said after that. 

He couldn’t blame the poor kid. It was a bit hard to believe that his boss kept his significant other, whom he’d been with a long time, a secret. 

He decided to have a go at one of the newest novels he recently purchased, well, technically, Lance bought it. He was given an allowance and this time he was allowed to spend it on something he wanted. Lance said he was feeling generous that day. Anyone else would have been incredulous at such a thing, sensible ones would have broken up with the Brit a long time ago but Octavius was accustomed to this type of lifestyle. He no longer questioned it.

Just as he opened the book, Charlie raced over and snatched it away. 

“Sorry, Lance told me not to let you read so much.” 

“What am I supposed to do?” Octavius asked, upset. He’d really been looking forward to it. It was a book of every sonnet by William Shakespeare. 

“Uhhh,” Charlie checked his notes, “he says he wants you to get rid of the clothes that weren’t bought by him.” 

_ Hold on _ . 

“What?” Octavius had sentimental value in some of those pieces of clothing, specifically his sweaters. His mother knitted before she became sick and knitted nearly all of the sweaters he owned. The ones she didn’t he found at antique stores. They were unique and the last connection to his mother; he couldn’t possibly give any of that up. 

“Are-are you sure?” he said desperately. “Are you sure that’s what it says?” 

Charlie nodded, looking confused. “Yes. He wrote it, see?” he showed him the paper, making the Italian deflate. 

There it was, in big, blue letters. 

“He said he planned on buying you a whole new wardrobe,” Charlie’s voice was barely heard over the blood rushing to his ears. 

“I-I see,” Octavius swallowed thickly. He would not cry. He would not cry... 

“Are you okay? I’ll get you a tissue,” Charlie scampered off, leaving him alone for a split second. 

The Italian’s eyes filled with tears and he couldn’t hold back the sob any longer. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Jed wiped away at the thick buildup of sweat gathered on his forehead. His unruly hair was pulled back, using a hair tie Amelia lended him. It wasn’t long enough for a ponytail but it did give him some relief. His eyes wandered up to the clock. Only a couple more hours. 

“Hey Smith!” 

Two of his coworkers, Peter Carmichael and Theo Binx, approached him, grinning like loons. Carmichael clapped him on the back, knocking the wind out of him. 

“Whaddya say you come with us for drinks afterwards? Our treat.” 

Jed didn’t know what to make of this. He wasn’t close with any of them, not even the bare minimum to suggest they were acquaintances. Since when did they want to drink with him? 

“Yo?” Binx waved a hand in front of his face. “Earth to Smith. You there?” 

“Sorry,” Jed muttered. “Err, I dunno.” 

“C’mon, man,” Binx protested. “You never do anything. Come with us. We can hook you up!” he let out a breathy laugh. “I know some fine chicks down there.” 

“He’s gay, don’t you know that?” Carmichael nudged his friend. 

“Oh,” Binx didn’t look bothered by this piece of information, “well fine. I know some guys there too. I will hook you up!” he held up his hand for a high five but Jed didn’t reciprocate. “C’mon, man. What’s your problem? It’ll be fun.” 

These guys were younger than him, early twenties or not even that. They were in the prime of their life, ready to party. Jed was almost thirty; he should’ve been hyped up and willing. But he wasn’t. He was hardly in the mood to leave his apartment for work, let alone leisure. 

“I dunno,” he thought about Amelia and what she would say. She’d encourage him to go, meet new people and all that crap. Maybe he should. He was wanting some more male presence in his life. This might be what he needed. 

“Alright. Sure.” 

 

** 

Going to the bar was a very bad idea indeed. 

Some male bonding this was. 

Carmichael and Binx were both totally plastered and currently clinging for dear life against a redhead and blonde respectively. They abandoned him as they arrived, spewing out a hasty introduction to the bartender. It seemed they frequented this bar, if the unanimous cheer and lined up shot glasses were any indicator. 

Jed was by himself, seated at the counter, lazily tracing the top of his glass with his finger but not making any movements to drink it. He ordered the drink with the least amount of alcohol possible. Hard liquor was tempting but not recommended. 

There had been a few lone girls that flirted with him, which was quite flattering in all honesty. If he was into women he was sure that brunette with the freckles would have ended up in his bed somehow. 

Fortunately they were respectful when he told them they weren’t quite what he was looking for. One offered to hook him with one her buddies but he decline. At his age, he didn’t need a one night stand, he wanted something more. Aside from that, the mere thought of having sex again made him shudder. He remembered the nights he and Jake went at it; it ended with Jed having to hide the vicious love marks and bruises for weeks until they healed. Jake had been a violent lover, in and out of bed. 

His phone buzzed, bringing him out of the daze he was in. It was either Amelia or a notification of some kind. He didn’t talk to anyone else. 

_ Hey, you home?  _

He quickly messaged her back. 

**_Nope. I’m at the bar._ **

_ Whaaat? Did something happen? Who’s butt am I kicking?  _

He rolled his eyes. 

**_Calm down. A couple guys from work asked me to go and I did._ **

**_And I’m not drunk._ **

He added the last one for good measure. 

_ Oookay o_o  _

_ See any hot single men xD  _

**_Bye Amelia._ **

_ Oh come on, humor me. I’m stuck at home by myself and I’m bored:(  _

**_I can almost feel a tear coming_ **

_ Ha ha funny  _

**_I thought so_ **

_ Jeeeeed!  _

**_Ameees_ **

_ This is getting us nowhere  _

**_Then stop texting me_ **

_ As if  _

Jed snorted, sampling the beverage to quench his thirst. His face scrunched up. Okay, turns out less alcohol isn’t always good. He asked the bartender for a ginger ale and the balding man handed him the can. He flipped it open and took a big gulp. Ahh. Much better. 

**_Why don’t you ever go out? You know, on a date_ **

_ Simple: men are idiots  _

He didn’t disagree. 

**_I mean, you keep trying to set me so why don’t I set you up?_ **

_ How o_o  _

_ You literally know nobody _

She had a point. It would be hard to work this out given his recluse status. No matter, if it would save him from endless texts proclaiming her boredom, he was all for it. 

**_I’ll figure it out_ **

He pocketed his phone after that, bent on ignoring the vibrations that came. He glanced over his shoulder, watching his co-workers shout in their drunken stupor at a couple of twerking girls; raising their hands to slap the females’ bottoms. 

Gross. 

Maybe he should just go home. 

It wasn’t like they would notice his absence any time soon. 

Then again he should probably stay and make sure those idiots got home safely. God knows they weren’t in any condition to walk the streets. 

He could practically hear Amelia berate him, saying that it wasn’t his responsibility to look after them. They were grown men and if they wanted to drink themselves silly that was their business. 

Jed sighed. What a way to end the day. 

“Hey fellas,” he walked up to them, jumping back when a hand nearly whacked him in the face. “You, uh, need me to stay? I gotta go...” 

Carmichael reached out to him, gripping his arms. He was a big, burly man that Jed already didn’t feel comfortable around and this proved his point. 

“Naaaaah maaaan,” he slurred. “G-go ahead. We gon’ stay heeeear.” 

“You do that,” Jed wiggled out his touch, cringing at the reeking smell of alcohol and cigarettes coming from the other man. It was gagging; he had to hold his breath until he was a decent distance away. He never did like to smoke or be around it. 

Jed pulled a wad of bills from his wallet, uncaringly throwing it down on the counter and getting out of there as quick as possible. 

The evening chill had grown colder. Jed was only wearing a thin black hoodie that he wished were thicker. He crossed his arms, shivering, trying to hold onto some of the heat that he was losing. 

His foot came very close to stepping on the tail of a strayed cat. It screeched, sending him into a panic. He yelped, heart pounding and eyes wide. The cat  _ huffed _ at him, running as fast as it could with its stubby little legs. 

_ Must be related to Taffy _ . 

The faint sound of music from the bar penetrated through the doors, making it sound much more like a melody than the insufferable, raucous that it was. 

The day had faded, leaving room for the night to come. People were out and about, visiting the shops, chatting noisily to one another and overall just enjoying themselves. It was vastly different from the life he knew in Texas. At this hour, people would be getting home to settle for the night, very few would venture out. His neighborhood lacked in numbers but those that did live on the cul-de-sac were warm, lovely people. It was the kind of place you took your significant other to, with the hopes of raising a family there. 

Jed hissed. The cold seeped through his jacket, chilling him to the bone. 

Yeah, he took Jake to meet his family and neighbors. Outwardly, he was under the impression that it had all gone well. Jake got along well with his ma and father; his sisters thought they were the cutest thing and his brother was ecstatic that someone shared his love of darts. It couldn’t have gone more perfect. Jake met the neighbors, using his captivating charm to woo them. It wasn’t until after that Jake admitted they were all a bit much. 

His brother didn’t know when to shut up. 

His sisters didn’t know how to be respectful. 

His father was too loud. 

His mother doted too much. 

Jed’s fists clenched at the memory. Ain’t nobody allowed to say a thing about his mama. 

_ Nobody _ . 

Jed dug his heels into the concrete, hostility taking over his mind. Jake was doggone lucky he couldn’t get his hands on him right now. What he wouldn’t give to smash his face in the wall. 

Something hit him in the chest, it took his breath away. He let out an “Oof.” 

“Listen boy, watch where ya-” he stopped dead after catching sight of familiar hipster glasses. 

  
  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jed and Tavi hangout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must confess, I hate this chapter kind of. Hopefully it's just me being insecure about my writing skills lol. I thought about rewriting the other Octavius-centered chapter that talks about Charlie b/c I wasn't completely sure if I wanted him but nah I'll just keep him.  
> Also Ahk will appear soon! In my original plans he was supposed to have been in there already but I promise, after they hangout again he will appear!  
> So yeah, enjoy and thanks for the sweet comments<3 <3 expect another update sometime this week hopefully!

No, no, _no_.

Why him? Why him of all people did he have to be the one he ran into? Was this punishment from the gods above for acting out against Lance? He begged for mercy to be given.

It had been a mistake, a very bad idea. He was always so responsible, why not now?

If Lance found out, oh god he didn’t want to think about it.

Charlie had fallen asleep on the couch not long after returning from disposing the giant black trash bag stuffed to the brim with Octavius’ clothing, including the sweaters from his mother. It was a bittersweet goodbye that left him ragged. It wasn’t fair, not fair at all. Octavius would have never, _ever_ asked Lance to rid himself of something precious that belonged to him, no matter what.

So he snuck out, wandering around without a destination in mind.  He just longed to rejoin civilization again, see the lights emitted from the stores and observe with fascination the people as they hustled and bustled.

It was a much better option than the coffee shop. He couldn’t possibly run into Jed out here.

Fate, as he learned, had a sense of humor.

Octavius’ mouth ran dry the moment those brown cowboy boots came into view. He was almost afraid to look up, fearing the worst reaction. In fact, he did react strongly at first but suddenly stopped and _that_ was what made him look up.

“Listen boy, watch where ya-”

Then nothing. It was like the words died on his tongue. Tentatively, the Italian glanced up into those crystal blue eyes, Jed did the same. It was...it was the strangest sensation, nothing of that Octavius had ever felt. The commotion around them paused, it was like, like only they existed. His brain totally shut off and his mouth opened several times but, just as what happened to Jed, nothing came out. He was completely incapable of basic human functions.

“Oh, it’s you again,” Jed broke the trance, awkwardly shifting his feet. “Howdy.”

And that, undeniably, was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.

“Hello,” Octavius’ heart raced. “Fancy seeing you again.” Whatever had been there, wasn’t now. The tension was thick, only to be cut with a knife. He flashed through excuses that were socially acceptable (and polite) so he could get the heck out of there.

Jed’s cheeks reddened and he nudged his hat down to cover his face, which was hardly needed. The only light that illuminate his figure was that of the bar mere feet away from them which, in itself, was less than par.

“Err, yeah,” he said. “Wasn’t expecting you either, partner.”

“We do seem to be running into each other a lot,” Octavius agreed, not knowing what else to say.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Octavius exhaled, subconsciously licking his lips. “I’m terribly sorry for running into you like that. I wasn’t quite heeding as to what was in front of me.”

Jed waved his apology away. “It’s no problem. Reckon I wasn't much either.”

Octavius shivered, tucking his red scarf tighter around his neck.  The wind gust was picking up to an incredible speed. It was an unusually frosty autumn evening. If he was inside, protected from the temperatures by the warmth of a fireplace it might not have been so bad. Winter, in its own right, was lovely, especially around Christmas time. Octavius remembered the white Christmases from his childhood. It was so exceptionally breathtaking.

He was brought back into focus when he realized a hand was waving itself in front of his face. “Err, sorry. Did you say something?” How embarrassing. A glimmer of mirth appeared in Jed’s eyes.

“I said what’s your name partner? Ya seem to know mine.”

“Your girlfriend said it at the coffee shop,” Octavius said, noticing that she wasn’t with him again. Perhaps they’d broken up? He tried to ignore the feeling of happiness in the pit of his stomach. That was wrong, very wrong to wish such a thing on somebody. Poor Jed might be hurting.

 _And you could make him feel better_.

“Girlfriend?” Jed was confused, furrowing his eyebrows. “What in the blazes are ya talking’ about, Kemosabe?”

“Your girlfriend,” Octavius was feeling more foolish by the minute. “You were with her, you know, the redhead?”

Something clicked with the blonde. He grinned, chuckling. “That ain’t my girlfriend. That’s just Amelia. ‘Sides I ain’t no more straight than a bent pole.”

“You’re gay?” Octavius was surprised by this revelation. By, the way he and _Amelia_ acted, it was like they’d been dating for years. Perhaps he’d just misinterpreted. It wasn’t like he’d had many friends, let alone any female companionship.

“Yeah,” Jed crossed his arms defensively, having taken the Italian’s curiosity as a personal attack. “What’s it to ya?”

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” Octavius hurriedly said. “I was merely questioning. You didn’t seem like that kind of person.”

“I didn’t _seem_?”

Octavius wanted to die in a hole. This was not how he imagined things going. For one, he could grasp that Jed was not happy with him in the slightest. Yet again, he’d put his foot in his mouth. Maybe he should just go.

“I-I’m so sorry. I’ll take my leave. I hope you have a good rest of your evening,” Octavius turned on his heel, fully preparing to make his way back to the penthouse when Jed grabbed his arm to pull him back. Instantaneously, he jerked out of the grip, cowering slightly.

“Whoa, whoa, there,” Jed held his hands up in surrender, wide eyed. “I ain’t gonna hurt you.” It was an echo from the day they’d seen each other in the coffee shop. Octavius flushed.

“Right. Of course.”

Jed chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating something.

“I-I really should go. I’m sorry but goodbye,” Octavius feel awful, truly awful for blowing this man off again but his freedom was at stake here. Who knows how long Charlie would nap for. He couldn’t risk him texting Lance. That would surely ed in disaster.

“Wait!” the blonde burst out, startling the Italian. “You, uh, want to get a drink? I sure could use one. But not there,” he gestured behind him, “someplace else would be good.”

That actually sounded really good right now, after all the stress of the day. But he remembered what Lance said about him drinking. He didn’t want to put that burden on-wait, no, no. What was he thinking? He had to decline, think up some excuse, _anything_. But maybe it was the adrenaline rushing through his veins or the prospect of staying out late by himself that excited him; either way, gazing at Jed’s hopeful face, eagerly awaiting his answer, he could hardly say no.

“Sure,” he breathed, wondering exactly what he was getting himself into.

**

They found themselves a quaint little bar a few blocks down the road. It was like an old-fashioned saloon from the old western days. The whole place had guns nailed to the wall and posters of the west with soft banjo music playing in the background.  The bartender and Jed were dressed similarly while Octavius stuck out like a sore thumb.

“I’ll take a beer, please,” Jed told the bartender. He glanced sideways. “What, uh, do you want?”

“Just a sprite, thank you,” Octavius told him appreciatively. The bartender granted in response.

“So,” Jed got himself comfortable on the stool, “you never told me your name. What, is it embarrassing? Can’t be worse than Jedediah,” he laughed a little.

So that was what Jed was short for. Probably self explanatory but Octavius wasn’t the sharpest. “Ah, no,” he cleared his throat, “it’s Octavius. Octavius Caesar.”

The bartender handed them their drinks. “Here you go,” he said, looking like he needed one himself. “Try not to get too sloshed.”

His interruption did nothing to hinder their new found communication.

“That's a mouthful,” Jed took a swig of his beer, wiping his mouth afterwards with the back of his sleeve.

“Well my parents used to call me Octy,” Octavius offered. “You’re welcomed to if you would like.”

Jed wrinkled his nose. “Nah. You deserve somethin’ cooler.” He thought for a long while, scrunching his face up. Then his face lit up. “I know! How about Tavi? Ever heard that?”

The corners of Octavius’ mouth lifted up. “No. I cannot say that I have. I like it.”

“Then that’s what I’ll call you,” Jed declared.

“Well then, I accept,” Octavius beamed. It was a genuine smile, not that fake one he used all the time to fool people. Amazing, in just a brief amount of time Jed was able to release authentic happiness inside of him; something that hadn’t been there for a long while. “So, tell me a bit about yourself.”

Jed randomly snorted, chugging the rest of his beverage down. When he finished, he let out a hiccup.

“Jed?” Octavius said worriedly.

“That’s a story for another time, partner,” Jed said calmly. “‘Fraid I ain’t in the mood for sharing.”

The Italian sensed there was something that the blonde was hiding. The rational side of him said that he should just drop the subject and respect his privacy. But the other part of him was yearning to know something about this mysterious man that he kept running into no matter how much he tried to avoid him. So he pressed.

“Just tell me the basics,” the Italian suggested. “Where are you from?”

Jed stared down at him for a moment. “Texas.” Octavius encouraged him to go on. “My ma stayed home to watch us and dad worked on a ranch.”

Well that was interesting. “Did you ever help out on this ranch?”

He shook his head. “Ma thought it was too dangerous for us after one of dad’s boys got kicked by a horse. S’ok, he lived,” he added when Octavius dropped his jaw, horrified. “Always wanted too though.”

“You said us, I’m assuming you have siblings?” Octavius stirred his soda with the straw.

“Yep. Three. I’m the oldest, then it’s Darla and Nellie and finally Bobby.”

“How old are they?”

“Darla and Nellie are twenty-three and Bobby’s twenty.”

Before Octavius could open his mouth to say more, Jed beat him to it, grinning widely.

“Shoot, I ‘member when we all distracted Mama after she made her pies. Bobby pretended to cry all the way on the other side of the house while Darla and I carried the pue to my bedroom. Nellie kept watch.”

Octavius, whom had been trying to smother his giggles, let forth a rumble of laughter, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. But this time, they were tears of mirth.

“She caught onto us after a while,” Jed said as an afterthought. “For a while, when she was askin’ where it went we blamed the cat.”

“You lot sound like a handful,” Octavius snickered.

“Believe me, we were,” Jed smirked. “So, tell me, Tavi, what about you? What’s yer family like?”

“Well,” Octavius began delicately, brushing aside the pain of the fate of his parents, “I’m an only child. My parents only wanted one child and that’s fine. I don’t hold any resentment against them for that but it would have been nice to have a brother or sister. I was terribly lonely.”

“Hey, now. Siblings aren’t all that great,” Jed was obviously trying to make him feel better. “Bobby’s the youngest so he got away with _everything_ and the twins always conspired against me. I always told Ma that they’re evil, she never did believe me.”

The mental image of a younger Jed, whinging about his sisters made the Italian grin.

“So, your parents, you still see them?” Jed, strangely, wasn’t looking him in the eye.

“Err,” Octavius kept his eyes downcast as well. His chest stung at the reminder. “No, actually. They’re dead.”

Jed’s head shot up. “Crap. I’m sorry, Tavi.”

“It was years ago,” Octavius shrugged.

“Can I ask why?” it was he softest he’d heard the blonde get so far.

“I’d rather not,” Octavius said, plastering on a fake easy going smile. Jed nodded understandingly and changed the subject to which he was grateful.

“So, you live around here, Tavi? I reckon you do, seeing that you won’t stop stalking’ me,” Jed teased.

The Italian spluttered. “I assure you I wasn’t-” Jed chuckled.

“I know, I know. Just teasin’.”

“Oh,” Octavius straightened his glasses. “Well, yes. I live on BerryMort.”

Jed raised his eyebrows. “The one with them fancy penthouses?”

“Yes.”

Jed whistled. “You must have a pretty penny to be living’ there.”

Octavius blushed. He was sheepish when it came to money, especially when Lance would do extravagant things or show off. In all honesty, he would have liked to live somewhere else, like a small apartment with just the two of them and not have helpers for things they should be doing on their own.

“It’s...It’s not me. I live with my boyfriend. He works, I don’t.”

Jed’s smile vanished. “I see. So you’re like the little housewife?” Did he sound a little bitter or was it just Octavius’ imagination?

“No,” he said quietly. “I would appreciate it if you kept comments like those to yourself.” He braced himself for the hit that was sure to come. Why did he speak his mind when it only got him into trouble!?

Jed froze at his words, looking ashamed. “Sorry, hoss. You deserve more respect than that. Hope you can forgive me.”

The Italian stared incredulously at the faux cowboy. _He_ deserved respect? He obviously would backtrack if he had to live with him. Lance told him respect was earned and so far he hadn’t done anything to warrant any.

And, to think, he was worried that Octavius wouldn’t forgive him for such a minor infraction? He anticipated much worse. This man was strange indeed.

“Of course, my friend,” Octavius said. “Do not worry. I won’t hold it against you.”

Jed smiled brightly again, something Octavius couldn’t help but reciprocate. It gave him a warm sort of feeling. His knees felt like jelly, oh Jupiter had that ever happened to him before?

“Want another round?” the blonde asked. “Bet I can get you drunk.”

“I’m sure you could,” Octavius chuckled. He glanced at his watch. “I’m sorry. I have to go. I promise I’m not blowing you off, I just have things to do.”

“I hear ya,” Jed nodded. “Better get home and feed my cat. She gets real grumpy when she in’t fed.”

“You have a cat?” Octavius said delightedly. “I love cats.”

Jed took out his phone and showed him a picture. She was absolutely adorable! Octavius would have looked at her picture all day.

“She’s so cute,” the Italian gushed. “How old is she?”

“A year old,” he rolled his eyes. “Real troublemaker, she is.”

“Just like her dad was, eh?” the words slipped out before he could stop them. Octavius clamped a hand over his mouth, shocked by his own behavior.

Jed smirked. “ ‘Xactly.”

The poor young man was growing more and more flustered between his embarrassment and the possibility that Charlie could be up, texting Lance furiously that he was lost.

He just needed to get out of there.

“I-I’ll see you,” Octavius bid him farewell.

“Wait amigo,” Jed came off the stool and caught up to him, rather than grab him like last time. “Can I see ya again? You know for drinks or coffee or somethin’?”

“Like a date?” Octavius inwardly cursed himself for sounding so hopeful.

“Course not,” Jed shook his head. “Just as friends. Whaddya say?”

“I-” it would be risky, extremely, to do so. But for the first time in his life, Octavius felt as though he found someone who was easy to talk to, someone who made him laugh. To heck with the rules. He was going to allow his inhibitions to fly out the door.

“I accept. When and where?”

**

To his utmost relief, Charlie was still snoozing on the couch, snoring softly. Octavius unzipped his jacket and took off the scarf, putting it away extra carefully as to not arouse suspicion.

He and Jedediah agreed that they were to meet a couple of days from now to haul over to the new bookstore Octavus had wanted to check out. It was exhilarating, this secret friendship of his.

He just hoped he could keep the charade up.

  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay lovelies, here's another one! I'm really bummed to say but I have to break my chapter pattern just this once. I was gonna have the 'date' *wink wink* in Jed's POV this time but realized as I was finishing this chap up that I would need something in Oct's POV to fill in between and that wasn't in my plans so yeah next one is Jed again then we're back to normal!

The next day, per Amelia, Jed arrived at her apartment a little after nine in the morning. It was rather uncharacteristic for both of them to be up at such an hour unless they were obligated to for work, but this was a special occasion. Amid his utter (and unusual) giddiness, Jed had texted the redhead as he laid on his bed, grinning like a goof. Amelia hadn’t texted back since their exchange earlier that evening. It was both good and bad; good because she found something (or someone) to occupy her time, and bad because she was doing who knows what which could require him to help bail her out or worse.

**_I hung out with Tavi tonight_ **

_ Who?  _

**_The stranger from the coffee shop_ **

_ OMG WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER!? Come to my house tomorrow morning and tell me everything. I’ll make you breakfast :)  _

He fell asleep right away, a smile etched on his face for the first time in a long time. When he woke up, he fed Taffy then hurriedly got dressed and ran out the door. Amelia must have seen him through the peephole because no sooner did he climb the last of the stairs did the door open, accompanied by her large, beaming smile. Although not much of a cook, she whipped up some french toast while the blonde made himself comfortable at the kitchen table. 

“I still can’t believe it,” the stove sizzled as she flipped the toast, waving the spatula around, dripping batter on the floor but caring in the slightest. “You went to a bar  _ and _ hung out with Tavi. What are the odds!” 

Jed toyed with the glass of orange juice, fingers chilling. Last night had been eventful, good and bad. “I ain’t ever goin’ out with Peter and Theo again.” 

“But if it wasn’t for them you wouldn’t have bumped into Tavi,” Amelia reminded him. “Give them some credit.”   
“Fine,” he grumbled. “You done yet? I’m starved.” 

“In a minute,” she said distractedly, rummaging through the cabinets for some plates. “Look at least you had more fun than me. My TV went out on me in the middle of my favorite movie.” 

“What a shame.” 

“I’m serious. And now I have to call to get it fixed which is completely ridiculous because you know how much they charge-” 

“Ames!” he said loudly. “The stove!” 

“Huh-oh!” her masterpiece, as she dubbed it, was burning. The smoke was filling in around her, making them both cough. She waved her hands like a lunatic, but alas nothing worked. Finally, she stuck the pan under the faucet, watching the mini fire vanish as soon as the cold water splashed over it. 

“I’ll remake it,” she reassured Jed, who seemed to have the expression of a poor African child. “Don’t worry, lone Jedi.” 

He shook his head at her antics. “How do you even live on your own?” 

“You wouldn’t believe how many have said that to me.” 

“I think I do,” he muttered under his breath. 

Amelia took a new pan out and restarted the whole process. “So, back to you.” Greaaat. “How did you bump into Tavi anyway? Don’t leave anything out, I want to hear everything.” 

“Wasn’t nothing’ special. Just bumped into him after I left the bar.” 

“And then he fell in your arms and you shared a passionate kiss,” she said teasingly, throwing her head back dramatically with the back of her hand on her forehead. Jed snorted. 

“You wish. Pay attention to the food this time.”   

“Now really what happened?” Amelia dropped the act, curiosity overwhelming her. Well, and she didn’t want to burn the food again. Being alive was expensive. 

“It was weird,” was the only thing Jed could say.  Now that he really thought about it, his friend’s behavior was odd the whole time they were together. Ugh, he inwardly shuddered, that sounded wrong.

“How so?” Amelia questioned. 

He didn’t feel need to mention the awkward beginning or the weird spark he felt when they made eye contact. Or the fact that he’d been secretly staring. He didn’t vocalize this, though. Amelia would think he was falling for him for sure. He wasn’t though. He definitely wasn’t. He was just noticing; he was allowed to appreciate his good looks but that didn’t mean he had to like him romantically. He’d been struck by surprise at seeing the other man and was rendered speechless. Not only that but he looked  _ great _ . His cheeks had a red hue from the freezing cold that matched his scarf quite nicely. His hair was a bit messed up from the wind but not so that he looked like a ragamuffin. If Tavi noticed his hesitance or staring, he didn’t say.

“I dunno,” he lied. “It just was.” 

“Hmm,” she hummed, glancing at him sidewalks like she was trying to see inside his soul. 

“He thought you were my girlfriend,” Jed said casually. She whirled around, lips twitching into a smile of amusement. 

“What?” 

He shrugged, snorting. “Dunno why.” Even if he was straight, there was no way that he’d go for her. She was pretty and all but just not his type. And anyway, he was sure the feeling was mutual. He thought she was seeing some fellow, Custer maybe but he wasn’t sure.

“I think I lost my appetite,” she said teasingly. He stuck his tongue out at her like the mature adult he was. “Oh, grow up Jedi.”

“At least Tavi doesn’t call me that,” he mock scowled, craning his neck to try and see over the stove. “Are they done yet? Pretty sure it’s almost lunchtime.” 

“It’s nearly ten,” she flipped the pan high in the air like a profession chef, the toast landing neatly on the plates, err, sort of. It narrowly missed, but was still impressive. She sat a plate down for each of them. “Here. You’re welcome.” 

“Thanks, Ames,” he shoved a generous helping into his mouth, savering its goopy, syropy taste. He didn’t eat a lot of home cooked meals, no thanks to the lack of cooking skills he currently possessed. “Whoo we. This sure is good.” 

“Jed, forget the food,” she scolded. “Continue.” 

But Jed, however, was in another world, muttering to himself. “Boy, Octavius needs to get himself some of these.” 

“Hang on,” her attention went from trying to get him back on track then did a complete three-sixty. “His name’s Octavius?” 

Jed blinked, finally back to reality. “Yeah.” 

She drummed her fingers on the table, eyebrows raised. “Tavi, huh?” she said slyly. “He has a nickname already?” Jed wasn’t one to be super friendly with a person right away so this was big.

“His name’s a mouthful,” he protested, groaning as he tried to dig himself out of the hole he created. “Who names their kid Octavius, anyway? That’s just begging for someone to beat him up.”

“It’s Latin. It was also the name of a Roman emperor. His parents must have been history buffs,” she noted. “That explains his accent. You know, he sounds like he might be from Italy. What do you think?” 

“How did you know that?” 

“I did study history in college,” she said dryly. 

“And you got all that from his name?” Jed said skeptically. 

She shrugged. “Just guessing. Ask him about it.” 

And that was exactly what he intended to do. Too bad he didn’t get his number, he frowned at the lost opportunity. Maybe next time. 

Amelia snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Snap out of it, Ace. You can daydream later. Tell me more about this date of yours!” Jed didn’t bother to correct her. She would insist otherwise no matter what. 

“Anyway. I told him you him you weren’t my girlfriend and that I was gay,” he squirmed uncomfortably, recalling how he went on defensive on the guy for no reason. So he overreacted...a bit. Not everyone was okay with his sexuality. Obviously Tavi was. 

Amelia picked up on this, she was always able to read him pretty well. It was kind of freaky, actually. “Well? What did he say? Is he gay too?” 

“Oh, he’s definitely gay,” Jed muttered. 

Amelia furrowed her eyebrows at the less than pleased tone of voice. 

“He’s got a boyfriend, Ames. Told me last night. Even lives with him.” 

“So he’s not single,” she said slowly. “Dang that sucks. How do you feel about that?” 

“What’s there to feel? Ain’t like I was interested in him anyway.”

Amelia mhmed sassily.

Jed’s face was unperturbed. Why should he care if Tavi was gettin’ some? Wasn’t his business. Yeah, it was a bit of a surprise but as long as he was happy, Jed was happy for him.

“So other than him crushing your heart what did you two talk about?” Amelia stretched her arms above her head, yawning and, thankfully, changing the subject. 

“Basic stuff,” Jed replied. “‘Bout our families and all. I reckon I did most of the talking.” 

“And?” Amelia said, annoyed that he was being so vague. “What’d he say?” 

“And he’s an only child. His parents are dead and he lives on BerryMort with his boyfriend.” 

Just like he had, Amelia whistled. “God that must be nice to live there. I’ve seen the prices in the paper. Definitely not cheap.” 

“‘Xactly what I said. ‘Parently he don’t work but his boyfriend does.” 

“That’s odd,” she noted. “He doesn’t seem like that kinda guy. So, what’d you say to that?” 

His face turned sheepish and he let out a nervous little laugh. Amelia face palmed, already knowing he let his mouth run, yet again. 

_ “ _ Jed!” 

“I’m sorry,” he whined. “I dunno, it just came out!” 

“Do I even wanna know what you said?” she groaned. 

“Prolly not,” he winced. 

“Try me.” 

“I asked him if he was the little housewife.” 

She wordlessly grabbed the nearest thing, a newspaper, and began hitting him over the head repeatedly. 

“Ow ow ow! Woman!” 

“What is wrong with you?” she scowled. “Do you not have manners? I’m sure your mom taught you something.” 

Indeed. If his mama ever heard about this she’d kick his butt all the way to China, all while baking Tavi some of her scrumptious chocolate chip cookies with a big glass of milk. 

“Look, I apologized, alright?” he said. “And anyway, he’s fine. We’re actually meeting’ up again to go to that new bookstore.” 

Amelia’s hand flew up to her forehead again, as if checking for a fever. “Jedediah Smith,  _ reading _ ? Did I hear that correctly?” 

“Ha ha,” he deadpanned. “Hilarious.” 

“I know. It’s a talent,” she grinned then became serious. “Seriously, Jed. You’re lucky that didn’t scare him off. God knows the trouble your mouth gets you into.” 

“Don’t remind me,” he said, thinking of Jake and added, “didn’t think he’s want to be around me again but he did.” 

“Because he likes you,” she said in a singsong voice. 

“Whatever,” he scoffed. 

“So, what happened after that?” 

“Nothin’. He left and so did I.” 

Amelia pushed away her plate, bringing her knees up to her chest. “You know, this sorta sounds like a plot to a bad romance movie,” her face lit up, wheels turning in her brain, “next thing you know Tavi’s mysterious boyfriend is the villain that you have to rescue him from.” 

Jed rolled his eyes. “Get real.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavi and Jed's non date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys! Longest chapter so far! After this my pattern will go back to normal so next one is Tavi's POV!  
> I hope you guys like it!

The bookstore was a charming little shop a block or so from the coffee shop. Okay, maybe little wasn't the appropriate word. It was packed with books that were stacked neatly on the shelves, organized in alphabetical order. It even had a little cafe to get coffee and treats from to eat as you read. Further into the store was the children's wing, accompanied by some neon wallpaper, too much glitter and a tiny stage with a mysterious chest tucked away in the corner.

Jed lingered by the entrance, trying very hard not to worry. Tavi was five minutes late. They’d agreed to meet around noon but so far his friend was nowhere in sight. He fumbled with his jacket strings, hoping to look like he wasn’t pathetically ditched. A couple of the store’s employees asked him if he needed any help finding anything to which he declined. He much preferred to stare at the clock, sweat accumulating as the minutes trickled by.

Okay, now he was ten minutes late. Seriously, where was he? He inwardly cursed himself for doing this. What if Tavi didn’t show? Or what if this was to teach him a lesson about jumping to conclusions and making that housewife remark? The sensible part of Jed told him that maybe Tavi was somewhere in the store reading. Maybe he just missed him that’s all. That was highly unlikely. You couldn’t miss him, not with that hair and chocolate eyes.

Ugh, this was ridiculous and so was his outfit.

Amelia offered to help him pick out something to wear. Normally Jed didn’t concern himself with the issues of fashion; if it fit, wear it. Besides it was only a bookstore, wasn’t like they were going to one of them fancy restaurants. But Tavi wore those high society getups so maybe he could make the effort to look nice too. Not that he would ever give up his go-to outfits, nope not ever. Technically, this wasn’t much different. His shirt was a deep red, plaid and short sleeved. His jeans were still dark but a little less baggy, to show off his ‘prize’ Amelia said. There was a little argument about his footwear but in the end he got to keep his boots. Ain’t no way he’d ever trade in those.

Jed found himself a seat at one of the tables; hw checked his phone absentmindedly, scrolling through Facebook but not really paying much attention to what he was seeing. He could distinctly hear people talking in a hushed tone, probably about him and what an idiot he looked for being there alone.

This was just a horrible idea. Why didn’t he stay home? This was exactly why he kept to himself-to avoid getting hurt. Why did he even bother-

The door swung open, prompting the bells to chime. A gust of chilly air invaded and Tavi, winded and slightly disheveled, rushed in, stopping at Jed’s table, looking apologetic.

“I am so very sorry I’m late. I got a bit held up. Forgive me, I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.”

Jed’s anxiety melted away. So he hadn’t purposely ditched him. It was just him overthinking again. The blonde relaxed but then it occurred to him that Tavi was still waiting for a response.

“Oh, uh, ain’t no problem amigo. Didn’t keep me waitin’ too long. Actually I found a good book to read, just finished it before you came strollin’ on in.”

So it was a lie, but if it would keep Tavi from feeling bad then that’s what he’d do.

“Oh? What book would that be?”

Crap.

“Err,” Jed rotated, reaching back to grab the nearest book hastily and showed it to his friend. “This one. It’s real nice.”

Tavi’s face was blank before liting up with amusement. His eyes crinkled at the corners and he looked like he was suppressing a wide grin or a laugh. “My friend, that’s a book on knitting.”

“What?” Jed took a proper look at it and sure enough, it was a how to on knitting. And oh boy, it even had a special crocheting section as a bonus. Woopie.  “Oh.”

Tavi laughed, it was low and joyful. “I didn’t take you as a knitting man,” he commented, eyes sparkling.

“Shut up,” Jed groaned, face burning with embarrassment. Oh, if only Amelia could see him now. “You suck,” he opted for burying his face in his arms, wishing the floor would cave in.

Tavi sat down, and though he couldn’t see it, quirked an eyebrow at his antics. “You are quite interesting, Jed.”

This made the blonde lift his head up, regarding him suspiciously. “You mean that hoss?”

“Of course,” Tavi said, serious like he was taking an oath, “I would never lie to you.”

Jed’s heart swelled more than he’d like to admit. Trusting people after Jake wasn’t a strong suit but he couldn’t help it with this guy. He couldn’t describe it but it was different with him. God did he hope this friendship with Tavi would last. He needed him.

 _You honestly believe that? Pift. He just wants your trust and crush you like a bug. He doesn’t care about you_.

Jed flinched. The smile he wasn’t even aware crept up on his face vanished. His immediate, sudden reaction confused Tavi. Jed didn’t notice his friend calling his name out tentatively until the fourth time.

““Jed? Are you alright?”

“Huh?” Jed cursed himself for falling prey to Jake’s traps again. “Oh, sorry hoss.”

****

“Jed, are you unwell? If so we can reschedule,” he looked saddened at the prospect but nevertheless appeared to care about his well-being and willing to sacrifice.

“Nah. I’m fine,” Jed snapped out of it, furious that _he_ was running what was supposed to be a good time. “Just a little tired from workin’. Been a real tough week.”

“Oh?” Tavi looked interested but at the same time apprehensive. “May I inquire about your job.”

Jed stared blankly.

Tavi tried again. “Can I ask a question about your job?”

“Oh. Yeah, course ya can.”

“Right,” Tavi shifted a bit, “well what is it you do?”

“I’m a mechanic. I work up at the ol’ Slip and Quick.”

“Fascinating,” and he sounded like he really meant it.

Jed shrugged, eliciting a frown from him. “S’okay.”

“Do you not enjoy working there?”  ****  
** **

Did he not enjoy his sadistic boss that hated him for no reason or his deranged co-workers or the long hours or that he smelled of oil and gas everyday?

Nope he did not.

“Not really,” he admitted. “But it isn't just that. I don’t like being no mechanic.” It was one of those last minute decisions, really. After Jake, he had no schools of education to reference so it made getting a job literally impossible. No one wanted to hire someone with only a high school diploma. If it wasn’t for Slip and Quick hosting their annual training program he would have starved by now.

“Then why did you do it?” Tavi asked curiously. “Why didn't you just go into some other trade?”

“Didn’t have the money. Never went to college.”

“Oh,” Tavi quieted down. “I see. If it makes you feel any better I only went for a year before dropping out.”

Huh? This guy looked every bit of the nerdy, school loving, intellectual type. What could’ve made him drop out of school?

“Why’d you drop out?” Jed inquired.

“Oh, it was too hard. I couldn’t handle the workload.” That was clearly a lie. Tavi’s eyes were anywhere but looking at him. Jed’s insides hurt. They haven’t even hung out for more than ten minutes and he already lied to him.

_I told you._

Well...maybe he had a reason. He wouldn’t lie to him just to do it, would he? His stomach twisted painfully. He desperately wanted to believe his new friend had no intentions to wrong him.  There was just something about him, something electrifying.

He’d just been hurt too many times too count. The sting was dull from wear and tear but he didn’t think he could take too much more of it.

“Shoot, I thought high school was hard,” he smiled weakly, his attempt at a joke. “Must be different from college.”  Tavi visibly relaxed now that he thought Jed believed his lie. He’d lay low and wait. He’d be darn if he’d let himself be hurt again. Not again, not ever again.

“There’s a major difference,” Tavi didn’t understand he’d been joking, or tried to. “For one, the testing strategy is-”

“I was kidding, Tavi. I know there’s a difference.”

“Oh,” Tavi’s voice was small. “I’m sorry.”

Sorry? The heck was he apologizin’ for?

“Ya don’t have to apologize,” Jed looked at him weirdly.

“Right,” Tavi bit his lip.

Silence followed. The cafe’s machines grunted and steamed in the background. People chatted and the books thudded as they collided with the wooden shelves. Despite the rocky start, Jed was determined not to ruin this outing.

“So, erm, want to take a look around?” he asked, hoping for a yes.

“Of course,” Tavi seemed relieved. “Yes, yes. Let’s.”

They started in the back, maneuvering through the rinky dinky establishment at a slow pace. Jed wasn’t much of a reader, unless TV titles counted, so he had no idea where to start. Somehow, he found the comic section, fully engrossing himself in the adventures of Wolverine.  

Tavi, on the other hand, was a naturel. He went straight to the history section, scampering over to the romance novels from time to time. A man on a mission, he devoured each title, enjoying the pleasure it gave him.

But Jed definitely wasn’t side-eying him from the rack of comics he was currently occupying. It was a reminisce of the day in the coffee shop, watching him read was. It was admirable to see how he got through each one diligently; lost in his own little world. He was simply fascinating.

His phone buzzed his pocket. Must be Amelia wanting to know how their date was going.

He froze.

Dang nabbit! Now she had him saying it!

As he was trying to work through his mini mental breakdown, Tavi came up beside him, cheerfully and holding a good size stack of books in his hands.

“Did you find everything you wanted?”

“Almost,” Jed eyed his stack, snorting. “Planning on buying the whole store?”

Tavi raised his eyebrows. “A-At least mine are real books.” His bite wasn’t as sharp due to his stuttering but Jed was glad he seemed to be a little more comfortable this time around.

“Comic books are plenty real thank you very much,” he huffed with his nose in the air.

Tavi’s lips twitched. “They’re mostly pictures. That’s hardly a book.”

“S’its got words,” he practically shoved the comic book up in his face. “See?”

Tavi barely held back a flinch. “I see.”

Jed was pleased with himself. “Can I see what ya got there?”

“Oh, it’s nothing you’d find interesting, I’m afraid,” Tavi said.

Jed peered at them; they were thick and an assortment of history and dramatic romance. Bit odd to say the least but hey, if that’s what he liked.

“You read Shakespeare?”

“Indeed,” Tavi said slowly like he was waiting for something.

“That’s cool,” Jed nodded. “Never read him myself but I bet he’s nice, for you.”

“He is. Would you like one? I’d be happy to share.”

“No thanks, partner,” Jed snorted. “Can ya really see me readin’ Shakespeare?”

“...No,” Tavi grinned.

They both struggled to suppress their laughter.

They soon found each other back at the table, reading their respective books quietly. Jed grew bored-he zoomed through most of the comics at super speed while Tavi took his time. With his head resting in the palm of his head, the blonde glanced around, taking in the scene. Most of the occupants were college students doing their homework or bookworms. Jed happened to be neither.

He reached out to grab another comic--accidentally touching Tavi’s hand in the process.

Both of them jerked back, wide eyed at their mistake. Neither spoke for a grand total of five seconds before they spewed out apologizes.

“I-I’m so sorry,” Tavi looked to be on the verge of passing out from shock. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so...”

Jed picked his jaw off the floor, heart pounding. Tavis’ touch had been so, so invigorating. It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced.

“Hey, hey,” he said softly to Tavi, who was having a small panic attack of some sorts. “It’s alright. I aint’ mad. See?” he gestured to his face, “not mad.”

This did little to console him. Tavi’s face scrunched up and his eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Jed’s heart ached to see him so distraught.

“Why don’t we go outside, hmm?” he suggested. “Let’s sit out there for a bit.” Tavi didn’t respond or move. Jed didn’t really want to touch him again, for both personal and obvious reasons, so he was stuck just standing there, dumbly wondering what to do.

“Tavi,” he was basically whispering at this point, “want to go outside?”

His friend coughed, nodding like a small child. Jed guided him out the door to a bench, where they sat down, opposite from each other amid the cooling breeze.

Well this was going fantastic.

“Are you okay?” Jed’s voice sounded different to his own ears. “Do you want me to call someone for you? Your boyfriend maybe?”

And just like that, Tavi’s head shot up, shaking vigorously. “P-Please no! I beg of you.”

Jed was taken aback. “Okay...”

And as suddenly as that outbirt occurred, Tavi composed himself. “I-I mean because he’s at work and if someone calls him he’ll get fired. It’s a really strict policy.”

Jed didn’t know what to think. All he knew was today had gone from eh to crazy.

“Hey now,” Jed hated seeing him wipe tears away. “Don’t feel bad.”

“I didn’t mean to touch you,” Tavi whispered brokenly, “I was reaching for a bookmark...” his jaw trembled, a sure sign he was fighting back a sob.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Jed stated. “I touched ya too.”

 _And it felt heavenly_.

Crap where were these thoughts coming from?

Focus Jed focus.

“When I was eight I tried to steal the family car,” Jed said semi lopud to catch his friend’s attention. It worked, too. Tavi hiccupped, turning his red, puffy, teary eyes on him.

“You what?” he blinked. 

“I tried to steal the car. Darla and Nellie kept bein’ annoyin’ askin’ me to play and Bobby kept screamin’. Mama said I had to be nice because I was the oldest but I didn’t want to. So I tried to steal the car so I could go to Alaska.”

“Why Alaska?” Tavi asked curiously, sadness forgotten briefly.

“I wanted to see a walrus sing.”

Tavi stared at him, obviously waiting to see Jed laugh at the joke, but he remained dead serious.

“You’re kidding.”

“Nah,” the blonde grinned. “I saw this walrus on TV singin’ and sliding down them snow mountains. I begged my parents to let me go see him.”

“And so you tried taking your parents car.”

“Yes siree.”

Tavi let out a choked laugh. “You’re mad.”

“But it made ya laugh.”

“Indeed,” Tavi smiled gratefully. “I’m terribly sorry I-” but Jed held up a hand, signifying him to stop.

“Now, now. Don’t go apologizin’ again. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with cryin’.”

“Thank you,” Tavi whispered. “Thank you so much, Jed.”

“Anytime partner.”

They scooted closer unconsciously. Tavi wiped his eyes, sniffling. Jed wished he had a tissue or something for him but the only thing in his pockets were his cell phone and wallet. He wondered what could be done to try and salvage this da-hangout. Darn it. He rolled his eyes. He was _so_ having a talk with Amelia about this.

Across the street, a mother was holding on to her son’s hand, whom was clenching an ice cream cone. The little boy licked it hungry whilst also trying to keep up with his mother.

This gave Jed an idea.

“How’s about some ice cream?” he spoke up. “You like ice cream, don’t ya?”

Tavi glanced down at his stomach. Again, odd. The guy wasn’t build but he was pretty slim. “I suppose. I just had a soda the other night though. Should we really be indulging in sweets so much?”

So either he was a health nut or on some sort of diet. Jed wasn’t sure how to approach it. Sound like a jerk or walk on eggshells. Simple enough. “I don’t think ya gotta worry about that, komosobe.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Okay, good start. Not defense but possibly getting there.

Jed shrugged. “Just mean that you’re healthy lookin’. Won’t kill ya to have it.”

Tavi carefully considered this. “I suppose not.”

“Good!” Jed jumped to his feet. “ ‘Cause I’ve been wantin’ some mint.”

“I much prefer regular chocolate,” Tavi said as they crossed the road. Jed was suddenly overcome with an urge to grab his hand like he’d done with his brother and sisters when they were young but held off.

“You don’t know what’s good,” he smirked down at him. They ordered-Tavi with one scope on his cone while Jed had four. When it came time to pay, both men had their wallets out, staring at the other.

“I can pay, it’s not a problem,” Jed insisted.

“But you paid last time. The least I could do is pay for this,” Tavi frowned.

The teenager behind the counter watched them with raised eyebrows. “Doesn’t the guy usually pay for dates?” he remarked, unfazed when they turned to face him in horror.

“Nah, nah. We ain’t on a date,” Jed was mortified.

“We’re just friends,” Tavi added weakly.

The teenager snickered. “You sure looked like you are.”

Torn between wanting to throttle the child and crawl under a rock and die, Jed lowered his wallet, shoving it back into his pocket. “You can pay if you want,” he mumbled, just wishing to get out of there.

“Alright,” Tavi did, handing his card to the teenager. The transaction seemed to last an eternity but finally, it was so over and they exited the parlor, silently.

“Can you believe that?” Jed laughed nervously. “Us, on a date? Piff.”

Tavi licked his cone. A dribble of chocolate fell on his lower lip; Jed couldn’t help but stare. It wasn’t until his friend’s tongue wiped it away that he stopped his staring. He swallowed. Hopefully he didn’t notice or he’d have some explainin’ to do.

“Yes,” Tavi agreed, “ridiculous.”

They both focused on something other than each other, which was incredibly hard to do. Jed tugged on his shirt. His skin felt hot and sweaty when it shouldn't have. It was fall for heaven’s sake, shouldn’t he be freezing?

“So,” Jed’s mouth operated without his consent, and before he knew it the words flew out. “Why’d you cut your hair?”

“What?”

“Why’d you cut your hair?” the blonde repeated.

‘I-I just needed a change,” Tavi shrugged. “It was getting much to long.”

Was not. Jed thought he looked much better with the curls. He looked good either way but the curls, crap he wasn’t good with words, they just defined him if that made any sense.

“Well you should’ve kept it like it was,” Jed said. “You looked really good.” Greaaat. Now Tavi was gonna think he’s all interested.

A small smile crept up Tavi’s face. “You really think so?” he asked shyly.

“‘Course,” Jed nodded. “Wouldn’t lie to ya.”

Jed drowned the last of his cone, gulping it down loudly. His face flushed slightly. His mama stressed the importance of manners, especially in front of others. But Tavi didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t even look like he was paying attention, just slowly working on his ice cream; double fudge brownie.

“What’s it taste like?” Jed asked. “The ice cream.”

Tavi blinked, looking at the cone in his hand then to Jed. “Would you like to taste it and find out?”

A completely different thought came to Jed’s mind and it wasn’t ice cream. He coughed, hoping his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “Sure, partner.” He took the cone, taking the smallest bite possible. He remembered those days, having to share ice cream with Nella, Darla and Bobby and being disappointed to find it nearly gone.

“Well?” Tavi said.

“S’good,”  Jed had to give it that. “But ain’t as good as mint.” He realized he probably should've waited to finish his. Wasn’t fair that Tavi gave up his only. “Sorry I didn’t, uh, save mine for you to taste.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

Tavi waved it away. “I’ve tried mint and I have to say it’s not as good as it’s advertised to be.”

There he goes with all them fancy words and sentences.

“Uh huh,” Jed stepped aside to a group of people could pass him, unfortunately that meant getting arm-to-arm with Tavi. “maybe you just don’t have good taste, hmm?” he said teasingly.

Tavi snorted, immediately clamping a hand over his mouth. Jed grinned widely. It was so improper for someone like Tavi but so appealing. His friend coughed a bit. “Yes, well. I believe my taste to be superior over yours.”

Jed could’ve groaned. What kinda insult was that? Boy, did he need to be taught. His accent made him sound all high and mighty.

“Sure, boy,” Jed smirked. Hmm, speaking of accents, maybe he should ask. “Say, Tavi, what’s with your accent? You ain’t from around here, obviously.”

“I’m not,” Tavi finished his cone with a crunch. “I was born in Rome, Italy and moved here with my parents when I was four years old.”

“So, Ames was right,” Jed muttered.

“What?”

“Ames-Amelia. We were trying to guess where you were from and she said Italy.”

“So you were talking about me?”

O_0

Crap. Crap. Craaap.

“A little bit,” Jed admitted. “She wanted to know about our d-hangout! Our hangout from the other night.” Whew. He barely saved that one. Maybe Tavi wouldn’t notice his almost-slip.

“Oh,” Tavi seemed a bit confused. “Why?”

_Because she’s been pushing for us to get together and date because for some reason she thinks we’re in love with each other._

“She’s nosy,” Jed explained shortly. “Always wantin’ to know stuff.”

“Ah,” Tavi nodded understandingly. “I have- _had_ a friend like that.”

“What happened to them?” Jed tilted his head like a puppy.

“Just drifted apart,” Tavi’s smile seemed a little forced. “I suppose I should have expected it.”

“How long were you friends for?” Jed picked a fallen leaf out of his hair, throwing it aside.

“Kindergarten to college,” Tavi sighed. “I thought we’d be friends forever. We were inseparable. We lived at each other’s houses more than our own.”

“What happened? Why’d you guys drift apart?”

Jed noticed how quickly his demeanor changed. His body drooped and were those tears in his eyes?

“Just the typical pressures of college. Can we talk about something else, please?” Tavi pleaded.

“Of course,” Jed said. As if he had to ask. “Why don’t ya tell me a little more about yourself?”

Tavi was relieved and agreed. “Alright. What is it you wish to know?”

“I dunno. Anything. What’s your favorite color?”

“Red,” Tavi replied. “And yours?”

“I thought we was talkin’ ‘bout you?”

“We are,” Tavi said calmly, “but I wish to learn about you as well if that’s alright.”

What was with this guy and askin’ for permission for everything?

“As you wish, partner.”

“Thank you. Now, favorite color?”

“Blue. Favorite food?”

“Pasta,” Tavi said. “Any kind.”

Jed snickered. “Shoulda known.”

Tavi ignored him. “What about you? I suppose all you cowboys like cornbread and cured pork don’t you?” It was said without hesitance or stuttering. Jed had never been so happy to be insulted before.

“We also like apple pie,” Jed said seriously.

They laughed at their silliness.

“Whoo we, boy,” Jed settled down, “don’t think I ever heard you insult me before.”

“I didn’t hurt your feelings, did I?” Tavi fretted.

“No,” Jed assured him. “I knew you was just playin’.”

“Good,” Tavi breathed. “Good. So, favorite genera of music...” It went like, asking questions back and forth. There were some major differences between them, some of what Tavi liked, Jed found boring. And on other things, they both enjoyed such as cats. Jed showed him some videos he’d seen online of some crazy, funny cats doing stupid stuff. It was a wonderful afternoon and they hated that it had to come to an end.

“I should really be going,” Tavi looked a little panicked but somehow still calm. “I have other obligations.”

“Okay, I gotcha,” Jed was a bit crushed. He’d had the best time in a long time. “I hope we can hang out again. I had fun, Tavi.”

“As did I, Jed,” Tavi smiled softly.

Their eyes were locked to each other. Jed didn’t know what to do or what to say, but what he didn't know was that he wasn’t about to move any time soon.

“Maybe we could exchange numbers?” he watched his friend’s face light up.

“I would love to.”

And so they did. Tavi hurried off to who knows what while Jed stood in the middle of the sidewalk, clenching his phone to his chest, grinning like a moron.

He began walking home, incidentally walking past the ice cream parlor and _accidentally_ giving the finger to the same teenager behind the counter that was making kissy faces at him.

Maybe Amelia was right to say he should branch out and make friends. He’d only hung out with Tavi twice now but it like he’d known the guy forever.

The blonde was practically skipping--though he’d deny it later. Nothing could ruin this day.

 _Absolutely nothing._ **  
**

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavi comes to a realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I'll get an update before next Thursday so if I don't HAPPY (early) THANKSGIVING! :)

Feelings suck. 

Octavius wasn’t the one to use the word suck but felt it was the only word in the entire English language that would accurately describe what he was feeling. 

Instead of doing something productive or even a mindless task like watching television, Octavius continued to lay in bed, eyes gazing up at the ceiling. His cell phone was on his chest as it had been for the past hour.

Ever since he had returned from his outing with Jed, something had been stirred up inside of him. It was madly overwhelming. Octavius just didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t very well speak to Charlie about it or, god forbid, Lance. It left him no choice but to sit and dwell. 

He recalled the days events, specifically the part when he touched the top of Jed’s hand. Octavius shivered. It was soft, unlike the palm which would undoubtedly be covered in calluses from working. Octavius longed to touch it again, but would that be strange? Would Jed think he was weird? Anyway, his super soft flesh wasn’t what caused it; it was the electrifying feeling. 

He couldn’t explain it, not in words. But when he touched Jed’s hand it felt...glorifying. It lasted only a few seconds, before they both realized what they had done, but it was the best few seconds of his life. A strange rush of warmth surged through him as did a tingling sensation, one that he’d never felt before.

And that scared him to death. 

Lance hadn’t made him feel like that, maybe in the beginning but not now. Now he was lucky to get a few minutes of real conversation from him. His and Lance’s relationship, if you excluded the major fights and occasional bruising and blood, was quite mundane. Relationships were supposed to be exciting, weren’t they? In comparison to when they first met, things had dulled considerably. They’d matured, work got prioritized over romance and things just got away from them. It was like they were drifting apart, something that Octavius feared.

But, he thought, reiniging, what about Lance’s jealousy? Surely that was a sign he was still interested.

_ Does that mean Jed’s interested? _

Looking back, Jed had a rather peculiar look on his face at the first mention of Lance. It was indescribable, like he was-

_ Jealous? _

Hardly. Why would someone like Jed be interested in someone like him? He’d been lucky to get Lance to notice him; no way could he find a second person. 

Octavius checked his phone again, disappointed at the lack of notification. A childish hope inside of him anxious anticipated that Jed would call him soon, text him, something. So far, nothing. Certainly he had other obligations to attend to, but the Italian hoped he could be one of them.

It was unbelievable, really, when Jed suggested they exchange numbers. Like a dream. At first, Octavius feared it was a prank but quickly dismissed the thought.  _ Jed wouldn’t do that _ .

Funny how he had such faith in someone he barely even knew.

His stomach grumbled hungrily. He desired to eat something but decided it would be best to wait. It was only a few days into the two weeks Lance was supposed to be gone; Octavius still wasn’t sure what to make of Charlie yet. The young man was was very strange indeed. He talked to him as if they were equals and had the audacity of asking his opinions on things. It must have been a joke, obviously, to see how he’d react.

Charlie also had a vey set routine, which included taking a nap in the afternoon and evening; it left Octavius the opportunity to indulge himself in reading as much as he wanted or, his smile broadened, to see Jed.

Charlie was none the wiser. He was oblivious to Octavius’ happiness and the young Italian couldn’t help but feel bad for deceiving him. Still, he didn’t know what would happen once Lance got back so he had to make the most of it.

Again, he checked, again, no message. Octavius decided to see if Charlie was going to cook or if he was going to order take-out. Clearly Jed wasn’t going to get ahold of him today. He sat up, his phone sliding off of him and onto the bed. He stretched, suppressing a yawn. Maybe he’d take a nap. He was more than a little tired. 

The Italian made his way out of the room and into the hallway, expecting to find Charlie lounging around or perhaps searching the cupboards to figure out what to make for dinner. Only, he wasn’t. His eyes found a note taped to the counter, scribbled on it was Charlie’s neat handwriting. 

_ Octavius,  _

_ I had to run out for a few and get some necessities before I ran out. I was going to inform you but I figured you were sleeping. I’ll pick up some Chinese on the way home. So please don’t, uh, run off, kay? Lance wouldn’t be happy either either of us.  _

_ Thanks,  _

_ Charlie.  _

See, that was one of the reasons why Octavius had yet to understand the younger man. Lance would have just came in anyway but he didn’t. Was this him trying to be a suck up?  Octavius frowned. No matter, he needn’t worry about trivial things. Charlie didn't hit him for asking questions, which, he reflected, didn’t involve him and therefore shouldn’t have been asked by him. 

_ I guess I’ll just wait to eat _ , he thought, shrugging. Maybe he’d have that nap now. 

So, he went back to the bedroom, sitting in the center of the bed with his back against the headboard, arms crossed. If only he hadn’t had that tantrum at the bookstore, he could’ve gotten a few books to stash away and read. 

_ And you wouldn’t have embarrassed yourself in front of Jed.  _

Oh God, Jed. He covered his face, cheeks deepening in color. What had he been thinking? He was almost thirty for heaven’s sake and there he was, sobbing over nothing. Still, whatever was going through the blonde’s mind, he didn’t let it affect how he treated Octavius. It was all left aside as he tried to calm him down, even making him laugh and offering to pay for their ice cream. Oh how blessed he was to have someone like that! 

Octavius squinted his eyes; bright, cheery sunlight was peeking through the shut curtains as evening pressed upon the world. Directly down below, cars honked, engines roared. The birds were chirping frantically, as if enthralled with what was occuring with the humans. It was one of the perks Octavius admired with having a more expensive apartment, that, without Lance, he would have never been able to experience. 

With nothing else to do the Italian settled for sorting through the pictures in his gallery. He didn’t take many pictures, at least not recently. Most of them were of Lance from early on. He didn’t look much different than of now, except, maybe the facial hair and little added height. On that, Octavius was a tad jealous. He stopped growing at the pathetic height of five-foot six and a half. Ugh, would it have been too much to ask for that extra half inch? 

Octavius’ throat hitched, his thumb hovering over the screen. As he scanned through each digital photograph, he barely paid attention. Now, however, his eyes were wide open. 

It was a picture of his ex-best friend, Ahkmenrah Malek, or simply, “Ahk.” He was who Octavius was referring to earlier that day. It was true, they’d been the very best of friends since kindergarten when Ahk moved from Egypt to the states, as did Octavius from Rome. 

When Octavius came out to his parents, his mother joked around that she’d approve if he and Ahk were in some secret relationship of some kind. She always did think of him as a kind, polite young man. It made the Italian smile momentarily, remembering the shenanigans Ahk roped him into. 

They hadn’t counted on ever stopping their friendship. It started with the passing of a crayon and blossomed from there.  _ And ended in a huge fight _ , Octavius thought sadly. 

Lance was threatened by Ahk’s presence from the very beginning, which was incredibly silly. Neither of them had any romantic affection for the other, it was purely platonic. But Lance didn’t see that. All he saw was the way they’d grin at each other when they would be thinking the exact same thing, the laughter they shared, the endless movies they watched together and how close they were in general. Ahk was gay, like him, but once he hit college, he had his eyes set on another man. Again, Lance didn’t see this either. 

A tear fell from his eye, landing on picture-Ahk’s face. It was the last picture taken with them together during their college days. Ahk had him in a headlock, rubbing a handful of snow into his hair. They were both laughing, looking like they were having the time of their life. 

Octavius shut his phone off, unable to continue looking at it any longer. He hadn’t spoken to Ahk in years or Larry--Ahk’s boyfriend--for that matter. Last he heard they still weren’t married but lived together with Larry’s son, whom he’d met before a few times. He was very sweet and amusing; jokingly calling him “Uncle” causing his father to blush and Ahk to grin widely. The boy must be in his teenage years by now, having been eight or nine at the time. 

The temptation was heavy; he still had his friend’s number saved into his contacts, secretly hidden under the name Francesca, claiming she was a cousin of his. Shockingly, Lance accepted this. He wasn’t usually too worried by females as he was males, for obvious reasons. 

Should he? Would Ahk want to hear from him after all this time? Would it be worth it? Who knows what time Charlie would be back. Octavius honestly didn’t know what to do. He yearned to hear the voice of his best friend again, to talk to him. He wasn’t, however, ready for the judgement that was to come. 

Okay, maybe he wouldn’t exactly  _ judge _ but Ahk had warned him about Lance’s ‘possessiveness’ before. He did not want to go through that conversation again. He knew his friend cared fiercely for the people he loved but did he have to be so overbearing about it? 

Octavius had brushed off Ahk’s concern, much to his irritation. Ahk didn’t know Lance like he did, no one did. It especially angered him that Ahk didn’t seem to want to get to know Lance and avoided his presence at every opportunity possible. They’d fought--well, Octavius did, Ahk just stood there, calmly, arching an eyebrow. 

Octavius shook his head, trying to get rid of the memories. As much as he did--but didn’t--want to talk to him, when would he get another chance? With bated breath, he flipped to the contact screen. His thumb hovered over the call button, having a last minute debate on whether to do it or not. Finally, he pressed call and held it to his ear, heart pounding. 

It took three rings before Ahk answered the phone. “Hello?” he said in his slight British accent. (That was another thing Octavius was always confused on. Ahk was Egyptian but spoke like he was British). 

“Hey Ahk,” Octavius’ heart soared at hearing his old friend again. 

“Octavius?” Ahk breathed, sounding like he was tearing up. “Is that really you?” 

“It is,” Octavius confirmed. 

Ahk gave a cry of joy. “Oh my! It’s been years, hasn’t it? How are you? Did you ever go back to college? Are you still with Lance?” 

Octavius noted the displeased tone at the mention of his boyfriend but chose to ignore it. He would not let anything ruin this. “It has,” he agreed. “And, ah, no. I haven’t. I’m living with Lance, actually and he works so I can stay home.” He waited for the eruption. 

Surprisingly, there was none. “I see,” Ahk said in a tone that suggested he was forcing himself to be pleasant. “Well that’s nice. How is Lance doing?” 

Octavius beamed, happy that he was finally being civil about it. “Wonderful. He’s on a business trip to Hong Kong.” 

“And you didn’t go with him?” 

“No,” Octavius faltered a bit. “I didn’t want to go, didn’t want to be in the way of anything.” 

They both knew that was a blatant lie. 

“I see,” Ahk repeated. 

“Yeah,” Octavius said awkwardly.

“And he just left you there by yourself?” Ahk sounded suspicious. 

“Ahh, no,” Octavius admitted. “He’s having his assistent stay with him until he returns.” 

Ahk was silent for a moment. “So he hired a babysitter.” It was a statement, not a question. 

“What? No!” Octavius denied, even though he had the same thought when Lance had told him. Charlie, in all honesty, wasn’t that bad so it really wasn’t necesaarily like a babysitter. “He just wants to make sure I’m okay. He  _ cares _ ,  Ahk .” 

Ahk mhmed. 

“So,” Octavius decided to change the subject to something easier. “How are Larry and uh-” he stumbled, trying to remember the kid’s name but ultimately failing. 

“Nicky?” Ahk said with a slight laugh. 

“Yeah,” Octavius said sheepishly. “How are Larry and Nicky doing?” 

“Amazing. Larry got a job giving tours at the local museum and he loves it. Nicky’s a senior in high school this year and thinks he wants to be a history professor,” Ahk spoke with pride. 

Octavius smile softly. A history professor had been one of the choices he’d decided on when he was in college. “That’s great. If Nicky wants, I have old notes he could use. I sure don't need them anymore.” 

“I’m sure he’d love to have them.” 

Octavius sighed. He should’ve been bursting with news to tell his friend. It had been, what, nine years since they last saw each other? Surely he had something else to say. 

But he really didn’t. 

“I met someone,” he blurted out before his brain could comprehend what had happened. Crap, crap, double crap. Not good, definitely not good. 

“You did?” Ahk was excited. “Who? What’s his name? What does he do? What’s he look like? Is he nice to his family? Is he nice to  _ you _ ?” 

Question overload. 

“Slow down,” Octavius told him laughingly, beginning to feel at ease again. “His name’s Jedediah but he goes by Jed.” 

“Interesting,” Ahk murmured but Octavius could tell he was also really impatient and wanted him to get a move on it. 

“I met him when I was getting Lense coffee. Actually, I ran into him and dropped my stuff but he was insistent that it was his fault and replaced everything for me.” 

“Awww. What a knight in shining armor.” 

Octavius ignored him. “He’s a mechanic but doesn’t really like it.” 

“So why is he doing it?” 

“He says he didn’t get to go to college so he doesn’t have a choice.” 

“I see.” 

“It’s too bad. You can tell he really hates it.” 

“Yes, yes,” Ahk said dismissively. “Now what’s he look like? Shaggable and sexy or just sexy?” 

Octavius groaned. “Stop.” 

“Stop what?” Ahk said innocently. 

“You know what.” 

Ahk snickered on the other end, promtping the Italian to roll his eyes. 

“Anyway. He’s kinda tall, blonde, really blue eyes, great smile. Every time I’ve seen him he’s in a plaid button up, jeans and boots. Oh and he wears a cowboy hat. And when he smiles, he has these dimples and-” Octavius rambled on, unaware of how intimate he was with the details. 

“That didn't’ answer my question.” 

“What question?” Octavius was stumped. 

“Is he shaggable and sexy or just sexy?” 

Octavius spluttered, turning red. That wasn’t fair. He couldn’t say shaggable and sexy because that would suggested he is attracted to Jed and he certainly was not. And he couldn’t say just sexy either because again, Ahk would be happy with both and take to teasing him about it. 

“Ah. So shaggable and sexy. Nice.” 

“You’re exasperating,” Octavius face palmed. 

“Oh no. The mighty Octavius is using big words on me. Whatever shall I do?” Ahk teased. 

“Shut up,” Octavius grinned. “I bet Larry wouldn’t treat me like this.” 

“Larry is too nice to say anything but he just thinks of you as a pest. Sorry to say.” 

“Darn,” Octavius deadpanned. “There goes my sexual fantasies.” 

“They better,” Ahk sniffed, feigning vexation. He then laughed, dropping the facade. “Can you imagine Larry’s face if he heard us?”  

“Oh yes,” Octavius knew the poor man would be a blushing mess. “Yes I can.” 

“He should be back soon. He and Nicky went to get a few things.” 

“Alright.” 

“So,” Ahk said in a sly tone, “tell me more about Mr. Shaggable.” 

Octavius sighed, knowing very well he wasn’t going to get out of this. “What do you want to know?” 

“Have You two hung out or anything? Do you guys talk or do you stalk him from afar?” 

“We’ve hung out twice now,” Octavius held the phone away from his ear due to the excited scream Ahk let out. “Once at a bar and earlier we went to the bookstore and got ice cream.” 

“And did you lick the ice cream that dropped on his lip?” Ahk was struggling to hold in his laughter. 

Octavius didn’t even dignify him with an answer. 

“We also exchanged phone numbers and don’t you dare scream again or I’ll hang up,” Octavius threatened. 

Ahk huffed. “Well excuse me for getting excited.” 

“You’re excused.” 

Ahk mumbled something he didn’t understand. 

“So has he texted you yet? Called you?” 

“No,” Octavius grew a bit dismayed at the reminder. “Maybe he’s just busy.” 

“Maybe,” Ahk said. 

“God, I hope I didn’t scare him off.” 

“How would you have done that?” 

“Well,” Octavius was hesitant to say, partly due to being horribly embarrassed by his outburst and he didn’t know if he wanted to hear any more teasing. “If I tell you, no more teasing. I mean it, Ahk.” 

“You have my word,” Ahk said sincerely. 

“Okay well,” he didn’t even know how to begin to describe it. “We were sitting down and reading our books but technically I was reading, Jed had comic books which I don’t know if you can count them as a real book or not-” 

“Octavius, the point?” 

Right. He was intentionally rambling so he could stall. Unfortunately, that did no good. 

“I-I just reached for a bookmark and touched his hand in the process,” Octavius became slightly breathless at the memory. “It was so strange, Ahk. I felt something.” 

“You felt something?” Ahk echoed. 

“Yeah. Like a spark or something.” 

Ahk didn’t say anything for a few long moments. “Did he feel the same?” 

“I don’t know. I started apologizing and crying. I was scared I had ruined everything. But he took me outside to calm me down and that’s when we got ice cream.” 

“I see,” there it was again. “Well Octavius, I think I know what it is.” 

He perked up. “You do?” 

“Yes.” 

Octavius frowned. “Aren’t you going to tell me?” 

“I don’t know if I should.” 

“Why?” 

“You won’t believe me.” 

“Yes, I will,” Octavius insisted. “Please. I need to know.” He’d been anguishing over it for a while, he needed a moment’s peace. 

“You’re in love.” 

Otavius blinked. Of course he was in love! Was Ahk blind to the eleven year commitment to Lance? “I know that,” he said slowly. 

“No, I don’t think you do. I didn’t mean Lance. I mean Jed. You’re in love with Jed.” 

Octavius about dropped the phone in shock. That was utterly preposterous! How could-no, how  _ dare _ he even consider the notion that he would be less than faithful to Lance? Sure, he liked Jed, admired him even. But that wasn’t any indicator that he was falling for the man. 

_ What about you wanting to touch his hands again, hmm?  _

That meant nothing. He was a touchy-feely kind of person. It wasn’t unusual for him to crave someone elses touch. 

_ You haven’t been like that in years _ .  _ Not until Jed came along _ . 

Oh God, what was happening to him? His mind was drowning under a constant wave of ponderings about Jed, no matter how hard he tried to forget him and concentrate on Lance, his  _ boyfriend _ . It never worked. Jed was becoming more and more of a permanent fixture in his life despite the short time he’d been exposed to him. Was Ahk right?? Was he really falling for him? 

“Octavius? Are you still there?” 

“Yeah,” Octavius said dazedly. “Yeah. I’m here. Sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” 

A minute passed by. 

“Ahk?” 

“Yes?” Ahk said softly. 

“I think I’m in love with him.” 

“I know.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope Tavi didn't seem OOC. I was trying to make it where he would feel comfortable with Ahk and fall back into their friendship, kind of, and not be a scared little rabbit like he is normally. Ahk is aware that Lance is a jerk and all but doesn' know about the abuse. And I hope it's not too early for Tavi to realize his love for Jed.  
> Anyway I'll get the next update done real soon, hopefully. School is slowing down a bit so I'll have more time to write!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavi and Jed text

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh so yeah this one sucks I know but I had literally no idea how to write this chapter but I hope you enjoy it anyway!  
> Also, I'm on Tumblr as tablet-guardians-shipper. I haven't had it very long and it's supposed to be mostly tablet guardians and Jedtavius but its mostly Jedtavius right now lol  
> Annnnd I also take requests so if you wanna request something just tell me and I'll be happy to do it. As long as it's not a sex fic, I'm not comfortable doing that.  
> On a side note: I hope you're all having an awesome day and that you have a great weekend!

Sending a text should’ve been way easier than talking to someone in person.

Jed was camped out on the living room couch, arms crossed as he glared at the offending item. He’d been utterly giddy when Tavi agreed to exchange numbers. That had been the hard part--or so it seemed. Now he needed to message him before he thought Jed was ignoring, which was so not the case. What would he even say? Continue the conversation from earlier? Somehow, Jed thought that was more of a face-to-face kinda thing. He groaned. This was impossible.

He bit his lip. Maybe he should ask Amelia for help. She knew more about this kinda thing than he did. He typed furiously, groaning at the amount of typos he made.

**_I need help_ **

She replied in lickety-split time.

_Admitting is the first step_

He scowled. Couldn’t she be serious for once?

**_Shut it. I’m serious Ames_ **

_Alright, alright, god. Don’t go getting your panties in a wad, Ace. What’s up?_

He knew he was opening the door for her to tease him endlessly but couldn’t care much at the moment. He needed to act, now!

**_I got Tavi’s number and I dunno what to say to him got any ideas?_ **

_OMG YOU DID IT! I”M SO PROUD OF YOU! o//o_

Despite how tense he was, the blonde grinned. Simple phrases of praise never failed to raise his spirits. Although he rolled his eyes at the next text that came almost instantaneously.

_Seriously this is like a proud mama moment for me_

He chuckled.

**_Im glad you’re happy. I wanna text him but i dunno what to say_ **

_Ask him to see a movie with you_

**_That sounds like a date i cant ask him that_ **

_Arcade?_

**_Tavi dont seem like no arcade person_ **

_Okaaaay well how about you invite him over to your place for dinner and i’ll join you guys that way i get to meet him and you get to see your man! ;)_

He considered this. They’d hung out twice now but Jed found himself craving more of Tavi’s presence; not in a sexual way just...frick, he didn’t know. He buried his face in his hands, exclaiming his frustrations aloud. Emotions and crap never came easy for him.

**_Sure. Just promise to behave Ames_ **

_I always do! Hey, I gotta go. My landlord is banging on my door. Byeee Jedi <3 _

He didn’t bother to text back. Okay, he leaned back, now ge just had to gather the courage to text him. Hopefully Tavi would accept and Amelia wouldn’t embarrass him too much. He opened up a new message, debating on what to say.

**_Uh howdy partner it’s Jed_ **

It took a grand total of five minutes before Tavi replied, all the while Jed was freaking out. Was it too soon? Should he have waited a day or so?

_Oh, hello!_

Well, he certainly sounded cheerful.

**_I was wonderin if ya wanted to come over and have dinner with me_ **

Jed quickly deleted what he had typed and redid it. That sounded like he was asking him on a date which was not the goal.

**I was talkin to Ames and she wanted to know if ya wanted to come over and have dinner so she could meet ya whaddya say saturday at 6**

Satisfied, he sent it.

_Yes, I would love to. And might I make a suggestion?_

Curious, he replied with a **_Sure._ **

_It would be much easier to read your messages if you were to proofread:)_

Jed’s mouth quirked up into a grin.

**_No can do compadre never was good at grammer_ **

_Grammar*_

**_Aint that what i said_ **

_No. You spelled it with an e; grammar is g-r-a-m-m-a-r._

The fact that he took this mini spelling lesson so seriously, or at least that’s how it appeared, amused the blonde. He definitely was the nerdy type.

**_Yer such a nerd_ **

He added a winky face just to show he was teasing.

_“Nerds” are typically successful so I shall take it as a compliment lol._

**_You do that kemosabe_ **

_I shall._

**_Quit usin periods this aint english o_o_ **

_You’ll have to make me._

**_Ha i dont think ya want that partner_ **

_And why not?_

**_I might just hafta use the force on ya_ **

_Ah, a Star Wars fan, are you?_

**_Sorta Ames made me watch it with her_ **

_I’ve never seen it myself. I’ve heard it’s quite popular, though._

**_Parently whats yer favorite movie then_ **

_I quite like a good documentary myself. Although, I cannot narrow it down to a certain one. They’re all spectacular!_

Jed snorted.

**_Whats the last one ya seen_ **

In record time, Tavi replied--with a huge freakin’ paragraph! He didn’t know the first thing about documentaries but if it made Tavi happy, he’d let him jabber.

_I cannot recall the name but it focused on the life of Rome and its characteristics of the time period vs what it is today. It was so very fascinating. I’ve always been taken with Rome. It's very beautiful. Oh I do wish I would have been able to experience it for myself. Mother told me stories but it isn’t the same. I hope to travel there someday. It would be splendid, would it not?_

**_Yea bet it would_ **

_Are you interested in traveling anywhere, Jed? Perhaps Texas?_

**_Never really thought bout it before why_ **

_I was merely curious. I remember you telling me that’s where your family lives._

A smile crossed Jed’s face. He remembered. It was such a small detail but he actually paid attention to him and what he had to say. Ugh, there went his stomach again. It was twisting into knots like a pretzel.

**_Awww Tavi im beginning to think ya like me or somethin_ **

He had no idea what possessed him to say that; it was like this guy was getting him out of his comfort zone and Jed didn’t know if he liked it or not.

_It appears so. Now if only we were to work on your ‘grammer’ skills;)_

Jed chuckled. **_Aint gonna let that go huh_ **

_Absolutely not._

They continued to text, switching from real conversation to playful bantering. In between, Jed sent a message to Amelia, asking if Saturday’s plans worked for her. She replied back saying it was, whilst complaining about her jerk of a landlord that seemed to have it out for her. He’d heard this many times before but listened patiently all the same. Ten minutes later she proclaimed that she had to go and that she’d call him tomorrow. That was fine, it left him more time to talk to Tavi.

Speaking of, he and Tavi spent a good few hours texting. This was after Tavi excused himself for half an hour but promised he’d be right back. In the meantime, Jed was restless, worried that he somehow offended him or something. It wasn’t until he saw Tavi’s number pop up that he let out a breath of relief.

Jed learned a lot about his new friend that day. For one, he was super smart, and not just because he was one of those bookworms. No, he’d gotten accepted into one of those big schools and spoke a couple languages fluently _and_ could answer any history question without fail. Jed challenged him to a battle of the smarts, as he dubbed it, to which Tavi gladly accepted.

It felt...nice to have a friendship like this, to agree to do stupid stuff and all. Even with the task of work hanging over his head, Jed would have no problem texting Tavi into the late night hours. The same could not be said for Tavi. It was around seven or eight when he apologetically said he needed to go. Actually, it was more rambling than anything, ramblings of broken English that didn’t include proper punctuation.

Jed just shook his head, smiling. God, that dork was a adorable.

Wait...

Adorable!? Since when did he ever use that in describing someone? That didn’t even happen with Jake. Said male would have pummeled him into a wall for saying it but that wasn’t the point.

Maybe, maybe this was him being clingy. Jake had complained of him being like that before. What if Tavi was thinking the same thing but was just too nice to say it?

Gahhh that was too complicated. He needed a drink.

Why did feelings have to suck so much?

  
  



	17. Chapter 17

Octavius sat frozen on the bed, unable to believe this was real. He’d been in the middle of his conversation with Ahk, befuddled by what had occured in the past few hours. His recent discovery shocked him to the very core. What did this mean for the future? He couldn’t very well just dump Lance and move on with Jed. Who said that he reciprocate those feelings anyway?

He fell flat on his back. This had turned into a huge mess. This pining was going to destroy everything he’d ever wanted. Every fiber inside of him felt utterly repulsed. He was no better than those cheaters he always declared himself never to be.

Perhaps he should distance himself. He couldn’t be in love with someone he wasn’t around, right? Jed would eventually become disinterested and find someone else to befriend. And everything would go back to normal; he’d have Lance solely on his mind once again and it would all be perfect.

But was that what he really wanted?

Lance represented routine, order. He had a tendency to be a little over the top and had slight control issues. Octavius hated to admit it but his boyfriend would be very terrifying when he wanted to be. But it was safe, secure. He knew what he was in for.

Jed, though. He was peculiar yet intriguing. He was enthrilling, crazy, kind, _sweet._ He knew he was leading himself into dangerous territory every time he ventured out or thought of the blonde but there was just something about him that Octavius was drawn to. His friendly demeanor, the way his face lit up at certain times, how beautiful the sound of his laugh was. Octavius would have written a list.

Love, it seemed, had brought him straight to Jedediah.

But what of Lance? They had history, one that couldn’t simply be forgotten. What was he to do? He loved them both dearly, neither were replaceable. Ahk, naturally, would vote for Jeb and kick Lance to curb. Larry would agree with his boyfriend, err, whatever they were right now; and Nicky, he was only a teenager, he wouldn’t understand.

Should he spend more time with Jed to help him decide? Lance was still on his business trip so he wouldn’t hinder anything. Oh, for god’s sake, how could he talk about his boyfriend like that? This was the ultimate disrespect. Octavius had never felt so ashamed.

He really needed a good excuse to see Jed again. They’d already been to a bar, a bookstore, got ice cream. They needed something new to do, but what? Despite a short series of discussions, Octavius still didn’t know everything there has to know about the blonde. He seemed like quite a mystery, one that the Italian was bent on solving.

Luckily, by the grace of the gods above, he didn’t have to think of anything.

“Look, all I’m saying is just act like you’re replying to someone and bam, take the picture!”

Ahk had been determined to see Jed’s appearance for himself, not just relying on words. Obviously Octavius wasn’t going to verbally ask for a picture so Ahk came up with the clever, and that was loosely said, plan to get one. The Italian was so not having it.

“Absolutely not,” he disagreed. “That has to be a violation of privacy somehow.”

“So?” Ahk snorted. “I want to see his goods. Please, Octavius? Please, please, please, pleaseeee?”

“No,” Octavius prided himself on being able to resist the Egyptians whining, unlike Larry. “Stop asking.”

“You’re no fun,” Ahk pouted.

Octavius was about to reply when he heard not one, but two dings in his ear. “Hold on, I just got something.” He brought the phone away from his ear. It was two texts, one from Charlie (he didn’t recall saving Charlie’s number, Lance must’ve) stating that the subway got stuck and everyone was waiting to get freed. He knew he shouldn’t be happy but it did give him some more free time so he couldn’t be too sad. The other was an unknown number. Curious, he clicked on it.

_Uh howdy it’s Jed_

Octavius’ heart leaped in his chest. “Jed texted me!” he told Ahk breathlessly. “What should I say?”

“What did he say?” Ahk asked excitedly like a little kid.

“Uh howdy, it’s Jed.”

“Aww, he sounds nervous,” Ahk sighed dreamily. “Just like Larry when we first met.”

“Focus.”

“Yes, yes,” Ahk teased. “Just say hello. I’ll let you go but you have to call me right back. Don’t blow it!” He hung up before Octaves could open his mouth.

Some friend.

Octavius had never felt such butterflies, such nervousness. Even texting Lance for the first time wasn’t such a big deal. This was vastly different. How he approached this could determine everything. Okay, maybe he was egged aerating. Still, it was important. So he typed, and deleted, and retyped. Finally, he sent a _Oh, hello_ , with an exclamation point to show he was happy.

And it went from there.

They messaged each other for a while. Octavius about jumped for joy when Jed asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner, per Amelia, so she could meet him. The Italian didn’t have to see his face to perceive that he was nervous. It was adorable and of course he agreed. Six was around the time Charlie took his evening nap.

They fell in playful banter. Jed didn’t use proper punctuation or grammar so Octavius took great pleasure in teasing him for it. Really, he had trouble warming up to people but with Jed, it took less than half the time.

_That’s because Jed’s special._

Octavius smiled to himself. Jedediah was indeed special. A rare kind of gem that most people would be lucky to have found in their lifetime.

Halfway through the conversation, Octavius excused himself. Ahk would be itching to hear from him again. He hated to leave Jed but if he didn’t, he would be bombarded with texts from Ahk and that wasn’t something he wanted to deal with again.

Trust him, he had experience in it.

“Hello-”

“What took you so long?” Ahk cut him off. “I’ve been waiting for so long.”

The phone, as it turned out, was on speaker phone. Larry was back from the store and was currently lightly scolding Ahk because no, it had only been forty-five minutes.

“I was busy,” Octavius defended. “And you said to talk to Jed so I did.” He added a hello to Larry. The older man greeted him back warmly, exclaiming that it had been too long since they’d last talked and that Nicky missed him.

“Well?” Ahk said impatiently. “What did he say?”

“Patience,” Larry muttered.

“He asked me to come to his place for dinner on Saturday,” Octavius felt like a lovesick teenager. A smile was etched on his face and he never thought it was going to go away.

Ahk let out another scream, he could be heard jumping up and down, yelling out “Yes, yes, yes!” His excitement startled Larry, if the sudden crash and yelp was anything to go by. The Italian was so ecstatic that the unforeseen piercing cry went unnoticed, despite its effect on his eardrums.

“I was surprised as well!” Octavius couldn’t remember ever being this happy. “Actually, he said Amelia was the one who asked but I’m happy all the same.”

On the other end, he could hear shuffling and Larry’s muffled scolding. Ahk dismissed his boyfriend before turning his attention back on Octavius.

“I doubt so much is true. He probably doesn’t want you to think he’s interested or whatever.”

“You think?” Octavius said with a gleam of hope.

“Oh yes. He’s not just going to come out and say it to you. Trust me, you should’ve seen the stupid things Larry said before we got together.”

Larry made to correct Ahk but the Egyptian wasn’t having it. “I never did anything stupid,” Larry protested.

“Please,” Ahk retorted--Octavius could picture the signature sassy look on his face-- “Christmas Eve my junior year of college, the one where you-”

“Okay,” the older man’s voice was an octave higher, “okay. I get your point.”

Octavius, now invested, wanted to hear the story but doubt he would. Maybe if he asked Ahk later...

“Thank you,” Ahk said sweetly. “Now, Octavius, you must say yes. Please tell me you said yes!?”

“I did,” Octavius said, mindlessly fingering the bed sheets. “I do hope Charlie will be distracted somehow. It would be a shame if I had to cancel.”

“Who’s Charlie?” Larry asked but was shushed by Ahk.

“Charlie is Lance’s assistant. He, erm, had him watch over me,” Octavius blushed. Oh Jupiter was this embarrassing.

“Oh,” was all Larry said.

“Anyway,” Ahk interrupted, “don’t worry about Charlie. We have bigger--what do you say, Larry?--fish to fry.” He was silent for a second before adding, “Americans and their idioms. Very strange.”

“And Egyptians aren't?” Larry snorted.

“You weren’t saying that last night,” Ahk said smoothly.

Octavius was beginning to think they’d forgotten about him.

Larry spluttered.

“Sorry to interrupt your flirting,” Octavius said dryly, “but I do believe you were saying something? By all means, continue.”

“I was going to say that we need to figure out what you’re going to wear! You simply cannot go on a date wearing anything.”

“It’s not a date,” Octavius rolled his eyes, ignoring the pang in his stomach. “It’s just dinner with him and Amelia.”

“Just dinner,” Ahk scoffed. “As if.”

Sometimes he wondered if Ahk was a teenage girl in a male body.

“What about that bright red sweater from your mother? Oooh and those black pants. It’ll match it perfectly. What do you think, Larry?”

“Actually,” Octavius said nervously, “I can’t. Erm, Lance made me get rid of my clothes so he could buy me new ones.”

Silence.

“Excuse me?” Ahk said dangerously low. “He made you get rid of your sweaters, the very ones your mother took the time to knit?”

“Yes,” Octavius whispered, shrinking back at his tone.

“Honestly, Octavius! When are you going to stand up for yourself?”

“Babe,” Larry tried to intervene.

“No, Larry. Do shut up. I’m quite tired of Octavius being taken advantage of by that swine.”

“Don’t talk about Lance like that!” Octavius hissed protectively. Lance had been nothing but good to him which didn’t give Ahk or anyone the right to say such atrocious things about him.

“Ahk, apologize.”

“Why should I? Those sweaters were precious to Octavius. He would never have parted with them willingly.”

“Ahk...”

“Larry,” Ahk whined. “Take my side on this. You know I’m right.”

Octavius had about enough and was just about to hang up the phone when his friend began speaking again.

“Alright. I’m sorry,” Ahk said begrudgingly, no doubt only doing so because he was persuaded by Larry. “I just hate how he treats you. You’re my best friend and you deserve better. Much better.”

Octavius softened. “I know you do. But you must trust me when I say that I’m happy with Lance. He is not the bad man you think he is.”

Ahk, wisely, kept his mouth shut.

“I do not know where any of this will go but I do know I don’t want to loose either of them. They mean so dearly to me.”

“I know what you mean,” Larry said reminciently. “Reminds me of when Ahk and I first got together. I was so confused about everything I didn’t know who I liked. Wasn’t all bad, you know; my ex gave me a beautiful son that I love so much even though he blasts his music at midnight.”

Ahk laughed, bad mood forgotten. “Oh yes. Nicky is a true joy. Octavius, you _must_ come over for his next birthday party. Bring Jed along as well.”

“I suppose. When is it?” he didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, though.

“July twenty-second.”

“I’ll think about it,” Octavius said quietly.

“Fabulous! Well, I suppose we should be going. Larry and i-” he paused, giggling, “Larry stop! We-we have to g-go. Go back to your cowboy. Bye Octavius!”

“Bye,” Octavius said, not sure if he was amused or disturbed by what he just heard. It was sweet that his friend had someone special in his life like but did that mean he had to be aware of those _intimate_ details of their love life? Nope, nope. He was disturbed, definitely disturbed.

The phone disconnected, leaving the Italian by himself. He glanced to the right, the sun was long set and in its place was the bright shine of the moon. Octavius thought it would be wise to text Jed before Charlie got him.

**

“I’m so sorry!” Charlie burst through the front door, carrying dozens of bags in his arms. Octavius got up from his place on the couch to help him. “Oh, thank you,” he sighed as they put the bags on the counter. “It was just horrendous. I ran out of toothpaste and floss so I had to buy some more and well I figured you could use some as well--hope you’re okay with mint--and then I saw a sale on bread and milk so I bought some of that as well. Lance called-” Octavius stiffened but the younger man didn’t seem to notice. “He said I should go ahead and do the grocery shopping so I did but the supposed ‘sales’ were old and never taken down. Honestly, three dollars for milk!? After that I picked up the food and didn’t feel like walking home so I hopped on the subway but it broke down halfway home! We had to wait almost an hour to get freed.” Octavius opened the chinese containers. It was all stone cold. “I’m so sorry about that. Look, I got us some cinnamon rolls and coffee.” Charlie opened another bag, taking the bottled coffee and freshly made pastry out.

“Thank you,” Octavius smiled shyly. “I appreciate the thought.”

Charlie shrugged, taking a seat across from the Italian. “So, what did you do? Anything fun?”

If by fun he meant sneaking out to see his friend whom he thought he had no romantic feelings for but realized that he did and got reconnected with an old friend and accepted an invitation for something that he kinda sorta hoped could be a date but probably wouldn't be.

Then yes, he had fun.

“Just watched TV,” Octavius was a horrible liar, always had been so he dropped his head so Charlie couldn’t see his guilt ridden eyes.

“Oh, nice,” Charlie nodded, licking cinnamon off his lip. “You must really miss Lance, huh?”

“Oh,” in all honesty, Lance was becoming less of a perpetual thought. It scared him terribly. “Yes. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to sleeping in a bed by myself.” That part was true. Once they’d gotten together, Octavius thought his days alone were over. There was just something unsettling about tossing and turning in a large bed without someone being there to pull you into their arms or kiss just before sleep took over.

“I’m sure he’ll be home soon,” Charlie tried to be encouraging. At that moment, his phone rang. “Hello?” Whoever was speaking to him, it wasn’t for very long. Charlie held his arm out to hand Octavius the phone. “Lucky you. It’s Lance. He says he needs to speak to you about something important.”

Octavius paled. “Oh, erm, thank you,” he held the phone to his ear, watching Charlie exit the room to give him some privacy. “Hello-”

“What is the meaning of this!” Lance hissed like an angry cat.

“What’s the meaning of what, Lance?” Oh Jupiter! He found out, he knows. He was a dead man for sure.

“I was looking over our cards when I noticed that you spent five dollars at an ice cream parlor earlier today! Did I not specifically tell you to stay home? Why must you continually disobey me? And how did you get past my assistance? I’ll be having a little chat with him...” If Lance did what he said he was going to do, Octavius could kiss Saturday, and any other outing he could look forward to, goodbye.

“No, no!” Octavius aid hurriedly. “I didn’t. I swear. I've been here the whole time. Ask Charlie-I-I mean your assistant! He knows. I wouldn’t disobey you, Lance. I swear on my life.”

Lance clicked his tongue. “Perhaps it was a hacker,” but he didn’t sound fully convinced.

“Perhaps,” Octavius said weakly.

“Did you get rid of the clothes like you were asked to?”

“Yes,” Octavius said quietly. “It’s all gone.”

“Good.”

The Italian swallowed, wishing he could bury himself in Lance’s strong arms. “I miss you. Gods, I can’t wait until you’re home.”

Lance made a noise of disgust. “You are pathetic, honestly.”

Octavius’ heart dropped a bit but that was fine, he was okay. Wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”

“I should hope so,” Lance huffed.

“You haven’t called me since you left,” Octavius wondered whether it was worth it to bring it up or not, “I thought better of calling you so I decided to wait. How’s Hong Kong? Is it pretty? Do you know a lot of Jap-”

“Would you just shut up already?” Lance cut him off heatedly. “I haven’t called because I don’t want to talk to you. I can’t miss you if you don’t leave me alone so please, for the love of god, just stop being so clingy and let me have a moment's peace!” He hung up.

_Don’t you dare cry. You brought this all on yourself. If you just listened to him!_

His mouth felt dry, unlike his cheeks which had a steady flow of tears stream down them. Why, why was he so incompetent? Better yet, how had he been able to maintain his relationship with Lance so far? It was miraculous that the Brit hadn’t dumped him yet.

The Italian sniffled. He felt awful, not in a sickly way. His soul ached. His heart sagging down in a never ending pit of darkness. All these emotions were tearing him apart.

If he hadn’t lied this wouldn’t be happening.

That was all he was, a no good, dirty, rotten liar.

Jed would even be disgusted by his actions, he bet.

He didn’t know if he could take it, seeing the blonde’s face contorted with contempt. He’d just die, or in the very least, wish he was dead.

Octavius was sure Charlie was watching his little breakdown but couldn’t bring himself to care. All he could do was curl up in a ball, as much as he could due to sitting on a stool, and stare off into the distance. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn't too obnoxiously long. I wanted to get over 40,000.  
> Also, I can't give details or I'll spoil it but I need ya'll to pick a song:  
> Flashlight by Jessie J or The Kiss by Karmina

It was nothing huge, just dinner with two of his friends. Just a platonic get together so they could all properly hang out at the same time. Really, he shouldn’t have been so nervous. It was nothing!

So why was his stomach fluttering and bouncing annoyingly like a teenager preparing for their first date?

 _Because that’s exactly what you want it to be_.

It hadn’t even been his idea! Ames practically forced him into it, kinda, sorta. Okay no, it was all him but the point still stands. If she hadn’t recommended it than he wouldn’t be going through this mess.

All day he made a point to spruce things up, make ‘em all tidy and crap. The pillows were fluffed, carpets were vacuumed and he even scrubbed away that black circle on the kitchen tile that he had no idea how it got there but never cared that much to wipe it away either. It was so out of the ordinary for him but maybe this was good. He was nearing thirty, it was time to grow up. ‘Sides, Tavi was probably used to things being spotless, like a toilet you could eat off of. Richy rich people did that, right? Oh well. Better than Tavi finding finding his work clothes draped everywhere or Taffy’s toys laying about; probably wouldn’t be too amused. But this wasn’t for impression; nah. He could care less what anyone said. Must be normal though. This was the kind of thing people did when they was expecting guests. Made sure everythin’ was all perfect. He was just being a good host.

Jed had never been the one for perfection. Okay, wait, that wasn’t entirely true. He _had_ been while dating Jake but that was a whole other ballgame. He’d been a totally different person, unrecognizable from who he was now. It was a complete three-sixty, a turn around, rotation. After that disaster ended, he just stopped caring about things. Course, he still did laundry and did the dishes because that was just gross, but otherwise the state of his apartment would've stayed a shabby mess forever had Amelia not stepped in and helped.

On the stove, sizzling and crackling was the ground beef. Halfway through the afternoon he realized that despite his inward assurance that tonight was going to be perfect, he’d yet to think up a menu that would be both appetizing and pleasing for everybody. Amelia wasn’t picky, just not too keen on mexican. As for Jed himself, he’d eat anything pretty much, ‘cept brussel sprouts. Those were nasty. He recalled that Tavi mentioned that he liked pasta. A pot of spaghetti would be sufficient, something that he could even whip up; even if his cooking skills were less than par. Tavi was worth it, though. He went ahead and bought some sprite for the guy to enjoy, along with that certain kind of pasta sauce that he raved about. Not that he was trying hard to make him happy or anything. Just being a good host.

The meat browned faster than expected but that was okay, he’d just have to leave it off the hot burner until the noodles and sauce was ready. Jed fed Taffy earlier than usual, not that she complained. Actually, she gave him one of those cat looks that could only be described as curiosity. That or she was taking advantage of his weakness for felines which meant she got an extra scope of dry food along with the wet, gross-smelling food she loved so much. He hoped it would effectively prevent her from interrupting the evening but didn’t bet on that. She’d still make an appearance, especially when it came to someone new daring to invade her territory. Funny though, she acted all high and mighty but really she was just a big ball of fluff that melted if you scratched behind her ears just right.

_She’s going to get faaaat. Honestly, Jedediah, you would think you’d have some backbone by now._

Jed growled, slamming the spatula into the pan with more force than necessary. He was aiming to chop, not maim. In the process, chunks of meat went flying out, making a mess that he didn’t feel like cleaning up but would anyway because Tavi wouldn’t be impressed by his dirty stove counter.

But, again, he wasn’t trying to impress _him_.

This was him being a good host.

Hosts did this kinda thing.

The noodles bubbled, softening simultaneously in the hot, boiling water. He’d wait to warm up the sauce in the microwave until the noodles had finished. Seeing that everything was going according to plan, so far, he might as well and relax; try to calm his frazzled nerves.

Oh, who was he kidding?

How could he relax knowing Tavi was coming over any minute now?

His anxiety was through the roof. This was supposed to be a peaceful, chill evening but all it had done was making him feel stressed and worried. This was utterly nerve-wracking and it hadn’t even started yet!

Jed smoothed down his hair for the umpteenth time. It was as neat as hair could be but somehow still felt wrong. He wasn’t sure what people like Tavi thought of wearing hats indoors so he left his signature cowboy hat in his bedroom.

He wrung his hands unconsciously, chewing on his bottom lip. Why was he even worried? As soon as Ames and Tavi got there he’d be fine. Maybe this was pre-hangout nerves. That was a thing, right?

The doorbell rang, alerting Jed that someone was just outside the door. Oh god, oh god. Jed’s stomach throbbed. His heart was beating a mile a minute. Maybe it was Amelia. Hopefully Amelia. He checked through the peephole, breath hitching at the sight of Tavi awkwardly standing there, having no idea he was being watched. Jed backtracked. Okay, he could do this. Time to show Amelia he wasn’t head over heels in love with the guy, because that would just be ridiculous. If only his anxiety could just simmer down that’d be great.

Super.

Fantastic.

He....he really needed to stop talking to himself so much.

Taking a couple deep breaths, Jed opened the door, hoping his grin didn’t look as forced as it really was. “Howdy, Tavi! How ya doin’?”

Tavi smiled shyly, allowing his dimples to show. Unbeknownst to him, Jed practically choked at the sight. _Breathe, Jed. Breathe._  “Hello. I’m doing well, thank you. And yourself?”

_Great now that yer here. But I also feel like Ima throw up.._

Jed shrugged, not losing his smile, acting like he hadn’t been fretting all day for their, _his_ , impending arrival. “Fine. Just been cookin’. Why don’t ya come sit down? Ames’ll be here soon.” He stepped side so Tavi could enter. His friend glanced around, absorbing the new atmosphere like a sponge. A wet sponge. A wet sponge that- Jed blinked, shaking his head. Nope. Nope. Not gonna go there.

“You have a lovely apartment,” Tavi told him, taking a seat at the island after taking off his jacket and resting it behind him around the back of the chair. It was a little high, even Amelia struggled with it sometimes, and watching Tavi’s legs swing back and forth like a child was the cutest thing Jed ever did see.

“Well thank ya!” Jed tried not to burst with pride. Tavi liked it! He actually liked it! The cleaning obviously helped. He really should do it more often. “Ames helped me. Made me waste a whole day goin’ shoppin’.” He made a face.

Tavi chuckled. “If it’s any consolation, you both did an excellent job.”

“Woulda been better if she let me get that cowboy painting,” the blonde pouted, remembering the squabble that occured. It was a looker, if he did say so himself, but Ames wouldn’t hear of it. Insisted he shouldn’t waste his money, ahem, _her_ money on crappy junk like that.

“Is dressing like one not enough?” Tavi teased, eyes sparkling like the brightly shining sun.

Okay, now this was starting to get a little weird.

Jed smirked. “Jealous?”

“Hardly,” Tavi scoffed, eyes filled with mirth. “Do you wear those boots in the summer as well?”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t you get hot?”

Jed shrugged. “Not really. Used to it. Wore ‘em when I was in Texas all the time.”

“I see,” Tavi nodded slowly. He glanced at the clock. “Do you know when Amelia is set to arrive.”

Again, he shrugged. “Dunno. She’ll get here soon. She’s been sayin’ how excited she is to see ya again.”

Tavi smiled genuinely. “As am I for her.”

Nope that certainly didn’t make him weak in the knees. No siree.

“If I may,” Tavi spoke up again, “what’s for dinner?” He sounded...hopeful? Surprised? Something. Jed was rather pleased with himself.

“Spaghetti. You said how much ya liked it and so.....” he trailed off, laughing nervously.

“Oh,” Tavi’s voice was soft like a whisper. Jed had to strain to hear him. “Thank you.”

“No problem, Amigo,” Jed’s cheeks reddened.

Nether said another word. Jed turned his attention back to the food, stirring the noodles and hissing under his breath when a drop of water splashed against his arm. This, this right here was why he didn’t cook. Too complicated.

Tavi suddenly yelped, drawing Jed back into reality. He rounded the corner to find none other than Taffy, sitting in what she deemed a threatening stance, which soon was replaced with a sheepish, dear-in-the-headlight look he knew all too well.

“Bad girl,” he scolded, thumping her on the head with his finger. “You know better!” Taffy hissed in response, prancing away. He shook his head. It was like dealing with a child. A disobedient, mischievous child. “You okay there, partner?” he asked Tavi who was inspecting his wound. Nothing major. Just a few bite marks on his leg which were, thankfully, not bleeding.

“I’m alright, thank you,” Tavi winced, putting on a brave face. “It just hurts a little.”

“Do ya want some ice?” Jed could’ve killed the brat, not that he actually would. He loved her too much. “I’m so sorry. She’s a little nervous around strangers. I probably shoulda warned ya,” he rambled. Great, now it was all ruined in a matter of minutes thanks to Taffy.

“No, no,” Tavi declined. “That won’t be necessary and please do not apologize. I understand. Cats are very moody creatures,” he smiled wryly.

“Yer tellin’ me,” Jed grumbled. “Taffy bit me on the nose first time I met her.”

Tavi giggled, _giggled_. “What made you name her Taffy?”

At this, Jed rolled his eyes up toward the heavens. “It was Amelia’s fault. I lost a bet so she got to name ‘er.”

“What was the bet?” Tavi was curious. “If you do not mind me asking,” he added in quickly.

“Nah, course not,” as if he’d mind anything Tavi did. “Ames challenged me to a karaoke battle,” he flushed.”

The amusement was back on Tavi’s facial features. “That sounds like fun,” he commented. “Perhaps I will suggest we do the same tonight.”

Jed’s eyes widened. “Ya wouldn’t dare.”

That was definitely an impish grin on Tavi’s face, and was it wrong to say that it was completely attractive? “Oh, but I would,” he said calmly. “I’d like to hear you sing.”

Jed loomed over him, feigning seriousness. “Ya better not or else.” It was supposed to be funny. He never could really keep a straight face. Tavi was supposed to laugh and Jed would prove to him _why_ he and singing didn’t get along.

But.

He didn’t.

Tavi covered his face, body trembling. Jed’s playful stance dropped. What did he do wrong? Poor Tavi was lookin’ like he saw a ghost. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated like he’s done it thousands of times. “I promise I won’t say a word. I promise.”

Jed had absolutely no idea what to do. The other day at the bookstore was just luck; he didn’t know if his story would help and couldn’t think of one at the moment that would be of any assistance.

“Err, it’s okay,” he said awkwardly. He had a strange urge to pull the scared little man into his arms. “I ain’t mad. I was just kiddin’.”

Tavi pulled his face away from his arms, uncertain. “You’re not?”

“No,” Jed said with relief. “Promise.” As childish as it probably was, he held out his pinky. Tavi stared before he, too, held out his own and they locked fingers. “Pinky swear that I ain’t mad.”

Tavi eyed him suspiciously, as if waiting for him to yell “April fools!” but he didn’t. You didn’t back out on a pinky promise, that was just unheard of.

“So after you lost she decided to name her Taffy?” Jed sighed in relief at the change of subject and nodded.

“Yeah. Actually it’s Laffy-Taffy but I ain’t callin’ her that.”

“That’s positively adorable,” the smile was back on Tavi’s face.

Jed felt proud at having reversed and fixed the situation, all before Amelia showed up. How would he have explained that he made his friend nearly cry? Not well.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang again. Jed prayed that she would be on her best behavior but didn’t count on it. “Hey Ames,” he greeted, “come on-” but Amelia invited herself in without his allowance, “in.”

She sat a couple plastic bags on the counter, one clearly held two tubs of ice cream while the other he wasn’t sure. “Jumpin’ jellybeans! Well if it isn’t the mysterious Tavi I keep hearing about!” she exclaimed, slapping a hand down on her knee. Tavi, being the gentleman he was, held out his hand but Amelia ignored it, opting to pull him into a hug. Tavi let out a slight squeak, quickly composing himself afterwards. She held him at arms length, as if examining him. “You’re looking mighty nice today!”

Tavi’s attire was much more stylish and done up with his khakis and button up than Jed and Amelia’s jeans and casual shirts. That didn’t go to say he didn’t look good though. Because he did. Real good.

“And you must be Amelia,” Tavi smiled. “It’s wonderful to meet you properly. Jed talks highly of you.”

Jed barely suppressed a snort as he shoved the ice cream containers into the freezer.

“Hmm, good to know. You know Jed talks about you an awful lot,” she winked.

“I do not!” he interjected, embarrassed.

“Then why were you texting me all day yesterday asking me what to do for tonight so it could be perfect?” she used air quotes around the word perfect.

Could someone die from embarrassment? Was it actually possible? Because if so then that’s exactly what would happen to him. His face felt like it had been shoved into an oven. Tavi peered at him curiously and Amelia was also looking in his direction, very smug.

“I-I can explain,” he said weakly.

“Oh please do.” She was unfazed by the dirty look she received. “I’m sure we’re all dying to hear it.”

Oh, someone was gonna be dying tonight alright.

“Well,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “you see...”

“Jed,” Amelia interrupted and for once he was grateful. “Food-noodles, look!” He was horrified to see that the darn noodles had overflowed, causing both them and the water to flood the floor. The burner hissed from coming in contact with the liquid.

“Crap, crap,” he muttered, carefully stepping in the mess as to not trip. That wouldn’t be good. He pushed the big tower of a pan off the burner and onto the back one where it wouldn’t be hot anymore. He groaned. He could they have spaghetti with half the noodles scattered on the floor?

“Guess we ain’t having dinner,” he face-palmed. How could he have screwed this up? It was boiled water. He wasn’t that stupid, or so he thought.

“Why doesn’t Tavi help you fix it?” Amelia suggested. “Aren’t all Italians good at cooking?”

Jed frowned. “Isn’t that some kinda stereotype?” More importantly, he knew exactly what she was doing. She wasn’t that sly in thinking that cooking could bring than together; with him watching as Tavi restored his mess. Those eyes concentrated, his hands busy, licking his lips absentmindedly....

He barely registered Tavi’s weak protest.

“Oh come on, I’m sure you’re fantastic,” she gave him what she thought was an encouraging smile. “Trust me, Jed needs all the help he can get,” she said in a not-so-quiet whisper.

“Funny,” Jed said sarcastically.

Tavi looked like he was still indecisive. “Would _you_ like help?” he asked.

Jed felt like he was put on the spot. “Errr, yeah. Sure.”

Tavi nodded, standing up and carefully coming over beside him. Due to the wet mess, they had to stand _very_ close. Jed’s heart about stopped as the fragrance of Tavi’s cologne filled his nostrils.

“Why don’t I clean the floor while you salvage the noodles?” Tavi suggested softly. Honestly, Jed would have been fine with the floor but okay, whatever. He showed Tavi where the towels were and the two got to work while Amelia made herself comfortable in the living room.

“How’s it goin’ down there?” Jed inquired after a couple minutes on non-stop work.

“Good,” Tavi answered. “There doesn’t seem to be too many noodles so I think we’ll be fine.” He stood up. Jed noticed that he seemed taken with something. What was he-oh. Now he knew.

“Tavi?”

“Is that-?” Tavi seemed a little dumbfounded as he held the sauce bottle in his hands. “How did you know?”

“You mentioned it the other day,” Jed shrugged. “Just thought ya’d like it. Got ya some sprite too.”

Tavi’s eyes filled with tears. It warmed Jed’s heart and also made him feel guilty for making his friend cry. “This is so thoughtful,” Tavi breathed. “You are an amazing friend, Jed.”

“What’d Jed do?” Amelia walzed over like the nosy friend she was.

“He got my favorite pasta sauce and bought me some sprite,” Tavi replied, beaming. “I told him I liked pasta the other day when we hung out.”

“Well,” Jed said modestly, “just tryin’ to be a good friend, ya know?”

Amelia smirked knowingly. “You never did anything like this for me.”

“I like Tavi better,” he said nonchalantly, sneaking his friend a mischievous grin. “He’s polite.”

“I’m polite,” she protested.

He snorted.

“I think the noodles are finished now,” Tavi cut in to their banter. They looked at him to which he lowered his gaze, as if ashamed. “Sorry.”

‘What’s he sorry for?’ Amelia mouthed to Jed. The blonde shrugged.

“I’ll let you boys finish,” Amelia left, giving them much needed silence. They worked together like a team. Tavi handled the noodles, draining them and adding in meat. He asked if Jed had any spices he could use but unfortunately he did not so he settled for cheese instead. Too bad, Jed would’ve liked to watch him do his thing. After the sauce was warmed up, it was all dumped together, creating an aroma that made Jed’s stomach growl hungrily.

The three of them sat at the island, chatting and eating the delicious creation. Jed couldn’t keep his gaze off the other man, specifically his lips. He was just...was drawn to him. “I have to say,” Amelia swallowed a bite, “this is fantastic. Thank God Tavi was here to fix it,” she said teasingly.

Said man blushed. “I hardly did a thing.”

“Oh hush,” she said dismissively. “You fixed it and you know it.”

Even with that beautiful blush, Tavi glowed at the praise.

“So,” she continued, “tell me a little about yourself. Jed, here, didn’t spare many details,” she waved her fork in his direction.

“Well, I’m originally from Rome as you seemed to have already guessed. I’m an only child. I originally wanted to become a writer but didn’t. I love to read, especially books by Daniel Hawkins,” at this point, Tavi was becoming excited. Visibly excited. Jed loved to see him all happy.

“Doesn’t he write romance?” Amelia wondered.

Tavi nodded sheepishly. “I, erm, love romance.”

Amelia awed. “Jed, isn’t that cute? Why can’t you be like that? Can’t even get a boner out of you anymore.”

“Ames!” Jed whined. She didn’t look one bit sorry. Tavi didn’t know what to think.

“Oh stop acting like I embarrassed you. You’re a guy, it's natural.”

But it wasn’t natral to be talking about _private_ matters in front of a guest, especially when that guest happened to be Tavi. The very person that could give a dead person a boner. Was that weird? He wondered. No, no, back to his point.

He let his face drop onto the table, only, he seemed to have forgotten about his plate of spaghetti and got a faceful of food. Some of the sauce even went up into his nose.

Amelia burst into laughter. Tavi immediately handed him a napkin to wipe his face off with. He, Jed noted happily, didn’t laugh. Better than Amelia. Hemp.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” she giggled. “Oh my _god_!”

He was dead. Time to get a tombstone that said “Here lies Jedediah Smith. Died from complete and utter embarrassment.”

“It’s, uh, good sauce,” he said, a lame attempt to redeem himself.

Tavi took a hearty drink of his sprite. “It is indeed,” he agreed. Well, at least one of them could act decently in the midst of this. “Oh, Jed, you’ll never believe it! They’re coming out with a new documentary. It’s based on Einstein's theory of relativity. I cannot wait. Would either of you be interested in watching it with me?” he asked hopefully. “I’d understand if you didn’t. Not everyone is fascinated like I am.”

“I’ll have to pass,” Amelia said apologetically. “I barely passed science in college let alone understood it.”

“I’ll watch it with you.”

Two heads turned to glance at him, one in astonishment and the other in gratitude.

“You will?” Amelia was in disbelief.

“Sure,” Jed hated the thought of Tavi watching it alone. He didn’t any remote interest in it but if it would make Tavi happy..

“Thank you, Jed,” Tavi beamed once again and the throbbing in his stomach returned. “W-would it be alright if we watched it here?”

“Course we can,” Jed said automatically. Watching it at his place would give them privacy from any distractions, like Tavi's boyfriend he didn’t want to meet. He didn’t even know the guy and already had a huge disliking for him.

Tavi thanked him _again_ , muttering about offering to bring snacks. Jed broke in to say that he’d provide the snacks. All the while they discussed their impending movie night, Amelia observed them, lips quirked into a smirk.

“Either of you boys want ice cream?” she asked but neither responded, too busy engrossed in the conversation. She snapped her fingers. “Boys!”

“Huh?” they turned to her and Jed didn’t miss the way Tavi ever so slightly flinched. Boy, was he jumpy.

“I asked if you wanted ice cream,” she said exasperatedly.

“Sure, I could go for some,” Jed pushed his plate away. “What ya got, Ames?”

“Cotton candy, mint and chocolate,” she said. “Jed said you liked chocolate best so that’s what I got for you. Seems we’re spoiling you tonight.”

Did she have to look so sly about it? He scowled.

An odd bunch of emotions crossed Tavi’s face and again he looked close to tears. “I-I don’t know how to thank you both. This is incredibly kind.”

“Don’t mention it,” Amelia patted his shoulder to which he tensed up. That guy really hated to be touched, Jed frowned. He wasn’t personally big on touching either but that was because of Jake. An unsettling feeling pooled in his stomach. Could...? Nah. What were the odds of him finding someone like that? Jed was sure Tavi’s boyfriend was nice and very loving. Who could mistreat anyone, let alone someone like Tavi? Yet, the bookstore incident rang in Jed’s mind. Even if Tavi’s boyfriend’s work policy was that strict, that didn’t explain why he freaked out so much. It left the blonde feeling uneasy but he pushed those thoughts a ways away. He was just being paranoid.

“Jed!” Amelia’s voice cut through his daydream. “Jedediah Wesley Smith, are you even listening to me?” Her hands were on her hips, a perfect imitation of his mother.

He grinned sheepishly.

She groaned. “I asked how many scoops you wanted?”

“As many as it’ll take to fill it up!” So he wasn’t the healthiest, pfft, big deal. He was going to enjoy himself. Amelia and Tavi had far more moderate amount, with Tavi’s being the least. He had a measly two scoops and that was only because Amelia insisted that no one could just have one single scoop of ice cream. They decorated their ice cream like little kids. Jed poured chocolate fudge on top, sprinkled four different kinds of sprinkles and a ton of whipped cream. Amelia made use of the whipped cream and cherries while Tavi sparingly used the fudge and whipped cream.

“So, boys, what should we do?” Amelia asked.

Tavi opened his mouth but quickly shut it.

“Were you going to say something?” Amelia frowned. He nodded tentatively. “Well then, by all means, say it.”

“Err, no, no. It’s silly,” he glanced in Jed’s direction.

“What? No, go on,” Amelia protested.

“Alright,” again, another glance. “What made you name Jed’s cat Laffy-Taffy?”

If Amelia was surprised, she didn’t show it. “I knew it’d embarrass him,” she grinned proudly. “You should see how he talks to her, baby talk and all.”

Jed’s face heated up, god he seemed to be doing that a lot these days. “I do not-”

“Oh, yes you do,” she snickered. “It’s hilarious, actually. He acts all tough and bad but put a cat in front of him and he’s cooing like a mother to her baby.”

Now was one of those times Jed wished he’d of said screw it when debating on whether to wear his hat inside or not. Now would be a really good time for him to use it to cover his face. Was it her goal to embarrass him constantly or did it just come naturally?

Tavi was listening attentively, looking as though he was genuinely interested. Why couldn’t Taffy be more sociable? He bet Tavi would love to have the brat in his arms to cuddle with.

 _He’d probably like it if it were you more_.

Well, that certainly wouldn’t work. He was bigger than Tavi so he’d have to be the one holding him-wait just a gosh darn minute, why was he thinking about that in the first place!?

He swallowed thickly. Tavi was different than any man he’d ever known. There was so many things he wanted to know about the other man yet was afraid to ask. Like how he kept his hands so soft. He’d felt a spark the other day at the bookstore, something stirred up inside of him that had never happened before. Jed wanted more of it, he craved it.

Why him? _Why?_

Jed had fallen for Jake fast and hard. It was like one of those fairytales; everything just seemed to right and fell into place before it all went horribly wrong.

But Tavi, that didn’t happen. He just sort of fell into Jed’s life randomly and the universe, fate, whatever, wouldn’t let him leave. No matter how much Jed wanted to be rid of him. He thought maybe if he befriended the guy things would be normal again. But the thoughts that swirled around in his head were definitely not in any way friendly.

“...And that’s why I want to be a pilot,” Amelia finished. “Gotta show those wimps a woman is just as capable!”

Oh, it was ‘that’ conversation again, Jed inwardly rolled his eyes, having heard it more times than he cared to.  

“You’ll do amazing,” Tavi complimented. “I have no doubt. Don’t you, Jed?”

“Oh, yeah,” Jed nodded in agreement.

Amelia snorted. “He wasn’t listening,” she told Tavi. “He never listens when I talk about my _dream_.”

“Don’t you have an apartment to get back to?” Jed grumbled.

“It’s only been an hour, give me a break. Besides, I like talking to Tavi. He’s much more nicer than you.”

Said man chuckled under his breath.

Jed suddenly slapped his forehead. “I knew I was forgettin’ somethin’. Forgot I challenged ya to the battle of the smarts.”

Amelia furrowed her brows whilist Tavi’s face contorted with recognition. “Ah, yes. I had forgotten about that as well.”

“Battle of the smarts?” Amelia repeated, still lost.

“Tavi, here, thinks he’s a little ol’ genius so Ima take him down a notch,” Jed’s eyes gleamed. “Get ready, boy. Whoever loses has to buy the winner whatever they want.”

Tavi’s earlier hesitance melted away and a smirk came onto his features. “You’re on, _cowboy_.”

Amelia raised her eyebrows at their behavior. Jed supposed they _did_ sound a bit like they were flirting. “So what should I do? Look up random facts for you guys?”

“If you don’t mind,” Tavi said politely.

She nodded, eyeing Jed sideways. “You’re getting creamed, Jedi.”

“Will not,” Jed said childishly. “I passed history.”

“With a C.”

He scowled, you bring it up one time and it won’t be forgotten.

“Anyway,” she shook her head, typing away on the keypad. She used her thumb to scroll. “Okay, so name five diseases George Washington suffered from.”

Jed stared.

“That’s easy. Malaria, carbuncle, dysentery, smallpox and diphtheria,” Tavi said simply like it was common knowledge.

“That ain’t fair!” Jed was indignant. “We wasn’t taught that!”

“Sucks to be you,” Amelia was unsympathetic. “When was Rome founded?”

“753 BC,” Tavi said before Jed could even open his mouth.

“Cheater,” the blonde said grumpily.

“What was America’s deadliest war?”

“War of 1812!” Jed burst out.

“No,” Amelia said flatly.

“Civil War,” Tavi corrected him.

“Right.”

“Dang nabbit!” Jed exclaimed.

It went on for roughly thirty minutes. Tavi racked up the points like crazy while Jed scrambled to get one. _One_. And that was only because Amelia felt sorry for him. Jed couldn’t really complain, though. Tavi was having a good time so it was worth the small wound to his pride.

“Alright, last one,” Amelia said. “Ancient Egyptians worshipped more than 1,000 different gods and goddesses but what was the most important one?”

Tavi’s grin was like the cat finally getting the canary and Jed knew he was done for it. “Ra, the sun god.”

Amelia clapped her hands together. “Tavi wins. Nice job!” she held her hand for a high five and he did so, after a moment of hesitation. “How’s it feel to lose, Jedi?”

“Shut up,” he glared. Secretly, he was impressed. Tavi wasn’t lying when he said he could answer them questions without fail. “Alright, boy,” he addressed his friend, “what would ya like?”

“I’ll have to think about it,” Tavi said with a friendly smile. “Perhaps next time you won’t underestimate my skills.”

Jed smirked. “Sure, boy. Sure.”

Amelia stretched her arms. “Well, boys. I dunno about you but I’m going home. I have to work in the morning.” She gave Jed a hug and a kiss on the cheek then went over to hug Tavi. “Bye Jedi. Bye Tavi, it was nice meeting you! Hope to see you again.”

“Goodbye Amelia,” Tavi called as she closed the door. Jed, though he didn’t want to admit it, was thrilled at the prospect of having some alone time with him. “She was very nice.”

“Yeah,” Jed agreed but he didn’t want to be talking about Amelia anymore. “Yeah she is.”

Tavi licked his lips. Jed struggled to think of something to say. “Perhaps I should be going as well. Thank you for having me. I had a wonderful time.” He made a grab for his jacket.

“Wait! Don’t go!” Jed blurted out, halting Tavi’s steps.

The other man froze. “You want me to stay?”

The air suddenly became a lot hotter. “Yeah,” Jed said, sounding unsure. “If you want to.”

Tavi checked the clock, rechecked and turned his gaze back onto Jed. The blonde was beginning to regret stopping him. “I suppose I have some time,” he said cautiously.

Jed’s smile was wide. “Yee-haw!”

“You’re really all cowboy, aren’t you?” Tavi remarked good naturedly.

“Indeed,” Jed said, using one of Tavi’s sophisticated sounding words. The other man blinked and laughed.

“That was so strange coming from you.”

Jed had to agree, silently vowing to never use it again. “So...”

“Sooo,” Tavi echoed.

“Want to watch a movie?”

“What do you have?”

“Uhhh,” Jed slipped into the living room rummaging through his limited collection of DVD’s. He found one that Amelia had left after visiting once and never asked for it back. “Aladdin. Dunno if you’ve seen that or not.”

“I love that movie,” a small smile graced Tavi’s face.

Suddenly, Jed did too.

“Great, uh, I’ll put it in,” he clumsily put it in the DVD player, giddily motioning for Tavi to join him on the couch, with a respectable distance between them of course.  

“You still hungry?” Jed spoke up after a second of silence. “Could whip us up somethin’.”

“No, thank you,” Tavi declined. “I’m quite full still.”

Jed shrugged and went to grab a beer, flipping the lights out as he passed. When he returned, the movie had started and Tavi was watching the screen intently. Fifteen minutes in, Jed was restless. Tavi hadn’t said a word since it started and he was fighting that urge again. He hated physical affection--they both did. So why was he feeling like he wanted to cuddle him? This was so dumb. Dumb movie. He blamed it. Movies always brought out the unexpected in people. Jed stifled a yawn. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before due to his non stop tossing and turning and this movie was making it worse. Jed stretched his feet out on the coffee table, subtly urging Tavi to do the same. He couldn’t possibly be comfortable all scrunched up like that. Tavi did so, skeptically and as if Jed was setting a trap for him. That guy was a complete weirdo in all the right ways.

Now, later on when the song ‘A Whole New World’ came on, Jed could hear Tavi humming along and gosh darn was he good. Gooder than anything Jed had ever heard and he wondered what Tavi would sound like if he actually sung.

“You like this song?” Jed had to ask.

“Indeed,” Tavi’s tone was of confusion until his eyes widened and Jed could’ve sworn he saw a blush forming. “I was humming, wasn’t I?”

“Yessire.”

“Sorry.” Jed didn’t know what to think. What on earth did Tavi have to be sorry for? “I’ll try to be quieter.”

“Ain’t gotta be sorry,” Jed reassured. “I didn’t mind. I-I liked it.”

“O-Oh,” Tavi was stunned.

“Yeah...”

They scooted closer, not enough to be in cuddling distance but not quite so far away either. Jed wasn’t ashamed to admit it but he kept his eyes on Tavi more than the movie, so much, in fact, that he didn’t notice Taffy came out of hiding and jumped in his lap, resulting a rather girly shriek from him. Taffy didn’t budge, just sunk her claws in his flesh. Tavi turned his attention on him, having been surprised at his outburst.

“Are you alright, Jed?”

“Y-yeah,” he said as he tried to get his breathing and heart rate under control. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Did she scare you?” Tavi asked gently, not in a mocking way like he’d of expected.

Jed could only nod, between having a horrible freight and being humiliated he wished the night would end.

“It’s okay,” Tavi’s voice was soothing. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it, right Taffy?” he cooed. Taffy stared at him, slowly crawling over to sniff his arm and then everywhere else.

“Guess she likes you now,” Jed said, happy that she was complying.

Taffy obviously got her moodiness for she settled herself in Tavi’s lap, snuggling into a comfortable position. She purred when he rubbed her back softly. Jed had never been so jealous of a cat before. A freaking cat!

“Do you watch much Disney movies?” Tavi asked, fingers still stroking Taffy’s fur.

The movie, Jed reckoned, was briefly forgotten. “Nah. Haven’ had the chance too.” That wasn’t a lie. He was usually working or hanging out with Amelia or, as of recently, Tavi, which left little time to unwind with TV. That and he wasn’t really a Disney person. “Ames left this here and hasn’t gone asking for it back.”

“I see,” Tavi said. “I was going to say we should watch the Lion King. I haven’t watched it since I was a child.”

“Thought you liked all that educational crap?”

“I do,” Tavi ignored his quip, “but I can also appreciate the simplicity of Disney.”

“I’ll see if Ames has it,” Jed grinned.

They didn’t finish the movie, Tavi had to leave. But while they watched it, Jed felt...content. He and Tavi had scooted a little more closer, Taffy laid on Tavi’s lap for quite some time (and irritatedly hissed when he had to pry her off of him). In a way, they looked like a couple having a movie night. Anyone would’ve mistaken them for one. Heck, Jed wouldn’t have minded if they did.

As he laid in bed, he smiled softly, even with Taffy sleeping in between his legs. Despite the rocky start, he was glad they’d agreed to this, even more so that Amelia had suggested this. Because in the end, he realized something.

Lately, no matter, things always got brought back to Tavi. The man was like a scab; ya keep pullin’ but it keeps coming back much, much harder.

Tavi was certainly good looking too and his personality was something to be reckoned with. They were completely opposite on some things and identical on others. In short, Tavi was perfect. Perfect in every single kinda way. No wonder he had a boyfriend. Anyone woulda been stupid not to fall for his charm.

He recalled the way Tavi smiled, the way his knees acted like they were ready to give out on him, the way he wished Tavi could act like him as he did with Taffy.

“I’m in love with Tavi,” he whispered in the darkness.

And that scared him to death.  **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll enjoyed it!  
> Have a great Thanksgiving tomorrow!!! I'll get the next update out next week!


	19. Chapter 19

“He hasn’t contacted me in three days,” Octavius fretted, pacing back and forth in his and Lance’s bedroom. It was amazing the floor hadn’t sunk in yet. “Do you think I did something wrong? I thought everything was going smoothly.” 

On the other end, Ahk could be heard humming. “Perhaps he’s unsure of what to do next. From what it sounds like, you two practically had a date. Give him time, he’ll come around.” Octavius pondered the idea. It was plausible and not far fetched at all. The whole set up could have very well been considered a date. His gut burned with guilt that what should’ve made him recoil (because, hello, boyfriend!), didn’t. “Or you scared him off and he wants nothing to do with you.” 

This didn’t help the Italian’s anxiety at all. “You think I scared him off?” 

Ahk sighed. “I was only joking. For the most part,” he added under his breath. “Really, Octavius, I think you’re overreacting a bit. You didn’t exactly made an attempt to reach out to him, either.” 

Okay so he  _ had _ been avoiding Jed a bit after their get together with Amelia but it was for a good reason! It wasn’t to say he didn’t have a marvelous time with his friend, lover, whatever Jed could be considered right now, because he certainly did. It was just...just so confusing. On one hand, he wanted to explore this new experience as much as possible. Jed was a rare breed that he couldn’t get enough of. But his logical side alway interfered, telling him how very  _ wrong _ this was and that these feelings he thinks he’s been having weren’t real, just a manifestation of his real feelings for Lance. 

Jed probably hated him now anyway. The lack of communication had been sudden. Saturday night they’d promised each other they’d see each other soon, doing what they didn’t know. Amelia might even tag along as long as she wasn’t working and it wasn’t too early. After that, though, nothing. No text or call and Octavius hadn’t ventered out of the penthouse so there was no chance of running into the blonde. 

“I know,” Octavius mumbled, ashamed. “I was scared.” Oh Jupiter did he feel like a wimp. He was nearly thirty years old and still acted like a scared little rabbit. No way could Jed be interested in a man like him. 

“Of what?” Ahk was curious. 

“I don’t know-I-I guess just being rejected.” 

Ahk spluttered. “You were going to ask him out!?” 

“What? No!” Octavius would have never had to the courage to do so. “I want to be his friend and I guess we are but what if he decides he doesn’t want me anymore? He’s the only one that understands me, Ahk. Oh shush, you know what I mean,” he rolled his eyes when Ahk started get huffy. 

“ _ Well _ , I see where I stand,” Ahk sniffed haughtily. 

“You know what I mean,” Octavius repeated. 

“Yes, yes, I do. You love Jed more than me. I get it,” Ahk pretended to get teary. Honestly he should’ve been in theater. He had the dramatics down pat. “I’m less important but that’s okay.” 

“Stop messing around,” Octavius groaned. “Please. I really need help, I have to fix this.” 

“As you wish,” Ahk said cryptically. “Listen, it’s rather simple. Just text him, let him know you were busy or something and voila, fixed.” 

“But I wasn’t busy,” Octavius countered. “That would be lying.” 

“So?” Ahk retorted. “He doesn’t know that. I’m not saying you have to come up with something elaborate-just a little white lie this once. Honestly, couples do it all the time. How do you think husbands get out of certain death when their wives ask them if they look fat? Precise and simple. Keep it short and sweet and he won’t suspect a thing.” 

Still, Octavius didn’t like the idea of lying to anybody, let alone Jed. He’d been lied to enough to understand the hurt and betrayal one felt and he wasn’t going to put anyone through it.  _ Isn’t that being a little hypocritical? Didn’t you lie to Lance last week?  _ Octavius resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall. 

“No,” he said firmly. “I’m not lying. I’ll tell him the truth. I can’t do that to him.” 

“Alright,” Ahk had a peculiar tone, one that the Italian couldn’t decipher but shrugged it off. “So, how’s living with Cormac?” 

“Charlie,” Octavius corrected. “And it’s fine. He’s actually not bad. I enjoy having him here.” He didn’t mention how deeply surprised, and excited, he was when Charlie would give him chances to make his own choices. Ahk would surely blow a gasket, not that it was really a big deal. Lance just kept him on a tighter leash, which was to be expected in a relationship. It was nice to be let off every once and awhile. 

“Whatever,” Ahk didn’t care. “And hmm, that’s interesting.” 

How in the name of Jupiter was that interesting? 

“I suppose babysitters can be fun, even if they were not meant to be.” 

Octavius remained quiet. Ahk was still temperamental about him being left in the care of someone else. It wasn’t as bad as he was making it out to be. But there was no telling Ahk that. 

“Do you know when Sir-Dumb-a Lot is set to come back?” 

Octavius ignored his insult toward his boyfriend and answered, “He was supposed to come back in a week but called this morning and said his stay got extended for another week.” 

“He’s probably cheating,” Ahk said nonchalantly. 

“Ahk!” Octavius was incredulous that he even thought such a thing was possible. Lance may get irritated with him many, many times but that didn’t mean he’d stoop so low as to cheat on him. 

Not like Octavius. 

“What?” Ahk said defensively. “He probably is. His stay got extended?  _ Please _ . Don’t believe that crap.” 

Octavius loved his best friend dearly. He was his second family but there were times, such as this one, that the Italian wished he could just  _ shut up.  _

“Never mind that,” Octavius said. “More importantly, I’m worried Charlie is beginning to get suspicious.” 

“Why do you say that?” 

“You know I’ve never been terrific at lying and I don’t know, I can just tell. It’s like he’s xraying me with his eyes.” 

“I think you’ve been reading too much again,” Ahk commented off handedly. “Relax. Wouldn’t he have called his master by now if it were true?” 

“I suppose,” Octavius said slowly. 

“Then you’re fine.” 

“Perhaps so but that still doesn’t solve my problem with Jed,” Octavius was desperate. He’d run through every possible negative outcome imaginable but still couldn’t find a solid reason for Jed ghosting him. Was he angry at having lost their challenge? Was petting Taffy overstepping a boundary? Maybe this was a sign; a sign from the gods above. Maybe he just wasn’t meant to be near Jed, maybe he just wasn't meant to have a friend at all. 

Ahk sighed. “Octavius, I don’t know what to tell you other than text him and find out what’s wrong. I hate to be this way but you’ve been worrying for an hour. Do something about it.” 

Octavius felt a bit foolish. Ahk was right-he should do something about it instead of whining. But what could that something be? Jed wasn’t the type of man that needed something elaborate. He was a simple man but instead of making things easier, it made it a whole lot harder. 

“You’re right,” Octavis admitted, “you’re completely right.” 

“Of course I am,” Ahk said confidently. “I’m sure Mr. Shaggable would agree as well. He’s quite smitten with you, ‘Tavius.” 

“You don’t even know him,” Octavius argued. “How can you say that?” 

“Easy,” Ahk said. “From what you’ve described to me I’d say he’s head over heels for you, as you are for him. And before you say it, yes, yes, I know you love Lance too but I try to forget that part.” 

Octavius snorted, unable to stop himself. 

“So, tell me more about your cowboy. I’m just dying for details.” 

“Haven’t I told you everything?” 

“I shall think not! What happened during your romantic escapade?” 

“I already told you.” 

“The bare minimum! Did he sweep you off your feet? Pull you into his strong arms? Drop a feather-like kiss on your lips? Stroke your-” 

“Ahk!” Octavius barely held back a shriek. A manly shriek, mind you. 

“-Hair?” Ahk finished slyly. 

“Ugh,” Octavius could’ve had a better conversation with a hamster. “You’re impossible.” 

“Yes, yes. I know.....so did he?” 

“No! It was nothing like that!” 

Ahk made a whining noise. “You’d tell me if anything happen, right? I need to know; I have a  _ right _ to know!” 

“You have the right to remain silent,” Octavius muttered. 

Ahk harrumphed. “Did  _ anything _ interesting happen?” 

“Yes,” Octavius said cryptically. 

“Well?” Ahk was probably flailing his arms about as they spoke, for he often talked with his body more than words. “Spill!” 

“He was staring at me during the movie. I don’t think he knew that I knew what he was doing but I did.” 

“How romantic,” Ahk cooed. 

“Then Taffy interrupted us.” 

“That’s his cat, correct?” 

“Yeah,” Octavius nodded before remembering his friend couldn’t see him. “Yeah that’s his cat. The one Amelia named, remember?” 

“Ah yes, after the karaoke challenge. It just makes me all the more curious to hear him sing. You’ll have to record it if he ever does.” 

“Maybe,” Octavius doubted the blonde would. “Anyway, Taffy jumped in his lap and scared him,” he paused at the sound of the Egyptians laughter, “quiet, will you? It’s not funny. Jed was really freaked out.” Having almost leaped off the couch himself, Octavius sympathized with him. Poor Jed. He was probably embarrassed. 

“I’m sorry,” Ahk chuckled, “but you’ve got to admit it  _ is _ funny.” 

Octavius scowled. 

“Oh lighten up, ‘Tavius. I know you’re scowling.” 

Creepy. 

“Poor Jed and Octavius. Their romantic evening was interrupted by the feline. Oh whatever shall you both do now?” Ahk must be enjoying himself. “I know you, Octavius. Knowing you, you  would’ve made it romantic somehow.” 

“That’s not true,” the Italian said weakly. 

“Octavius,” Ahk said in a warning tone. 

“Okay, okay,” he obviously wasn’t going to get out of this one. “I wished he did...” 

“Did what?” 

“Made it romantic,” he whispered incase Charlie was listening in. If that was the case, he’d be dead. 

“Ah,” Ahk understood. 

“I just...I dunno.” 

“No, what? What were you going to say?” Ahk could rivel a teenage girl hungrily looking for the newest piece of gossip. 

Octavius took a deep breath. “I wish he would’ve...held me or something. Lance and I haven’t cuddled in such a long time and when Jed put on the movie I guess I just...I guess I just hoped that was his way of telling me he felt the same way.” 

He felt incredibly stupid. Of course that wasn’t true, of course his hopes were dashed. Not much of anything had gone right in his life. Why start now? As much as he longed to be wrapped up in Jed’s embrace, as much as he dearly wanted his fantasy to become reality, it was going to have to be pushed aside. 

He was willing, more than willing, to change for this man, this new man that brought a shining light into his less then enchanting life. 

He desired to be touched, though at the same time was repulsed at the very thought. He yearned for closeness, cringing at its feel. It was all so complicated. Octavius wouldn’t have minded if Jed had pulled him into his arms as they laid there watching Aladdin with Taffy nearby. 

He’d never felt so frightened about something in all his life. 

“I’m stupid,” the Italian whispered. “Gods, I’m so stupid.” 

“Stop the self pity, ‘Tavius,” Ahk was firm. “You’re not stupid, just confused. You need to get a hold of yourself.” 

“Sorry,” Octavius whispered. The doorbell at the front of the penthouse caught his attention. “Sorry, Ahk. Someone's at the door. Can I call you back later?” 

“I suppose so,” Ahk sighed. “Promise one thing, Octavius?” 

“Yes?” Octavius inquired. 

“If Jed does truly love you, let him.” 

“Oh-kay,” Octavius blinked. 

“Goodbye.” 

“Yeah,” he heard the click, “bye.” 

The bell rang again. “I’m coming,” he called. Charlie must’ve still been upstairs. Last he heard, the younger man was going to take a shower. Octavius slid his phone into his pants pocket before opening the front door. 

Needless to say, he was astounded by what he saw. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the sweet comments<3<3  
> I wanna spread some holiday cheer early!  
> Happy Hanukkah!  
> Happy Kwanzaa!  
> Merry Christmas! (or happy holidays!) 
> 
> and for any of the other holidays i'm not thinking of, I hope you guys enjoys those too!

Jed was a really horrible person. Just horrible. Stupid and horrible. After Saturday, things became clearer. His feelings for Tavi were shining in a new light, The sudden epiphany should’ve sent him running into the other man’s arms but it didn’t.

Poor him. He was afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Who said Tavi was even interested in a man like him? Why, he had nothing to offer! Tavi’s boyfriend was probably one of those big shots that people in his town dreamed of being. How could he even compare to that kinda guy? He probably spoiled Tavi with fancy smancy stuff. And what could he give him? A dinner that nearly ended in disaster and a halfway decent children’s movie?

He was a loser; a literal loser. He’d gone off thinking these feelings of his would go somewhere, lead to some kinda fantasy land free of the previous hurt he’d felt.

Well it wouldn’t.

Who’s to say Tavi wasn’t like Jake? Who’s to say he wasn’t just playin’ him for the fun of it? It just all felt so wrong. As much as he wanted to believe in the good of this man, in the good of humanity that there was someone out there that cared for him, he couldn’t. He physically, emotionally couldn't. For one, it was morally wrong. Tavi had a boyfriend and he refused, _refused_ to be that kind of person that breaks up a relationship for his own selfish desires. Tavi would never forgive him and he didn’t know if he could ever live knowing that had happened.

Secondly, it was betrayal. This had to be, at the highest degree possible. Jake wouldn’t have wanted him to move on. _Stop thinkin’ like you meant something to him! ‘Cause you didn’t!_ Well, it didn’t matter if the feeling wasn’t mutual; he couldn’t just move on from someone who had been a significant part of him. The more Tavi consumed his thoughts the more Jake’s voice would penetrate through.

So he let him be.

He didn’t text or call him and even stayed inside unless he was working just so he wouldn’t run into the other man. Silly, it may be, but what was he supposed to do? If he kept up the facade that he only wanted him as a friend he’d burst. Admitting his true intentions was a bad idea also; Tavi might not react well and, as unpredictable as he was, who knows what that might entail.

So he moped around in his apartment, not doing much of anything. Taffy noticed his dour mood and tried her darn best to snap him out of him by nuzzling his face and bringing him a dead mouse he’d been seeing as a gift. As much as he appreciated it, well, maybe not the rodent, nothing could make it better but one person. And that one person was someone he didn’t want to see.

Then, on the third day of his ignoring-Tavi-movement, he came across a picture but it wasn’t just any picture. It was a picture of him and Jake.

They were sitting in the park, leaning against a tall, thick tree. He guessed it was taken in Spring or Summer. Jake had his arm wrapped around his shoulders and he was leaning into his boyfriend. At a glance, they looked perfect; like the picture-perfect, happy-go-lucky couple. But Jed knew better. Now that he knew the truth, he could see that in Jake’s eyes, it was all fake. The warmth that made his insides twist was gone, replaced with a cold, steely fog.

Out of everything he got rid of, he couldn’t part with that. It had been their first framed picture and he treasured it, even if the relationship cumbled. It didn’t mean he was dwelling; lots of people coped like this, especially when a loved one died.

Only,

Jake wasn’t dead, to his knowledge anyway.

Moving on was hard. Moving on from an ab-he took a deep, shaky breath- an abusive relationship was harder. He’d never really acknowledged it for what it was. A part of him wanted to protest at the injustice of it all. Jake didn’t deserve what happened to him. It had all been an accident. But he also knew he was lucky to even be alive and that his once fairytale-like relationship shattered right before his eyes in a blink.

Impulsively, he threw it to the ground, watching as the glass smashed into smithereens. But that wasn’t all. He brought the photograph out, careful to avoid pricking his hand. With one last glance, he ripped it into two. It felt intensely gratifying. It was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He knew he wouldn’t be totally over Jake but this was a start.

A start was always good.

**

So that’s how he ended up at Tavi’s door. After the freeing of his soul, okay maybe that was a little dramatic, he knew he had to see Tavi. A text or call wouldn’t do. So he set out in the chilly air; leaves blowing everywhere. All he knew was that he lived on BerryMort. It had been a bit since he last stepped foot there. There couldn’t be that many potential apartments.

Wrong.

He decided to try the east building first. It was the tallest and had the most people. It probably would’ve been smarter to think up some disguise or trade instead of knocking on random doors, hoping for Tavi to be behind one of them. Many felt intimidated by his presence, some even threatened to call the police on him. He quickly scurried on out before the head boss guy called security on him.

After that, he trailed on down to the west building. He was in the lobby, inwardly moaning about the stupidity of his plan when someone noticed him--a bellhop, Tony, he introduced himself. He asked Jed if he was looking for something or someone.

“Yeah,” Jed had said. “Tavi Caesar.”

Tony’s eyebrows furrowed. He looked a bit stumped.  “You mean Octavius? Octavius Caesar?”

“Yeah,” he’d forgotten that he was the only one to call Tavi by that nickname. “Yeah, him.”

Tony gave him the directions to the apartment, warily. Jed thought it was a little strange but oh well, nothin’ to worry about. He took the elevator up, tapping his foot to the bland music that played above him. One he reached the destined floor, he walked as slowly as possible.

What was he supposed to say? Should he tell him the truth and confess his feelings? Crap, he hadn’t even thought of Tavi’s boyfriend might be there. What if he heard him say it? Richy rich guy could hire someone to take him out, least that’s what happened in the movies. Or maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Tavi wasn’t even home and he could ring the doorbell and nothing!

Well, there he was. The moment of truth. He pressed the button and to his horror, on the other side of the door was movement. Someone was home. _Don’t let it be his boyfriend..._

This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have come. He should’ve continued to ignore him or if he really, really had to contact him, he should’ve texted him. Much safer. Safer than the potential of getting beat up or somethin’.

The door opened, revealing Tavi. The poor guy looked like he hadn’t slept in days. There was bags underneath his eyes and his hair was tousled. Even in his disheveled appearance, he still looked breathtaking. He and Jed stared at each other for a solid minute. The blonde’s throat felt dry like sandpaper.  

“Howdy,” Jed said lamely. “Listen, Pal, I know I haven’t been the greatest friend lately but-”

Tavi shushed him, wide eyed and looking back over his shoulder like some wild beast was going to emerge if woken up. Jed stiffened at the feel of his friend’s hand covering his mouth. A childish urge told him to lick it but he figured it probably wasn’t the best time.

Tavi shut the door behind them without relinquishing his hand. Nothing was heard except for the faint reverberation of Tavi’s heartbeat. They stood like that, nearly chest-to-chest; blue eyes stared into deep, rich, chocolate brown. It was so very hard not to be drawn to his pink lips. Oh did he have to refrain. Without warning, Tavi, reluctantly, it seemed, removed his hand. Jed’s mouth was instantly deprived of the warm flesh.

“Why are you here?” Tavi whispered in a choked voice. It was a sound that struck Jed to the core. “Why?” he was tip toeing on the verge of panic, on the very brink of a nervous breakdown if he didn’t calm himself.

“Just came to see ya,” Jed’s own voice was like a small child being scolded. “I felt bad for ignorin’ ya the past few days. I was just, uh, busy.” Yeah, he was busy. Busy contemplating on feelings and how much of a terrible person he was for ignoring his friend and betraying his former love.

He hoped Tavi would be happy to see him.

He wasn’t.

Tavi shook his head vigorously. “You have to leave. You-you’ve got to.”

Jed’s face became tight, splashed with a mouthful of absolute disappointment. “Oh. I thought we could hangout. Maybe I could be at your place for a change. Ya know?”

If possible, Tavi was more distressed. “No! No, no, no. You can’t.” It was pretty painful, watching how upset his friend was gettin’. Jed forced himself not to reach out and pull him into a hug. He’d have to respect Tavi’s distaste for physical contact. It was only the polite thing to do.

“Oh, I see,” he bounced back and forth on his heels in a false sense of understanding. No, he didn’t understand. Why was he so defensive and weird when it came to this? “Maybe ‘Nother time.”

“Perhaps,” but by his tone, Jed supposed not.

“Yeah... Guess I’ll go then,” with that, he turned around, fighting back a grimince at the actual pain his in his chest. But a hand touching his shoulder stopped his movements. It froze him. The touch, mesmerizing even though it wasn’t as potent due to his layers, could only be from Tavi.

“Wait,” Tavi said in a raspy voice.

“Yeah?”

“Now isn’t a good time,” he began, “but perhaps, if I may, I could come to your apartment later? If you’ll have me...”

Jed’s face brightened up and he didn't care if he was smiling like a dope. “Course ya can! I-I mean yeah. That’s fine.”

Tavi grinned. The obvious fear that crossed his face softened but his body didn’t become any less stressed. Jed found himself weak in the knees. God, could that man smile. “Thank you. I very much appreciate it.”

“Ain’t no problem,” he shrugged as his mind was scattered and stomach did flips of joy.

“If anything changes I’ll text you,” Tavi told him.

“Alright,” Jed nodded. “I promise I’ll answer this time.” He laughed nervously, half out of desperation for the awkwardness in the air to deteriorate and half because, well, he didn’t know.

Tavi’s lips quirked. “I shall see you later, Jed.”

Jed grinned. “See ya, Partner.”

**

Jed was scrolling through Facebook when he heard Tavi’s tentative knock. He’d been stressing about the reason for the visit; wondering if it was all going to come crashing down in a few minutes.

“Howdy. Glad ya came,” he rambled, hoping his face didn’t convey how on edge he really was.

If Tavi noticed, he did not say. “Yes, well,”  Tavi ran a hand through his hair. It was starting to grow back, Jed noticed. The curls were a little more pronounced.  “And I’ve been thinking.”

Crap.

That was never a good sign.

Tavi was wringing his hands and it made Jed worry. Was he coming to say that they couldn’t be friends anymore? Would he be alone again with nobody but Amelia and Taffy? The blonde prayed with all his might that it wouldn’t happen. He cared about Tavi too much, in more ways than one.

“Oh?” Jed said feebly. “What about?”

“Us,” Tavi said after a two minute pause. “I’ve been thinking about us a lot and I think it needs to be addressed.”

Oh boy here it comes...

“Stop!” Jed blurted out before the other man could finish. “I know what you’re going to say.”

Shock and confusion swirled in the other man’s eyes. He went rigid. “Y-You do?”

“Yeah. Look, I get it if I’m a bad friend. I agree but can’t we work out whatever bad thing I’ve done?”

“Jed.”

“I’ve been a worryin’ for a few days and I know I’m stupid and I ruined Saturday for us but can’t ya forgive me?”

“Jed,” this time it was said softer.

“I can’t lose ya as a friend, Tavi. I just can’t.”

“Jedediah, if you’ll listen,” Tavi grabbed his attention, “that’s not what I was going to say at all.” His face went a light shade of pink, signifying his hesitancy.

“I-It wasn’t?” Jed felt like a fool. “You mean ya wasn’t gonna ditch me for someone else?”

Tavi was as surprised as a turkey seein’ its cousin gettin’ roasted on Thanksgiving. “What? Of course not. Why would you think that?”

Jed pulled his hat down over his face to hide his incoming blush. He jumped to conclusions again! This time, though, it was kinda justified. Anybody else would of thought the same thing. “I dunno,” he mumbled.

Tavi cleared his throat. “I assure you, Jed, that I have no intentions of stopping our friendship. Quite the opposite actually.”

Jed sighed in relief. “Good, cause you’re the best friend I ever did have. Wouldn’t want anyone else.”

“Best friend, huh?” Tavi questioned faintly.

“Yep. Funny, Ames keeps tryin’ to set me up but who needs a boyfriend when I got ya?” There went his mouth again. Why in the heck did he say something like that? The words hurt, the mere thought hurt. Even if Tavi didn’t reciprocate his feelings, which was probably the case, he would always be his first real love after Jake.

“That is true.” Tavi’s body language changed and Jed felt a glimmer of hope. Did that mean he felt something too? Or was he just responding to Jed’s slightly mushy statement? No, no. He was just imagining it. “You’re my best friend as well.”

“Great,” Jed said, feigning enthusiasm.

But was that what he really wanted?

Every fiber in his body urged him, screamed at him to tell Tavi. _It was now or never_ . No Amelia, no distractions. Just them. He shouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , keep it bottled up forever. What good would that do? And what exactly was the worst thing that could happen? Tavi saying he didn’t feel the same way?

Yeah. Yeah that was exactly the worst thing that could happen! Jed would die if Tavi rejected him like that. But he couldn’t just go through life, wondering what if. That would be a torturous way to live.

_Just tell him right now. Blurt it out and get it over with!_

But that was crazy! This wasn't the time!

When would he get another chance?

Was he actually going to do it? God, he’d pictured himself confessing, sure, but not like this!

Okay, he was going to go for it. This was it.

One, two, three...

“I like you,” Tavi blurted out, breaking the silence like a hammer on ice.

Jed was stunned.

“I, uh, like you too, partner.”

“No, no,” Tavi was having an internal battle of some sorts. “I mean,” he took a deep breath, “I _like_ you, Jed.”

_What?_

“You what?” Jed's mind was discombobulated and a little hazy from the admittance. “Say that again, boy.”

“Why-”

“Just please,” Jed pleaded and pleading was something he refused to do, “say it again.”

Tavi nodded with a pained expression. “I-I like you Jedediah Smith.”

The tension was thick, thick enough that Jed felt like he couldn’t breathe. He staggered over to a stool, absentmindedly sitting down. This was a lot to process. Tavi watched him with apprehension.

“Err, Jed? Are you alright? Should I call Amelia?”

“God no,” he let out a laugh. Nothing of the situation was remotely funny but he felt he had to do something. “Trust me, you don’t want her here.”

“Oh,” Tavi fiddled with his jacket.

“Sorry,” Jed sighed, mentally exhausted and the conversation was far from over. “I’m just surprised, is all.”

“As was I.”

“So how long?”

“How long, what?”

“How long have ya...you know..felt feelings for me?” Jed’s face deepened in color. His stomach did cart wheels and a warm sensation surged through his body. He could hardly believe he was speaking those words out loud. It was like a dream.

“I don’t know, to be honest. Would it be cheesy to say since I first saw you?” Tavi smiled shyly.

“Not at all,” Jed breathed. "Fact, I like you too, boy." 

"Y-You do?" 

"Sure do," Jed's heart was pounding like a drum. 

“Well... whha-what about you?” Tavi’s gorgeous face blushed at having Jed’s eyes stare at him like he was some kind of god. He was certainly sent like one. “How long have you felt feelings for me?”

“I dunno. I only realized ‘em Saturday,” Jed admitted.

“How did you know?” Tavi said curiously. “What made you realize you had those feelings?”

A soft smile graced the blonde’s face. “Just bein’ with you made me realize. You just so...” words failed him. “So doggone amazing. I ain’t never met anybody like you.”

“Should I take it as a compliment?” Tavi chuckled.

“Definitely.”

“I have never met anyone like you either, Jed and I quite think I never will again for as long as I shall live.”

Even through his stress, Jed beamed. “Thanks boy.”

They fell in a comfortable silence, each seeing the other in a new light. Tavi would glance at him and once he realized that Jed noticed his staring, looked away. Jed’s heart swelled at how utterly adorable Tavi was when flustered.

“So, now what?”

Tavi’s question didn’t register right away. Jed blinked, coming out of his daydream.

“I dunno, partner.”

Well, at least he wasn’t the only one feeling lost in this new, uncharted territory.

“What about your boyfriend?” Jed didn’t like the way all the blood drained from Tavi’s face. “How’s he gonna take this?”

“M-May I sit down?” Tavi dodged the question.

“Course,” Jed said carefully. Didn’t need him passing out or somethin.

Tavi pulled a stool out, dragging it out, oblivious to the screechy wails of protests. He didn’t say another word, just sat there, blinking every so often. Jed really became concerned. “Tavi?”

“Hmmm?”

“Your boyfriend? What about him?”

“Oh, uh,” he squirmed, “I don’t know.”

“Well I need to know,” Jed inwardly cursed for his semi harsh tone, “I can’t keep skirting round this. Are we a thing or what? I ain’t playin round.”

Tavi stammered, face contorted in a way that showed Jed he was afraid. “I-I don’t know. You and Lance, I-”

“Oh,” realization dawned on Jed, “ya like us both?”

“Yes,” Tavi whispered.

“Oh,” Jed looked down at his lap. “I gotcha, pal.”

But he really didn’t. He couldn't blame Tavi. After all, the other guy, _Lance_ , came before him. He had every right to choose him. Even though he so desperately wanted to be picked over richy rich guy. Didn’t he deserve a happy ending of his own?

“I can’t choose,” Tavi sniffled and Jed automatically handed him a tissue. “T-This is too fast. We just met not to long ago.”

Flashbacks of their meeting, where they ran right into each other flooded Jed’s mind.

They’ve only known each other, what, a month or so? Definitely not long enough to commit to anything. Jed didn’t wanna rush anything. He’d done with Jake and look where that got him, he thought bitterly. No, he’d take his time with Tavi; show him he was the one and if Tavi decided he’d rather have richy rich guy...well then Jed would support him.

“Yeah,” he agreed reluctantly. “Guess we did.”

“But maybe,” Jed’s head shot up, “maybe we can, you know, get to know each other _better_ and see where it goes?” Tavi bit his lower lip.

Jed felt a leap of excitement. Nothing was set in stone but it was better than the alternative. “Sure, hoss. I’d like that.”

“Okay,” Tavi’s own face was giddy.

They shared a look.

“I suppose I should get going,” Tavi stood up, clumsily pushing the stool back.

“Yeah,” Jed said.

Tavi was about to go out the door then stopped suddenly. “Would you like to have some ice cream with me again? It can be a proper d-date?” Poor thing looked so nervous. Jed couldn’t have said no even if he wasn’t interested.

“I’d like that,” Jed flashed him a grin. “Say, Friday at seven?”

“Sounds good,” Tavi fiddled with his apartment key. “I’ll, uh, see you then.”

“See ya,” Jed suttered. He closed the door behind him and with shaky legs, stumbled over to the couch.

Tavi liked him.

It didn’t matter that he still needed to choose between him and his richy rich boyfriend because Tavi _liked_ him. It was so surreal. Everything was so light, so bright.

A meow from down below made him look down. Taffy was at the foot of the couch, nuzzling his leg for attention. He picked her up and set her in his lap, hugging her close. She squeaked but soon grew used to it, purring against his throat.

“Guess what?” he murmured to her. “Tavi likes me. Isn’t that dandy?”

She just stared into his eyes.

“Yeah. I’m excited too. And that’s not all. He asked me out on a date. Can ya believe it? Ain’t been on one of those in forever.”

She meowed again, headbutting him.

He kissed the top of her head, lightly pinching her soft and slightly chubby cheeks. “You’re a brat but I love ya anyway.”

He leaned back, still petting his baby. He should tell Amelia about this. She’d have a fit if he kept this to himself any longer. He hadn’t contactd her either since Saturday but he knew she wasn’t concerned. He’d go long periods of time without talking to people. It was just something he did.

He pressed call on him phone and waited for her to answer.

“Hey Ace. Out of that funk, I see,” was the greeting he received.

“Ames, listen. I gotta tell ya something,” he said.

“So do I. You wouldn’t believe the prices for pie! I refuse to pay seven dollars. I remember when it was only a couple dollars! Honestly...”

“Ames, this is more important than pie, darn it!” he didn’t mean to lose his temper and could picture her standing with her hands on her hips.

“Well get on with it, Jed! What’s so important now?”

“ItoldTaviIlikehim.”

“Huh?”

“I told Tavi I like him,” he repeated.

Amelia screamed on the other end, resulting in him pulling the phone away from his now damaged ear. “Gosh darn it, Ames. What was that for?”

“Oh my God, oh my God” she shrieked. “I can’t believe it! Wait, when did you realize that you liked him?”

“Saturday,” he admitted.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“I was scared,” he hated to say it but it was true. Only fear had been holding him back. “I ain’t felt this way since Jake.”

“I know,” she said softly. “So what did Tavi say?”

That same bubbly feeling sprung back up. “He...he likes me too,” Jed felt like a silly schoolgirl.

Amelia made another excited noise. “Jedi, that’s great! I’m so happy for you! You and Tavi are so cute and you’ll have nice babies too and-”

“Hold up,” he said wearily, especially regarding their hypothetical babies. “We ain’t decided on anything. Tavi still likes his richy rich boyfriend too. _Lance_.”

“Oh,” she hadn’t expected that. “Are you mad?”

“Why?”

“Because you sound like you wanna whisk Lance in some in barbecue sauce and watch him disintegrate.”

“....That don’t make any sense.”

“Made you smile, didn’t it?”

Crap, she was good.

“Whatever.”

“Anyway. So what are you gonna do?”

“I dunno. Wish Lance was eaten by a wolf?”

“Jed.”

“Don’t tell me that won’t be funny.”

“I’m not saying a word.”

“If only that were true.”

“Shut up.”

“No, you shut up.”

“No, you-oh never mind. How’d you know that you liked him? DId you guys kiss? Tell me you guys kissed!”

“We didn’t kiss,” he said gruffy. “Just watched a movie after ya left.”

“Was it roooomantic?” she teased.  

“It was Aladdin,” he deadpanned.

“Aww,” she cooed. “And did you guys cuddle on the couch?”

“No,” he scowled. Even when he was confessing his feelings she still had the ability to be annoying.

“Did _anything_ happen?”

“Not really,” he was not going to admit he was staring. That was just an invitation for teasing.

“Well poo.”

“We agreed to take it slow,” he steered them back to the originally reason why he called, “we’re going on a date this Friday.”

Cue screaming.

It’s just ice cream,” he groaned. “It’s no big deal.”

“Don’t lie to me, cowboy. You’re nervous.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am _not_.”

“Are _too_.”

“Okay maybe a little,” he whined, “but can ya blame me? It’s Tavi.”

“Ahh yes,” she sighed, “your true love.”

“He’s adorable, Ames.”

“Finally. I never thought you’d willingly say that.”

“Yeah well...”

“It’s nice to hear you acknowledging his good looks. Wonder what other goods he’s got.”

He face-palmed.

“We’re not having sex yet.”

“Ooooh, yet!”

“Amelia,” he groaned. “I hate you.”

“You love me.”

It wasn’t long before she spoke again.

“Are you scared?”

He chuckled. “Terrified.”

“Are you ever gonna tell him about, you know, Jake?”

Was he? It certainly wasn’t a part of his life he wished to revisit but he also couldn't keep it from Tavi. As his mama said, things would come out in the wash eventually.

“I dunno. I guess I hafta sometime.”

“When?”

“I dunno. Never?”

“Jed, he has to know.”

I know...can’t help but wonder if he’ll be disgusted with me.”

“Why would he be disgusted? Tavi isn’t like that.”

“Ames, men are supposed to be-” strong, fearless, everything he wasn’t. “Well you know. I just..I just don't want him to not look at me the same.”

“I understand.”

He yawned; the day’s events catching up with him. “Ames, Ima go. I need to rest.”

It was obvious she wasn’t done talking about him and Tavi but she respected his wishes. “Alright. Bye Jedi.”

“Bye.”

He laid there for quite a while, wondering if he made the right decision.  **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY DID FOLKS!  
> I was thrilled to finally write this chapter but beware! Theres a lot of drama coming up but also some fluff!  
> Also, fi you haven't heard the miley cyrus medley by Christina Grimmie then you should listen to it, for some reason I think of Jedtavius


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicky finally makes an appearance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be my only update for this week! Sorry, I know I try to get at least two in but I have finals to study for and all:(

Rain, in itself, excluding the threat of a thunderstorm, was a pretty sight. 

Not in this case. 

Octavius’ jacket didn’t have a hood so he was forced to suffer. The back of his neck and, subsequently, the collar of his  _ expensive _ shirt were damp. It was kind of gross, that sicky, wet feeling that came with standing out in the rain. It was even worse if he happened to be sweating along with it. Don’t get him wrong, rain was pretty and he’d gone out a time or two but this was a completely different story. 

He shrunk his body under the side of a dumpster, shielding himself. If Lance saw him now, he’d be disgusted, as he should be. There he was, right with the garbage in a less than dignified position. Lance always stressed the importance of acting like he had grace and manners. So what did this say about him now? 

The Italian grew increasingly uncomfortable by the strange noises that emerged. Things rattled, stray dogs barked, catching him off guard. Once, he was sure a verbal fight was occurring not too far from where he was. Great, what would happen to him if he stepped out and they were still there? Honestly, he should’ve went him. 

And why didn’t he? Well, it certainly wasn’t to hide under a big trash can for fun. Sarcasm didn’t come to him naturally but he wasn’t feeling very poised at the moment. 

He only meant to mull things over on a short walk then return him. Charlie was out-doing what, that much was questionable- but what he did know was that the young assistant had promised he would be back sometime after midnight. It was nearing eleven at the time of his departure from Jed’s apartment so he’d had at least an hour to spare. But the rain spoiled his plans, forcing him to seek refuge in some alleyway. He’d learned from an early age not to walk into alleys where anyone-anyone meaning someone that was doing criminalistic activity-could be there, hidden from view. Why he chose such a place over a store or some other well lit establishment he didn’t know. He blamed his hormonal ridden brain. 

He stayed near the back, which was where the garbage can was. He’d never been out in this part of the city at this time of night; well, correction, he  _ had _ but Lance was always with him, there at his side for protection if needed. Without him, Octavius was defenseless. A man of small stature, he had little muscles and lacked the stamina to fight. All in all, he would be royally screwed.

His cell phone battery was low so he’d have to save it by leaving it off and not checking and rechecking for any messages from Jed. 

Lance hadn’t called him again since Thursday to inquire about his spending habits. Octavius had some hope, though, that he would call him and they’d do what they did in their younger days; talk for hours about everything and nothing, exchange sweet words and phrases. Lance would recite what happened while on his trip and maybe even send some pictures. After all, Hong Kong was beautiful, especially in the fall, err, winter; whatever it was now. Of course, he knew it wouldn’t happen. Their glory days were behind them but that was okay. So they didn’t talk for hours, cuddle, kiss all that much, go on dates or have sex anymore. That didn’t mean the relationship was over; it was just a funk that literally every couple goes through. They’d work through it and live happily ever after just like the characters in his novels did. 

But what did that leave for Jed?

Jed was going to be a significant part of his life, whether he choose him or Lance. The blonde faux cowboy just had a way of roping him in, no matter how big of a wall he put up. 

And besides, it was only logical that he choose Lance. He represented the stability he craved. Jed was so new and exciting, like a new toy that you couldn’t help but squirm with anticipation of playing with. Okay, that sounded wrong. Wrong and dirty. Octavius shook his head. 

Still, the meaning was all the same. Jed  _ was _ the shiny new toy while Lance was the raggedy old doll. 

He ran a hand through his hair, glad that for now that his hair wasn’t long enough to tangle. He pulled his jacket tighter, refusing to give into the urge that told him to close his eyes. He was so exhausted, both mentally and physically.  The weight of the night’s confession left him dragging. His mind felt like mush, his muscles ached and, in an irrational bout of anger, he kicked a large rock, hurting his foot in the process. It was much too chilly and he really wanted to be was home, tucked warmly under the covers. At the same time, however, that was the last place he wanted to be. He needed to think, to-something.

Octavius leaned his back against the cold brick of the abandoned building, sighing up at the heavens. Everything was happening so fast. A month or so ago he was simply buying Lance his mandatory coffee and bran muffins. A month or so ago, things were uncomplicated. Now, everything was falling apart.

What was he thinking, confessing like that? How dare he betray Lance like that? He felt like a vile, disgusting creature that should be locked up. And, not to condone it, but it wasn’t even done gracefully. He just blurted it out like some sort of imbecile! He took off his glasses, rubbing his face tiredly until it freaked his eyes out and he started seeing spots. 

He turned his gaze down on a tiny rain puddle that formed near his soaked shoes. It reflected his sad eyes and gloomy expression. Lance would never forgive him if he ever found out, not that he was worthy of his forgiveness. As much as it hurt, he had to hide it; had to hide the whole thing. He’d still seek out Jed and figure out this love triangle ordeal but absolutely no one--well, besides Ahk and Larry--could know. It was much too dangerous. Lance was a rather violent man when angered. 

That raised a question in his mind. 

Was Jed violent when he was angered? 

So far, nothing implicated as such. He had a tendency to make sudden movements and/or noises but none of those occurrences were done purposely. So perhaps not....? Then again, Lance’s rage didn’t come out right away either. It took a grand total of a year and a half before Octavius first life flashing before his eyes experience came into play. 

_ “Hello Darling,” Octavius greeted his boyfriend one evening. The end of the first semester was upon them, a saddening event for him. He enjoyed school immensely and it was even more exciting that this would mark only a year and a half more of high school before he could start attending college. He’d already began to scope out potential schools. There was one in particular that caught his eye, a rather prestigious one at that but he doubted he would be accepted.  _

_ Octavius’ parents allowed him to spend a week with Lance at his place for a week of his Christmas break as long as he understood that Christmas was for family only, no exceptions. Ahk would surely be disappointed--they usually hung out during breaks but oh well, hopefully he’d understand.  _

_ Octavius liked staying at the Camelot house, more so for Lance’s presence. It was very spacious and had many, many rooms. What for, he didn’t know. It was slightly strange to be waited on. Being in a restaurant where it was someone’s job was different, but this, he couldn’t even get himself ice without someone hurrying after him, apologizing for not asking sooner. It was what Lance liked, weirdly enough.   _

_ Lance glanced up from his workspace, obviously studying for one last exam. English, if Octavius remembered correctly.  _

_ “What did I say about using pet names?” he said sharply.  _

_ Octavius shrunk a bit. “I’m sorry...I forgot.”  _

_ “You’ll do well to remember, now won’t you?” Lance spat. “Why are you here anyway? Don’t you have some stupid family tradition to do?”  _

_ As evident by his tone, Lance didn’t get along well with Octavius’ parents. Neither party had spoken of the mutual hostility but Octavius always felt the air thickening with tension if they happened to be in the same room with each other.  _

_ “I-I got permission to stay with you for a week,” he smiled nervously, “isn’t that great?”  _

_ “Oh? They didn’t try and stop you from seeing me again?” It was one time. One time that Lance told him to do something and he didn’t do it, resulting in a scolding. Octavius’ father saw it happened and promptly banned the Brit from not only their home but also for the relationship to continue. Octavius had freaked out, to say the least. He needed Lance, he loved him! To make things worse, his mother sided with his father! It hurt him deeply and Lance held a steady grudge against them. Eventually, by the power of persuasion, he managed to convince his parents that Lance didn’t mean anything by it. He was only trying to help him. Well, that hadn't gone over well. It was controlling, demeaning. Verbal abuse, they called it. How preposterous! Octavius had scoffed. How could they think that? Lance would never!  They didn’t let up until they made him verbally promise he would stand his ground and if Lance didn’t like that, dump him. His blood ran cold at the thought. Couldn’t they see that he was in love just like they were? Octavius didn’t want to, but he promised them anyway. It wasn’t like he was actually going to go through with it. They were just being overprotective, he figured.  _

_ “No, no,” he reassured. “I have to be back for Christmas, though.”  _

_ Lance stopped what he was doing to meet his eyes. “I thought you were staying with me for Christmas this year?”  _

_ “I was,” Octavius suddenly found interest in his shoe laces. “But they insisted I come back. Christmas is for family, they said.”  _

_ Lance stood up, glaring. “You’ll be with my family.”  _

_ “Yes, I know. But-”  _

_ “Is my family not good enough?”  _

_ “Of course not! It’s just-”  _

_ “You’re almost eighteen years old. Don’t you think it’s high time you stood up against them? They can’t rule you around forever.”  _

_ “They’re not ruling me,” Octavius frowned. “They’re my parents, Lance.” Christmas with his boyfriend would be nice but he had so many fond memories of past Christmases with his parents. He couldn’t just throw those out for Lance, even though he did love him.  _

_ Lance put his hand up to silence him. “I don’t want to hear of it. You’re staying. It’s final and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”  _

_ Octavius wasn’t quite sure what to do. He didn’t want to waste time by arguing and he didn’t know what Lance’s parents would think of them if they did. But still, he couldn’t just let Lance think he was staying when he couldn’t.  _

_ He was brought back into focus by the sound of Lance snapping his fingers in front of his face.  _

_ “Text your parents and tell them you're staying.”  _

_ “Lance-”  _

_ “Tell them!” Lance screamed.  _

_ His parents must not be home. Who knows. The place was so big it was hard to tell.  _

_ “Lance, please.”  _

_ “If you don’t, I will,” Lance crossed his arms, still glaring.  _

_ His heart sped up. He couldn’t do it. It was too important. “I can’t,” he told him apologetically. “I love you but no.”  _

_ WHAM!  _

_ Octavius didn’t expect anything so when Lance swiftly punched his face, he just toppled over, crashing to the floor with a thud. It took him a moment to regain his senses again. His eyes refused to focus and the room was spinning. Lance loomed over him.  _

_ “Next time, do as you’re told.”  _

_ Octavius cupped his sore and no doubt bruising cheek. He didn’t know what to say or do. Lance had never gotten physical with him before. Verbal, maybe threatening, yes but physical? No. His legs were jelly and he didn’t dare stand. His lower lip trembled as he tried his hardest not to cry.  _

_ “Are you going to tell your parents?” Lance asked with raised eyebrows.  _

_ Octavius nodded wordlessly.  _

_ “Good boy.”  _

****

His parents were furious that he tried to negotiate their agreement. He didn’t want them to know it was Lance who forced him to so he lied, saying that seeing Lance and his family together made him wonder what it was like to be there during Christmas. In the end, he was whisked back home where his disappointed parents were. They still celebrated the holiday like normal, no yelling, no lectures or punishments. Octavius noticed a rift between them and he didn’t like it one bit. 

_ They would’ve probably liked Jed better.  _

Would they have? It was a reasonable question. Lance had been his first and only boyfriend so there was no room for comparison. Octavius let out a yawn. He checked his phone. Eleven-thirty. He supposed he really should be getting back so he could beat Charlie.  All this pondering had done nothing but exhaust him. 

He crawled out from the space, stretching his sore, cramped muscles. He walked out of the alleyway, praying that no one was going to call the police on him for suspicious looking activity. 

Well, so far so good. 

He carried on down the sidewalk, a little unnerved by the utter silence of the outside. It wasn’t completely silent, cars still dragged down the street but he couldn't hear anybody out and about or see any cute little animals. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket and for a moment, he prayed to Jupiter that it wasn’t who he thought it was. Phew, he thought at his discovery, it was only Ahk. Probably to inquire about some cupcake recipe he talked about the other day or something. 

“Ah, good. You've answered,” Ahk barely finished speaking when Octavius cut him off. 

“Yeah, hi.” 

“You sound panicked,” Ahk noted. “Why are you panicked? Is it Lance? Did he do something? I swear I’ll kill him. Larry, get the baseball bat.” 

“No, no, no,” Octavius didn’t even want to think about that. “It isn’t Lance. It’s Jed. And I’m not panicked.” 

“What? What did Jed do?” Ahk’s voice sounded as though he was speaking away from the phone, to Larry probably. “No, no. The metal one, yes, that one.” 

“Ahk,” Octavius was exasperated. “Listen to me, please?” 

“Fine. Put the bat back in the close,” Ahk tuned back in. “So what is it?” 

“Jed, he,” the Italian swallowed, “he told me he liked me.” 

As expected, Ahk screamed but this time Octavius pulled the phone away before it could penetrate his ear drum. “OH MY GOD YES, YES!” 

“Yeah,” Octavius’s stomach curled as he thought about the blonde, his crooked grin, those dimples. The night’s confession left him in a state of shock. It was just so unbelievably amazing. 

****

_ “Fact, I like you too, boy.”  _

****

Ahk was more than sure of Jed’s affection for him, something that Octavius was in deep denial of. But there it was. Black and white. How much more forward could he be?

In all honesty, he didn’t quite know how to react at first. That same warm sensation filled his entire body and for the first time in a long, he just felt so  _ happy _ . And not just the temporary happiness he received during the times he spent with Jedediah, no, this was different. Vastly different. He was so incredibly happy he could burst.

He was smiling dumbly, forgetting about his current phone call until Ahk coughed into the speaker. “Ahem. Did you forget about me?” 

“Sorry,” Octavius said sheepishly. “I was thinking.” 

“About Jed?” Ahk teased. 

“Maybe...” 

“Give me the details! Oh my God, I still can’t believe it. Wait, tell me how it happened. I want to know everything so don’t even think about leaving anything out.”  

Octavius scratched the back of his neck. Ahk would get it all out of him eventually so he might as well tell him the truth. 

“It was after I told him I liked him first.” 

Another scream. 

Larry should probably expect his boyfriend to be hoarse after their conversation. Maybe he already knew. 

“YOU TOLD HIM YOU LIKED HIM!” 

“Yes,” Octavius admitted. “I did.” And so he divulged into the story. 

“He came to Lance’s apartment earlier, apologizing for not being a better friend. I did panic-then. Charlie was home and he couldn’t know that I had a friend so i went out into the hallway with him. He said he wanted to hang out but I couldn’t, obviously, so I told him I would come by his apartment later.” 

“And?” Ahk said eagerly. “Then what happened?” 

“I spent the rest of the afternoon and better part of the evening wondering what I’d say. I didn’t know if I should speak up or not.” 

“ _ And _ ?” Ahk said impatiently. 

“And I went over there. Jed assumed I wanted to stop being his friend and promised he’d do better. My heart ached for him, Ahk. He looked desperate to keep our friendship.” 

“Octavius, now you’re being unfair,” Ahk whined. “I want details.”  

“Oh, shush you,” he said playfully. “ _ Please _ .” 

“Alright, alright. Carry on.” 

“I just blurted it out! God, I’d never felt so foolish in my life. Of all the ways-!” 

“On the bright side,” Ahk tried to be encouraging, “he likes you back. That’s a good thing.” 

“Yeah,” Octavius forced a smile. 

“You don’t sound very pleased. What’s wrong?” 

“I’m in a love triangle that’s what,” Octavius said sadly. “I love Lance and Jed but I don’t know who to choose.” 

“Jed,” Ahk said immediately. “The answer is Jed.” 

He sighed. “I know you hate Lance, Ahk, but please be supportive.” 

“I would be if your boyfriend wasn’t a piece of-” 

“Ahk!” 

“Octavius,” he mocked. 

The Italian rolled his eyes. “You don’t get it. I don’t know who to choose! Lance is amazing, wonderful, handsome. But Jed is-” 

“Shaggable, sexy, charismatic.” 

“I was going to say funny, adorable, interesting.” 

“You’re boring.” 

“Not everyone thinks about sex, Ahk.” 

“What kind of a relationship is that?” 

“You’re impossible.” 

“Not for Larry,” Ahk said cheekily. “He finds me quite  _ possible _ if you know what I mean.” 

“I do,” Octavius griminced. “Unfortunately.” 

“Now, back to your dilemma.” 

“You mean to tell me we aren’t going to continue talking about you and Larry’s sexual deeds? Oh thank you,” Octavius said sarcastically. 

“Cut the sarcasm, Octavius. It doesn’t suit you,” Ahk drawled. 

“Anyway. We agreed things were going a little fast,” he ignored his friend’s  _ as if _ scoff, “and that I suggested I get to know him better before I commit to anything.” 

“Booooring.” 

“We have a date this Friday for ice cream.” 

“A date!?” Ahk said, perking up. “Really? Oh, Larry! Guess what!” His voice drifted away as he gave away the intimate details of the conversation, not that Octavius minded. Whatever Ahk knew, Larry would as well. He couldn’t expect it to be kept secret. 

“At least one of us is excited,” Octavius muttered. 

“It’s like an episode of the Bachelor,” Ahk said dreamily. 

Octavius made a face. “Are you calling me a girl?” 

“No. Simply stating a fact. I could say it’s like the Bachelorette and say that Jed and Lance are girls.” 

Octavius face-palmed. “Why are we friends?” 

“Because I have a charm that you couldn’t resist but unfortunately for you, my feelings are regarded only as platonic.” 

“Sure,” Octavius said dryly. “We’ll go with that.” 

“I’m putting you on speaker,” Ahk said rather abruptly. “Larry wants to say hi.” There was a click and then he heard a different voice speaking. 

“Hey ‘Tavius. How’re you doing?” 

“Good, thank you,” Octavius said politely. “And yourself, Larry?” 

“Ehh. Not too bad. Nicky’s preparing for his final exams. I’m so glad he studies, I never did.” 

“Studying is overrated,” Ahk said. 

“Studying is essential,” Octavius corrected. “That’s wonderful. Tell him that I hope he passes.” 

“Actually, he just came downstairs. Want to talk to him?” 

“Talk to who?” another voice, masculine yet clearly that of a teenager, asked. 

“Octavius,” Larry told his child. He turned his attention back on Octavius. “Well?” 

“Uh, sure.” 

“Great, here.” 

“What? Dad!-ah, oh. Hi,” Nicky said shyly. The phone was taken off speaker. “It’s nice to talk to you again.” 

“Hello Nicky,” Octavius said warmly. “Same to you. It’s been a while, I believe.” 

“Yeah,” Nicky muttered. 

“So,” Octavius licked his lips, “how’s school going? Are your grades holding up?” 

“Yeah. I got all A’s.” 

“That’s wonderful,’ Octavius smiled genuinely. 

“Yeah.” 

“Too bad they aren’t helping your vocabulary,” Octavius thought a little gentle teasing would bring the boy out of his shell. Heck, if he was talking to someone, a practical stranger, he’d be intimidated too. 

Nicky snorted-victory! “This isn’t English. Don’t have to talk good.” 

“Well.” 

“Whatever,” Nicky laughed. “So how’ve you been? Got a super cool job yet? Still waitin’ for dad to get his.” Someone in the background, probably Larry, yelled. It might’ve been something like “Hey!” but Octavius wasn’t sure. 

“Ah. No, I’m afraid.” 

“Oh,” Nicky was surprised. “Why not? Did you have a super cool job and get fired or something?” 

“No,” Octavius was forced to admit. “I never got one. I stay at home while Lance--my boyfriend--works.” 

The line was dead for a moment. Octavius wondered if the boy hung up on him. “Oh.” 

“Err, yes,” Octavius felt embarrassed. Nicky wasn’t judging but that didn’t lessen the faintest hint of humiliation he had. Jed had been right. He was a housewife. 

“That’s...cool, I guess.” 

Octavius’ ears burned. 

“Uncle ‘Tavius, can I ask you something?” 

Something about being referred to as ‘Uncle’ created such a wonderful feeling inside of him. He’d always desired children and even if he had to live out that dream through his honorary nephew then so be it. 

“Of course, Nicky. What is it?” 

“Why’d you stop talking to Ahk for so long?” 

Octavius’ stomach dropped. 

“Oh. You know about that?” 

“Course I do. Ahk was really upset about it for a while. He cried in his bedroom a lot. Dad and Ahk think I don’t know that part but I do. Dad didn’t think he was ever going to get over it.” 

Octavius felt sick to his stomach. He’d made his best friend cry...God what kind of friend was he? Ahk was supportive (kinda, when it wasn’t concerning Lance), caring, and every other quality that could be wanted in a friend he had. And Ahk was as as manly as they came so to make him cry was gut wrenching. 

“Oh,” Octavius whispered. 

“Yeah. But he's much happier now that you called him, I can tell.” 

Octavius remained silent. 

“He's smiling a lot more and him and dad are, you know, doing it more,” Nicky emphasized the word it. “I caught ‘em doing it on the kitchen table! The  _ table _ , Uncle Octavius.” 

Octavius let out a slight laugh at the mental imagine and how scarred Nicky sounded. Ahk had no qualms about doing  _ it _ wherever he pleased. That much he already knew. 

“On the bright side, at least they’re, erm,  _ healthy _ ,” Octavius winced. Probably not the kind of information any teenager wants to hear about his parents sex lives. 

“Can we  _ please _ change the subject?” 

“Sorry,” Octavius whispered. 

“It’s cool, it’s find. Just....So, I heard you’ve met someone.” 

Great, now Nick knew as well. This just proved that Ahk had no filter about his love issues. 

“Err, yes I have,” Octavius said. “I’m assuming Ahk told you?” 

“Yeah. He did. Said his name was Jed.” 

And at that moment, he couldn’t resist the same dumb smile from etching across his face again. 

“What else did he tell you?” 

“That he’s shaggable and sexy,” Nicky sounded disgusted, “and you have a crush on him but you’re too much of a pansy to tell him.” 

Octavius scowled. He was  _ so _ going to have a stern talking to with Ahk. Well, maybe not stern because that wasn’t like him but he was definitely going to talk to him nonetheless. 

“As a matter of fact,” and just why was he about to reveal private information to someone that he hadn’t talked to in years? Honestly, he didn’t know at this point. “I blurted it out not to long ago and turns out, Jed feels the way I feel for him.” 

“Do you think he’s hot?” 

Octavius blushed. 

“Nicky!” 

“What? Just wondering.” The boy was grinning, he could hear it in his voice. “I mean, hey, my dad and Ahk are gay and so are you but I’m not so this is a little weird to me but I support you.” 

Octavius could’ve cried. “Thank you, Nicky. You have no idea how much that means to me.” 

“You’re welcome. So what’s this Jed guy look like?” 

And so Octavius went on a very specific rundown of the blonde’s appearance, mentioning things from the cowboy hat to the single, tiny freckle on his right cheek just near his ear. 

“Dude you’ve got it bad,” Nicky told him, amused. “Just needed basic stuff. I could sketch the guy if he ever goes missing.” 

Octavius groaned. 

“Is...is that not a good thing?” Nicky was confused. 

“No, it isn’t.” 

“Oh.” 

Octavius knew Nicky really didn’t understand and debated on if he should tell him or not. Ahk would most likely tell him anyway so he might as well. It wasn’t like he had to give away  _ everything _ . 

“I’m involved in a stupid love triangle.” 

“Oh, are you now?” 

That caught his attention. 

“Yes,” Octavius took a deep breath. “Because I’m still in a relationship with Lance but I love Jed.” 

“You  _ love _ Jed?” 

Octavius paused, feeling like he wanted to rip his hair out. “I don’t know...perhaps? I know I care for him very deeply but I feel the same way about Lance.” 

“Crazy.” 

“Indeed,” Octavius sighed. “Lance is on a business trip to Hong Kong and-” 

“And he didn’t take you with him?” 

“No,” Octavius admitted, recalling that Ahk had asked him the very same question days earlier. 

“That’s kinda rude.” 

“I suppose.” 

“Anyway. Go on.” 

“I kept running into Jed after I accidentally ran into him at the coffee shop, causing me to drop the coffee and muffins I was purchasing.” 

“Annnnd?” 

“He paid to replace them.” 

“That’s nice.” 

“Yes. He would not leave my mind after that. I saw him again not to long later and sometime after that we hung out at a bar-- please let me finish,” he added before Nicky could interrupt again. “We hung out a few times and I had dinner with him and his friend Amelia at his apartment and now Lance is on his trip and I was just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m a cheater. This must be cheating.” 

“It is,” Nicky admitted. “But it sounds like Lance is a jerk. That’s what Ahk says.” 

“He isn’t,” Octavius said protectively. “Lance is the sweetest man I’ve ever been with.” 

“If he’s so sweet, why didn’t he take you along with him?” 

Octavius didn’t know how to answer.  **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did ya'll enjoy that one!?   
> I laughed out loud as I typed the part of Ahk mentioning the Bachelor. I don't watch it myself but it's something I could picture Ahk watching xD


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TAVI AND JED"S DATE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll! Incase anyone is wondering I kicked butt on my finals! And I finished the semester off with A's!   
> I hope this date is to your satisfactory. Next chapter will be a bit of a time jump so you'll see them getting more comfy with each other   
> Again, thank you for all the sweet comments you guys rock! I'll hopefully be getting a new chapter out to ya real soon!

His first official, proper date with Tavi was in fifteen minutes and he had yet to leave his bedroom, preferring to stare at his stressed out reflection instead. Inwardly, he was a train wreck. His heart was racing, his palms were sweaty, he felt incredibly nauseous and his knees felt like they were going to give out on him any second now.

This had never happened with Jake, maybe something similar but not to this intensity. Jed couldn’t recall ever stressing this much over an outing before nor was the pressure of perfection ever so high. 

It wasn’t to say that his relationship with Jake, prior to the ab-abuse (he still had trouble saying it, even mentally), things had been smooth. God no. Jed made himself quite the fool a number of times. Love made ya do stupid things, which was very evident in Jedediah. 

He sat on the edge of his bed, kicking a non existent pebble with his boot clad foot. Taffy was headbutting his back, meowing for his attention. Needy cat. He sighed, reaching a hand back to pet her. Ugh, just what was he to do? He was  _ not _ going to stand him up; that crap hurt and trust him, he knew exactly what it felt like. But at the same time, as much as he wanted to be there, it all felt wrong. 

He pulled out his phone. 

Ten minutes until his date. 

He entertained the idea of him not showing up; imagining Tavi sitting alone in the ice cream parlor, waiting for him patiently. Would he sit there, body deflating as the minutes passed and, upon realizing that he wasn't going to show up, burst into tears while holding a double fudge brownie ice cream cone? He’d proven to be an emotional person so the idea wasn’t too far fetched. 

Jed banished the thought, scolding himself. What on God’s green earth did Tavi see in him? Decent people would be getting ready, happy, excited for a date; not having a pity party in their bedroom. 

Sometimes, he wondered if it was all just a cruel joke; that Tavi wasn’t really his friend or whatever he was at the moment, secretly despising Jed’s presence and preparing to yell “Sayonara!” just as he was letting his guard down. 

Huh, maybe Amelia was right, he was a bit pessimistic. 

Jed momentarily forgot he was wearing his hat, knocking it right off when he went to run a hand through his hair, consequently fall on top of Taffy. She yelped, unamused. “Sorry, darlin,” he picked it up and pat it back on his head. Taffy, however, didn’t accept his apology, scurrying off to who-knows-where. 

Five minutes until his date. 

Should he just cancel? There must be something else he could be doing. Didn’t the sink in his bathroom need repairing? He was sure there was a leak somewhere. Or maybe the ceiling fan needed some dusting done. Lord knows that hadn’t been done in ages. 

The blonde squirmed, letting out a low whine. He  _ did _ want to go, really, he did. But it felt...wrong. Kind of like betrayal. Like he was betraying Jake. Nobody had ever gotten close enough to him like Tavi had gotten and it just didn’t feel right. By all right, there should be no problems with him accepting Tavi’s invite for their date. It was long enough and anyway, Jake wasn’t around to intervene. He was perfectly safe. 

He sighed. 

Than why did he always feel the opposite? 

Even as he slept in his bed, covers loose and the front door locked; he was always on guard. Just in case Jake somehow found him and was prepared to beat him up-or worse, finish the job from last time. 

He shivered, in spite of his heater being turned up.  _ That _ was the scariest thing he’d ever gone through. Not when Bobby fell in the creek and almost drowned. Not when he thought he failed all his exams senior year because he was a notorious failure when it came to tests. Not even when Jake hit him for the first time. No,  _ that _ was when his life truly flashed before his eyes. 

His phone beeped. 

He about jumped a whole foot. 

_ Huh _ ? He glanced down. Oh yeah, he’d set an alarm to remind him of their date and-oh holy crap! It was seven now! He jumped to his feet, grabbing his necessities and barling out that door faster than a bull on catnip. 

_ Crap, crap, crap _ , Jed raced down the stairs and was on the street in seconds. He had to get to the ice cream parlor before Tavi gave up on him and left. How would he explained that he was late because he’d been wallowing in self pity? The guy would think he was a nutcase for sure. 

As luck would have it, the parlor was on the other side of town and he was running low on money; he barely had enough for this occasion. Which meant he was going to have to travel by foot and not by one of those taxis. Actually, he’d never used one of those before. Jed shook his head. He was thinkin too much these days. Hurriedly, he took off in the appropriate direction, determined to make it. 

*** 

By the time he made it, Jed was winded. He slowed down, breathing heavily and making animal-like noises (more like squeaks). It was a little after seven thirty, he glared at his phone. He would’ve made it before that had there not been a crap ton of construction going on and a strange load of mothers walking their babies in strollers. He had to take the other,  _ longer _ way and now he was late, well, later. 

He shoved his hat forcefully on his head, having been forced to carry it due to the possibility of losing it from the wind. After assuring himself that he was presentable, Jed pushed open the door. He was utterly relieved to see Tavi was still there, tucked away in the back. Poor guy, he looked so lonely there, idly playing with the tablecloth. Jed blew a puff of air out of his nose dejectedly. There went his potential second date. 

Tavi noticed him, his sad little frown replaced with a beam. “Hello. I didn’t think you were going to show up.” Gaaah. Was he trying to make him feel more guilty than he already was? His little puppy dog eyes were dilated, causing him to look like an actual puppy. Jed had a weakness for eyes like that. Did Tavi know that? 

“Sorry bout that,” he laughed nervously. “Didn’t mean to keep you waitin.” 

Tavi waved it off. “It’s not a problem.” 

This guy was way to freaking nice. 

“So,” Jed hoped having enthusiasm would make this less awkward, “did you order yet?” 

“Not yet,” Tavi smiled, revealing his perfect teeth to the world again. “I wanted to wait for you.” 

Holy freaking crap did Tavi understand how powerful his smile was? How it could’ve taken down a whole army? Jed lost the ability to form words. Now that he’d acknowledged those feelings for Tavi, it was like a door had opened up and he realized how often the man came across his mind. 

“O-oh. Thanks,” he nodded. He gestured toward the line. “Shall we?” 

“We shall,” a smile graced Tavi’s lips. 

They ordered their customary flavors, shyly gazing at each other. When they got toward the end, that same teenage cashire boy that mistook them for being on a date last time was working again. He smirked. 

“Back at it, boys? Or is this not a date either?” 

Jed straightened his posture up as he took his wallet out, waving away Tavi’s hand which had a few dollars in it. “Actually, we are.” 

The boy’s smirk widened. “Finally admitted it, huh?” 

_ What?  _ Seriously, was everyone trying to get them together or something? 

“Yeah,” Jed’s cheeks reddened. He was about to swipe when the teenager held his hand over the machine. 

“Don’t worry about it, man. I got it. Enjoy your date.” 

Jed smiled genuinely at him. Maybe he wasn’t that much of a snotball after all. “Thank you.” Tavi thanked him as well. They sat back down, across from each other. Jed smiled awkwardly,like high school year picture awkward, licking away at his cone with quick darts of his tongue. 

Tavi broke the ice. “I have no idea what to say to you.” 

Jed chuckled, his stress alleviated by the confession. “Me either, partner.” 

“Is this normal?” 

“Dunno,” Jed bit down on his cone with a crunch. “Suppose so.” 

They needed some ice-breakers. He knew a few things because of the twenty-questions game they’d played last time but this was different. This was a proper date! He needed some new material. 

“So,” Jed said, soft enough not to startle Tavi, “if you’d of stayed in college, what would ya have done?” 

Tavi thought about it, seemingly pleased by the question. “Probably a history professor,” he said. “Or a romance novelist. I feel that I would be qualified for either if I had the choice.” Jed nodded approvingly. “What about you, Jed?” 

“I like horses,” Jed said. “Maybe work on a farm like dad does. Or craftsman or lawn handler. Somethin outdoors, ya know?” 

“I think those are fine choices, Jed.” 

Jake hadn’t thought so. He berated Jed for not applying himself and avoiding having a “real” job. 

_ Nuh uh. Stop that. Don’t compare.  _

There really wasn’t much of a comparison. Tavi had the heart of a saint and Jake had the devil’s soul. 

“So,” Tavi copied Jed’s earlier wording, “now that we seem to be back to our twenty-questions game, I believe it is my turn.” 

Was it possible to make words sound really beautiful because that’s exactly what Tavi did. 

“Go ahead,” Jed took his elbows off the table, remembering his manners. 

“Are you a morning or night person?” 

“Night. Hate mornings,” Jed noticed that his smile become a little more fixed. “I guess yer the opposite?” 

“Yes,” Tavi actually looked apologetic.  _ What _ ? God, what was up with him? As if Jed cared. “Err, you’re turn.” 

“Were you close with yer parents before they, ya know...” Jed didn’t want to say it aloud, luckily, Tavi knew to what he was referring to. 

“Yes, we were. My mother and I spent many days in the kitchen. She would teach me how to cook like an Italian should. My father made sure I was doing my best in school. He is- _ was _ , excuse me, why I began having an interest in history. I have many fond memories that I will treasure forever.” 

The whole time he was talking, Tavi had this warm smile and he was just so relaxed. He spoke of them with so much love that it reminded Jed of his own family; reminded of him of the good times where they were the closest. 

Ironically, or maybe not so ironically, it was all before Jake. 

“That’s great, boy,” Jed said and he meant it too. “That’s real great.” 

“Yes,” Tavi agreed. “But I do wish I had your family. I would have loved to have a sibling or two. Our home was always quiet. It would have been nice to have had someone to play with. I was quite lonely.” 

The temporary sadness was enough for Jed to pity the man. Sure, his siblings made him want to rip his hair out at times but at least he had them. Poor Tavi was all by his lonesome. He couldn’t imagine living without the loud, busy ruckus that was his home. Well, had been his home. 

“Anyway,” Tavi must’ve taken Jed’s silence as a cue to stop complaining, when, in fact, he wasn’t. “I’m sorry for taking over the conversation. You go ahead and speak, not that you need permission, of course.” 

“You’re not,” Jed reassured. He wasn’t to sure if he should speak any further but did so anyway. His mouth had a mind of its own.  “I like listening to ya talk. You smile a lot when talkin bout your parents. I like it, your smile. It’s, uh-” he blushed at having said it out loud, “it’s cute.” ‘Cute’ wasn’t naturally apart of his vocabulary but for Tavi, it could be. 

And his reaction made it all worthwhile.  He stopped eating briefly, staring at Jed in disbelief. Soon a beautiful grin made its way onto his face, in addition to the redness to his cheeks and ears. “Y-You really think it’s cute?” he questioned, blinking. 

“Yeah,” Jed said with compete sureness. “Yeah I do.” 

“Thank you,” Tavi was wonderstruck. “It’s been a long time since someone has given me such a compliment.” 

That struck Jed funny. “What about your boyfriend? Don’t he compliment ya?” 

Tavi had that look like he’d said too much. “Oh of course he does! Yes, yes. It’s just he’s never complimented me on my smile. But he does give me compliments, I assure you,” he added, a little desperately in Jed’s opinion. 

“Okay, I gotcha.” No, he really didn’t but he wasn’t going to start anything out in public, least of all on their first date. He had questions, mainly about his boyfriend, but thought it would be better to wait until they were safe in the privacy of his apartment. Whoever that guy was, Jed would have loved see his face at knowing  _ he _ got that reaction from Tavi from just a simple compliment. 

“Jed,” Tavi said, holding out a couple napkins for him to take, “you’re dripping.” 

Dang it, and all over his favorite shirt too! Jed took the napkins, smiling sheepishly as he wiped away the ice cream. It didn’t stain his shirt too bad, but left a noticeable smear that he hoped would come out in the wash. “Uh, thanks pal.” 

“No problem,” Tavi’s eyes swept over him. “Has it been awhile since you have been on a date? I only ask because you seem rather nervous at the moment.” He appeared to be genuinely curious. 

“Err, yeah,” Jed said. “Bout five years, give or take.” 

“Oh. It’s been a while for me as well.” 

_ Now _ Jed was curious. “What, your boyfriend don’t take ya on dates?” What kinda relationship was that? He was sure richy rich guy was the type of person to plan out something elaborate, being that he had money and all. No compliments, no dates. Honestly, it was like he wasn't even interested in Tavi. 

“He’s very busy,” Tavi said by way of explanation. “Lots of work at the office. Most of the time I don’t get to see him until late at night when he crawls into bed.” That may have been true, but for Jed, his inner intuition was telling him otherwise. It just didn’t feel right. If anything, the relationship sounded like it was on its way out the window. This guy sounded so distant. Tavi deserved better. 

“Have ya ever done anything together?” Jed frowned. 

Tavi’s body language changed; he was antsy, avoiding eye contact. Did he touch a nerve? Sure seemed like it. “Of course,” Tavi said.  _ Liar _ . “Lance makes time. It’s just been sparingly as of late. He’s working on some big project for work.” 

“Where’s he work at?” Jed didn’t really care but this was the polite thing to do, ask questions, pretend to be interested. 

“Camelot Enterprise,” Tavi told him. 

“What’s he do?” 

“Errr.” Did Tavi really not know what his boyfriend did for a living? Was he just ignorant or did this ‘Lance’ guy not share that piece of information with him? “I’m not sure exactly but I do know it’s an office setting.” 

_ Boring.  _

“Oh,” Jed nodded with what he hoped was a thoughtful expression. “I gotcha, pal.” 

“Yeah...” 

Jed wasn’t about to let this date be a bust. “Do you have any memories of Rome?” he watched Tavi’s demeanor change in a matter of seconds, in a good way, thankfully. “I know ya said ya moved when you was young but maybe you remembered somethin.” 

Rome, Jed learned, was a never ending subject for Tavi. Not that he minded. On the contrary, it was gratifying to listen to. Tavi had a way of pulling him in even if he didn’t totally understand a lick of what he was sayin. 

“Not very many,” Tavi admitted. A broad smile crossed his face. “But I do have a couple pictures in my wallet. Would you want to take a look at them?” 

Pifft. As if he would say no. “Course,” Jed nodded. Tavi beamed, eagerly pulling out his wallet and handing over two pictures. One was of a little boy dressed in summer clothes sitting on the edge of a fountain, holding an ice cream cone. 

“That’s me,” Tavi said with a longing tone. “And that’s the Trevi Fountain. It’s not only one of the largest fountains but also one of the most famous fountains in the world. My parents met there by running into each other. Kind of like us....” He sounded really shy. 

Jed, however, was still mesmerized by the picture. He looked at Picture-Tavi, then at the real person and back to the picture. “Aww, tiny Tavi,” he teased gently. “You’re even wearing a lil’ roman hat.” 

“It’s a helmet, thank you very much,” Tavi smiled, not minding his teasing. 

“Does this mean I can call ya general now?” Jed grinned. 

Tavi raised his eyebrows. “And why, pray tell, would you want to do that?” 

“Because yer dressed like one of those roman generals from them movies.” 

Tavi laughed. “I wore a helmet, not full blown armor.” 

“Same thing, man.” 

“Hardly.” 

“Show me the other picture,” Jed was curious to see what else Tavi had. Could it be some other picture of Tavi doing something equally cute? 

“As you wish,” Tavi gave him the other. “That’s my parents on their anniversary.” Well, there was no mistaken that Tavi was their child. He was a mini cloan right down from the dark hair to the shorter height, well for his father’s side anyway. His ma was at least a head or so taller than her husband. The picture was black and white so it was harder to detect those little details but they both clearly had dark hair, something their son definitely inherited. 

“Your ma is pretty,” Jed tried not to think of his own mother. No, today was going to be a good day. “Reminds me of my ma.” Gosh dang it, now why did he have to go and say that?

Tavi smiled proudly (and a little bit sadly). “Thank you, Jed. I bet your mother is beautiful as well.” 

_ She is.  _ With their ice cream cones gone, the parlor semi empty, and soft smiles on their faces, brown eyes met blue and for a single moment, nothing else mattered. Jed’s stress about this whole day was gone. It was magical, as cheesy as that sounded. Neither spoke, just gazed. A moment of pure bliss that Jed didn’t want to end. 

“Y-You have very nice eyes,” Tavi breathed. 

“T-Thanks, partner,” Jed tried not to grin like a dope. “Yours are nice too.” A radiant burst of light came through the open parlor windows. It was orange and soft, hitting Tavi in a way that was just, what was the word? Breathtaking. That was it. Utterly breathtaking. 

_ Stop it. It’s too early for all this kinda talk _ . 

“Say, hoss,” Jed said shyly, “would ya be interested in walkin to the park with me?” 

“You mean to watch the sunset?” Tavi was delighted. 

“Err, yeah... If ya want.” 

“I’d loved to.” 

And so they got up, threw away the used napkins, thanked the teenage cashuire one last time before departing. It was still freezing out there but they could’ve cared less. They strode down the sidewalk, closer than the last time. Jed felt a strange phenomena come over him. Ever since Jake, his need for physical affection heightened but the fuel inside of him to actually go through with it with people diminished. He just didn’t want to be that close to someone. Way too many memories. But suddenly, Jed had a strange urge to grasp Tavi’s hand. Panicked, he glanced down. Tavi’s right hand was shoved in his pocket, ungloved. Jed’s hands weren’t gloved either but maybe he could be persuaded? They’d be warmer, that’s for sure. 

“Do ya wanna, ya know, hold hands?” Jed gulped. 

Tavi turned to look at him real quick before averting his gaze to what was in front of him. “I shouldn’t,” he said hurriedly, “I’m still with Lance...it would be wrong.” 

And a date wasn’t? “Right,” Jed agreed halfheartedly. “I gotcha.” He tried to put the thought behind him. He didn’t  _ really _ want to hold hands with Tavi; he blamed it on being on a date for the first time in five years. Just wacky feelings. No good, doggone feelings. He wasn’t a touchy person anymore and planned to stay that way. 

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” Tavi looked ashamed. 

“You didn’t,” Jed lied like a rug. “I understand, partner.” 

Tavi looked relieved. “Thank goodness,” he said. 

Jed faked a smile. “Yeah.” 

The park was mostly empty, which was good. He watched as a group of children ran around, chasing one another to the swings. He smiled softly. He’d always liked children. When he was with Jake, he had this crazy notion that Jake was his future and they’d grow old together, adopting a child or two. It took him a bit longer to think of himself as potential father material but after some convincement, he yearned to have a family of his own. But things don’t always go the way you plan, he thought somewhat bitterly. Jake wasn’t swayed by the idea. He preferred his freedom and urged Jed to stop thinking so ridiculously. He saw it as an obligation, a burden. 

_ Guess it is when that means ya’d have to stop thinkin of yourself!  _

“It’s beautiful,” Tavi admired the sky. 

“Yeah,” Jed tore his eyes off of the children, bringing them up to where Tavi was looking at. “Awfully pretty. We had some pretty nifty sunsets back in Texas.” 

“Oh?” Tavi glanced at him. “Texas sounds so intriguing. Perhaps I will visit there one day should I get the chance.” 

Jed grinned.  _ Yeah. Just you and me and- _

“Perhaps Lance would be up for a vacation.” 

It was like in those cartoons where the car brakes screech to a stop. “Maybe,” Jed said through grit teeth. All this Lance talk was really getting on his nerves. He wouldn’t make his anger known, however. He knew how Tavi reacted to anger and didn’t want to put him through that. And not just because it was their first date. 

“I’m sorry,” Tavi suddenly apologized. It was as if he could read Jed’s mind. “I know you must be less than thrilled to be hearing about Lance.” 

“Yeah not really,” Jed confessed. 

“I shall try and keep the references to a minimum.” 

Jed couldn’t help but grin at how cute he was. His facial expression and tone of voice were serious but there was just something about him that ruined any kind of action he took as being serious. 

“What are you smiling at?” Tavi asked confusedly. 

“You,” Jed said simply.

“Oh.” 

“Yeah,” Jed said with a smile. 


	23. Chapter 23

As the weeks passed by since their first official, proper date, Octavius was seeing more and more of Jed. And while the blonde had yet to venture into the penthouse, Octavius had his fair share of time in Jed’s apartment. Jed didn’t inquire about switching their location up anymore, thankfully. Octavius knew it really wasn’t fair-Jed opened up his place without complaint but that didn’t mean it settled alright with Octavius. It was times like those that he wished he had his own place. It kind of sucked (yes, he was going to use the word suck again) that his time was limited based on whatever Charlie was doing that day. The younger man let loose his earlier worries and gotten comfortable with leaving Octavius all alone, trusting him completely not to sneak out. It was a relief but he did feel guilty there for awhile. Octavius honestly wished he could just tell Charlie what was going on so he didn’t have to do all this lying and rule breaking. He seemed like an understanding person, from what the Italian gathered. But Octavius feared that as soon as he knew, he’d go running to Lance and snitch on him. He just couldn’t let that happen. It would create a nasty chain of events that he would much rather avoid. There was simply too much at stake for a misjudgement to occur.

After hanging out, going on dates, Octavius should’ve known the status of their relationship by now. But alas, he didn’t. He didn’t know what to think of it. Jed was definitely more than a friend but hadn’t taken the plunge and called himself Octavius’ boyfriend. But they were often mistaken for otherwise. Octavius supposed it wasn’t that far fetched of a call; they _did_ act like they were dating. Well, kind of. They didn’t act like so in a technical sense. They didn’t hold hands or cuddle or, Jupiter forbid, kiss. But they were very close. They did spend as much time a possible together, going to movies, laughing at the gross couples like silly children. They ate mounds of ice cream and watched cat videos. They also challenged each other to more “Battle of the Smarts” and in the process, Octavius even taught Jed some Italian. He wasn’t very good but it was highly amusing nonetheless. Once, Jed had gotten overconfident, trying to give him a sly little nickname but messed up, accidentally referring to Octavius as his sweet little potato. Octavius, after giggling for like five minutes, affectionately called him jellybean in return.

If that wasn’t enough, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, Jed started taking pictures of Octavius. Just random, every day pictures that captured the Italian in the least attractive way. One of which was of him eating ice cream out of a bowel with the spoon in his mouth. Octavius had scowled, urging the blonde to delete it but Jed just grinned cheekily and saved it to his gallery. While he was a bit bewildered in the beginning, Octavius grew flattered. He wasn’t used to that kind of attention. He was convinced that he was merely plain looking, but not to Jed. Jed acted like he was a freaking masterpiece. It was heartwarming but strange at the same time. It also made it harder to have to take a break from him if Charlie wasn’t leaving the penthouse that day.

And as they continued to go on dates, each one better than the last, Octavius could never help but take it into comparison with the few dates he’d been on with Lance. Jed always took his suggestions into consideration, saying that they should compromise and take turns picking the date. It was a fine idea, Octavius agreed, so they did. He’d never had this kind of opportunity with Lance. Lance just picked, usually somewhere fancy or something that was way out of Octavius’ interests and comfort zone.

But dates weren’t the only thing that differed between Lance and Jed. Octavius had never felt such emotion as he did with Jed. The nervousness, thh butterflies in his stomach, the _blushing_. He was worse than a schoolgirl. Jed was quick to elicit happiness from him. Lance made him happy too, don’t get him wrong. It was just...different? There was still a tiny glimmer of hope inside of him, hoping dearly that one day Lance would pop the question and he’d get his happily ever after like the characters in his romance novels. But everytime that thought came into his mind, his inner voice would emerge, shaking its imaginary head at him, reminding him that he still had Jed on the line. He’d neglected to make a decision yet. He wasn’t one to procrastinate but this was something he didn’t mind putting off until the last minute. Both were fine men that didn’t deserve to be roped into this situation. But he’d put them there.

At times, Octavius thought he could spot jealousy in Jed’s eyes at the mention of Lance, to which, true to his promise, he kept to a low minimum. Was it wrong to say that it was enjoyable? The flicker of brief envy in those blue eyes was, dare he say it, attractive. This was all new to him but even he recognized he should know better. No matter what would come out of this love triangle, Octavius would forever be eternally grateful of having the chance to be acquainted with someone like Jed. He was the goofy, strange presence he didn’t know he needed in his life. Ahk still maintained his stance that Jed was the one. They playfully argued about it at least once a week.

Speaking of Ahk, Octavius refused to allow his friendship to waver again and talked to the Egyptian every other day, if not every day. He also made sure to keep in touch with Larry and Nicky as well. Larry was usually in the same room as Ahk during their conversations so it wasn’t that much of a problem. For Nicky, they’d slowly grown to have a real uncle/nephew relationship now. Nicky didn’t have many friends so it wasn’t that unheard of for him to text Octavius if he was having a rough day or needed to talk to someone other than his parents. Octavius wasn’t that much older than him, but Ahk told him in a passing conversation that Nicky really looked up to him. Octavius was so proud of what he’d accomplished in such a short time. He’d gone from being isolated in the penthouse with no one to relate to  and now he had Jed, his best friend back, another friend in Larry and an honorary nephew in Nicky. His life was full and he couldn’t be happier.

At the cost of Lance.

Much to his anxiety in the beginning, his relationship with Lance had started fading away each day. The Brit had called him the other day, explaining unapologetically that his trip had gotten extended _again_ , which meant he had to stay another month or so. He said they might be breaking ground for some new business deal but Octavius wasn’t so convinced. Ironically, he called not too long before he was supposed due home from his first extension. He honestly felt bad for Charlie, having to put his own life on hold to babysit him. The younger man didn’t express it, but he had a feeling the assistant wasn’t all to happy about it either. When Octavius told Ahk this newest piece of information, the Egyptian hummed, which told Octavius was his way of saying ‘I told you so’ without verbally saying it.

Of course, he didn’t want to believe that Lance had gone and cheated; that he was capable of shoving their relationship to the side. He didn’t want to imagine that he’d met someone, that he had his arms wrapped around their waist, kissing the roughly, passionately and dragged them to bed to shag them senseless. It’d hurt, to think about it, but as time went on, that hurt lessoned. Octavius could say it, think it without his throat burning or tears appearing. He didn’t know why or when that started but his initial fear was subsiding. If he was frank, he wasn’t all that concerned if Lance was cheating on him or not. Everything was going smoothly at the moment, he had great people around him again. If Lance loved him (like he knew he did) then he would return with open arms.

**

“So if ya could go anywhere, besides Italy, where would ya go?” Jed asked, arms behind his head, tongue rolling around in his mouth mindlessly as he stared up at the ceiling.

They were in Jed’s apartment, naturally, lazily lying on the couch diagonally from each other. Jed’s feet, still in his boots, laid right next to Octavius and vice versa. It was around six in the evening. They’d gotten chinese food and ice cream (a favorite treat for the both of them), stuffing themselves to the brim. Just as they’d gotten done eating, Amelia started a video chat with Jed. The first thing the Italian heard was a scream that resembled the one Ahk gave to him not that long ago. She was extremely happy for them, exclaiming her congratulations and saying how sorry she was that the three of them hadn’t been able to get together since their dinner a few weeks ago but that work was slowing down so she should be able to snag some time off. Octavius thought it was nice to see her smiling face again-Jed, not so much. He wanted to ignore it at first but gave in to Octavius’ persuasion that the sooner he answer it, the sooner he could get off the phone with her and they could continue their hangout/date night. After their video chat, which lasted forty-five minutes (Jed kept track), the pair landed on the couch, talking animatedly. Even after all the previous conversations, Octavius realized there was still much to learn about his faux cowboy. For example, Jed much preferred honey mustard over real mustard. He said the taste made him gag.

Octavius thought for a moment. “I’m not sure. Perhaps Alaska so I could see the northern lights. I’ve always wanted to see them.”

Jed nodded approvingly. “I knew a buddy who’s family went to see ‘em. Showed me pictures, was pretty neat to see.”

“What about you?” Octavius asked him. “Where would you go besides Texas?”

“Australia,” Jed said automatically.

This intrigued the Italian. “Why’s that?”

“I wanna see a kangaroo,” Jed looked a little sheepish.

“Couldn’t you just go to the zoo for that?”

“What? No,” Jed shook his head determinedly. “I wanna see a kangaroo in Australia!”

Octavius chuckled. “Fair enough.”

Jed clicked his tongue. “So who was your role model growing up? Your parents?”

Octavius squirmed a bit as to avoid being pushed off the couch completely. “I had a couple. My parents, yes of course, but also my fifth grade math teacher, Miss Payton.”

“Awww, did little Tavi have a crush on Miss Payton,” Jed teased, absentmindedly tracing patterns on Octavius’ leg. One of the perks of them hanging out so much was that they started touching other. It was small, nothing major like hugging but a step in the positive direction.

“No,” Octavius snorted. “She was pretty, yes-oh shush, you're pretty too,” he added in response to the face Jed made. “But she was very helpful and made me consider being a teacher myself. I wonder if she’s still teaching,” he murmured mostly to himself.

“That’s nice, boy,” Jed told him. “I suppose my role model was my mama.” Octavius smiled softly. He loved it that Jed had such high regard for his mother. “Swear we was the bestest friends growin up.”

By the tone of his voice, Octavius ventured to say that maybe they weren't so close now but didn’t want to be nosy. Then again, Jed did say he could ask whatever he wanted without judgement...

“May I ask a question?”

Jed craned his neck to look the Italian in the eye. “Course ya can. Told you ya could.”

“Right,” Octavius said. “Well, and feel free not to answer if this makes you uncomfortable but... are you not as close with your mother now? You just sounded so,” he didn’t know what to say so he just trailed off.

Jed got the gist of it. He sighed heavily, muttering about how he knew this was gonna come up eventually. He sat up a bit, but not so that he changed positions. “It’s true,” he said, “we was close when I was growin up but when I met Jake,” here, he flinched for some unknown reason, “I dunno, it dwindled off. I was always off doin somethin with him.” He breathed in and out, likely trying to gain control before he started crying. Octavius knew that trick. “We stopped havin our mother/son bonding days and pretty soon I saw her at meals and that was it.”

Octavius’ heart broke, simultaneously marveling at the similarities between Jed’s relationship with _Jake_ and his own with Lance. He opened his mouth to speak but Jed held a hand up, signaling that he wasn’t done.

“When I was twenty,” he began again, “Jake said we should move in together but not in Texas. He wanted to move to New York.”

“And?” Octavius wondered.

“And I did. He, uh, didn’t get along with my family and wanted to move as far from ‘em as possible.”

Octavius frowned. “Didn’t he take your feelings into consideration?”

Jed smiled bitterly. “Nope. Not one time. But I loved him, or thought I did so I packed up and moved. Changed my number and everythin.”

“What happened to you and Jake?”

Again, Jed flinched. “Broke up when I was twenty-two. It, uh, didn’t work out.” Jed was lying, Octavius knew it. Whenever he wasn’t telling the truth, or trying to withhold the truth for a joke, he would play with a piece of his hair. Octavius didn’t know if he did it all the time or if it was just with him. But either way, he knew.

“Oh,” Octavius didn’t want to call him out on it, “I’m very sorry. Have you spoken to your family since the breakup?” The heartbroken gleam in Jed’s eyes told him no, he sure hadn’t. “May I ask why?”

Jed shrugged helplessly. “Can’t face ‘em after I left ‘em like that.”

 _Poor Jed_ , Octavius felt sorry for him. He looked like he truly regretted his past actions and wanted to redeem himself. ‘I’m sorry,” he repeated, “but thank you for confiding in me. I’m honored that you trusted me enough to do so.”

Jed smiled amidst his sadness. “Can we change the subject? Fraid I don’t feel like talkin bout this anymore.” That was another thing Octavius noticed, when he was emotional his western talk got more thick.

“Of course,” Octavius said tenderly. “What would you like to talk about?”

Jed chewed on his bottom lip. “Err, what’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to ya?”

Octavius paused, trying to think of the most laughable moment that would make Jed’s smile, for real this time. “I’d have to say the times when I was a child and I tried on my mother’s skirts . She took pictures, unbeknownst to me, and took great joy in showing them to everyone,” he cringed.

His plan worked. Jed snickered. “At least you didn’t try on ‘er makeup.”

Octavius turned very, very red. It had been _one_ time! Jed noticed his red face and promptly burst into more laughter, his own face turning red. “I-I can’t believe ya-” he couldn’t finish his sentence due to his overflowing giggles. The Italian groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

“I regret sharing it with you already,” he mock scowled.  Inwardly, he was pleased with himself that he got Jed out of his gloomy mood.

Jed sat up, patting Octavius’ knee. “Sorry about that hoss.” Unfortunately his apology was ruined by the twinkling in his eyes and the grin that threatened to split his face into two.

“No you’re not,” but he wasn’t angry of course. After all, it was a bit funny, he had to admit.

“No I ain’t,” Jed agreed, chuckling. “Maybe someday I’ll get to see those pictures, hmm?” he winked.

Octavius shook his head. “Absolutely not,” he was amused by the (fake) look of devastation on Jed’s face.

“But Taviiiiii!”

“Nope.”

“Yer unfair.”

“Oh no, my heart is breaking into two,” Octavius said sarcastically.

“Shut up, Tavi. I ain’t got time for your sass, boy.”

“Mhm,” Octavius rolled his eyes. Jed laid back down. “So what’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you? Go to the hoedown without your hat?”

Jed smirked. “Ya really need to work on your insults, boy.”

“Oh shut up.”

“I suppose the most embarrassin moment for me was when Bobby pulled my pants down when I was talkin to a girl I liked.”

 _Whoa now._ That caught Octavius’ attention. “Wait, hang on a second,” he wasn’t sure if he heard him correctly. “You liked a girl? So you’re Bi, I take it?”

“Nah,” Jed shook his head. “Gay. Just didn’t know I liked fellers till I was fifteen. Had one crush on a girl when I wa thirteen and was hopin to snag a date but Bobby thought I’d be funny to pull down my pants for dumpin ice water on him that morning. One day I didn’t wear a belt.”

A snort escaped from Octavius, causing Jed to raise his eyebrows. The Italian couldn’t help himself and just like Jed, burst into laughter. “I-I’m sorry but that’s hilarious! Had anybody taken any pictures of _that_?”

“Shut up,” Jed flicked his leg, sticking his tongue out. Octavius stuck his tongue out as well. “Is not. Was embarrassin.

“Oh come on,” Octavius said teasingly, reaching over to lightly punch his shoulder, “I’m sure she thought your underwear was manly enough.”

“It was blue underwear with cartoon cowboys.”

Octavius snickered. “Never mind.”

Jed groaned. “Never did talk to me again _or_ look me in the eye.”

“I bet not,” Octavius snickered.

Jed wagged a finger at him, tisking. “Nuh uh. No laughing at me. I forbid it.”

Octavius grinned innocently. “And if I do it anyway?”

“I might have to punish ya.”

A tingle of fear shot down his spine but Octavius did his best to remain calm. Jed hadn’t hurt him. Jed _wouldn't_ hurt him.  Everything was going to be okay. He’d be fine.

“And how do you propose you’ll do that?” Octavius raised his eyebrows.

Jed wordlessly sat up, maneuvering until he was on his knees, then looped a leg over the lower half of Octavius’s legs. The Italian peered at him curiously, breathing just a _tiny_ bit more heavy than he was before. _Was Jed going to kiss him?_ He wondered. The thought both excited and frightened him.  The blonde leaned down close to his ear and he shivered involuntarily.

“Ima have to...tickle ya!”

_Huh?_

Jed’s fingers got to work immediately, starting on Octavius’ stomach. It just so happened to be his most ticklish spot. The Italian giggled, squirming underneath him. “Hehehe no! Jeeeed!”

“Somethin wrong, Tavi?” Jed asked with a not so innocent grin. He tickled Octavius’ ribs as well, poking and gently scratching. Poor Octavius was going mad. He hadn’t been tickled in ages and laughed harder than he had in a long time. “Does that _tickle_?” To emphasize his point, he slowed his fingers down, but that didn’t make it any less agonizing.

“J-Jed please,” Octavius said through panted laughs, “s-stop!”

Jed obeyed, still straddling him. “You okay there, partner?” he asked him softly.

Octavius, red faced and slight sweaty, nodded. “Yes, but you won’t be.”

Jed stared at him weirdly. “What are ya talkin bout-hey!” he yelped when Octavius reached up to tickle his stomach. The blonde was so surprised by the sudden attack that he fell back, giving Octavius the advantage of straddling him now.

“When starting a tickle fight always expect revenge my friend,” Octavius grinned cheekily. Below him, Jed pleaded for mercy but he wasn’t feeling very merciful at the moment. He slid his fingers under Jed’s shirt, feeling the soft flesh. Jed burst into laughter, squirming and bucking. Octavius thought it was adorable. _Looks like I found his achilles heel,_ he thought wryly.

“Guess the big bad cowboy isn’t so tough after all,” he teased.

“Hahaha nooooo don’t stopppp!”

“Don’t stop? As you wish,” Octavius was enjoying hearing Jed’s loud, gleeful laughter. Honestly, the man was even more ticklish than he was! When he noticed Jed was becoming winded, he stopped, allowing the other man to catch his breath. “You alright, Jed?”

The blonde panted, giving him a thumbs up. “Peachy, Tavi. Never knew you was so evil.”

Octavius grinned.

“I hope you’re not angry with me.”

“Angry with you?” Jed scoffed. “Never.”

Octavius tried to untable himself from Jed’s limbs, to avoid any future awkwardness (as he was very close to a *ahem* certain area) but in the process, he fell forward, his face going right on Jed’s shoulder.

Well, this might just top his embarrassing story.

He wasn’t sure what to do. Jed seemed equally as shocked, as he was practically rigid under him. The Italian began apologizing profusely. But Jed just gently rubbed his back with his free hand. “Shh,” his hot breath was hitting his ear in _just_ the right spot. “S’ok.”

“Okay,” Octavius said nervously but made no action to move. Jed was oddly comfortable, despite the awkward position. He didn’t stop rubbing his back, which felt so good. Octavius could’ve fallen asleep, had his body not been on high alert, that is.

“You enjoyin this as much as I am?” Jed asked softly.

“You’re enjoying this?” Octavius inwardly cursed at how his voice cracked like a teenage boy going through puberty.

Jed shifted. Octavius moved a little bit so his face was directly facing Jed’s. The blonde avoided eye contact, shyly. “Err, yeah. Guess I am, hoss.”

“M-Me too,” Octavius only had a handful of times he and Lance truly got intimate, a couple of which were forced. “Y-You smell very nice.”

Jed blushed. “Thank ya. I, uh, put on cologne.”

Octavius was surprised. “You’ve never put any on before.”

“I know...I wanted to impress ya.”

Octavius boldly reached for his hand, lacing his fingers through Jed’s. “You don’t have to work to impress me. I was impressed by you already.”

“Really?”

“Indeed.”

Jed breathed. “Well then. Suppose we should move. Don’t wanna do nothin you ain’t ready for.”

Octavius’ heart pounded in his chest. He swallowed. This was it, just do it. He could do this.

“Wait.”

Jed met his eyes, confusion in his.

“Maybe I am ready,” he bit his lower lip.

The blonde stared. “What you tryin to say?”

“Kiss me.” 


	24. Chapter 24

“A-Are you sure?” Jed asked huskily. What if it was just him on a high of some sorts from everything that’s happened so far and regretted it later? Jed didn’t know if he could handle that. 

When he started their little tickle fight, he never imagined how it would end up. Definitely not like  _ this _ . 

Having Tavi on top of him was thoroughly unexpected yet welcoming at the same time. The Italian wasn’t heavy, honestly, he was like a feather.  _ The perfect size to cuddle with _ . Jed banished the thought, inwardly cursing when all the blood rushed down south. Holy crap this was not happening. This was one of those nightmares he needed to wake up from. 

He briefly thought about pushing the other man off, no offense to Tavi. Nothing against him but it’d had been a very long time since he’d been in such a titillating position. Even the times he cuddled on the couch with Jake never left him feeling like this. Obviously the logical thing to do was push him off. 

It was like all his hidden, secret desires were coming out. Tavi was the big, juicy piece of meat that spent all day cookin on the grill, all delectable and satisfying. As if it had a mind of its own, Jed’s hand began rubbing up and down Tavi’s back, resisting the urge to pull the other man closer and tuck him under his chin. That would be wildly inappropriate, not to mention a complete violation to Tavi’s trust. He’d explicitly told Jed that he didn’t want to hold hands because he was with Lance. Jed understood, kinda. He didn’t condone cheating nor did he believe in forcing someone to do something for his own gain. If Tavi didn’t want to hold hands, then by dog, they wouldn’t. 

When Tavi laced their fingers together, it was so  _ electrifying _ . Much more than the day at the bookstore. Much more than anything. He didn’t want to make Tavi uncomfortable so he kept his reaction to himself and hoped the other man didn’t notice. 

The thought of kissing Tavi had come across his mind before, scaring him out of his wits. It had been so long since his last kiss with Jake and actually, that couldn’t count much due to the circumstances. He craved kisses occasionally, craved somethin gentle, something passionate. He felt like a girl sometimes, wishin for his prince charming to swoop in and give him a life like the characters in those fairytales got. 

But this was real life. You didn’t get fairytale endings. Jed had gotten accustomed to living alone, away from the rest of the world, except when Amelia dragged him out. He just accepted that he was going to grow old and alone. No use worryin over true love and all that crap. He did it once and refused to do it again, no siree. 

But that was before he met Tavi and everything changed. 

“Please,” Tavi pleaded. He licked his lips, whether consciously or subconsciously that wasn’t clear. But it brought Jed’s attention to them and he had to tear his eyes away to properly respond. 

“Okay,” Jed whispered, giving in. With trembling hands, he cupped Tavi’s face, staring into those chocolate brown eyes, hesitating for a split second. Tavi grasped his hands, letting him know silently that it was okay to proceed. The blonde inhaled before pressing his lips against Tavi’s gently. Tavi kissed back with little force, little rush. There was no need. They relished in each others presence. Jed felt like he was in utter ecstasy. 

It was like nothing he’d ever experienced. Every kind of cliche known to mankind could have worked to describe what he felt in that moment. Magical sparks, fireworks a blazin, you name it.  Their noses bumped, not that it mattered. Neither took much notice. Tavi let go of his hands to rest them on his cheeks, stroking them softly. If the need for air hadn’t been prevalent, they would’ve kept going.

When they let go, neither spoke, just stared in each others eyes. “Wow,” Tavi whispered in awe. “I’ve never kissed anyone quite like you before.” He wore a million watt smile that could’ve lit up a whole entire city. 

“Me either, Tavi,” Jed was on cloud nine. If he died tonight that would have been completely okay because  _ he kissed Tavi and he kissed back!  _

Tavi sat up a little, a majority of his body still leaning on Jed’s. He had a strange expression on his face.  _ Great,  _ the blonde braced himself,  _ he hated it _ . He was about to start apologizing but Tavi spoke up. 

“So, what now?” 

That hadn’t been what he expected. 

“Huh?” Jed said stupidly. 

“What now? What does this mean for us moving forward?” Tavi looked lost. And frankly, so was Jed. 

“I dunno, pal,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “Ima little clueless myself.” This didn’t bring any comfort to his friend. “We clearly ain’t just friends.” 

“But we can’t be boyfriends either,” Tavi pointed out sadly. “I have Lance.” 

“Can ya just dump him?” Jed suggested. Call him selfish but he really wanted Tavi all to himself. ‘Lance’ sounded like a real jerk anyway! Tavi deserved somebody that would worship him like the beautiful god he was. 

Tavi looked horrified. “No!” 

Jed nodded, acting like his stomach didn’t just drop into a canyon. 

“I mean,” Tavi must’ve noticed that his words affected him, he was usually observant like that. He sighed defeatedly. “I just can’t break up with him. We’ve been through so much together. How can I just let that go without a second thought?”

_ Real easy _ , Jed thought but didn’t say. Even he knew that was a lie. He knew from personal experience that when it came to relationships and all that stuff, it was much easier said than done. 

“And besides-” Jed tuned back in. “If I break up now and date you then he’ll know I’ve cheated.” His breathing changed, becoming labored. “Oh God, what have I done? Admiring you from afar was one thing....but now I have most definitely cheated!” Tavi was practically having a breakdown. He should’ve done something, comforted him but Jed was stuck into silence by something he said. 

_ “Admiring you from afar was one thing...”  _

Tavi liked him, that was known. But he’d admired him? From afar? Wow. He forced down the smile that was slowly creeping up. He was sure Tavi wouldn’t appreciate him smiling during a time like this. 

“Hey, hey,” he didn’t know what would be acceptable when it came to being in physical contact so he settled for opening his arms, gesturing that he could lean in for a hug. Tavi hesitated and  _ hesitated _ but finally collapse into his arms, burying his face in Jed’s neck. He didn’t openly sob or shake but the blonde felt something wet drip down into his shirt. “It’s okay, it’s alright.” 

“No it isn’t,” Tavi protested, voice muffled. “I cheated. I deserve to die.” 

“Whoa, boy,” Jed’s arms were tightly wrapped around him, indirectly inhaling the scent of Tavi’s glorious shampoo.  _ Focus, focus _ . “No need to get extreme.” 

“It’s true,” Tavi sniffled. 

“No it ain’t,” Jed said sternly. “Cheating is wrong, yeah, but it ain’t like you did it on purpose. It just happened.” 

Tavi stiffened at his changed tone of voice. “Perhaps that may be, but Lance won’t see it that way.” Jed was a little concerned at how terrified he was. Was this just his normal way of reacting or-? No, no. It couldn’t be. 

“He’ll understand,” Jed said kindly. “I’m sure he will.” 

“No,” Tavi said in a choked whisper, “he won’t.” 

Jed really didn’t want to give any positive encouragement, not because he felt that Tavi did not warrant any but because that would only show him that he should pick ‘Lance” and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Was that childish? Probably. And that’s what he would’ve done if his stupid conscious didn’t butt in. 

“Ya never know,” Ugh, it was like drowning a bottle of tequila. “Maybe if you explain everything he might. I’m sure he’ll be understanding.” 

Tavi remained silent, Jed took it as a good sign. He wasn’t crying or shaking or showing any other signs that he was distraught. He rubbed the other man’s back again, starting from the top up by his neck and down close to his tailbone (but not too close). Strangely, at the lowest part of his back, just barely above his tailbone, Tavi flinched. 

“Tavi?” Jed said with uncertainty. 

The Italian quickly let go, pushing his shirt down as if to cover up something. “Sorry,” he made a sound that was of a half laugh and the other half, well who knows. 

Jed narrowed his eyes seriously. “What you hidin there?”

Tavi scooted to the far side of the couch. “Nothing,” he said, his voice an octave higher than normal. 

“Tavi...” 

“Please. It’s nothing. I assure you-ah! Jed!” 

Jed was usually respectful of privacy and would never,  _ ever _ just go up to someone and yank their shirt up. But today he was a man on a mission. Tavi’s weird behavior wasn’t adding up, at least to anything that could calm down his suspicions which he desperately wanted to be false. Due to his light weight, it took little to nothing for Jed to turn him around. Right there, on his lower back, glaring at the world with its purple glory was a bruise. A fading one, but a bruise nonetheless, contrasting with the smooth, creamy pale skin around it. It wasn’t very big but it came from somewhere. 

“Tavi,” his voice shook. “Why do ya have a bruise on your back? Looks real nasty to me.” 

“It’s nothing,” the reply came exactly two minutes later and by the way Tavi seemed to be itching for a way out of this mess, it wasn’t nothing. “I tripped a month or so ago and hit my back against a desk.” 

Amid his curiosity, Jed gingerly touched it with the his finger, lightly tracing it. Tavi jumped slightly. “Please don’t touch it. It, erm, it still hurts.” 

He bet it did. “Want some ice for it?” Jed asked him. Tavi allowed him to get some and when the blonde came back, his friend was laying on his stomach, head resting sideways on a pillow leaning on the arm of the couch. He gently laid the bag of ice on the wound. Tavi let out a few curses, gripping the pillow. 

“It’s very cold,” he said through grit teeth. 

Jed fixed the problem by placing a dish cloth directly under and setting the bag of ice on top of it. “There. That better?” 

“Much,” Tavi said in gratitude. 

Jed turned the TV on for them, letting Tavi take control of what they watched. He didn’t really care. He was becoming lost in his own thoughts. He’d had a talk with Amelia about Tavi’s weird behavior before and she’d dismissed it as merely nerves or something. He’d assumed that too but now, things were pointing in a different direction and he didn’t like it very much. Some of what Tavi did, what he said, how he said it, was what Jed had done a time ago. 

When he was with Jake. 

When he was being abused. 

It would make sense. Strict work policy his butt. There was a reason Tavi didn’t want him to call Lance and it wasn’t because he was afraid of him getting fired. 

Jed closed his eyes. How could he have missed it? He should’ve recognize the signs! He should’ve done something sooner! Tavi, poor Tavi, he was suffering silently and nobody was aware of it. That sucked, it really sucked. Nobody had known when he’d gone through it with Jake. His family knew he wasn’t very nice but he thought they were just bonkers. Jake, his darling, would have never abused him. Not in a million years. 

His previous thought process made him sick sometimes. 

He didn’t know how long Tavi and Lance had been together nor did he know very many details, heck, his suspicion was just that...a suspicion. But nothing else made sense. 

Jed kept calm though, even though he was like a raging bull on the inside. Domestic violence victims were wary when it came out anger. Tavi wasn’t safe at him but he sure as heck would be safe there. 

He watched the man, watching him as he watched the TV. It was a dumb sitcom, Little House on the Prairie. He’d seen a couple episodes but wasn't impressed. Tavi was engrossed, though. Figures, Jed inwardly snorted. 

It was honestly unimaginable that anyone could want to hurt someone like Tavi. He was like a puppy, cute and innocent. Jed yearned to tell him that he knew, thought he knew but it also might be the wrong thing to do. He knew that if anybody, no matter if it was a best friend or not, came up and told him his boyfriend was being abusive he would’ve hit the roof. Victims were typically defensive of those accusatations. He’d have to bring it up gently, careful not to work him up in a little ol frenzie. 

Tavi turned his attention away from the TV to smile at him. Jed smiled weakly in return, eyes going back to the bruise. 

_ Oh Tavi... _

_ ** _

“I’m tellin ya, Ames; it was huge and purple!” Jed stressed, switching his phone to be held in his other hand. 

“Are you sure you’re not overreacting?” Amelia remarked. “Just because he has one bruise doesn’t mean he’s being abused.” This angered the blonde immensely. 

“Don’t talk down to me! I know what I’m talkin bout. Don’t ya remember the black eye he had when we met? Tell me that’s coincidental too.” 

“Jed, he could just be clumsy. Ever think of that?” she didn’t sound very sure of herself. 

“You’re crazy. Ima prove it. I swear I will. You just wait.” 

“Now hold on a second, cowboy,” she reeled him back in. “Don’t go doing something you’ll regret. Just ask him about it if you’re so sure.” 

“I can’t,” he groaned. 

“Why not?” 

“Ames, he’ll get defensive. He’ll talk till he’s blue in the face, denyin it. I would’ve with Jake.” 

She was quiet on her hand. Jed didn’t like snapping at her but this was serious business. He hated it how abuse could fly under the radar so easily. It wasn’t fair. 

“You’re sure he’s being abused?” she said softly. 

He breathed in and out heavily. “Yeah. I do.” 

“Okay, Jedi. I believe you.” 

“Thank God.” 

“Just promise me you’ll control yourself. I don’t want to have to come and bail you out of jail.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry. I’ll bring it up somehow, dunno how.” 

“Good.” 

“Yeah,” she clicked her tongue. “No boyfriend chasing for you.’ she joked. 

“Couldn’t even if I wanted to.” 

“Because it’s wrong and could end up with possible jail time?” 

“Because Tavi wouldn’t want me to.” 

“You’re so whipped,” she snickered. 

“No I ain’t,” he blushed furiously. 

“Are so.” 

“Are not.” 

“Are  _ so _ .” 

“Are  _ not _ .” 

“You are. Now anyway, tell me about this kiss you briefly mentioned,” she said slyly. 

He really should keep personal details like that to himself. “It was a kiss,” he said lamely. 

“Oh that is such a lie,” she snorted. “Now tell me the truth.” 

“It was...magical,” he smiled widely in remembrance of Tavi’s soft, plump lips touching his. Another part of him was remembering as well. He adjusted his jeans. “I ain’t never had a kiss like that, Ames. It was so, gosh I can’t even describe it.” 

“Awww, my little cowboy is growing up,” she sighed happily. “You, sir, are in love and this makes me so happy.” 

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Yeah I am.” 

“Jedediah Smith just admitted he’s in love. Call the newspaper this is front page news!” 

“Hardy har har,” he said dryly. 

“Seriously, you’ve had a kiss, you’ve cuddled and you played nurse. Did you wear a little nurses outfit?” her coy tone was ruined by the laughter in her voice. 

“Amelia!” he scolded as she burst out laughing. 

“I’m not getting a nooooo.” 

“You’re also not getting an invite to our next hangout.” 

“Ouch.” 

“Good. I hope it burned.” 

“Someone's cranky.” 

“Can ya blame me?” 

“Maybe not. But answer me,  _ would _ you wear a little nurses outfit?” 

“I’ll hang up.” 

“You wouldn’t dare.” 

“I would.” 

“No, Jed, wait,” she whined. “I’m bored and you’re my only source of entertainment. My TV went out.” 

“Sounds like a you problem.” 

“So much for sympathy....hey could -” 

“No.” 

“You didn’t even know what I was gonna say,” she was indignant. 

“You wanted to come over and watch TV.” 

“Maybe you did know.” 

He snorted. 

“Can we talk about your future husband more? Pleaseee?” 

Jed turned a deeper shade of red. They weren’t even boyfriends yet, how could she say that? Then again, Amelia said much without thinking first. 

Besides, he wasn’t ready to think of marriage yet. It was too soon. Tavi would be as freaked out as he was if he heard of this conversation. 

“Sure-Ah, I mean...he’s not my future husband. Shut up,” he corrected. 

“Whatever.” 

“Ames, can I ask ya something?” 

“Of course, Jedi. Anything.” 

“Do ya think I’m...betraying Jake by liking Tavi?” 

“Of course not! First of all, he  _ abused _ you, almost  _ killed _ you. He isn’t worthy of your affection, let alone loyalty. He got what he deserved. Now you need to get what you deserve.” 

“But it feels so wrong,” his voice cracked. 

“I know, Jedi. But you like Tavi very much, right?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You won’t get anywhere with him if you’re still hung up on your ex. Tavi needs your undivided attention. Don’t give him second best, which he’s probably used to getting.” 

“Yeah you’re right,” he sighed. He wanted to give Tavi everything he lacked in his crappy life. 

“Now can you tell me what brought this on?” Amelia inquired. “I thought you were doing good.” 

“I was,” he mumbled. “I-I really like Tavi, Ames. You know that. But I keep wonderin what would Jake think of me. He was my whole world and now I have Tavi and it feels so wrong. It feels like  _ I’m  _ cheating on him. Every time Tavi is over I keep waitin for Jake to come through the door and scream at me for it.” 

“Oh Jedi,” she said softly. “You’re just confused. I can’t tell you what to do but I know you’ll figure it out. You figured out that you liked Tavi.” 

“Yeah,” he agreed. That had been one of the hardest realizations of his life, not counting the time he realized that Jake’s ‘loving’ nature was actually abuse. 

“But listen to me when I say that you are  _ not  _ cheating on Jake because there is nothing to cheat on! Jake is gone and you have Tavi. You’re just living in fear and you can’t live like that.” 

“I know,” he whispered. 

“Look, how about we hang out tomorrow? Just you and me. We’ll do whatever you want. Or are you and Tavi hanging out?” She waited for a response. 

“Nah. Tavi can’t tomorrow. He’s busy.” 

“Great, so we’re on for us?” she said. 

“Guess so,” he didn’t seem too thrilled about the whole idea. 

“Great well I gotta go. TV guy is gonna be here in like five minutes. Bye Jed, love ya.” 

“Love ya too,” he sighed as the phone call ended. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things:   
> \- if the bruises are deeper then theres a chance for them to take longer to heal so it's plausible for Tavi to still have a bruise   
> -the section half of the chapter is crap I know but also it occurs the next day and so will the next chapter   
> -I know things may seem like they're moving fast in regards to their feelings but it's supposed to be where they feel really strongly but also hesitant so they're all over the place if that makes sense   
> -if things go to plan I might have a new chapter out tomorrow (yay!) but idk we'll see


	25. Chapter 25

“I did a thing,” Octavius blurted out.

In the most driest voice he could muster, Ahk said, “Hello Octavius. I'm doing exceptional today, thank you. How might you be doing?”

“Ahk,” Octavius said with a hint of a whine, “haven't you listened to me? I did a thing.”

“What kind of a thing?” Ahk was probably rolling his eyes by now.

“A bad thing,” Octavius said cryptically. “A really bad thing. One of the worst things I could've done in my entire life.”

“You'll have to be more specific,” Ahk said sardonically. “I can think of multiple things.”

Octavius made a face. “You're not helping.”

“I wasn't really trying.”

A knock on the door pulled the Italian away from his phone call. “Octavius?” the voice on the other end called.

The man in question panicked. _Charlie._ “Ahk, it's Charlie,” he whispered frantically. “He's at the door. I'll talk to you in a moment. Don’t speak.” He didn't wait for a reply and threw his phone on the bed. Turning back with a less than natural pose, he said, “Come in.”

Charlie opened the door, dressed in a green sweater and grey slacks. He looked around cautiously. “Were you talking to somebody? I thought I heard your voice.”

“Oh, no. No, no,” Octavius lied through his teeth. “I was just talking to myself.” Charlie glanced at him oddly.

“You were talking to yourself?”

“Yes,” Octavius confirmed. “I, uh, do that sometimes.” God, he sounded like a lunatic.

“....Oh,” Charlie looked like he didn’t know how to react. “Alright, I see. Well I was going to say that I’ve been invited to our office party and wanted to know if you’d like to tag along? We’re allowed to bring a guest and I felt bad that you’ve been cooped up so much.”

Octavius was surprised. That was a direct violation of Lance’s rules. Charlie was such a stickler. Had he misjudged him? “You don’t have to go,” Charlie continued. “Your call.”

“But what about Lance’s rules?” Octavius wondered if it was a prank, a joke set up by Lance to see if he was obeying the rules. He didn’t put it past him.

A mischievous smile crept up Charlie’s face, making him look his age. “What Lance doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” he said casually. “Besides, it’s just an office party, our office party. It’s not like you’re wandering the streets of New York.”

Oh how very wrong he was.

“Erm, no thank you,” Octavius hated to decline when Charlie was being so giving but he _really_ needed to talk to Ahk and couldn’t do so in his presence. “I appreciate the offer but I would rather stay home.”

“I understand,” Charlie said. He then remarked offhandedly, “I wonder what’s keeping Lance away. He’s never gone this long.”

“I’m fairly sure it has to do with some new business deal,” Octavius said. “He said they might be breaking ground for something. He didn’t go into detail.”

Charlie was bemused. “What business deal?”

Octavius looked at him unsurely. “Isn’t there a business deal to be decided on?” he said faintly. “I-I thought that’s what he said. Perhaps I misheard.”

“Lance’s father and their executives got back a few weeks ago,” Charlie broke the news. “I talked to Mr. Camelot and he said Lance wanted to remain in Hong Kong for a person reason. He didn’t say what that personal reason was.”

“Oh,” Octavius’ heart broke, shattering into teeny tiny pieces. Lance had lied to him. Purposely lied to him. He’d never done that before. He’d withheld information but that, he said, was because he felt that Octavius couldn’t handle hearing the secret information. Maybe he was right. But that didn’t matter now. “Well I must have misunderstood him, then. Lots of static when I talked to him.”

“Funny, I didn’t hear any last time I called,” Charlie said thoughtfully. “Oh, well. I have to be going. Are you sure you don’t mind staying here? It’d really be no trouble if I took you.”

“I’m sure,” a lump was steadily forming in his throat and he didn’t want to be crying in the middle of a party. A formal party, no less. “Again, thank you for the offer.”

Charlie nodded, bidding him a goodnight. Octavius waited until he heard the front door shut before he let out a breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding. His mind was frazzled and everything was set in slow motion. He sat on the edge of his bed, frozen.

It was true now, the cat was out of the bag. Lance was cheating on him. What kind of other personal reason could make him want to stay in a foreign country with no one but himself and whatever person he picked up. As much as he desired to be sickened, what was his excuse? It would be thoroughly hypocritical for him to complain.

But that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

He laid back on the bed, eyes gazing up toward the ceiling. So many memories had been made right in this very room. Their first, well not exactly first but first time in a real house sex occurred there. Their first sexual encounter was in college but that was hardly as pleasing considering it was in a broom closet. He stroked the sheets, recalling the afternoons when Lance’s lean, warm body was pressed up against his. If he was in a good mood, Octavius would get a kiss or two.

His eyes filled with tears. His life was falling apart, a strong contradiction from yesterday’s thoughts. Lance was his rock but even rocks could be broken if the blow was hard enough. And by Jupiter was this a big one. Whoever he’d picked up was probably a lot better looking than he was, stronger too. Lance often commented that Octavius was the woman in the relationship, that if he was straight he’d go for a woman but he wasn’t. He needed a man. Octavius honestly didn’t understand. To his own perspective, he wasn’t particularly feminine other than his admiration for romance novels. But even that shouldn’t be categorized as such; that was a whole other subject, though.

He curled up, knees pulled up to his chest. All he felt like doing was wallowing in self pity but he remembered that Ahk was still on the phone. He winced. Ahk probably heard everything that Charlie said. Well, he might as well face the music. The Italian grabbed his cellphone, holding it up to his ear. “He’s gone.”

“I heard,” Ahk said simply.

“You-you were right.”

“I know.”

“I suppose you’re going to gloat?” Octavius said tiredly. Between his mental exhaustion and laying on those silky, stain sheets, he struggled to keep his eyes from closing and drifting off to sleep.

“No,” Ahk said. “I think we both know that you’ve suffered enough already.”

“Agreed.”

“So what’s this horrible, bad thing you’ve done, hmm? I can’t imagine it being as dreadful as you’ve made it out to be.”

“I kissed Jed!” he exclaimed.

“YES!”

“No, no, listen,” Octavius interjected before a parade would start. Knowing Ahk, he’d set one up just to embarrass him. “It happened after I fell on him and-”

“Something tells me you aren’t telling me everything.”

Octavius pinkened. “Err, well, we did have a tickle fight.”

Ahk snorted.

“Ahk!”

“Oh, come on. Like you can’t expect me to laugh at the mental imagine.”

“I can’t. Anyway, he straddled me and-”

“Did he have an erection?”

Octavius groaned. “No.”

“Did _you_ have an erection?”

“NO!”

“Alright, alright. You don't have to be so snippy.”

“....Sorry,” Octavius held his head down like a child being punished.

Ahk sighed. “Octavius...”

“You know I can’t help it. I naturally apologize.”

“You didn’t use to,” Ahk grumbled.

Octavius didn’t want him to suspect anything so he hurriedly kept the conversation going. “Anyway. Jed straddled me and that I straddled him but when I went to move I fell on him.”

“Then what happened?” Ahk asked excitedly.

“I apologized.” Ahk muttered something, _figures_ , probably. “But he said it was okay and he rubbed my back. It was like Heaven. But that’s not all. He asked me if I was enjoying it as much as he was!”

“Oh my God!” Ahk was overjoyed. “This just gets juicer as it goes on. What did you say?”

“I was a little shocked and I asked him if he was enjoying this and he said he guessed he was. And I said that I was too. Then I noticed how good he smelled-not a word, Ahk- and he said he used cologne but he’s never used it before. He said he wore it to impress me.”

“Spicy,” Ahk hissed in what was supposed to be a teasingly seductive way.

“I told him he didn’t have to impress me, that I was impressed by him already. Well then he suggested we move so I wouldn’t be uncomfortable but I said that I was ready and told him to kiss me. And he did,” Octavius finished giddily. “God, Ahk. It was so magical. His lips were like-like...”

“Like soft rose petals caressing you and dragging you further into the abyss of steamy, hot passion that wants to erupt from you?” Ahk said dreamily.

“Uhh,” Octavius was a bit disturbed. “I was going to say they were really soft. Are you alright? Did Larry touch you again?”

“Shut up.”

That was a big yes.

“Tell him I said hello,” Octavius dried his tears with the back of his sleeve.

“I did. He says hello and congrats for kissing Jed.”

“Thanks...”

“But you go on,” Ahk said as if nothing happened. “What else happened?”

“I freaked out.”

“Because he kissed you?”

“Because I cheated on Lance.”

“Not this again,” Ahk booed into the phone.

“I can’t help it! I’ve ruined my relationship, Ahk!”

“It was already ruined, _Octavius_.”

“Why did I have to go and give in to my desires?” Octavius moaned. “I screwed up.”

“I know how you can fix this.”

“If it involves breaking up with Lance, you can forget it.”

“Oct-arg! Hang on.” Octavius knew what he was doing. He was going to drag Larry and Nicky, if he was around, into this. “There. Now Larry, Nicky, should Octavius breakup with Lance?”

“Definitely,” Nicky affirmed. “He sounds like a jerk and an a-”

“Watch that mouth, young man,” Larry warned.

“Never mind,” Nicky mumbled.

“Larry?” Ahk waited for an answer. Octavius was curious as well, but he pretty well knew what the older man was going to say.

“Uh, well. I don’t think Lance is the one for you, personally but it’s your choice ultimately,” Larry stumbled through.

“Dad, come on,” Nicky said exasperatedly. “The guy treats him like crap. Just tell Tavius you hate him too. Maybe he’ll listen.”

“Doubt it.” That remark came from Ahk. “I’ve been telling him for years but he won’t listen.”

“Dude, this is like one of those girly romance novels.”

“Romance novels are not girly,” Octavius interjected.

“Octavius likes to read those,” Ahk explained to Nicky.

“Oh. Heh, oops.”

“Back to the point,” Ahk said smoothly. “We really must fix this problem of yours. You can’t successfully date Jed if you’re still hung up on Sir Dumb-A-Lot.”

“Who says I want to date Jed?” Octavius said quietly.

“Dude, you said you liked him _and_ apparently you kissed him. The friendship boat has sailed,” Nicky snorted.

“How’d you know about the kiss?” Larry asked his son.

“I eavesdropped,” Nicky said like it was no big deal.

“Octavius, if you don’t do something about whatever you have with Jed, I swear I will move this along myself,” Ahk threatened.

“Babe, we can’t force him,” Larry tried to be of wisdom.

Octavius shut his eyes. “What if he’s not ready?” he said in a strained voice over their bickering.

“For what?” Ahk questioned.

“A relationship. His last one didn’t end very well. What if we go too fast and breakup? Or he decides he likes someone else not long after? Or-”

“Octavius, get a hold of yourself,” Ahk said sharply. He softened. “Look, you’re not going to know unless you try, correct? How about sitting down with Jed and talking about where you guys are going?”

“We kind of did,” Octavius divulged. “Jed was as confused as I was. I ended up crying from guilt over Lance. Jed, he-he held me while I cried.” He omitted the part where the blonde found the bruise on his back. For a while he’d been worried that Jed would begin to suspect; thankfully his worry was all for nothing. Jed never brought it up, other than advising him to ice it a couple times a day. He’d listened and it was feeling much better.

“Aww,” Larry cooed. “That’s actually really cute.”

“God, dad. You’re like a girl.”

“Keep it up and you can forget about that date with-what’s her name?- DJ.”

“I love you...”

“Thought so.”

Was this the sort of conversation he’d get to have if he was ever a parent? Nicky’s antics amused the Italian greatly, lightening the mood.

“Will you two focus?” Ahk snapped.

“Dude, chill.”

“Sorry, babe..”

Ahk muttered something about wishing murder was legal once a year. Octavius wished this conversation would end. He was itching to text Jed, not really having anything to say. He just wanted to make sure the blonde was still going to speak to him and not ghost him. That would be a nightmare.

“Let’s cut to the chase: Are you going to do something about this or not? Because if not, expect action from me.”

Octavius would rather deal with public embarrassment than for Ahk to get involved. The man had no self control and would go to any links to get what he wanted, for himself or others.

“Yes, I’ll do something about it. I’ll ask him the next time I see him,” he decided.

Inwardly, he wondered what he was getting himself into.

"Good. And Octavius? I must thank you for kissing Jed." 

Octavius furrowed his eyebrows, confused. "Why?" 

"Because I'm fifty dollars richer." 

His eyes widened. "Ahk!" 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know it's been a bit since my last update but my parents said i was on the computer too much writing so now i have to type from my phone making the updates come at a slower pace. I dunno how long this will be but i wanted to let you guys know that as of now i will have slow updates but this will get finished!   
> This will probably be my only update before Christmas so MERRY (early) CHRISTMAS!!! im gonna try to write a christmas story about Jedtavius before the holiday arrives but it might not get published until after

Jed about had a heart attack when Tavi sent out a message saying that they needed to talk. 

What had he done wrong? Was he too pushy? Too needy? Was it the kiss? The cuddling? Or was it when he got concerned about that bruise? He’d only been trying to help, maybe he overstepped a boundary. Accidentally, of course. He never would have done it on purpose. 

Jed paced, back and forth, back and forth in the living room. Tavi said he’d be over in about fifteen minutes and was due to arrive in five. He was sweating and panicking. Not a good combination. 

Maybe it wasn’t that bad. That one time he came over they ended up confessing their feelings. But poor Jed couldn’t think of anything good to come of this. This could only end negatively. 

When the doorbell rang, Jed lunged at the door, opening it hastily. The Italian was smiling weakly at him, only heightening his fear. This was it. He probably found someone else.  _ Or Lance came back into the picture _ . 

“You okay, partner?” Jed didn’t like how...down Tavi looked. He’d obviously been crying again. His eyes and nose were red and puffy. Something had devastated him and suddenly, it finding out what Tavi's problem was become the top priority. 

“Fine.” Even his voice was affected, like he was trying to suppress his emotions. “I-I just needed to talk. I know I should have called in advance. I’m sorry.” He wiped at his face. 

Jed instantly felt sorry for him, adamant on fixing whatever had happened. He was at the Italian’s side within seconds. “Hey, pal. It’s okay. You ain’t got nothin to worry about. It’s alright.” It must have been raining out, for Tavi’s clothes had water spots on them and his hair was clinging to his forehead. His skin was damp and sticky but Jed would endure it. 

“Thank you. I do hope I’m not interrupting anything. ” Tavi glanced around. 

“Oh, no,” Jed assured him, waving his hand. After his chat with Amelia, he’d tried to occupy himself with TV but as usual, nothing decent was on, except for those sitcoms or international movies that weren’t any good. Privately, he debated on texting Tavi all day but ultimately decided against it, figuring the guy was busy or something. “Nah. Yer fine. Just been watchin some TV is all.”

Jed watched the other man amid his misery. Would it be appropriate to take him back into his arms again? Tavi responded well to the back rub, something that he personally enjoyed as well. As much as he wanted it, he shouldn’t. For now, he’d back off. If Tavi wanted physical affection, he’d ask for it. 

“May I sit down?” Tavi asked politely. 

Jed gestured to the couch. “Sure can. Me casa, you casa.” 

Tavi sat down, patting the spot next to him for Jed to join. The blonde obeyed, legs turning to jelly at their close proximity. They’d just sorta fooled around last night and now he was back so now what? This was like the lovey dovey tv shows that girls liked to watch. Jed's life was a reality show. What a fate. 

“I do believe you mean Mi casa O su casa,” Tavi’s eyes sparkled from his tears but his smile, although strained, remained. 

Jed smirked. “Same thing, boy. You know I ain’t about that educated life like ya are.”

“Obviously,” Tavi retorted. 

Jed rolled his eyes. “Now you gonna tell Ol’ Jedediah what this is all about? You looked like you was tryin not to cry.” 

Tavi’s good mood deflated. “Yes, I suppose you’re wondering why I’m here.” 

“Not that I’m complainin,” Jed cut in. On the contrary, his company was very welcomed. He could've came in the dead of nights, begging to be let in to watch one of those fancy documentaries and Jed would've let him in. 

Tavi shot him a grateful smile. “Thank you. I just, erm, learned some unsettling news.” 

“What is it?” Jed asked, fearing the worst.  Oh God, oh God... Was it a health scare? Was Tavi dying? No, he couldn't die! 

“It's about Lance,” Tavi said to his relief. 

“He’s been on a business trip in Hong Kong and he was supposed to have been back by now but he-but he lied to me. He said he had to stay, that they were going to break ground with some new business deal. It turns out his father and their executives got home a few weeks go.” 

Nothing would have made the blonde happier than to slap this Lance guy silly. “So you think he’s cheating?” Jed asked, already knowing the answer. 

“I know he is.” 

How dare he! How could he just do that to Tavi when he should know how much Tavi adores him! Didn’t he realize what a precious gem Tavi was? Lance better hope he doesn’t have to face Ol Jed because it wouldn't be pretty. 

“I’m sorry, Tavi,” Jed frowned. “That’s awful. I can’t imagine what yer feelin.” Oh yes he could but that was beside the point. 

“Anger,” Tavi choked on a tearful laugh. “Regret, sadness. How could I have done this to myself? I should’ve been more pleasing. I should’ve made myself appear more sexy. Lance always tells me I need to change. Perhaps if I had listened he would’ve stayed with me and not gone into the arms of another man.” He buried his face in his hands, weeping. 

“Do you want a hug?” Jed asked gently, floored by his thought process. Lance really screwed him up. Abusing him was bad enough but abusing him and cheating on top of that? That was way over the line. Tavi looked up, tearstained face and all. Without a word, he allowed himself to be pulled in. Jed stroked his hair, playing with the end pieces. “Don’t you ever think it was your fault,” he instructed softly. “I know how it feels to be cheated on. It ain’t fun, I know. But ya gotta be strong. Lance didn’t deserve ya. You need someone to cherish and want you for who you are, none of this changing business. You stay who you are and the right man will come along.” 

“Like you?” Tavi whispered. 

Jed’s heart soared. “You bet, hoss. If ya want me to be.” 

Tavi lifted himself up, holding on to Jed’s hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he chuckled humorlessly. “One time I want you, another time I want Lance. I’m so confused. But now that I know Lance has cheated on me, I believe it is time to move on, no matter how much it hurts.” 

_ Yes, yes,yes! Say it!  _

Jed didn't wanna get too hopeful, that never worked out for him. But the way he was talkin sure sounded promising. 

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to be your boyfriend, Jedediah Wesley Smith.” 

Jed beamed. He could've shouted a good ol Texas  _ Yeehaw _ on the rooftops. “Ya mean that?” 

“I do,” Tavi promised with warm eyes. 

“But...isn’t it a little soon? I mean, ya just found out he cheated and we just kissed last night. I don’t wanna ruin this by rushin,” Jed confessed his worries. 

“We can go slow,” Tavi suggested, “You tell me what’s acceptable and I’ll abide by it.” 

Jed shook his head. “I can’t dictate this relationship. You gotta tell me what you want too, boy.” 

Tavi tilted his head, confused. “You want my say?” 

There went another invisible knife aiming for Lance’s face. “Of course,” Jed said calmly while he was seething like a hissing rattlesnake on the inside. “You’re just as important in this as I am. We both need to be happy.” 

Tavi was stunned, looking at Jed with something that could only be described as hero worship. It was something the blonde was unaccustomed to but supposed He would have been the same way if things were reversed. Tavi lunged at the blonde, wrapping his arms around his frame, thanking him profusely.  _ Thanking him _ for basic respect and kindness. 

Unbelievable. 

But it did mean that Jed had Tavi in his arms again so it wasn’t all that bad. He still swore for revenge on Lance for messing with Tavi’s mind. You didn’t just do that and expect no punishment. It would take some persuasion to get Tavi to understand (if he was anything like Jed had been, he’d be defending Lance until the end of time) but somehow, someway, Lance was going to pay. 

“So this is is, huh?” Jed said randomly. “We’re boyfriends?” 

Tavi traced along Jed’s shoulder. “I do believe so, yes.” 

“Wow,” Jed grinned. “How's that feel for ya?” 

“Indeed. And, to be honest, I don't know,” Tavi responded truthfully. “I'm still reeling from the news about Lance.” 

Jed tried to take it in stride but he kept having nagging thoughts. “You didn't just ask me to be your boyfriend because you wanted a rebound, did ya?” 

Tavi squeezed his shoulder. “Absolutely not. I like you very, very much, Jed. If it hasn't been for Ahk talking some sense into me, I dare say that we would've been skirting around each other for ages.” 

Jed agreed, mind blown by the events that have occurred side their first meeting. His life was so different now, in many, many good ways. 

“I’m assuming you find this as enjoyable as I do?” Octavius murmured. 

“You bet, partner,” Jed grinned. He had a sudden thought strike him. “So as boyfriends, we’re not gonna keep secrets, right?” 

“I would hope not.” 

“And we’re gonna tell each other the truth?” 

Tavi pulled away, looking a mixture of bemusement and anxiety. “Of course. What is this about? Have I done something wrong?” 

Jed moved a piece of hair from his face, aware of his subtle flinch. “Never. It’s actually about the bruise.” 

Tavi instantly paled. “What about it?” 

“That ain’t no bruise from trippin. Someone did that, didn’t they?” Jed prayed that he was wrong but intuition told him otherwise. His hunch was proven correct by the look on Tavi’s face. “Lance did it to ya, didn't he?” 

Tavi sat, stalling. “I didn’t think anyone would figure it out,” he laughed bitterly. “No one ever suspected....how’d you know? Is this some crazy situation where you tell me you’re actually some undercover cop or something?” 

Jed was at a loss for words. He wasn’t so sure he was ready to spill the beans just yet. He’d given Tavi basic details earlier but this, this would require some admittance about what had truly gone on between him and Jake. Was he ready to say? More importantly, was this the right time? They’d just shared an intimate moment; was this really the time to bring up his no good, physco ex? What if he scared Tavi off?

“If you do not wish to say, you don’t have to,” Tavi added.  “I won’t force you.”

Heh. That’s a new one. He was so used to being pushed around, forced into things and ridiculed if he said no. Jed contemplated on his options: keep it to himself or cave in and tell him. Keeping it to himself seemed to be the better of the two but what would that accomplish? Excluding Amelia, he’d kept his history a secret for years and all it did was mentally torture him. Reminding him what a worthless mistake he was. Amelia was there, she always said that, but she didn’t understand. She didn’t get it and so he dealt with it alone. It would be nice to have someone else to share with. And Tavi, he could handle it. He was mature enough. Heck, he was going through the same darn thing. 

“No, no,” Jed dragged a hand over his face. “I should tell ya. We agreed, no secrets.” 

“Alright,” Tavi waited, perched on the end of the couch. “What is it?” 

“Promise ya won’t freak out?” Jed said nervously. 

“I swear on my life,” Tavi vowed. 

“Well, I-”  _ Come on, Ol Jed. It ain’t that hard. Tavi gets ya.  _ “I was abused....by my ex boyfriend.” 

“Jake,” Tavi realized. 

“Yeah,” Jed shivered involuntary. “Him.” 

“My God,” Tavi was wide eyed, jaw dropped. He stared at the blonde incredulously. “How long?” 

“Started when I was eighteen, almost nineteen till I was twenty-two.” 

“So the reason why you guys broke up was because he abused you?” Tavi asked, finally putting the pieces together. 

“In a way,” Jed mumbled. He really don't want to mention this next part. “He, uh, almost killed me.” 

“ _ What _ ?” Tavi’s voice was shrill. “He almost killed you!? Oh my God! Jed, I’m so sorry!” He leaned forward for yet another hug but halted mid grab. “Im sorry. Do you want me to ask for permission first?” 

“You don’t hafta ask permission for anythin,” Jed shook his head. “How’s about we get comfortable? I wanna tell you everything.” 

“You don’t have to,” Tavi said. “Don’t force yourself.” 

“If I don’t I never will,” Jed said truthfully. He stretched out, shoulders leaning against the arm of the couch, knees huddled close. Tavi remained on the opposite side, legs crossed. 

“Before you start,” Tavi drew in a breath of air, “I want you to know how brave I think you are for telling me this. Not many-me including-would have the guts to do what you’re doing.” 

“I think you’re brave,” Jed disagreed. “If it weren’t for Jake, I wouldn’t have known you were bein abused. You put yourself down but you’re one of the strongest people I know.” 

Tavi was quiet. “You mean that?” 

“Swear on my life,” Jed said solemnly. “Now where should I start...?” he tapped his chin.  “Ah right. You comfortable, Tavi?” He glanced over at the Italian for confirmation. This was gonna be one heck of a long story. He invited his friend to let himself loose instead of sittin there wound up tighter than a ball of yarn. 

“Yes,” Tavi shifted into a different position.  “Go on.” 

“Alright well. I was eighteen...” 

_ *Summer after high school ended.* _

_ Jed was eating alone at the local burger joint, sipping his soda. His family was off doing whatever while he had the afternoon off from work so he figured he'd grab a bite then go for a spin on the backroads with his bike. He didn't notice a rather handsome stranger approaching his table.  _

_ “Hey there.” Jed glanced up. “What's a cute fella like you doin here all alone?” He leaned against the booth, arms crossed.  _

_ Jed was speechless. This guy was fine. His hair was cropped short, like a buzz cut and might brown in color. His eyes were brown as well, illuminating a warm sparkle that went right through Jed. Ugh he was just perfect with bulging muscles that could've ripped his shirt to boot.  _

_ “H-Hi,” Jed stuttered, forgetting about his food.   _

_ “What's your name, cutie?” the mysterious guy grinned.  _

_ Jed blushed a bright shade of red. “Jedediah Smith. But everyone calls me Jed.”  _

_ The guy sat down across from him, extending his hand. “It's a pleasure to meet you, Jed. I'm Jake. Jake Winslow. I just moved here yesterday.”  _

_ “Nice to meet ya,” Jed could've gotten drunk off of that dazzling smile.  _

_ “So,” Jake drummed his fingers on the table, maintaining eye contact, “anything fun to do around here? Looks like a dead town to me.”  _

_ Jed nodded a little too enthusiastically. “Course. There's go karts in Dartmouth, rock climbing in North Simmons and if you go to Madison...”  _

_ Jake chuckled. “I'm terribly sorry but I just can't concentrate on what you're saying.”  _

_ Jed furrowed his eyebrows. “Why not, Partner?”  _

_ “Because I just can't take my eyes off you.”  _

_ A grin crept its way on Jed's face. This guy was amazing, way better than Rodney ever was. “Well thank you.”   _

_ “I apologize if I'm being a little forward but would you like to go out with me sometime? Maybe ice cream and a movie?” Jake asked him.   _

_ Jed could hardly believe his luck! His romantic life had been on the down low for a while since his fall out with Rodney which consequently ended their relationship. Not that it had been his fault. It was Rodney who chose to cheat. Just because he refused sex didn't mean he was a prude. He just wanted to wait until the time was right, and besides, his mama would beat the living daylights out of him if he or Bobby or Nellie or Darla dared to have sex at a young age.  _

_ It seemed like he had no luck in the romance department. His brief fling with Laura, one of the most embarrassing nights of his life by the way , and six months with Rodney failed. Was he undateable or something?  _

_ Maybe not if tall, perfect and sexy was interested in him. That had to mean something.  _

_ “Sure,” Jed said when he finally found his voice. “I'd love to.”  _

_ “Fantastic,” Jake said smoothly. He pulled out a pen and wrote on a spare napkin, sliding it over when he was finished. “That's my number. Call me and tell me when you'd like to be picked up.”  _

_ “How about Friday at seven?” Jed suggested. “I ain't doin anything then.”  _

_ Jake agreed. “Perfect. Well I have to go. My dad wanted me to get food for him and my mom. I'll see you around, cutie.”  _

_ “Bye,” Jed breathed.  _

“I thought he was the best thing to walk the earth,” Jed sighed. “Suppose some of that was for his looks because boy was he a looker.” Jake was beneath Tavi, though. Ain't nobody more gorgeous than that man. 

Speaking of Tavi, he rested his head on the couch, breathing in and out calmly. Jed couldn't  previously recall a time he'd ever seen him so relaxed, there were close calls but not like this. He was a pleasure to look at, whether he believed it or not. 

Jed wasn't the one to believe that fictional soulmate crap. But if someone told him his soulmate was Tavi, he wouldn't object. 

“What else happened?” Tavi asked. “Did the date go well?” 

“Oh yeah. Date went fine. We saw Speed Racer and shared popcorn.” 

“Did he kiss you goodnight?” Tavi asked in a tone that made Jed look at him. Huh. Was he jealous or something? And if Jake of all people! 

Jed covered his face with his hand. “Errr, tried to.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Tavi inquired. 

“It's nothin,” Jed muttered. 

“Oh,” Taffy hopped up between them, going into Tavi's lap for more attention. She'd become much more accepting of Tavi and as of lately, refusing to let him leave unless she received an adequate amount of attention. “I see.” 

Jed regretted his words. “Hey, boy, it's okay. M'sorry. I'm just embarrassed.” 

About what?” Tavi worried.  

“Our first date didn't end so well. I, uh, got nervous after Jake dropped me off at home and when he tried to kiss me, I panicked and shut the door in his face,” Jed blushed. 

Tavi's lips curled into a smile. “The fact that you were nervous  is entirely adorable.” 

Jed protested otherwise. But Tavi refused to hear of it. Jed couldn't remember the last time someone called him adorable--and meant it. “You're not going to give up unless I agree, are ya?” He sighed with mock annoyance. 

“Nope,” Tavi said proudly, making Jed giggle. And Jedediah smith didn't giggle so Tavi must be a pretty special person.  

“Fiiine,” Jed scooted a bit closer, cheeks hurting from smiling so much. “I'm adorable. Happy?” 

“Yes,” Tavi agreed. “Very much so.” 

Jed smirked. “Can I finish the story now, boy?” 

Tavi nodded. “I would like to find out what happened after that first date.” 

“Nothin special. Jake and I talked a lil bit here and there for a couple months then he asked me out.” 

“And you said yes.” 

“Yeah. I was happier then a daffodil in the sunshine. He took me to a romantic dinner and we watched the sunset together on the back of his pickup truck.” 

“That does sound romantic,” Tavi noted. 

“It was. Our first date as a couple was the best night of my life.” Tavi's face fell a bit. “Before our date, that is.” Tavi looked surprised. “That became the best night of my life.” 

“It was just an ice cream date. Hardly worth the comparison,” Tavi said modestly. 

Jed waved his hands around. “Nah, nah. It was perfect, just like you.” 

Tavi's pretty little cheeks went red. “You think I'm perfect?” 

“Perfect ain't the word for ya. You're just so flawless. I can't imagine anything better.” 

The air was thin, blanketed with a touch of bliss that was rare to come by nowadays. Jed's knees had migrated close to Tavi's. The lights were turned down on low, emitting a glow on the Italian’s skin. 

“What happened next?” Tavi stretched his arms over his head, bending his back a bit. Taffy, annoyed at the lack of desired attention, hopped off and pranced away. “How long did it take for him to-” he trailed off but, at the encouragement of Jed, proceeded, “for him to hit you.”

Jed griminced. “A few months. It started with him gettin a little bossy, ya know? Naggin at me for my mama’s rules and urgin me to break curfew. I didn't listen,” he suddenly snorted. “I wanted to live.” 

Tavi chuckled. 

“He met my family ‘fore we started dating. I thought it went well but he didn't like ‘em. Said they were too much and too loud and too nosy and too doting,” at the last one, Jed's face turned angry. Tavi visibly shrunk back. “We argued for some time bout me spending too much time with ‘em and not long enough with him and he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and told me I'd have to spend more time with him if I wanted to continue our relationship,” he said bitterly. “And you know what? I did. I listened to the fool. I listened and look where it got me.” 

Tavi's face contorted with a whirlwind of emotions. “It wasn't your fault. Jake messed with your mind. Family is-and should be-the most important thing. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise,” the moisture returned to his eyes but they did not fall. 

“You right,” Jed wouldn't ever let a man again force him into anything ever again. Not after what he went through. “I shoulda ended it right there and then but I didn't.  Jake was the first feller to hit me with a cupid's arrow in the heart. I was just eighteen and scared to be alone. Everyone else I knew was goin steady with somebody and I felt I should be too.” 

“It's easy to get caught up in the hype,” Tavi said. “I yearned for a romantic companionship for years until I found Lance-” Jed scowled at his name. “And when I found him, I, too, was scared to let go.” 

“Yeah but I shoulda known better,” Jed said. “My mama told me to watch out but I thought she was off her rocker.  Ya know?” 

“Indeed do I,” Tavi said thoughtfully. “I have many regrets, Jed, as I imagine you do as well.” 

“Yeah. Sure do, partner. I just wish I ain't been so stupid.” 

“You and me both.” 

Jed kept his gaze at his lap. “After a while, he started hitting me, for everything. Punching me, touching me whenever he darn felt like it.”

“Did he ever...rape you?” Tavi looked uncomfortable. 

Jed calmed his fears, smiling reassuringly. “Nah. Everything but.” But just as that smile came, instinctively, he felt a touch of disgust that he always felt whenever Jake came across his mind. He suddenly jerked when Tavi's soft fingers wiped away a tear or two that dropped down his face. He squeezed his hand in thanks. 

“Please don't cry,” Tavi whispered. “He's not worth it.” 

Jed's heart fluttered. Jake never approached him so gently, taking the time to make him feel as good as Tavi did. 

“I know,” Jed mumbled. Then he sighed. “Suppose I should finish tellin the story.” 

“If you wish to,” Tavi told him. 

“Where was I? Oh yeah. He started gettin all physical on me after a while, forcing me to do what he wanted. I was a bit angry at first, being treated like a child and bein manhandled.  He told me I'd I didn't act like a child I wouldn't be treated like one so I stopped doin things I liked to please him.” 

“But it didn't work,” Tavi said knowingly. 

“Not a lick. Fact, he kept gettin mad for dumb stuff and blamin me. When I went to meet his family for the first time he said I embarrassed him.” 

“How?” Tavi wondered. 

“Beats me. I thought it went just peachy. I talked to his folks and we hit it off. They were mighty fine people. Didn't know how he was so uptight, they were calm as can be. But truthfully, I felt bad for ‘em,” Jed explained. 

Tavi slid his jacket off, having warmed up by now. Jed offered to hang it up for him but the Italian declined, choosing to drape it over the couch (after silently asking for permission. Jed vowed to rid him of that habit yet). 

“Why is that?” Tavi inquired. 

“Well ya know. I was downright horrified at the way he talked to his folks. If I did that my mama would've made sure I couldn't sit down for a month,” Jed shuddered. “That wasn't the only issue but no use bringing it up with him.” His eyes became saddened. “First time I tried he slapped me.” He unconsciously held his cheek, recalling that fateful day. “Never been so shocked in all my life.” 

“So that was the first time he hurt you?” Tavi asked for clarification.  

“Yeah,” Jed said, sighing. “I tried to break up with him but he wouldn't let me. Said I'd never meet another man like him. I shoulda listened to my gut but I didn't.” It was one of the biggest mistakes of his life that he'd much rather forget. 

Too bad it wasn't that easy. 

“Like I said,” he continued, “my family tried to tell me he was a bad fellow but I didn't believe ‘em. I didn't wanna believe ‘em. Used to get real defensive whenever they brought him up. Mama was at her wits end with me. Can't say I blame her though, for what I put her through; worse than Bobby and the twins combined.” 

Tavi tried to cheer him up, an act he appreciated. “I'm sure all children do that to their parents.” 

“Not like me,” Jed countered. “I was worse.” 

“I'm sure all children think that,” Tavi said patiently. “Myself included.” Jed quietly scoffed. He didn't think it was possible for a goody two shoes like Tavi to behave like he did. That was like saying Amelia wasn't nosy. 

“Did you ever have a screaming match with your parents that ended with ya leaving town without tellin anybody?” Jed asked flatly. 

“Well...no,” Tavi admitted. “But that didn't mean I didn't argue with my parents. We had our fair share of arguments over Lance.” He carefully caressed Jed's hands, causing the blonde to shiver from his fiery-like touch. My God, Jake never had this way with him. 

“I'm glad to hear it,” Tavi smiled shyly. 

Jed blinked, not realizing he'd said that out loud. “You are?” 

“Indeed. I'm glad to be pleasing to someone.” 

Jed ever so gently cupped one side of his face. “I hate it when you talk like that.” 

“Like what?” Tavi played dumb. 

“Like you're no good,” Jed frowned. “Tavi, you're one of a kind. I never thought in a million years I'd get over Jake. But slowly, surely, I started to fall for a beautiful, funny, caring man. And you know what? I'm so glad I did.” 

Tavi teared up, lips trembling. Jed leaned their foreheads together. Their noses brushed briefly, making the pair smile despite things. 

“I feel like a teenager again,” Tavi told him, a blush on his cheeks accompanied by a broad grin.  

“Me too, partner,” Jed breathed. “I'd hate to rush this.” 

“We already said we wouldn't,” Tavi reminded him gently. “Forgive me for prying but are you nervous, Jed? About us?” 

As if it wasn't obvious. 

“A lil,” Jed focused on everything but his fri-boyfriend. Wow. That was going to take some work to be able to say that word again. “Sorry, Tavi. I know you probably don't want a pansy for a boyfriend.” 

“You're not a pansy,” Tavi protested. And wow did his fancy accent make everything sound so sophisticated, even that. “You've been through a lot, it's understandable you have doubts and fears.” 

“You ain't even heard the half of it yet,” Jed muttered. 

“What's that supposed to mean?” 

“You remember when I mentioned he almost killed me?” 

“Oh yes,” it appeared that he forgot momentarily, in between their intimacy and storytelling. Lucky him. “I seem to have forgotten. Sorry. Go on.” 

“You're probably wondering what happened....” 

_ Jed yawned. After a long day of job interviews, all of which seemed to have helped none whatsoever, he decided to treat himself with a milkshake and a walk around the new, strange city. He was a country boy at heart, preferring to stay true to his roots but Jake had insisted on moving here, saying that it would be good for them to get away.  _

_ It had been hard, leaving his family without so much as a goodbye. Mama would surely be devastated when she found out, might even be mad at him. His pa wouldn't be too happy either and one thing for sure, Bobby and the twins would hate him. _

_ Heck, he hated himself too.  _

_ Jake only wanted what the best for him, at least, that's what he told Jed. The blonde sighed. Their relationship had been on the rocks for a while,  threatened by outside forces. After moving, they found a suitable apartment outside of Brooklyn. It wasn't very spacious, a one bedroom, one bath, kitchen and tiny living room. But it was doable. Jed was prepared to decorate; his enthusiasm, however, deflated upon learning his help wasn't needed. Jake took over everything and it looked like one of those cookie cutter pages from a magazine. Nothing like Jed envisioned his first home away home would be.  _

_ He guessed it had something to do with the lack of luck Jake was experiencing. His boyfriend expectations of how things were going to go were thrown out the window. He'd thought that he was going to be able to find a job instantly, affording a more respectable place and generally just being better off than they were.  _

_ Jed didn't mind. His family wasn't poor but they weren't rich either. He had his fair share of indulgences at times while also going through times where he was served the same meal multiple times in a row, that or starve.  _

_ Jake's upbringing wasn't all that different from his but that didn't stop him from acting like a spoiled brat sometimes. And as a result of things not going his way, he turned to drinking. Ha. As if that was gonna solve his problems. If it hadn't been for him securing a minimum wage job at a local market, he would've continued to drink all day. Weeks before that, he'd get sloshed, depressed from their living situation. They lived on water, canned soup and baloney sandwiches. They walked everywhere and Jed tried to apply for a scholarship so he could finish school. Jake didn't like that idea and told him such. Why should he go and do that when he had him to provide?  _

_ Jed could understand his reasoning. Kinda. That didn't mean he liked it. Jake was makin him sound like a girl he needed to take care of. Jed liked it when Jake acted all dominating. It was flippin sexy.  A little hard to accept at first, he'd never thought it mattered who was a “top” or “bottom” but it did to Jake. And hey, now he loved it. Even so, he was more than capable of getting himself through school and going to work, once he found a job that is.  _

_ Jed’s hand slipped into his pocket, rummaging for his house key, feeling uneasy _

_ Jake was home by now, probably expecting him. Usually he called him or texted constantly until he knew where he was. This time, nothing. Not even a message from a messenger. It was strangely quiet on his end and that wasn't a good sign.  _

_ Jed opened the door slowly, just incase Jake was on the other side with his ear pressed against it. He did that occasionally for fear that Jed was secretly hiding a relationship with another man.  _

_ “Hey baby,” Jed said softly, glancing around.  _

_ Jake was sitting on one of the squeaky, old chairs; drink in hand, legs crossed with a stoic expression. He sipped from the bottle before replying.  _

_ “Jed,” he greeted coldly. Actually, that's what the blonde thought he said. His words were slurred and there was a steady drop of drool leaking from his mouth.  _

_ “How ya doin?” Jed took in the amount of empty beer bottles that surrounded his boyfriend, inwardly wincing. Jake didn't handle alcohol well; in fact, he became quite violent. Jake was always a tad on the rough side but the liquor intensified things. He contributed to the numerous bruises and cuts that Jed suffered from. Afterwards, he always apologized, promising to do better. Once he even went out to pick flowers for him. Course, they were dead and from someone else's flower bed but it was the thought that counts.  _

_ Jake staggered to his feet, muttering incoherently under his breath. Jed’s stomach was in knots, though he tried to push back any fears. Moments like this happened before and none ended particularly well.  _

_ Jed let out a yelp when Jake grabbed the front of his shirt, yanking him forward with a quick motion. And they stood there like that, face-to-face, nose-to-nose. Their eyes made contact; Jake's eyes no longer signaled the warmth they did before. The air was thick with anticipation as their stare down continued. Jed’s nose wrinkled as the stench of Jake's alcoholic breath came into his nose. God that was disgusting. He attempted to twist a little-to breath in fresher air but Jake wasn't having it. With a tighter, nearly borderline painful grip on his shoulder, Jed did his best to calm Jake's rising anger by rubbing his chest slightly, feigning a sexy look. _

_ “B-Baby?” Jed said nervously.  _

_ “I lost my job today,” Jake said in a frosty tone. “And it's all  _ _ your _ _ fault.”  _

_ “My fault?” Jed questioned, confused. “How?”  _

_ Jake let go of him, just as he shoved the blonde onto the ground. Jed crashed to the floor within seconds, head throbbing after hitting the wooden floor. He wished they'd of gotten carpet. Would've been an easier landing.  _

_ “I was too stressed,” Jake hissed, looming over him. “My boss said I wasn't concentrating enough on the customers.” He bent down to slap Jed upside the head. “How can I concentrate on anyone when I have to deal with you?”  _

_ Jed blinked dizzily.  _

_ “You did this to me!” Jake screamed. “You ruined everything! If it hadn't been for you, we could've been better off!”  _

_ Jed tensed up, afraid for his personal safety. “I'm sorry,” he whispered. None of it was remotely done by him. Jake's mental health was deteriorating over time due to his addictions. But try telling him that. Jed hoped that if he just accepted responsibility he would grow bored and leave him alone. “I'm so sorry, Jake.”  _

_ “You should be,” his boyfriend sneered. “I gave up my life for you. I left Texas for you and this is how you repay me!?” He turned around, pacing with his hands clasped behind his back.  _

_ Jed slowly rose to his feet, baffled.  _ **_He_ ** _ gave up his life for him?  _ **_He_ ** _ left Texas for him? If anything, it was Jed himself who had to make the sacrifices. Jake didn't give him much of a choice anyway. It was either listen to him or find someone else to be with. Jed loved Jake with all of his heart but something needed to change, and it wasn't on his end.   _

_ “Jake,” his boyfriend didn't respond so he said it louder. “Jake!”  _

_ “Whaaaat?” Jake spun around, stumbling.  _

_ “We need to talk,” Jed knew better than to stir up trouble but this was important.  _

_ Jake waved him off dismissively, signaling that whatever he had to say was irrelevant right now and he wasn't permitted to speak. Jed always obeyed-the consequences were dire if he didn't.  _

_ But today, he was feeling quite brave.   _

_ “No,” the words left his mouth before they registered in his brain. “Now.”  _

_ Jake whirled around, bottom lip curling into a facial expression that didn't scream friendly. “Excuse me?”  _

_ The tiny shred of confidence he earlier possessed slowly withered away. He should've walked away, should've gotten a cold drink. Anything but this. “Well,” Jed rubbed the back of his neck, “I just....I thought...”  _

_ “Didn't I tell you to watch your tongue?” Jake raised his eyebrows.  _

_ “Yeah,” Jed mumbled.  _

_ “And yet you don't listen.” _

_ Jed hung his head down.  _

_ Jake shook his head. “You're worse than a child.”  _

_ Jed's cheeks reddened with embarrassment. “Sorry.”  _

_ “Then keep your trap shut and go make me some food,” Jake ordered. “I'm starving.”  _

_ “Okay,” Jed made to do just that when that awful, rebellious feeling bubbled up inside of him. Jake had two legs. Jake could get his own food. “No,” he said firmly.  _

_ “Excuse me?”  _

_ “I said no,” Jed was uneasy under Jake's scrutinized glare. Jake snarled, hiking his knee up to hit Jed in between the legs. Jed let loose a scream of pain, falling back onto the floor in a heap. His breathing was erratic; he wheezed, curling in a fetal position. The pain in between his legs was excruciating. It burned like a fire in the Sahara desert. He grunted, more like squeaked, trying to pull himself back together.  _

_ “You're gonna tell me no?” Jake laughed cruelly. “You don't realize who you're talking to, do you? Maybe I should show you.”  _

_ “No!” Jed cried out, voice hoarse. “Please! Please, I'm sorry!”  _

_ “It's not enough, baby,” Jake said mockingly. He spat on the blonde's face, dropping on his knee as he leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “Don't you dare make a sound or I will make you regret ever being born.”  _

_ Jed gulped. This was it. He was done for it now. He tried to sweet talk Jake, tried to distract him. Anything but nothing was working. Jake was set on making him pay.  _

_ He just hoped this ragged old apartment wasn't going to be his last sights of earth.  _

_ Jake cracked open another beer bottle, taking a long drink. He burped after finishing, tossing it aside; the sound of glass shattering echoed throughout the small dwelling. He advanced toward Jed slowly and, without warning, lifted up his leg and kicked him in the face quicker than lightning.  _

_ His instinctive reaction was to scream, cry from the multitude of pain coming from down below and his nose. But he didn't. Jake would become antagonized so he settled for biting on his tongue instead. He bit so hard that blood seeped out, creating that familiar metallic taste. And his nose, well he was pretty sure that was broken, that or badly bruised.  Jake wore steel toed boots, not that he needed to, enough to crush a pineapple if he should choose to do so. His nose had no protection. Tears welled up, flowing down the side of his face freely, mixing with the blood. The lump in his throat practically burned.  _

_ “Jed, Jed, Jed,” Jake clicked his tongue. “Why must you disobey me? Don't I take care of you? Don't I make you feel special? I know that's what you want. I know all you want is some romance.” Now he was taunting him.  _

_ “Am I not romantic enough? I gave you those flowers.”  _

_ “They were dead,” Jed spoke up against his better judgement.  _

_ Jake grabbed a handful of his hair, making the blonde yowl. “Shut up! Shut up!” With his hand still full of Jed’s hair, he twisted it and  _ **_oh my God_ ** _ was that the most painful thing he'd ever endured (well, perhaps not as painful as the kick to his bits was).  _

_ His boyfriend tisked. “Do you enjoy making me angry?” Jed was silent. “I hate to punish you, cutie, but you aren't giving me much of a choice.”  _

_ Jed whimpered.  _

_ Jake stood up, scoffing. “You're pathetic.” With that, he suddenly stomped on the blonde's chest, knocking the wind out of him. Jed laid there, gasping for air amid his other pain. Like a fish out of water. Jake was right, he was pathetic. He was a man, he should be able to handle a little weight on his chest. Ashamed, he avoiding making eye contact.   _

_ “In spite of your mother's constant interference, you still managed to be a disappointment.”  _

_ Jed's head snapped up, seeing red. Ain't nobody allowed to say a thing about his mama. Jake included. “S-Shut up,” he glowered. “Don't ya dare talk about my mama like that.” He really lifted himself on his side, from there furthing up until he was sitting on his butt again.  _

_ Jake stared at him incredulously. “Your mother was a fool. And besides, what twenty-two year old still calls their mother, ‘mama’?”  _

_ “I do,” Jed said quietly.  _

_ “Like I said. Pathetic.”  _

_ “Shut up!” Jed barked. “Shut up, Jake! You're crossing the line this time.”  _

_ “Oh stop overreacting.”  _

_ “I love ya,” Jed said tearfully whilst Jake was unimpressed. “I love ya so much and I get the feelin ya don't feel the same way bout me anymore.”  _

_ Jake’s face turned red. “You say I don't love you?” he said dangerously low. “Look at everything I've done for you! And you've done nothing in return!”  _

_ “I LEFT MY ENTIRE FAMILY FOR YOU!” Jed screamed. “HOW IS THAT NOTHING?”  _

_ “I DRAGGED YOU AWAY FROM THAT CULT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!” Jake screamed back, forgetting his own rule about volume control. “YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN HOW TO FEND FOR YOURSELF IF IT WASN'T FOR ME!”  _

_ “That's not true,” Jed said harshly, lowering his voice. “I ain't dumb. I would've learned.”  _

_ Jake tittered obnoxiously, partially due to the alcohol in his system. “Right. Sure, Jed.”   _

_ Finally, Jed had had enough. He lunged for his boyfriend, tackling him to the ground. His body was in a world of hurt but that didn't stop him. No siree. Jake howled, wrapping his arms around Jed's frame, crushing him.  When that didn't work, unfortunately he didn't become deprived of air, he settled for pounding Jed's back instead, well that and any other part of the blonde that he could reach. They were entwined like a human pretzel. They were entwined in a romantic, intimate sense; fingers entwined, softly stroking the other. Jed never imagined his gentle, once loving partner would turn into a raging monster that was bent on destroying him until he was a shell of who he used to be.  _

_ And maybe, maybe he succeeded.  _

_ Jed couldn't recall the last time he'd been genuinely happy. Nowadays, he was forced to fake it, pretend to everyone- outsiders, Jake, even himself.  _

_ “Get off me!” Jed cried, wiggling. Whatever the plan was for him once Jake got a better hold on him wasn't known and he didn't wanna stick around to find out. He bucked, thrashed. It wasn't until he accidentally elbowed Jake in the ribs that he wa able to crawl away. Breathlessly, he did his best while on his knees to get the door. He didn't hear Jake coming after him which was a good sign. He almost reached the door handle when something hard hit him on the back. He gasped as pain overwhelmed once again. He slumped down back on the floor. As he did so his eyes went upward to see Jake holding a baseball bat, with the coldest, most deadly look in his eyes.  _

_ “J-Jake, please,” Jed pleaded. “I'm sorry...”  _

_ “Sorry doesn't cut it,” Jake said, breathing heavily like a madman. “I lost my job because of you! We're going to starve and it's all your fault!”  _

_ “I'm sorry,” the tears were flowing steadily, Jed sobbed in total fear. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please!”  _

_ But his pleas went unnoticed. Jake raised the bat and Jed mentally braced himself for what was to come. Unfortunately it didn't help. The bat swung at him, hitting his side. It was done with more force than expected. Something cracked; a rib, Jed supposed. Or maybe two. He couldn't keep track; the pain was becoming too intense. On top of that, he’d hoped Jake would stop after a few hits but he didn't. He kept at it. It was like nothing that ever happened before. In his drunken haze, Jake kept swinging; crazily oblivious to what was going on around him.  _

_ Meanwhile, Jed’s world was spinning and not in a good way. Blood, blood was everywhere; in his mouth, on the floor, staining his clothes. He choked a bit as some fell back down his throat.  _

_ He pleaded, begged for Jake to stop but he was far too gone at this point for rational negotiation; which left Jed reduced to a sobbing, screaming mess. He didn't know how long it had been going on, he was barely registering anything. He heard hurried footsteps just outside the door, someone was yelling but Jed was far too dizzy to comprehend anything. One last hit to his head forced him into darkness.  _

“I didn't know it at the time but it was my neighbors who rescued me. I was in the hospital for a month or so,” Jed choked out, “broke some ribs, cracked my nose and cheekbones and a few other places. Got a concussion too.” 

Tavi, whom had been silent throughout the story, stared at him in complete horror. “Oh my God, Jed,” he spoke in a soft whisper. “I'm so sorry.” 

Jed shrugged. It was a long time ago. No use dwelling on it now.  _ Hypocrite.  _ “S'alright. I recovered.” 

“That's not the point,” Tavi frowned. “He could have killed you! Where is he now?” 

“Prison,” Jed said flatly. “judge gave him life with no chance of escaping.” 

“Good,” Tavi nodded firmly. Seconds later he asked, “Did you have to testify?” 

Jed looked away. “Yeah.” 

Tavi admired his bravery but would never voice that thought for he knew Jed was self conscious about that kind of stuff. For now, he settled on caressing the blonde's hand with his thumb as a comforting gesture. “I'm sorry.” 

“Why?” Jed sobered up. “Ain't your fault.” 

“No,” Tavi agreed. “But I'm still sorry. You didn't deserve that.” 

Jed smiled halfway. “Thanks, pal. Can I, err, have a hug? If ya don't mind.” 

Tavi looked a little surprised at his question, as he was usually the one asking for permission. “Of course,” he opened his arms wide. Jed abandoned all previous insecurities when it came to touching, leaning forward to to be enveloped in Tavi's arms. The Italian's embrace was welcoming, especially after having to recount a tale so horrible as that. He crushed his nose in Tavi's shoulder, trying not to put all his weight on the other man. It was a great strain on his back. “Do you miss him, Jed?” 

“No,” Jed said immediately. 

Tavi asked another question. “Do you think about him often?”

“Unfortunately,” Jed whispered. “I try not to, specially when we're together but I can't help it. He's everywhere.  I hear his voice all the time...” 

“I'm so very sorry,” Tavi repeated as he carded his fingers through Jed’s hair. “A man like you deserves to be treated with respect and cherished.” 

Jed blushed, glad to have his face hidden from view. Oh Lord what this man did to him. “Oh Tavi...” It was meant to be said in a low, maybe even romantic tone but with the way his nose was pressed against Tavi, he sounded like he was struggling with a cold that left his nose clogged. It was embarrassing and he buried his face tighter. 

Tavi laughed, patting his back. He shifted, moving his legs. “You know, you can lay on me if you would like. You won't hurt me.” 

Something about that didn't feel right to Jed. “I can't,” he said. 

“Why not?” 

“I, uh, I feel like I should be holding ya,” Jed admitted. “You're smaller.” 

Tavi muttered something in Italian. Jed wasn't able to decipher but from the loving tone in which it was said in, he reckoned it was something good. 

“Jed, loosen up, please.” 

Jed obeyed, allowing his body to relax, twisting a bit so he wasn't so strained. His back ached terribly and was relieved to be free of that position. “That loose for ya?” Jed remarked. 

“Indeed,” Tavi sighed happily. 

Jed wanted to ask about Lance but was this the right time? Then again, was there ever going to be a right time? 

“Tavi?” He hated to ruin such a beautiful moment but he wanted,  _ needed _ answers. 

“Yes?” Tavi sounded a bit nervous. 

Jed took a deep breath. “I want to know about Lance. If you'll tell me.”  

Tavi stiffened. 

“Ya don't have to tell me if ya don't want to,” Jed said quickly. 

“No, no,” Tavi bit his lip. “I believe it is time I should.”    
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk people probably don't speak as well as I had Jake speak but i didnt know how to write that so lets just pretend he was really drunk lol


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after you read this chapter, please tell me if you think i should rewrite this chapter and last chapter. I just feel they're not my best and that the story is beginning to rush a bit with their feelings toward each other. I'm going for a confused, semi sure vibe where Octavius thinks he feels strongly for Jed (and he does) but his feelings for Lance arent completely gone. So yeah if you could tell me what ya think that'd be super appreciated

_Octavius was scribbling away on his essay, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. He kept crossing and increasing his legs in the uncomfortable, plastic chair. He was nearly finished, just a few more paragraphs._

_As soon as school had ended he rushed to the local library for some peace and quiet. The school's library was alright in a pinch, but too many times it was more of a hangout spot and included more talking than anything. He_ **_had_ ** _to finish the essay without distraction. So there he sat, by himself in the mostly deserted building besides a couple elderly woman knitting a few feet away and the librarian._

_Much to his irritation, just as he was dotting the period, the pencil tip snapped with a defining crunch. The Italian sharpened it with the sharpener hurriedly before going back to what he was doing. He was so engrossed that he didn't notice the tall figure approach his table._

_“Hello.”_

_Octavius jumped, knocking his belongings askew, knee banging underneath the table. He hissed in pain, massaging his knee. He gazed upward, thoroughly annoyed at the disruption. He was nearly done! Who thought it was appropriate to interrupt him at a time like this? His initial irritation slowly ebbed away, though, by the meeting of his eyes with the stranger across from him. “H-Hello.”_

_Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Octavius didn't usually lose all common sense just from one person but by God was this guy gorgeous. His hair was cropped short, blonde in color and shaved neatly on the sides. His face was thin and his body muscular. His v-neck t-shirt was fitted which left no imagination as to what was underneath. But that wasn't his most prominent feature; Octavius was drawn to his stunningly crystal blue eyes. The Italian was rendered speechless by his ultra beauty._

_“I'm terribly sorry to bother you,” he said in the most beautiful British accent Octavius has ever heard. “But I couldn't help but feel an urge to introduce myself.”_

_Octavius’ mind was blow, the incomplete essay was the furthest thing and no longer a priority. All he wanted to do was get to know this handsome stranger that was sent by the gods. “Hello,” he repeated dumbly._

_The handsome stranger chuckled at his reaction, running his tongue over his bottom lip. It was all Octavius could do not to share. “What might your name be? I'm Lance Camelot. My father owns Camelot Enterprise.”_

_Perhaps he was supposed to have known what “Camelot Enterprise” was but he was clueless. Instead, he focused back in on Lance, remembering that after someone introduced themselves, the other person should proceed. “Oh, uh, hello. I'm Octavius Caesar, but my parents call me Octy.”_

_“What a beautiful name,” Lance smiled charmingly. Octavius’ insides curled. “If you don't mind, I'd much rather call you Octavius. Such a sophisticated name such as yourself deserves to be cherished at its finest.”_

_“Sure,” Octavius had never heard his name said like that before, smooth as chocolate. “I don't mind at all.”_

_A harsh hissing sound alerted them both to the librarian’s presence. She tapped her foot impatiently, lips pursed in a thin line. “No talking,” she ordered. She walked away, heels thumping behind her._

_Octavius and Lance were quiet until one of them cracked a grin and they had to stifle their giggles. “I don't know what her problem is,” the blonde said in amusement._

_“The world may never know,” Octavius knew it was a cheesy joke but he appreciated it when Lance laughed anyway._

_“Did anyone ever tell you how funny you are?” The Brit asked him, eyes sparkling like the ocean._

_Octavius blinked. “Actually, no.” He didn't typically try to act funny but when he did, it was accompanied by an eye roll, more often then not._

_“Well they should,” Lance declared._

_The Italian wasn't sure how to process this. No one, other than his own family, had bothered to give him a genuine compliment before. “Uh, thank you.”_

_“My pleasure,” Lance said softly_

****

Octavius was unaware of his trembling nor did he realize that he sat up until Jed wrapped arms around his middle from behind, resting his bony chin on the Italian's shoulder, running circular motions into his shoulder blades.

“Hey, pal,” he murmured in his silky voice. “You okay?”

Octavius came to it a moment after, blinking. “Ahh, yes. I believe so. Thank you.” He gently rolled his shoulders, forcing the blonde to pull away.

“You sure?” Jed clearly didn't believe him. “You were zoning out there for a moment. I was worried bout ya.”

“I'm fine,” Octavius tried to ease his mind. “Really. Don't worry about me. I was just thinking, that's all.”

“If ya say so, pal,” Jed said, shrugging.

“I do,” Octavius insisted.

“Because if you're not,” Jed countered, “I won't blame ya.”

Octavius did not speak for a long while; unbeknownst to Jed, he was hiding the fact that he was, indeed, not alright. He was crying silently, trying to refrain from shaking. The memories were better left forgotten, buried, not reopened like old, infected wounds. He sniffled, wiping at his nose unattractively.

“Tavi,” Jed whispered. “Please talk to me. _Please._ ”

Octavius broke down. “I'm scared,” he admitted. “It's hard to....to explain it all over again.”

Jed immediately looped his arms around the Italian once again, his nose squished against the back of his neck. “M'sorry,” he said over and over. “M'so sorry, Tavi. Didn't even think about that. You don't hafta talk bout it no more.”

Octavius grasped Jed's soft hands, absorbing his apologies. He appreciated it that the blonde wasn't forcing him, that it was on his own time. But Jed had shared his personal, private information. He'd divulged without being asked, so the least he could do was contribute as well. “No, no. It's alright, you deserve to know.”

He might as well get this over with.

“Aight,” Jed snuggled in closer. “Take yer time, Tavi.”

“Well, we went on a date a month later,” Octavius murmured, trying to even his voice out. “To a poetry slam.”

Jed snorted against his neck, causing Octavius to jerk. “Hold up, a po-what?”

“A poetry slam,” Octavius explained, partly amused. “It's a competition for people to perform spoken word poetry.”

“And ya like that stuff?” Jed asked, open-mindedly.

“Yes,” Octavius’ voice reached a new high when Jed stroked behind his ear lobes. The blonde chuckled at his reaction. “I find it delightful.”

“I know what else I find delightful,” Jed said cheekily, reaching over to pinch the Italian’s cheeks. Octavius giggled at his silliness.

“Oh quiet you.”

“So tell me bout me more bout your date,” Jed spoke in a displeased tone, a tone that Octavius had to remind himself was not directed at him.

The Italian sighed. “It was nothing short of perfect...”

****

_Octavius’ stomach was in knots as he stared at his reflection in the bedroom mirror. His date with Lance was in a few minutes and he had yet to find suitable attire! The Brit deliberately refused to inform him of their location for the evening, citing that he wanted it to be a surprise._

_A knock on his bedroom door brought him back to reality. “All ready for your date, honey?” Octavius turned to see his mother standing at the doorway, hands on her chest with a soft smile on her face._

_“Yes, mother,” Octavius replied, adjusting his shirt._

_His mother brushed his hair from his eyes. “Are you nervous, child? This is your first date.”_

_“A little,” Octavius admitted._

_His mother laughed softly. “Oh Octy, you have nothing to be nervous for. Lance seems...like a very nice boy.” Her face was pinched. Octavius sighed. He hated how his parents were less then thrilled about his love interest. What if they became boyfriends? Or more importantly, what if they fell in love and for married? Adopted children, maybe a few pets with a nice little house and a picket fence-_

_Okay, maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself. Still, it was nice to dream._

_“I know, mother,” Octavius ran a comb through his hair again just for the sake of perfection. “I just can't help but wonder why Lance picked me of all people.”_

_His mother lightly smacked him atop the head. She grabbed his chin, tisking. “Octavius Cassius Caesar, don't ever let me hear of you talking so low of yourself again, young man. You are a very handsome boy and I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want you.”_

_Octavius smiled halfway. His mother was always wise with her words. “Yes, ma'am.”_

_She pinched his cheeks. “Good boy. Now do you want any help with your hair?”_

_Octavius panicked, touching the top of his head with wide eyes. “What's wrong with my hair?” She laughed, ruffling his hair teasingly. He protested at the now messed up curls. He'd have to comb it all over again.  And so he did, sitting on the edge of his bed as he sighed dreamily. Lance was the most handsome guy in school and he was taking him on a date. It was phenomenal; to think, he could've had any other guy and he chose him. Octavius ran out of adjectives to use._

_He heard his mother call for him and the butterflies instantly returned. Lance was here! With one last reassurance that he was completely ready, the young Italian nervously made his way to the foyer. His breath hitched; Lance was standing there, dressed in a pressed, crisp shirt, black dress pants and Oxford shoes. Octavius felt a tad underdressed but hoped that he was giving off a good impression anyway. His mother was chatting with his date and his father was standing nearby, eyebrows raised, arms crossed; aka, full dad mode._

_“And where will you boys be going tonight?” His father asked in his deep voice._

_Lance smiled, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “It's a surprise but I am certain Octavius will love it.”_

_Octavius grinned, excited. This was his first, proper date and he couldn't wait to get it started. “I can't wait,” he said._

_“Me either,” Lance squeezed his shoulder._

_His father didn't look impressed in the least. His mother stood next to him, holding onto his arm. Octavius felt like they were looking right through him. “I want Octavius home by nine-thirty,” his father commanded._

_“Father!” Octavius was embarrassed by his early curfew. Lance was probably able to stay out as late as he wanted. Popular people had that perk._

_“Dear,” his mother frowned.  “Isn't that a bit early?”_

_His father nodded. “Exactly.”_

_His mother slapped his arm lightly. She turned her attention onto the boys. “You can stay out until eleven. Enjoy your date.”_

_“Thank you, Mother,” Octavius was relieved that even though she didn't fully approve of his date, at least she was trying._

_“Yes, thank you,” Lance added. “I will make sure Octavius is home at eleven sharp, not a minute too late.”_

_“I'm sure you will,” his mother said pleasantly. “Goodbye boys and Octavius, don't forget to take a sweater. It's a little chilly out.”_

_“Yes, Mother,” Octavius said obediently, grabbing one from the hallway closet. “Goodbye.”_

_They left his house, hopping in Lance’s fancy car. The Brit took them further into town until they reached a decently sized building with a rather dreary atmosphere. It was new, tonight was the grand opening._

_“A poetry slam,” Octavius realized, grinning widely. He turned to face his date. “How did you know?”_

_“Lucky guess,” Lance said smoothly, checking his reflection in the mirror. “Is the surprise to your satisfaction?”_

_Octavius nodded eagerly. “Oh yes, yes! Thank you, Lance! I love it.”_

_“As I knew you would,” Lance kissed his hand-held a little forward in Octavius’ opinion, as it was only the first date, but that didn't mean he didn't like it. A tingly feeling spurred up. Love, the Italian thought._

_They went inside, finding a table in the middle of the room. It was an open slam, meaning that anyone could come up and perform. Octavius observed the decorations along the walls; posters of famous poets and inspiring quotes. Lance leaned in close, whispering in his ear, “You should go up.”_

_Octavius fought to keep from shivering at the feel of his breath. “Oh I couldn't.” There was simply too many people. He loved poetry but suffered from horrible stage fright._

_“Too bad,” Lance breathed, “I'd imagine you'd be spectacular.”_

_Octavius blushed, thankful for the darkened room so his date couldn't see the ugly red blush that was taking over his face_

_They stayed for quite a while, listening to each person come and recite. Octavius was absolutely fascinated, clapping enthusiastically after each one. Lance was a little more subdued in his reactions, preferring to clap more dignified and being noticeably less excited. The Italian didn't mind, poetry was not for everyone. Afterwards, they exited arm-to-arm. There was still an hour left of their date and Lance promised him there was still more of their enchanting evening to be spent. “Would you care for some ice cream?” The Brit asked him as they got back in the car._

_“I'd love some,” Octavius told him. And so they drove off toward the closest ice cream parlor. All the while, a soft romantic song came on the radio. Lance turned up the volume. Octavius hummed along._

_“You have a beautiful voice,” Lance said with admiration. “Do you sing?”_

_Octavius laughed slightly. Him, sing? Ha. “Oh, no. Definitely not.”_

_“You surprise me. Your voice sounds magnificent,” Lance complimented him. “It's so smooth like,” he paused, tearing his eyes off the road to glance at him, “chocolate.”_

_Octavius coughed._

_“I apologize if I made you uncomfortable,” Lance reached down to grasp his hand while still keeping his eyes on the road._

_“You didn't,” Octavius assured. “I was merely caught off guard.”_

_“I seem to have a habit of doing that to you, don't I?” a mischievous grin came onto the Brit's face. The grin was infectious; Octavius felt as light as a breeze. He let out a not so manly giggle._

_“Perhaps.”_

_Lance laughed, shaking his head. They arrived at the parlor, seated near a window by a pretty redhead hostess that was rather disappointed they were on a date with each other, judging by the wink she gave Lance that made her look like something was wrong with her eye. With their hands intertwined, they ordered; Octavius a double chocolate, fudge sundae with chocolate sprinkles and hot fudge, and Lance a scope of strawberry in a cup with a cherry on top. He wasn't feeling very hungry, he explained at the Italian's puzzled look._

_An older blonde waitress brought them their ice creams. Octavius dug right in, relishing in it's chocolatey taste. Lance watched him, amused._

_“Hungry?” The Brit teased him._

_Octavius stopped eating, embarrassingly, a trail of hot fudge trailed down his chin. He swallowed, licking his lips. “Oh, uh, sorry. I assure you I usually have better manners than this.” Lance’s lips curled upward, he reached out to wipe the droplets away. A bright red blush crept up his neck, onto his face. At the same time, his body froze, not expecting the sudden gesture._

_“And I assure you, I don't mind,” Lance smirked._

_Octavius spluttered._

_“Has anyone ever told you how delightful you are when you're nervous?” Lance propped his elbows on the table, face in the palms of his hands._

_“N-No,” Octavius managed to say, his tongue loose and wild. He felt like a fool. Lance was so calm, so collected and there he was a nervous wreck. It was just a date. Not like he was being awarded the Nobel Prize for literature, which was a dream of his._

_“Well I wouldn't say I'm completely calm.” To his horror, he'd said it out loud! “And my, my, that's quite an outstanding and ambitious goal.”_

_“Thank you,” Octavius said shyly. His attention was brought back to the first sentence. “You're nervous too?”_

_“I've never been more nervous in my life,” the Brit admitted. “I changed at least four times at home and barely had the strength to drive over.”_

_Octavius felt comfort that he wasn't alone in his worrying._

_“Actually, until tonight, I was under the impression that you were the one that was calm about the whole thing.”_

_Octavius couldn't help but laugh. “If you really knew me you'd know that is certainly not the case.” Lance laughed too._

_“Well then,” he abruptly turned serious, “I'd like to do that.”_

_“....Do what?”_

_“Get to know you better. Much better,” Lance seemed a little unsure but went with it anyway._

_Octavius’ heart pounded from inside his chest. “I'd like that very much.”_

_Their date continued, without so much as another slip up. The couple snuck in shy glances, soft smiles and a connection between them was steadily brewing. And for that, Octavius couldn't be happier._

_When it came close to his curfew, they left the parlor hand-in-hand, body-to-body. They drove home in silence because in that moment, nothing needed to be said._

_“Well I guess this is it,” Lance said briskly when he dropped Octavius off at the front door. “You know, I had a fantastic time tonight. I do hope we can do this again.”_

_The chilly December air cooled the heat on the Italian's cheeks. “I agree.”_

_They stared into each others eyes for a second. “Well, goodbye,” Lance turned on his heels and Octavius was about to go inside for the night but was grabbed by the shoulders and a pair of lips,_ **_Lance’s_ ** _lips, on his. It was nothing that he'd ever felt before._

_The Brit let go, holding him at arm's length. “Wow,” Octavius whispered._

_Lance smiled. “Wow indeed.” He left without another word, leaving Octavius on the doorstep, dumbstruck as all can be._

Jed held him tighter, still leaving him plenty of room to breathe. Octavius let out a yawn. A part of him was anxious at spending the better part of his night with Jed. The time had ticked away from them, he found that he didn't want to leave this position but in the back of his mind he knew Charlie would be home from the party before long and arrive back to an empty house. He should probably get up, bid Jed a goodnight and go home but the urge to stay was overwhelming. Going home meant he'd have to face his impending issues, that Lance was still his boyfriend and had lied to him not for the first time. He'd rather bask in the glory that is Jed.

Jed still hadn't moved from his position. It sent the Italian a powerful message; Lance had never bothered to cuddle much, definitely not for this long.

“Can I ask ya something?” Jed inquired.

“Of course,” Octavius said tenderly.

“Was it really that good?” Jed asked, undoubtedly referring to his and Lance's first kiss. “Better than ours?”

He sounded so insecure, so unsure. Octavius’ heart went out for him, relating all too well. “No,” he said in earnest. “Definitely not.” There was no comparison. Kissing Lance had been wonderful at the time, but now, even amid his cluster of confused, wandering feelings, kissing Jed was better than anything he could have ever dreamed of.

Jed perked up. “Really?”

“Yes,” Octavius confirmed.

“Our kiss was, forgive me for being so cliche, magical.”

“Boy oh boy,” the blonde murmured, voice thick with emotion. “You felt it too, hoss? Huh. I ain't never been so weak in the knees ‘fore.”

“Nor have I,” Octavius said thoughtfully. “What about you? Was Jake better than me?”

Jed scoffed. “Nu uh. He was good at the time but had a real bad habit of makin our kisses all slobbery.” He couldn't see the blonde's face but imagined it to be contorted to an expression of disgust.

“I assure you, Jed, that won't be a problem for us,” Octavius promised with a chuckle.

“That's good,” Jed rested his head on his shoulder.

****

“I do hope you're not falling asleep on me,” Octavius said teasingly.

It was at that statement that Jed lifted his head up a tad, sounding hesitant. “Would ya mind if I did? Wasn't plannin on it but if it bothers ya....”

“Oh no,” Octavius frowned. “No, no. By all means, do so as you wish if you want. Are you tired?”

Jed laid back down. “A little. But I wanna hear the rest of the story.”

“Very well,” Octavius smiled at how truly adorable he was. “What would you like to hear?”

“When did he first tell you he loved you?” Jed asked after a second of silence. Octavius was a bit caught off guard by the question.

“Pardon?”

“When did he first tell you he loved ya?” Jed repeated.

“Are you sure you want to hear?” Octavius frowned.

“Yeah,” Jed said. “Please.”

“Okay....But I must ask, why do you want to know?”

“Just curious,” Jed looked a bit embarrassed.

Octavius shifted, his arm tingling from the lack of blood flow. “If you wish to know, then I will tell you. It started a few months after we started dating...”

_Octavius was studying diligently with Lance in his room, reading one of the required books for their English class. The Italian’s attention was on the book, not focusing in on his boyfriend, whom had stopped reading and chose to gaze at him as he absentmindedly fiddled with his glasses._

_Octavius glanced up, upon feeling that he was being watched. His eyes met Lance’s and he smiled shyly. “You should really be studying, we have a test tomorrow,” he scolded lightly with no heat to his tone._

_The Brit sighed dreamily. “I can't help it. Watching you is like watching an angel.”_

_Octavius blushed furiously. Even after more than a handful of those treasured moments with Lance, he still wasn't used to the affection, the loving gazes, the surprised gifts. One day Lance surprised him with a bundle of sunflowers- his favorite flower. Octavius had nearly burst with emotion! If all this was going to indicate how their future was to be, Octavius could hardly wait._

_“Oh you,” Octavius giggled, hiding his face like a schoolgirl. Lance laughed, winking at him. “You're too sweet.”_

_“No,” Lance corrected him, taking him by the chin and pressing a kiss down on his plump lips, sucking ever so slightly on the bottom lip. “_ **_This_ ** _is sweet.”_

_Octavius let out a moan, pulled his boyfriend in closer, fingers gripping his back. “You're so cheesy,” the Italian mumbled against his lips, feeling a smile from the other male. Their books laid forgotten beside them as they continued to engage in themselves. The Brit pushed most of his weight onto Octavius, who had to prop himself up by placing his hands on the bed. Octavius’ body tingled from the touches, and he greedily ached for more. Neither noticed nor heard the creaking of the bedroom door and the scandalized gasp from his mother._

_“Octavius Caesar!”_

_They jerked away, sheepish. Lance smoothed down his shirt, hardly bothered by the fact that were caught mid-makeout. Octavius was properly mortified; he straightened up, hastily grabbing his book, pretending to flip through the pages._

_ ”H-Hello mother,” he tried to act normal. Lance didn’t bother to acknowledge her, a strike on his end. His family was tight knit and were keen on manners and properly acknowledging someone such as a parent, was one of them.  _

_ “Octavius, Lance,” her eyes swept over them, lips pursed in a thin line. “I would appreciate it if you boys kept your affection to a minimum while in the house.”  _

_ “Yes mother,” Octavius nodded obediently. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”  _

_ She didn’t reply but her eyes lingered on Lance in that disapproving way that she always had whenever he was over or mentioned. It didn’t help that the Brit held eye contact with her, challenging her with that look of his that Octavius would have preferred he didn’t use.  _

_ “I thought you boys were studying?”  _

_ “We were,” Octavius chimed in before Lance could make a smart aleck remark.  _

_ “Didn’t you say you had a test soon, Octy?” she asked him.  _

_ “Yes, err, tomorrow,” he answered, biting his lip.  _

_ She crossed her arms. “Then I assume it would help if you actually studied rather than focusing on each other. Do I need to separate you two and put a stop to these studying sessions of yours?”  _

_ “No, no!” Octavius said hurriedly. “We’ll stop, Mother, I promise.”  _

_ “Be sure that you do,” she advised, giving them one more stern look before departing. Her footsteps echoed down the hall, thumping behind her. Octavius wordlessly got up to close the door, halfway expecting a blow up from Lance any minute now.  _

_ “We were just on a break,” the Brit grumbled, face morphed into a scowl. “Honestly, what gives her the right to say such things, hmm? We’re dating, we’re allowed some moment of intimacy.”  _

_ Octavius didn’t know what to say, if he should say anything. He knew the Camelot’s didn’t have many rules for their son, a part reason why his behavior was the way it was. It made the Caesar's look like dictators. All Octavius had ever known was the rules in place made by his parents. Lance grew up with little said to him, little to none rebuke. It wasn’t to say that the Camelot’s were mean or nasty; actually they were quite lovely and Lance’s mother and father made sure Octavius was well accommodated whenever he was over. His own parents didn’t give into Lance’s wishes like his parents did, which caused some battles occasionally.  _

_ “She is my mother, Lance,” he tried reasoning with his boyfriend. “She has more say than you think she does.”  _

_ He scoffed. “You’re sixteen years old, you need to learn to stand up for yourself and not let your parents boss you around like some servant.”  _

_ Octavius was incredulous. His parents made it quite clear that until he was out on his own that he lived under their roof and therefore had to do what they said. And they didn’t treat him some servant! Just because he wasn’t allowed to do whatever he wanted....he stopped that thinking right there. He didn’t want to argue with Lance so he turned his attention back on his homework. His mother would not be happy if she found them arguing, especially since it was Lance who started it.  _

_ “Are you even listening to me?” Lance sounded angered.  _

_ “Yes,” Octavius said calmly. “You’re wrong, they don’t treat me like a servant but I don’t wish to argue. Come on, let’s finish this so we can watch a movie or something.”  _

_ He began writing for the essay when he heard Lance huff in exasperation. Great, now he’d start to pout until Octavius stopped what he was doing to apologize and give in to whatever he wanted. Well it wasn’t going to work like that, Octavius was determined to ignore it this time. He’d given in plenty of times, apologize more than he could count. Lance should realize the world didn’t revolve around him.  _

_ The Italian’s resistance started to weaken when he tried multiple times to engage the blonde in what he was doing but he was too busy pouting and avoiding his gaze.  _

_ “Lance,” Octavius tried again. “Lance, please. I’m sorry about that, really. But Mother’s right, we need to study. I almost got a B last time and I don’t want Mother and Father to think you’re the reason for my grades slipping. Please, just listen.”  _

_ Lance turned to face him, still scowling. “Well, what?”  _

_ Octavius gave a sigh of relief. If it was truly serious Lance would’ve ignored him entirely. He did that sometimes when he was just so mad he could hardly contain it. Thankfully, it didn’t happen often. Poor Octavius nearly had a panic attack when it did. He hated to think of upsetting his first, real boyfriend.  _

_ “I know you hate all the rules Mother and Father have in place,” he began, unsure of where he was going with this. “But I assure you they will loosen up. I’m their only son, they’re going to be a bit overprotective.” He scooted closer, smiling. “Just think in a few years we’ll have our own place and we’ll be able to kiss as much as you’d like.”  _

_ Lance’s expression of irritation melted and he wrapped an arm around the Italian’s smaller frame. “I’d like that,” he admitted, nuzzling his hair. “I know something else I’d also like,” he removed his face from Octavius’ hair and pressed a soft kiss to his neck, causing him to inhale sharply.  _

_ “L-Lance,” he stuttered.  _

_ “Yes, Octavius?” Oh my, and the way he spoke his name! “Would you like me to repeat that?” Without waiting for an answer, he pressed another kiss, this one rougher than the first, to the creamy flesh again and again. It left the skin tingly as well as sending a shockwave of pleasure throughout Octavius’ body. The Italian found it difficult to put a stop to it.  _

_ “S-Stop,” he gently pushed him away. “Mother can’t see us like this.”  _

_ Lance’s hands dropped and that angered expression was back on his face. Octavius knew he’d done it this time. “What is wrong with you?” the Brit spoke harshly. “Do you like me or not? Do you even want this relationship or are you more focused on mommy and daddy?”  _

_ Octavius winced at the mocking tone of which he used. Yes, he had a close relationship with his parents, probably a little unusual at his age but wasn’t that a good thing? Was Lance really jealous of that? Or was he right, was he spending too much time listening to them when he should be putting more energy toward his boyfriend.  _

_ “Sometimes I just this vibe that you’re not that into me like you said you were,” Lance shrugged.  _

_ “Oh no,” Octavius said wide eyed. “You’re my everything. Please don’t believe that. I-I just don’t want to get in trouble. Mother and Father are sticklers for education and getting good grades. I’d hate to be studying by myself again. You understand, don’t you?” he asked desperately.  _

_ Lance looked away, acting as though he was inspecting his nails like the girls at school did. “I’m not sure I do. If you truly adored me like you say you do you’d do it. If you loved me you’d do it anyway.”  _

_ W-What? He thought Octavius didn’t love him? Without a doubt, no question about it, Octavius was fully, absolutely in love with Lance. Had been for a while. He’d assumed he’d known that. He should know that.  _

_ “Of course I love you,” the Italian’s stomach dropped. “I love you very much.”  _

_ Lance’s eyes softened and he leaned into kiss Octavius on the lips, calming him slightly. “I love you too.” Octavius thought it was all done and over with but apparently he wasn’t finished yet. “But you just need to stand up for yourself, make yourself heard. They won’t learn to respect you if you don’t test the waters.”  _

_ Test the waters? “What do you mean?” Octavius asked, confusedly.  _

_ “I mean, exert your power, tell them no once and awhile,” Lance leaned against the bedroom wall. ‘See what happens.”  _

_ “They’ll ground me,” Octavius said matter-of-factly. “I’ve never said no to my parents in my whole life and I’d really prefer not to start now.”  _

_ Lance raised his eyebrows. “I’m just trying to make sure you become the man you’re supposed to be.”  _

_ Octavius shrunk. “I know.”  _

_ “Then perhaps you should take the advice given and not reject it.”  _

_ “Okay,” he mumbled. “Sorry.”  _

_ Lance kissed him on the top of his head. “Just know I’m doing this all out of love.”  _ _  
_

 

Octavius imagined Jed was scowling at the imagery, who had gone silent. The blonde let out an exasperated puff of air, directly into his ear. It might have been sexy, had there not been spittle along with it.

“I ought to slug him,” the blonde mumbled furiously under his breath. “He done manipulated you, bet that wasn't the first time either.”

“It wasn't,” Octavius admitted. “I was too blind to see it but Lance had me wrapped around his finger since we first laid eyes on each other.”

“I reckon I was the same way with Jake,” Jed recalled. “I let that boy boss me around like a mother hen. He didn't like nothing about me, always sayin I needed to change to act more sophisticated and crap.” Octavius honestly couldn't imagine Jed without his signature clothes and mannerisms. And to think, somebody wanted to change that. “I put my foot down when he ‘sisted on gettin rid of my hat.”

“I love your hat,” Octavius said truthfully. “It's part of what makes you, you.” Additionally, he also liked seeing the blonde curls peeking out from underneath. But he didn't wish to embarrass the blonde further with any sweet talk.

Jed was flattered. “Aw shucks, Tavi,” he said, pretending to be bashful. “Ya too kind.”

Octavius simply smiled.

“So, uh,” Jed changed his tone, “how long it take ‘fore pretty boy took a swing at ya?”

“Not that long,” Octavius said softly. “It was during our Christmas break. I was allowed to hangout with Lance for a bit but I had to return to my house for Christmas Eve. Well, Lance didn't like that. He wanted me to celebrate with his family and he,” his voice shook, “he hit me. I fell over and he looked at me like I was scum. I ended up with a horrible headache and a bruised cheek. I'd never felt so astounded in all my life. Lance was a little hot headed but he'd never been violent or acted out his frustrations.” His pent up distress was evident; he talked faster, panicked. Jed obviously didn't know what to do so he gently carded his hands through the Italian’s hair.

“S'okay, Tavi. He ain't gonna get ya now. Ol Jed will protect ya.”

Octavius calmed down, touched by his promises. Jed sounded sincere, like he truly wanted to carry it out. Too bad it could never be, the Italian thought glumly. Lance would never accept their breakup. He was the one who called the shots, never the other way around. And once he returned, if he ever did, it would be harder to sneak around. Charlie was easy, didn't require much of an explanation. Lance was a whole different story. Octavius wasn't ready to part with their budding relationship. He wouldn't be able to bear it. He buried his face in the blonde's hair, squeezing his eyes shut. It was an act done not for the first time but that didn't mean it was any less precious.

“Did ya ever tell your parents?” Jed questioned.

“I couldn't,” Octavius was ashamed. “I was too embarrassed. I thought they would rebuke me too, for not listening to them about Lance. I just didn't know what to do.”

Suddenly, he felt something wet on his neck, connecting to his shoulder. Octavius had a hunch but was still surprised to figure out that it was Jed's tears. The poor fellow was snuffling quietly, obviously trying not to make himself--and his emotions--known.

“Jed?” Octavius tilted his head to the side, confused as to what had set him off so abruptly.

“Sorry partner,” Jed apologized, composing himself. “I'm just a lil upset. Reminds me of how I felt with Jake.”

“I understand. Is there anything I can do to help?” Octavius wondered.

Jed shook his head negatively. “Nah. You've done enough for me already. I'll be fine. Don't know why I'm crying so much, anyways.”

Neither spoke a word as Jed dried his tears, hiccuping occasionally. Octavius wished provide him comfort somehow, to tell him it was okay to cry, that it didn't make him any less of a man. His mind flashed back to the multitude of times Lance rebuked him for crying, showing too many emotions like a woman. It had hurt, the insults, the name calling. He didn't wish that kind of treatment on anyone, especially someone like Jed. Perhaps he was being stereotypical but seeing Jed cry was strange, as the blonde had this confident masculine feel to him and it made it all the more terrible to see.

He maneuvered around so he was facing his boyfriend (the thought made him nearly grin because he remembered Jed was his _boyfriend!_ ). Jed looked at him sharply when Octavius’ hand touched his cheek before retracting rather quickly.

_Too soon._

“Jed,” his face felt like it was on fire due to Jed's curious blue eyes staring at him. “Never be afraid to show your inner emotions. You're human, one can't fault you for showing that.”

“But it ain't manly,” the blonde said in a sort of whine.

“I happen to cry frequently,” unfortunately it was due to a certain person but he didn't want to bring Lance into this. Not right now. “Does that mean I'm less manly?”

“No,” Jed looked horrified at the implication. “I didn't mean-”

“I know what you mean,” Octavius told him. “But see? You are allowed to show how you feel.”

“Guess you're right,” Jed smiled gratefully. “Thanks Tavi. It, uh, it means a lot to hear that from ya.”

“Not a problem,” Octavius felt the warmth bounce off from the blonde, hitting him squarely. Jed was a human heater, he learned. “If I may ask,” he began, quite tentatively, “what has made you so hesitant in sharing your emotions? Was it Jake?”

Jed nodded, swallowing. “Yeah. He, uh, hated it when I cried. Didn't cry often but when I did he let me know how much he hated it and all.” he seemed uncomfortable sharing that piece of information.

“I understand,” Octavius said. “Lance despises it as well. He's referred to me as a woman on more than one occasion.” He winced, feeling like he was sharing some deep, dark secret. Perhaps in a way, it was. He tried to tell himself that it was _okay,_ he could do it without fearing punishment. Jed wasn't going to hurt him, and neither was Lance for that matter. He was far away in Hong Kong. His brain fired up those memories from earlier, when he found out that yes, Ahk had been correct that his boy- _ex_ boyfriend was cheating on him.

Jed frowned.

“That ain't right. Ya didn't deserve that.”

Octavius shrugged. “What was I to do? In my mind, he was correct. I'd never thought twice about crying but Lance, he, he was very much against openly expressing any sort of emotion.”

“Ain't no wonder he's got problems then,” Jed said.

“I suppose,” Octavius shrugged again.

“Tavi,” Jed cut him off before he finished his sentence.

“Yes?”

“Can I, uh, can I....” Jed fumbled, turning a light shade of red.

Octavius motioned for him to continue. “Go on.”

“Never mind,” Jed blurted out.

“Jed, you can talk to me about anything, I won't judge.”

“No I can't,” Jed muttered.

Octavius was a little hurt. “I see. Well, I respect your decision.”

Jed looked appreciative. “Thank ya, hoss. ‘Preciate it.”

Octavius forced a smile. “Of course.”

A minute passed, they stayed in close range, not daring to make a move. Should he say something? Should he leave? Octavius found himself unable to move, unwilling, he should say. “So, uh,” Jed was the first one to speak, looking a bit surprised that he did so. “What else happened with ya and pretty boy, you know, after he punched ya?”

“A lot,” Octavius would have preferred not to go into detail but he knew this had long gone past protecting his relationship with Lance, he was trying to protect himself from the past; protect those precious memories of what had once been, a dream that he never wanted to wake up from. “It all happened so fast. Lance was moving up in the company and it was around that time I was forced to quit college-”

“Hang on,” there was anger in his voice. “You mean to tell me that twit of a cotton ball forced ya to quit?”

“Unfortunately,” Octavius resisted the urge to smile at ‘Twit of a cotton ball’

“I knew it,” the blonde let out groan. I knew ya ain’t quit on your own. Ya like that crap too much.”

Octavius raised his eyebrows. “Yes, that ‘crap’ does mean a lot to me,” he said dryly.

“Ya know what I mean,” Jed waved his hand dismissively.

“I do,” Octavius agreed.

Jed crossed his arms, scowling. “Why’d he make ya quit? Didn’t he realize what it meant to ya?” he mumbled something quite vulgar that made Octavius glance at him incredulously.

“Jed!” he admonished.

“What?” the blonde whined.

“Never mind,” Octavius shook his head, fighting off amusement at the pout on Jed’s lips. “You see, Lance was quite upset at the alleged attention I was receiving, though, in all honesty, I don’t recall there ever being any.”

“I bet there was,” Jed said casually. “You is quite the looker if ya know what I mean,” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Octavius fought off a blush. “Oh hush you. Anyway, we were both at a local college but I was supposed to have gone to a prestigious school I’d had my eye on-”

“So why didn’t ya?” Jed interrupted.

“Will you let me finish?” Octavius scolded, though his smile ruined any kind of effect he wanted to have.

Jed was sheepish. “Sorry. Go on.”

“Anyway, Lance talked me out of it, saying he didn’t want me to fail,” he paused when Jed opened his mouth but, remembering Octavius words, shut it quickly. “I was so blinded by my love for him that I listened. My parents were so disappointed in me. My mother was worried I wasn’t living up to my potential and throwing my dreams away for someone I had just met.”

“She wasn’t wrong,” Jed muttered.

Octavius ignored him.

“I probably should have broken up with him then.”

“Why didn’t ya?

Octavius didn't have to think about that answer. “I was scared to be alone.”

“Oh Tavi, Jed breathed and hesitated for a second. “Can I hold ya? Ya look like ya need it.”

The butterflies in the Italians stomach returned at the thought of being held in Jed’s strong arms again. “Yes, please. I won’t mind.”

Jed pulled him in, leaning back on the couch so they were in a cuddling position. Octavius’ head was in the crook of the blonde’s neck, nuzzling with Jed’s fingers in his hair, stroking. Octavius’ heartbeat was the fastests it had ever been but by _God_ if he wasn’t enjoying this...

“Did ya parents know it was his fault ya didn’t go?” Octavius felt the vibrations on the blonde’s throat.

“I think they had suspicions but they couldn’t prove it,” Octavius said. He sighed-causing Jed to giggle-it made the Italian grin at his ticklishness. But his amusement turned dour. Now that he thought about it, now that he had finally opened up, he felt like a fool, like a misguided fool. He’d thrown his life away for Lance and for what? To be beaten, abused, ridiculed? It was all done for someone who would never love him the way he had loved him. He’d chosen romance over practicality and never regretted a choice as much as he did that one.

“Whatcha thinkin about?” Jed asked him, playing with a piece of his hair. Octavius struggled not to fall asleep right then and there. He still had to get back home before Charlie did. “I can practically see the wheels spinnin in your head.”

“Life,” Octavius yawned.

“What part?”

“Where I ruined my life for someone who will never love me back.”

Jed was quiet for a brief second. “He really hurt ya, didn’t he?”

He did.

He really did.

And Jed didn't know the half of it.

“Yes,” the Italian replied in a strained voice. “Yes he did.” He really didn't want to do this but he reminded himself that they promised _no_ secrets of any kind. And so he sat up a bit, disregarding Jed’s whine because he was out of his arms and lifted up his shirt, revealing the blemish free skin on his abdomen. “There,” he took a deep breath, “was where I was punched repeatedly after I was caught chatting up with one of Lance's ‘friends’,” he said the last word loosely because Lance didn't truly have any friendships, not that it bothered the Brit. “And here,” he pointed to his right side, “was where I was pushed into the kitchen counter during one of our many arguments and this,” this time, he showed the blonde where the last of his ribs were, “Lance broke two of my ribs because I had wore something he ordered me to wear as well as shoving me into a table.” It was only a small handful of injuries he'd sustained but hopefully it was enough for Jed to understand his point. Speaking of, he was staring at Octavius horrified by what he was hearing. The injuries had long healed and miraculously, he bore no lasting scars. Other than the emotional damages. Those would be around forever.

Jed stared, flabbergasted by each story. “He did that to ya?”

“Indeed.”

Jed cupped his own mouth. “Wow...”

“It was scary,” Octavius continued, “seeing him like that. It was like he was someone else. I feared for my life in multiple occasions.”

Jed kept staring at him, his big, beautiful eyes were sad.

“At first he was merely angry over trivial, petty things. I wasn't worried even though I should have been.”

“I was the same way with Jake,” Jed compared. “I knew better. My dad always treated our ma with respect and like a lady. If they argued it was never in front of us kids.”

“My parents were the same,” Octavius said. “They used to go out on a date night every Friday evening.”

Jed smiled. “Sounds nice. Have any cute babysitters?” he teased.

“My only babysitter was Julia.”

“Awww.”

“Until I was ten. Then it was Caleb.”

“Oooh,” Jed smirked. “Caleeeeb, huh?”

Octavius rolled his eyes. “Shush you,” he commanded lightly. “Nothing came of it. He was six years older than I was.”

Jed clenched his chest dramatically. “Ya gonna leave me for an older man, Tavi?”

Octavius let out a snort. “Only if he has a tattoo.”

That wasn't the response Jed had expected to hear. He gaped, to which the Italian grinned.

“You little booger!”

“Is this you trying to be affectionate?” Octavius asked teasingly.

Jed stuck his tongue out.

“Real mature.”

“Thank ya,” Jed said cheerfully. “I do my best. Now say, why don't we hush up about all this Pretty Boy talk and enjoy ourselves? Do some snugglin and watch some TV?”

Octavius quite liked that idea. “Sure, but I have to leave soon so I can get back to the penthouse before Charlie gets back.”

“.....Who's Charlie?”

Octavius winced. “Lance's assistant. He's staying with me until Lance gets back.”

Jed spluttered. “So he's ya babysitter?”

Why did everyone have to say that? Octavius inwardly groaned. Okay, he technically was, but that didn't mean they all had to keep talking about it.

“He isn't a babysitter,” Octavius hesitated, “well, I suppose he is...I wouldn't say....look, he's just staying there making sure everything runs smoothly.”

Jed chewed on his lower lip. “Does he know you're here?”

“No,” Octavius shook his head. “He would tell Lance immediately and for that reason is why I must keep it a secret.” He felt insecure all of the sudden. “You don't mind, do you?”

“Can't say I like it,” Jed admitted. “But I like ya too much to really care.”

Octavius’ heart melted. “Oh Jed, that is sweet of you.”

Jed blushed. “Aw shut up.”

Octavius laid back down in Jed's arms, feeling at ease. Jed bad gotten his earlier wish--to be able to hold him. They were snuggled together for some time, without a care in the world.

Jed traced along Octavius’ jaw line. The Italian tensed, slowly relaxing when he remembered that Jed wasn't going to hurt him “Hey, pal,” the blonde whispered, “I ain't gonna hurt ya.”

“I know,” he whispered back. “I'm sorry, I uh-”

“S'okay,” Jed rubbed his cheek with the back of his knuckles. “It's a habit, I understand.”

Taffy and around the corner, peeking at them with her huge eyes. She hopped up on the coffee table, settling into her boat-like position.

“Spoiled cat acts like she owns the place,” Jed grumbled good naturally.

Octavius could only sigh happily.  **  
**


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the drama unfolding! Also I fixed last chapter's flashback where Tavi is explaining the time they said ILY to each other   
> I guess I didn't copy and past everything like I should've?? well it's good now, anyway I hope you like it!

Jed poured water into the potted plant, humming along to a tune playing on the radio. It was mid-afternoon on a Sunday and he was doing a little early spring cleaning. He wiped down the counters, washed the minimal dishes he had, cleaned out the bathroom; tidied up the kitchen and living room while making sure to dust (He always forgot that part). He was nearly done and looking forward to some relaxing TV time. 

He flipped the switch for the ceiling fan on, wondering what Tavi was doing at that very moment. Sunday’s sucked, primarily because it was the one day of the week they were forced to take a break from each other; completely. No texts, no calls. No communication at all. It wouldn’t have been so bad had his social life been well....existent. But it wasn’t. Working was the majority of where he received his (forced) socialization and usually he could handle that. But ever since his conversation with Tavi, where he admitted to liking his job, that yearning that was deep down inside of him only ached harder; he needed to find a new job, one that worked for him. Fixing cars wasn’t something he wanted to do for the rest of his life. The outdoors was where he belonged;  _ Texas _ was where he belonged. He was dubious that an outdoorsy type job could be found in New York, at least, one that was both up to his standards and enjoyable. 

Jed’s stomach rumbled hungrily just as he was putting away the cleaning supplies. He inwardly debated on a decent snack, ultimately deciding to microwave some popcorn, the extra buttery kind. Luckily, there was some of that exact kind stored away in a cabinet from the last time he’d gone shopping for groceries. While waiting for it to heat up and pop, he leaned against the counter, surveying what was ahead of him but not really paying much attention. His eyes lingered on the Aladdin DVD that was still on his coffee table. He should really give that back to Amelia sometime. She had to be missing it at some point. 

Speaking of Amelia, the blonde felt a tad twinge of guilt that resided in his gut. His rapidly, yet slow, growing relationship with Tavi had consumed most of his time. When he wasn’t physically with his boyfriend, he was texting him (but not overly so that it became annoying). It left little time for Amelia and him to hangout like they did before it all happened. A part of him worried that he was neglecting their friendship; he’d never had any real friendships like he did with her and was scared to death at the possibility of losing it. 

The microwave beeped. Jed about jumped a foot in the air, having been lost in his thoughts. He thought about inviting her over to have some alone time, maybe watch a movie or two while she offered unneeded and unasked commentary like they used to do. Yeah. That’s what he’d do. He pulled out his phone, sending her a quick text and asking if she was busy. She must not have been, because she answered relatively fast, saying that she was bored and she would love to come over (he didn’t even ask yet). Jed smiled fondly, shaking his head at her antics. He shut his phone off, going over to sit on the couch, waiting for her arrival. He really wanted to dig into that popcorn but knew she’d want some as well, that had been the last package so he’d just have to wait. Tell that to his stomach, though. 

Fortunately, she didn’t make him wait very long. In lickedy split time she was at his door, knocking and ringing the doorbell at the same time. He opened the door to see her grinning face. “Glad you could come,” before he even finish that sentence, she invited herself in, making herself comfy on one of the stools. 

“Yeah me too,” she agreed, taking her jacket off and setting beside her. “So what gives, Ace? You suddenly text me after leaving me in the dark and for what? To spend time with your little  _ boyfriend _ ,” she smiled teasingly. 

It hadn’t been said bitterly or even remotely laced with irritation, but the blonde felt guilty all over again anyway, his insecurities popping up like the blasted acne that played his teenage years. “Heh, yeah,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “sorry ‘bout that.” 

Amelia frowned. Obviously that wasn't the response she’d been expecting. “About what?” 

Dang nabbit, did she have to play dumb? “Ya know,” he mentally groaned, he hated these kinds of talks, “for abandoning ya and hanging out with Tavi so much. I shoulda made time for ya and I didn’t.” 

Amelia stepped forward, concern written across her face. “Jed, you don’t have to be sorry,” she said softly. “I’m happy you’re happy. Sure it’s a little boring sometimes but I’m a big girl, I can handle it.” Jed wasn’t convinced, still feeling like he could’ve done better. “C’mon, Jedi. You know me, I’m not sensitive. If you want to fool around with Tavi, go right ahead. But,” her face contorted into a mischievous grin, “I want the after details.” 

Jed let out a laugh, relieved by her answer. “Course ya do. Thanks Ames. Thought ya would hate me for it.” 

“Hate you?” she scoffed. “Never. Now if you refuse to divulge any details...” 

“Wouldn’t dare,” he snorted. He then motioned to the microwave, “got popcorn warmed up. Thought we could watch a movie or two.” 

Her eyes lit up. “The buttery kind?” she asked, ignoring his other statement. 

“Is there any other kind?” 

She cheered, jumping to her feet and making her way to the couch. She patted the cushion, urging him to hurry it up. “C’mon, don’t dilly dally. You can tell me about your relationship during the previews.” 

Not like she’d given him much of a choice anyway. 

Jed  dumped the popcorn in a bowl big enough for them to share, then he laid on the opposite side of the couch, stretching his arms and back. Instinctively, he checked his phone for a message from Tavi. In the back of his mind, he knew the action was pointless. He couldn't help it, though. It was done so frequently that it was ingrained in his brain. 

Ahh, Tavi. He longed to hear his voice, see his pretty face. Jed’s stomach tightened pleasantly at the thought. 

Two pale fingers snapped in front of his face. He zoned back in long enough to see Amelia staring at him. “You okay there? Earth to Jed,” she said jokingly. “Dude you thinking about Tavi again?” 

“No,” he lied. 

“Liar. You've got the face.” 

“Then why’d you even ask?” he sighed. “And what face? I ain’t got no face.” 

“Do too,” she argued. “It’s that I’m-so-in-love-he’s-so-dreamy face. You wear it a lot, actually. Whenever you talk about him your whole face lights up and you’re like a little happy burrito,” her own face morphed into what he understood to be his own, making that face she said he made but he didn't because that was ridiculous. 

“God, you're weird.”

“Like you’ve ever complained.” 

“I have. Multiple times, like just now.” 

She chuckled, gesturing to the TV which had been playing a song on the main menu of some DVD that she’d gone ahead and put in. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. A favorite of theirs. “I noticed you bought a new movie,” she continued, “Around The World In 80 Days. “ 

“Yeah, so?” he said in between mouthfuls of popcorn. 

She shrugged. “Just doesn’t seem like something you’d buy.” 

“It’s not for me,” he said matter-of-factly. “Its’ for Tavi. He’s been talkin bout how he’s been wantin to see it so I got it for him.” 

Her eyebrows rose, a smile breaking out. “If you weren’t gay and my best friend I’d want you all for myself.” 

The thought both amused and mentally scarred him. 

“Seriously, Jedi, that’s so sweet of you,” she propped her feet up on the coffee table. “Tavi is so lucky to have you.” 

“Shut up,” he fought the blush that was creeping up his face. “Just a movie, no big deal.” 

“Don’t say that,” she advised. “Of course it’s a big deal. You remember when I first bought you food after we became friends? You cried. I was so confused until you eventually told me why it meant so much to you.” 

Jed processed what she said. “Ya think Tavi went him and cried after some of the things I’ve done for him?” 

Again, she shrugged. “Beats me. Probably. He’s pretty emotional, not that it’s a bad thing. You both are really lucky to have someone that freakin adores you so much.” 

Jed’s cheeks reddened pleasantly. Tavi _adored_ him, that was evident. The sheer glimmer of love in his eyes radiated whenever they were around each other. It was a totally different circumstance than he was used to. Jake’s eyes never quite shoned the way Tavi’s do; never had that extra sparkle to them. Jed himself knew he was falling deeper for Tavi more than he cared to admit. It was scary, terrifying. He’d swore to never again let his heart belong to another man. Never let another man control him the way Jake did. Yet, here he was, fawning over somebody that weeks ago was just a stranger in a coffee shop he’d accidentally run into. Funny how life works.  “Earth to Jed,” Amelia waved in front of his face. “Hellloooo?” 

He jerked, snapping out of the daydream at once. “Huh? Oh sorry.” 

Amelia took a small handful of popcorn, chomping on it quietly. “Whatcha thinkin about?” 

Jed cared not to divulge intimate details. “Nothin. Nothin important.” 

“Jedediah Wesley Smith,” she said exasperatedly. “You tell me what’s on your mind right now!” 

Well, there was no denying Amelia. One could try but ultimately they’d fail. She was a bull on catnip if he ever saw one. “Fine,” he said defeatedly. “It’s just...I was comparin Jake and Tavi again. That’s all.” 

“Why?” she asked like she couldn’t understand why he was  _ still _ doing it. “I thought you were over Jake?” 

“I was- _am_. I dunno,” he sighed. “I thought I was, ya know? I tore up that picture of us but dang nabbit, Ames, I miss him sorta. I miss what we had. Sure, he wasn’t as kind as Tavi or as good lookin, didn’t have an accent either. But he made me feel good,” he ignored that look of _seriously_ from her. “What if it doesn’t work out, huh? What if Tavi leaves me or finds someone better? What if _Lance_ comes back and Tavi suddenly wants him again? He’s richer than a hog in the summertime _and_ he’s runnin a company. What have I got? Ain’t no way Tavi’s gonna pick me over him.” 

Amelia listened attentively before speaking again. “You know what I think?” 

“Not really but you gonna tell me anyway.” 

“You know it,” she said with a smile. “I think you’re feeling this way because you’re head over heels for Tavi, you’ve never been truly in love before and it scares the living daylights out of you.” 

Jed said nothing. 

“You’re guarded, I get it. Jake hurt you really bad and you have every right to feel the way you do. But Tavi is not and never will be Jake. And you’re never going to have a solid relationship with him if you keep comparing him to your ex,” she lectured, meaning well with her intent. “Besides, I thought you’d put it all behind you. You sounded fine before. Heck, you  _ kissed  _ and cuddled him. That’s gotta mean something.” 

The intro to their movie had started but Jed could hardly find enough strength to pay attention. So Amelia was right. She usually was. He thought he’d been doing alright. Everything seemed alright. Whenever he got a bad thought, a doubting cloud, he pushed it away to the back of his mind. Shoved on the back burner where he was hopeful to forget all about it. Not that it ever happened that way. Nothing ever went the way he wanted. 

“I wanna be fine,” he whispered. “But Ames, I keep wonderin if it’s goin a little fast.” 

“I see,” she acknowledged. “Have you guys kissed a lot or what?” 

“No,” he denied. “Been tryin to keep it to a minimum. Tavi’s still a bit antsy about Lance finding out.”

“Right,” she said. “And has he broken up with Lance officially?” 

“No,” Jed bit his lip, anticipating disapproval from his best friend. Surprisingly, there was none. “I know it ain’t right, Ames. I won’t condone it but that relationship was over a long time ago. Tavi said so. Specially if he goes round hittin Tavi for no reason.” The last part sent a surge of anger through his veins. The reminder that Tavi had gone through what he’d gone through was a shockwave. 

The anger that always accompanied was plainly seen across his face. Talking about Tavi’s past abuse always got him all riled up.  “Hey, hey,” Amelia touched his arm to calm him down, “Calm down. Getting yourself worked up in a tizzy won’t solve anything. Think about Tavi and that smile that drives you so wild.” 

The earlier blush that colored his cheeks was back. He’d forgotten that he’d mentioned that in passing conversation before. Hearing it out in the open was embarrassing. “M’kay,” he mumbled. True, it _did_ make him feel better. He didn’t like to focus primarily on a person’s looks but _dang_. Tavi could’ve been a model if he wanted. “I try not to get upset when I’m ‘round Tavi. He doesn’t like it very much.” 

“I bet not,” she said and he continued. 

“I just wanna protect him, ya know? It ain’t fair. Everytime those pretty little eyes of his gets all teary, I just wanna hug him till he’s all better. Ya should’ve seen how scared he was when he fell on me that night. Thought he was gonna start crying. He was scared I was mad at him.” 

“And you weren’t,” Amelia said with conviction. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I was scared too. Scared out of my mind. I’d been having strange thoughts bout Tavi and there he is, laying on me.” 

Amelia’s face morphed into a grin. Jed mentally prepared himself for one of her off-the-wall remarks. “Did you get an erection?” she asked with fake innocence. 

He gave her a dirty look. 

Her grin widened. 

“So that’s a yes!” 

“No!” 

She pouted. 

“I was surprised, is all. He musta been too ‘cuz he went stiff as a board-not a word,” he added when she opened her mouth again. As expected, she shut it, looking dismayed. “And quit askin that.” 

“But it’s fun,” she grinned. “And your face gets so red.” 

He glared. “Does not.” 

“Oh it so does. It’s like you’re  _ so _ surprised when I’ve been saying it since we you guys met.” 

“Actually you’ve done it since  _ we’ve _ met,” he remembered the numerous occasions she’d tried to get him to open up and meet someone, in less than favorable conditions. 

“You’re doing it again,” she said in a sing song voice. 

“Shut up.” 

The conversation died down, they focused their attention on the movie. While he wasn’t a usual fan of musicals, he was, however, a fan of Dick Van Dyke and literally only liked the movie because of him. Amelia liked musicals, though. She made sure to sing along (her voice was surprisingly decent) and tried to get Jed to join in. He refused everytime, citing that he couldn’t -and wouldn’t- sing. The popcorn ran out long before the movie reached halfway. Jed blamed that on Amelia’s tendency to scoop inside of the bowl and take out fist fulls, two fist fulls to be specific. He’d turned out the lights for added effect, movies were always better in the dark. 

“Do ya think Tavi likes musicals?” Amelia’s voice suddenly rang in his ears, startling him. There had been nothing but complete silence for the past fifteen, nearly twenty minutes. 

“I dunno,” and he truly didn’t. Movies hadn’t come up much. He knew he liked documentaries and history related stuff but musicals? He wasn’t sure. “Why?” 

She shrugged. “Just wondering. Could be something you guys could do together.” 

“And who says I’d watch one?” he challenged. “Maybe I want to watch some action.” 

She snorted. “As if you’d say no to Tavi. He’s got you wrapped around his finger, whether he knows it or not.” 

And the worst part of that was that she was exactly right. 

“Oooh! Oh!” He jerked when she started slapping his shoulder. It didn’t hurt, he just hadn’t expected it. “You could watch a horror movie and hold him when he gets scared,” her eyes lit up with mischief, “or vice versa.” 

He rolled his eyes. He didn’t scared of no horror movies. He’d watched plenty of them as a kid, without his mama’s permission because she thought scary movies were unfit for kids or somethin like that. But, he had to admit, it wasn’t too bad of an idea. And who knows, maybe Tavi would like them too. 

“Maybe,” he said at last. “Dunno. I’ll ask and see.” It was much likely they would be hanging out tomorrow, doing whatever he wasn’t sure yet, so he could bring it up then. 

She seemed satisfied. “Good.” 

He was tired (well not exactly, tired, because he’d never get tired of talking about Tavi) of discussing his own love life and decided to pry into hers. “What about you, Ames? On the prowl for your next prey yet?” 

She smirked. “Actually, I met a man last night.” 

He motioned for her to continue, pleased by the news. “Really? What’s he like?” It had been a good while before she’d been out with a man, claiming they were all stupid or jerks. He could empathize with her on that, well the jerk part anyway. “What’s his name?” 

She grinned, biting down on her bottom lip. “His name’s George  and he’s freakin hot. He looks kinda like you, blonde hair, blue eyes,” she glanced at him critically, “he’s a bit of a dimwit too but he’s hot so it doesn’t matter.” 

He snorted at her logic. “Seems like he’s a real catch. How’d you meet him, corner him with your teeth bearing?” 

She ignored his wisecrack. “We met at a bar. He was the only one not acting like a sleazeball. Bought me a drink and we talked for hours. Turns out he works for the museum-you know, the one on Dreary Lane- and is interested in the Civil War and all that stuff.” 

“Sounds like he and Tavi would get along well,” Jed noted. “Did ya get his number?” 

“Of course,” she took her phone out of her pocket, showing him some of the text messages that corresponded between them. It was mostly puke worthy; they teased each other and flirted like high schoolers but at the same time, he was glad she’d found someone and was taking the time to see how it would play out. She’d dismissed so many others he wasn’t sure if she’d ever find the right guy. This George fella seemed pretty genuine. He even encouraged her to expand on her dream of being a pilot. Jed handed her back the phoneme nodding in approval. 

“You gonna have a real date with him?” 

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe? He’s nice and all and hasn’t asked for a nude so it’s promising. Hey, maybe we could have a double date?” she proposed. “You and Tavi with me and George; it’ll be fun. Whaddya say, Ace? We could have dinner here or whatever. Your call.” 

“I’ll have to ask Tavi,” he wasn’t sure if his boyfriend would be opened to participating in activities with other couples yet. They were just beginning to become comfortable around each other, let alone being with Ames and her beau. But he’d ask, see what he’d say. “I dunno if he’d want to. He gets really nervous ‘around people he doesn't’ know.” 

She nodded understandingly. “I gotcha. Well I’ll talk to George and see what he says too. Do you mind if I mention some things to him so he understands?” she waited for his reply but quickly interrupted to add something else. “Just so he isn’t left out in the cold, ya know?” 

He looked at her, contemplating. “I dunno, Ames. You barely know the guy. What if he knows Lance or Charlie? Tavi’s terrified of gettin caught, we can’t risk it.” 

“He won’t say a word,” she protested. 

“You don’t know that,” he reminded her with a sigh. “Ames, I’m sorry, but I don’t want anyone else knowing. Too risky.”  “I understand,” she reassured him. “Maybe when this mess is all over with we can do it. Tavi’s gotta break up with that jerk sometime.” 

“Yeah,” Jed forced himself to say. “Maybe.” 

In all honesty, Jed didn’t know if Tavi would ever gather the courage to break up with Lance, not that he could blame him. It had taken all his own strength to stand up to Jake the way he did. 

_ And look what happened.  _

“Oh c’mon,” Amelia noticed the lack of enthusiasm from him. “Tavi will do it. Give him time.” She twirled a strand of hair with her finger. As soon as her finger untangled it sprung back into its original place. “Sooo, want to hear more about George?” 

Jed found himself nodding to her question. He didn’t want to think about Tavi’s relationship with Lance anymore. It hurt too much, even though he already had Tavi, he didn’t  _ have  _ him. 

“Okay, so...” 

Jed kinda tuned her out from there, nodding his head to show that he was listening but not really paying her any attention. He was distracted and a little uninterested in hearing more about this George fellow when other, more concerning thoughts were swirling around in his mind. Earlier, it had been Amelia and their friendship. Now it was the whole Tavi-Lance situation in general. Before they’d met, he wondered about the things Tavi hadn’t disclosed during their intimate talk. What abuse hadn’t he told him? Like the darn hypocrite he was, Jed never revealed the number of times Jake had attempted to strangle him to death or the one time he’d gotten so angry for some petty reason that he  _ ripped  _ out some of Jed’s hair. It wasn’t a couple strands either, the whole thing was a blur but the next time Jed took a look at his scalp in the mirror, a small patch was missing. It hurt like the dickens but of course, had been his fault for what, the blonde didn’t know. His story had made it seem like Jake’s meltdown, breakdown, whatever you wanted to call it, happened abruptly and was the first time he’d ever tried to kill him. 

Boy, he wished. 


	29. Chapter 29

“Hello,” Octavius greeted his boyfriend the next day, admiring his handsome face. The sun was setting, illuminating beautiful pink and purple rays that almost instantly blinded the Italian once the door opened. He had to squint in order to see. “How are you this evening?” 

Jed ran a hand through his hair, assumingly to make it more presentable but only succeeding in doing the opposite. Upon his face was that shy smile he often wore whenever they were together, whether intimately or not.  “S’okay. Better now that you’re here.” 

It was so casually, so factually that there was no doubt in Octavius’ mind that he meant it. That was another characteristic that separated him from Lance; the Brit would only please him verbally if they were in public or in the presence of someone of high power. 

“How bout you, Tavi?” Jed came closer, opening his arms for a hug but didn’t force it. He always allowed Octavius to choose if he wanted any kind of physical affection and didn’t sulk if the Italian chose to reject it. “How you doin?” 

Octavius gladly joined his boyfriend in the embrace, relishing in the warmth. Some might say he was touched starved from the abuse he suffered from and lack of contact from his relationship. Perhaps he was; although a great deal of him was still iffy about tearing down those walls and allowing someone, even Jed, into his personal space. 

“I’m well,” he replied, ear pressed to the blonde’s chest. “I made cookies earlier this afternoon.” 

“Cookies?” Jed could be serious when need be but sometimes, he was as excitable as a child. “Ya made cookies? Did ya bring me any?” 

“No,” Octavius watched his face fall, lip sticking out. “I’m sorry, Charlie would have gotten suspicious if I took too many.” 

“S’okay,” Jed’s arms returned to his waist, staring down at him adoringly. “What kind were they?” 

“Chocolate chip,” Octavius nearly giggled because he knew that besides ice cream, the blonde had a penchant for those particular kind of cookies. 

“Aww,” Jed buried his face in his boyfriend’s hair, making all sorts of disappointed, silly noises. “Guess we’ll hafta make some ourselves,” he mumbled, or, at least that’s what Octavius thought he said. It was hard to hear when one’s voice was muffled by hair. 

“I concur,” Octavius’ cooking skills had been degraded by Lance on several occasions and he honestly wasn’t sure if he was any good at it or not, but this time he had Jed and everything was fun with Jed. “How about we do it tonight?” 

“I’d like to but I ain’t got none of those packages to make em,” Jed explained. 

Octavius was just  _ scandalized _ . “Those are nothing but a mockery of real baking.” 

Jed raised his eyebrows. 

“All you need is flour, brown and white sugar, vanilla extract, chocolate chips and eggs. Do you have all of that?” Octavius asked him. 

Jed put on his thinking face, which meant his face was scrunched up, nose wrinkled, teeth chewing on his bottom lip. “Almost. Not the brown sugar or the vanilla or the chips.” 

“I’ll go get it,” Octavius volunteered. It was a major risk to use his card since he now realized Lance had the ability to track his spending habits. Luckily he found a couple dollars and some change in a pair of previously worn pants. 

“Nah, you just got here,” Jed grabbed his jacket, which was laying carelessly on top of the counter. “I’ll go, won’t be long.” 

“Oh,” Octavius was surprised he trusted him to stay in his apartment by himself. Not only that, but it would be a little odd as well. He’d been in here plenty of times with Jed and Amelia but never without them. 

“Are ya okay with that?” Jed made sure to ask, halting his movements. “Ya can go with me if ya want, I just thought-” 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” the Italian appreciated how thoughtful the blonde was, how he asked him his opinions and thoughts for things. It made him feel...human again. “You go on ahead.” 

“Alright,” Jed smiled and checked his pockets for his wallet. Once he was sure he had everything, he left, leaving Octavius to the sound of the stereo playing a song he didn’t recognize. 

Against his better wishes, he found himself comparing the penthouse to the cozy apartment. Then again, he compared Lance to Jed quite often so it made sense for him to do the same for objects as well. For one, Lance’s preference for extravagancy was apparent throughout his home. Jed didn’t have that kind of taste, thank goodness. Of course, had he had, Octavius wouldn’t have judged him. But it was a relief to know that the blonde preferred simpler things. And another thing; Lance would have  _ died _ if anything was disorganized in plain sight like the stack of DVDs and random things that cluttered some of the living room and kitchen area. Octavius liked things neat too, to an extent. Jed’s place had that homey feel to it; the clutter signifying that someone lived there. Lance’s penthouse was always in a state of pristine perfection. He’d have words to say if it wasn’t. 

He took a seat on the couch, hands folded on his lap. Was it acceptable for him to turn on the TV or look through the stack of DVDs? Jed might say yes but he’d never formally said so either. He’d said that he didn’t have to ask for things but that didn’t include the TV. He’d just wait until he got back. A part of him was torn on what to do. He didn’t want to upset the blonde by asking for permission, yet at the same time it was ingrained in him to do just that. Maybe Jed would suggest TV while they baked the cookies. 

His eyes caught on of the movie titles, purely by accident. He wasn’t about to touch it so he tilted his head to read it properly. He was pleasantly surprised to see it was one of the movies he’d talked about before. His heart fluttered at the token of generosity. 

“I’m back,” Jed announced, closing the door with his foot. He dropped the bag on the table, it thudded from the bag of sugar inside. Octavius beamed at him, rising to his feet and catching the blonde in his arms. Jed let out an “Oof” when the Italian incidentally headbutted him. Octavius’ glasses threatened to knock off, just barely hanging off his nose.  “Whatcha so happy bout, Tavi?” 

“Thank you,” the question didn't register right away as Octavius shared his thankfulness with him. “Thank you so much. I don't deserve you or your kindness.” 

Jed glanced down, confusion in his eyes. “You're welcome, but uh, what for?” 

“For buying me the movie I talked about,” Octavius replied, noticing how his demeanor went from confusion to sheepish. 

“Oh, that. You saw.” 

“Yes,” Octavius was touched by his pure heart. He knew Jed sometimes struggled to pay his bills and to think, he'd gone off and bought that just because he knew Octavius would like it. He could've cried, he was so overwhelmed with happiness. “Thank you so much, Jed. I appreciate the gesture greatly.” 

“Hey, ain't no problem, Amigo,” Jed’s voice was full of love. “I-I'd do anything for ya.” 

This caught the Italian off guard. “You would?” 

Jed swallowed, face in a deer-in-the-headlight expression. It was like he was shocked he'd said it aloud, and maybe he was. “Yeah, I would.” 

“I would do the same,” Octavius hoped he didn’t sound as anxious as he felt. Declaring that, admitting with a leap of confidence, it was done on impulse. The rational him would’ve kept quiet. The him who had dated Lance would’ve known better. But this Octavius? He wanted to take a risk. 

Jed’s fingers stroked his cheek with slow motions. The air became a lot hotter, or was that the heater? Either way, things were becoming passionate. Jed’s eyes shoned with love in a way Octavius hadn’t seen in a long time. The blonde’s own cheeks gradually deepened in color as he brought his head down. Octavius’ heartbeat quickened; he stood on his tippy toes, brain becoming distorted as it always did whenever he and Jed were in close proximity. Jed’s lips just  _ barely _ hovered above his when he abruptly pulled away. 

Octavius dropped back on his feet, hurt and confused. Had he done something wrong? Was he too forward? He looked to the blonde for an explanation. “Jed?” he said softly. “Are you-uh, did I do something wrong?” 

Jed soothed his fears, squeezing his body tightly. “Nah, it ain’t you. It’s me.” 

Well, that did little to help matters. 

He’d read about that in dozens of romantic novels, where during a breakup there was always someone that insisted it wasn’t the other person, but them. His brain went into overdrive. Was this it? Was Jed going to breakup with him? Already? They hadn’t officially been going out that long but it hadn’t occurred to him that anything was amiss. There had been real progress; he and Jed loosened up around each other. To think, it would all be done in a matter of minutes. The tone of which it was spoken in was different. The Italian began to panic and he struggled not to burst into tears. 

“We, uh, need to talk bout somethin, okay?” Jed unwrapped his arms, letting them drop uselessly to his sides. Gesturing to the couch, the two sat down, still within touching range. “Remember when we talked bout Jake and Lance?” he began. Whatever this had to do with Jed not being able to kiss him, Octavius didn’t know but he let him continue without interruption and nodded to convey his response. “Well, I, uh, I didn’t tell ya everything and figured ya would want to know but if ya don’t that’s, uh, fine.” He was rambling, looking deeply troubled. 

The panic that had was ranging inside of him ceased, drifting him into a calmer state of mind. So he hadn’t tried to breakup with him. Whatever was bothering him really was him, not Octavius. The Italian breathed a sigh of relief. “I see,” he said after he realized that the blonde was apprehensively awaiting some kind of acknowledgement from him. “What is it?” 

“Can I?” Jed motioned and Octavius nodded his consent. Jed grasped his hand, the Italian could practically  _ feel _ the tension bouncing off from him. “Uh, well, I didn’t tell ya everythin Jake did and, uh, I know we said we wasn’t gonna keep secrets.” 

Octavius gently motioned for him to continue. 

“Ah-God, I don’t know how to start,” Jed leaned back to bury his face in the couch, frustration evident. Octavius wished he could take it all away but for now, he settled for finding out the root of it. 

“From the beginning, perhaps?” he tried to lighten the mood. 

Jed raised his head, a smile gracing his face. “You’re gettin better, boy,” he chuckled, but it was without the typical humor laced along with it. Rather, dull, if you asked Octavius. 

“So,” Octavius said awkwardly, trying to bring back the conversation that had drifted off. 

“So,” Jed echoed. 

“What is it that you needed to tell me? I’m quite confused,” Octavius admitted. 

Jed let out a string of curses under his breath. “Dang nabbit, I’m sorry, Tavi. I know I’m makin as much sense as a sheep in a rabbit’s hole.” 

“It’s...alright,” Octavius was still trying to process that sheep in a rabbit’s hole nonsense. Did people in Texas really speak that way to each other or was that just something Jed did? “I understand if you’re hesitant. Take your time.” 

Jed shot him a grateful smile. It took a few minutes for the blonde to gather up his thoughts, Octavius waited beside him patiently, silently. As he did so, his line of sight caught the hallway that descended to the bathroom and, from what he could see, Jed’s bedroom presumably but the door was shut so he could only assume. He’d never been in that part of the apartment and didn’t plan on it; though he did wonder what Jed’s bedroom was like. You could tell a lot about a person by the way their bedroom was made up. In the midst of his wonderings, Taffy came prancing out. He was pleased at the progress made between them, now that she accepted his presence and didn’t try to retaliate by biting his leg anymore. He let his hand drop down so she could smell it. The feline jerked back at first-must’ve been some static electricity- then began to nuzzle him. Aww, he smiled, she was too cute. He invited her up to sit with him but she declined in favor turning around to hop on the counter and curl in that boat-like position cats often did. Octavius wasn’t so sure Jed would be necessarily open for his cat to be laying there, even so, he didn’t want to disturb the bonde so he left it alone for now. 

“Jake was more violent than I told ya about.” 

It was nothing more than a whisper. Octavius turned his attention from Taffy to Jed, who still had a hold on his hand. “Oh?” his stomach did a flip flop, not the kind that he got from Jed, but an ugly twist with a feeling that he knew he was about to be told something he wished he wouldn’t. 

“He strangled me,” Jed choked, “multiple times. I ain't never told anyone and had to cover up a lot. I was so scared,” his beautiful blue eyes filled with tears. Octavius was rendered speechless. What could he say to that? What could he say that was constructive and helpful? Nothing. He could only scoot closer, while in awe at the strength that Jed possessed during such a horrible situation. “T-That wasn’t all,” Jed revealed. Octavius stared at him sadly. What more could that horrid man have put Jed through? “He used to yank my hair out and sit on my back and twist it. Used to have patches of nothin and Jake wouldn't let me use my hat. Was mighty embarrassing havin to go out like that.” 

Jed’s hair didn’t look at all like he described it; it had all grown back. Octavius couldn’t have cared if he’d been bald or not. He was so much more than that. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” the Italian whispered. “You didn’t deserve any of it.” 

And that was the truth. 

“Thank ya,” Jed wiped away the stray tears, rubbing at his red rimmed eyeballs.  “I found I couldn’t kiss ya knowin I still kept that from ya. Felt wrong, ya know?” 

“Yes,” Octavius frowned, thinking of his own secrets he hadn’t divulged yet. It would be very hypocritical of him not to do so. Jed must’ve noticed the displeasureful expression on his face for he inquired of it. 

“What’s wrong, Pal? I say somethin wrong?” 

“No, of course not,” Octavius contemplated on disclosing the information, knowing the reaction wouldn’t be very pleasant. Jed had a protective side to him, especially when it came to Octavius’ wellbeing. Appreciated, yes, Octavius always felt a dramatic shift from when he was at the penthouse to when he was with Jed. There was a sense of security he just never got anywhere else. “I was merely thinking.” 

“About what?” Jed fussed with one of the buttons on his shirt, undoing it and allowing Octavius a bit of a view of his chest area. It wasn’t suggestive at all. If anything, Octavius figured the blonde must’ve been a tad warm. “Is it Lance again?” he guessed before the Italian could reply. 

“Yes,” Octavius said like a shy schoolboy. “I’m sorry, if you don’t want to talk about it we can do something else. I’d rather much like to watch that movie if you don’t mind.” 

“Hold up there, Partner,” with the softest possible movements, Jed took hold of his chin, forcing him to make eye contact. He didn’t have an ounce of anger, in fact, the only thing Octavius could identify was complete and total compassion. “Now I ain’t gonna make ya talk if ya don’t want to but you’re free to say whatever ya want.” 

“B-But you hate talking about Lance,” Octavius blurted out. 

Jed let go of his face, shrugging. “Yeah but that ain’t mean ya gotta keep quiet. I won’t control ya like he did.” 

Octavius let those words sink in, not for the first time. Jed had already explained that to him before, along with constantly-it seemed- reminding him that he was allowed to speak his mind and give his opinions. He didn’t have to wait to speak and wouldn’t be rebuked for it. He marveled at how Jed never seemed to get irritated at having to repeat himself. The man had the patience of a saint. 

“You’re right,” Octavius took a deep breath. “It was about Lance. Just as you withheld information, so did I.” 

Jed nodded, concern written across his features. 

“Lance was a lot more controlling than I let on,” Oh Jupiter how that hurt to say. It was like cement had been dumped on his chest and was beginning to solidify. “Do you remember when I cut my hair? That was not done out of free will. Lance, he-he didn’t like my curls so he forced me to cut them.” 

Jed reached over to finger some of the curls that had since grown back. It didn’t resemble his appearance before he cut them but his hair, on average, grew at a decently fast rate so in a month or so he would have a head full of curls again. 

_ Unless he makes you cut them again.  _

“Oh Tavi,” Jed said sadly. 

“I was very upset,” Octavius sighed. “I know it’s silly to fuss over hair but it’s  _ my  _ hair.” 

Jed brushed his thumb over Octavius’ cheek. “It ain’t silly. Heck, I’d be upset if I had to cut my hair. It’s your body, ya should do what ya want to it.” 

“I agree,” Octavius shifted his leg position, for that familiar pins and needles feeling was beginning to set in. 

“Did he do anythin else?” 

“Unfortunately yes,” the Italian sighed again. “He...he very much disliked the way I dressed. I’m not sure why. He would buy me new clothes and throw away my old ones. I appreciated the thought but at the same time I was uneasy because my mother had knitted sweaters for me and I knew he disliked those too. I began to dread that one day he would insist they be disposed of as well. At first, he told me I could keep them so long as I wore the clothes he bought me. So I did.” 

“But?” Jed voiced. “He got rid of them anyway didn’t he?” 

Octavius tried very, _very_ hard not to cry. “Yes. Actually it was Charlie but it was done through Lance’s orders.” He buried his face in his hands, breathing irregularly and trying to stifle his incoming sobs. His sweaters were a touchy subject, because talking about them reminded him of his mother and how much he felt that he destroyed their relationship. He feared to wonder what she would think of his life today; how _disappointed_ she would be. He could’ve had a great life, one that could’ve been one where he fulfilled his dreams. Instead he was fearing for his life and committing infidelity with a man that he had just as much as of a screwed up life as he did. 

“Tavi, shhh,” Jed disregarded his usual tactic of asking for permission and went straight into drawing his distraught boyfriend into his arms. Tavi stiffened momentarily but found that he really didn’t care, not when the tears were streaming down his face. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered comfortingly. “They must’ve meant a lot to ya, didn’t they?” 

Octavius gripped his shirt like a young child. “Y-Yes,” he said, voice cracking. “I loved my mother and father dearly. They left me numerous amounts of pictures to keep but Lance made me get rid of them because he hated my parents. It wasn’t  _ fair! _ ” he sobbed. “The only ones I still have are the ones I have already showed you.” 

Jed’s arms tightened their hold. Octavius appreciated the feeling of being held. He didn’t even notice that he was being gently rocked. “It’s okay,” the blonde continued to murmur. “Everythin’s gonna be alright. I promise.” 

Octavius’ face was still pressed against Jed’s firm shoulder when he felt circular motions being rubbed on the back of his neck. It was slow, almost itchy but at the same time, felt good. 

“Jed?” his voice sounded hoarse to his own ears which made him wonder what the blonde thought of it. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you think of me as a whore?” Octavius instinctively prepared for some kind of retaliation. Logically, he knew Jed would never lay a hand on him. 

Or would he? 

“ _ What _ ?” Jed not so gently pushed him away, holding him at arm's length to stare with the most shocked, saddest look Octavius had ever seen cross his face. “Of course not! Where’d that come from?” 

Octavius blushed. “Lance, err, told me I was whoring myself out when I let you pay for the coffee and muffins when we met,” he said bashfully. Jed’s jaw was dropped and a fire appeared in his eyes. Octavius became afraid. “I’m sorry for bringing it up. I’ll be quiet. Please don’t hurt me,” he begged. “I’ll do anything!” 

The emotion pouring out from Jed slowly came to an end. His eyes showed the confusion he felt and Octavius was shocked to discover-he was crying as well. His eyes watered and his lip trembled. The Italian wanted to die for causing the emotional change in his boyfriend. He was about to plead for forgiveness when the blonde began to speak. 

“Boy, I ain’t mad at ya. I’m mad at Lance. He don’t deserve ya. You’re too kind and handsome and smart and so many other things.” 

“You mean that?” Octavius asked quietly. 

“I do,” Jed answered him with a soft smile. He wiped at his eyes with his arm. “I really do.” 

Octavius began to smile, too. 

** 

That little talk did them both some good, Octavius thought as he rubbed the washcloth over his tearstained face. Everything, it seemed, was out in the open. No more secrets. It was like a breath of fresh air. Now they could properly continue with the relationship without those secrets nudging them in the back of their minds. Now all Octavius had to do was break up with Lance, a concept much easier said than done. 

Jed had suggested they clean up their faces before baking. He brought Octavius into his rather dull looking bathroom. The Italian was surprised, having expected it to be a tad more lively, a reflection of its owner. Octavius, side-by-side Jed, was soothed by the coolness of the water. His were still a violent shade of red, a contrast to the usual tone of his skin. Now that he’d stopped shedding tears, it didn’t appear as bad. Jed’s skin was more pale in comparison and as such, made his face appear as red as a tomato. 

“You done, boy?” Jed turned off the water, slinging the damp washcloth over the edge of the sink and dried his hands. 

“Yes,” Octavius answered, doing the same as Jed. “How many batches would you like to make?” he asked when they retreated back to the kitchen. They grabbed all the proper ingredients and spread them about on the counter. Jed, Octavius was amused to note, brought a  _ huge _ bag of sugar, two vanilla extracts and four bags of chocolate chips. “I dear say we won’t be needing all of this.” 

“We won’t?” Jed frowned. 

“No,” Octavius chuckled. “For one thing,” he picked up the vanilla, “this is much too much vanilla. We won’t even need an entire bottle.” 

“Oh,” Jed said sheepishly. 

“You don’t bake much, do you?” Octavius asked teasingly. 

“Not really.” 

“Why am I not surprised?” the Italian sighed dramatically. “Well, fear not. I don’t bake much myself but if you pay attention I might be able to help you.” 

“Oh yes, please,” now it was his turn to act like dramatic, “show me your wisdom, General.” 

“And here I’d thought you’d forgotten about that,” Octavius remarked dryly. 

Jed beamed. “Nah. How could I ever forget that?” 

Octavius shook his head. “Alright,” he said, getting into a serious mode, “have you decided yet?” 

Jed stared. 

“For the cookies?” Octavius tried again patiently. “How many batches did you want to make?” 

“Oh,” Jed got it now. “I dunno. How many you want?” 

“I was only going to suggest a couple,” Octavius eyed the excess amount of components. 

“Then let’s make as many as we can,” Jed tore open the bag of flour and dropped it into a bowl. He did not, however, do it with grace. The flour smacked the bowl, went up in the air, polluting it for a few seconds and, not only that, but it got all over Jed’s clothes. The blonde coughed while Octavius simply held his breath until the white mist went away and it was safe to breathe again. He handed Jed a towel, suppressing the urge to grin at his scowling face.  

“You’re looking a bit pale, Jed, you might want to get that checked out.” 

Jed glared at him then his mouth went upwards and he laughed. “That was actually funny, boy! You’re gettin the hang of it.” 

Octavius was proud that he made him laugh, genuinely. Living with Lance didn’t leave much time to joke around. “I’m glad. Now if you’ll clean up that mess we’ll continue our endeavour, yes?” 

The blonde obeyed, though he did let out a groan after his statement. “Stop talkin all fancy. Some of us don’t understand.” 

Octavius’ eyebrows rose. “I hardly consider that fancy. It’s proper English.” 

Jed finished cleaning his face off for the second time that night, also wiping off the counters. “Yeah well not all of us speak ‘proper’ English either,” he said with air quotes at the word proper. Octavius knew by the smile on his face he didn’t say that to be mean. 

“What a shame,” Octavius went searching for the measuring cups, ignoring teh tiny voice that berated him for going through someone else’s drawers without asking. He heard Jed mumble distractedly about them being near the microwave. Eureka, the Italian found them soon after that. “It must be hard to speak like a barbarian all the time.” 

“Must be hard to talk like a pilgrim all the time,” Jed shot back, handing him both sugars. 

Octavius smirked. “Don’t act as though you aren’t jealous.” He poured each sugar into a different measuring cup, careful to remember the correct amount amid their banter. 

Jed scoffed. “Jealous of what, Partner?” 

“My spectacular dialect, of course. A newcomer such as yourself is probably in awe at hearing someone speak so well,” Octavius tried very hard not to laugh. He’d purposefully put on a pompous act, one that Jed caught and acted accordingly. 

“Oh yeah?” he challenged. “Well I wouldn’t wanna speak like you anyways. Y'all sound stuffy as heck.” 

He and Octavius paused in what they were doing, making eye contact. It didn’t take long for the pair to burst out laughing. Octavius couldn’t recall a time before Jed when he’d had so much fun doing something so simple. When their laughter faltered, they returned to what they had been doing, well, Jed did. Octavius pretended to while he subtly glanced at the blonde. It was hard not to because  _ oh my God,  _ was his boyfriend cute or what? He was bent over, tongue sticking out as he cracked the eggs. A tiny piece of the shell must’ve gotten into the bowl; Jed picked it out with his  _ bare _ hands. Good thing they washed before they started. Jed had one cookie sheet, which would take a few hours to make considering they had a full bowl of dough. Once they had everything ready, oven pre set and cookie sheet filled, the pair went back to the living room and laid on the couch all cuddled up with the TV quietly making noise in the background. Octavius was tucked in sync with Jed’s body, the blonde actively stroking his hair.  

“Tavi?” Jed murmured. 

“Hmm?” Octavius was content, fully content. 

“‘Member you said about Lance gettin rid of your sweaters and buyin ya clothes ya didn’t want?” 

“Yes.” 

“So this ain’t really how ya dress?” Jed gestured the best he could since one arm was trapped under the Italian’s body. “I don’t mind, ya can dress however ya want, just wonderin.” 

Octavius chuckled. “I understand what you’re saying, and no, this is not. I even wore jeans-stop giving me that look-they were dark and went with everything. But,” he sighed, “Lance didn’t like them.” 

Jed dropped his head on Octavius’ head, partly on his face. “Ima buy ya new clothes,” he mumbled. “Ones that ya like.” 

Octavius inched away, feeling a bit suffocated by the invade of personal space. “I appreciate the gesture but truly, there is no need, I assure you.” 

“Ya sure?” Jed persisted. “‘Cuz I’ll do it.” 

“I know you will,” Octavius didn’t want him to get into debt, especially over him. “But no thank you.” 

“Okay,” Jed, thankfully, got the message. Moments later, he said, “What if I talk to Ames about it and  _ she _ does it? Does that count?” 

“Yes,” Octavius giggled, “that most certaintly does count.” 

“Aww,” the blonde pouted. 

Octavius exhaled. “How is Amelia? I haven’t talked to her lately.” 

“She’s good,” Jed told him. “Actually, she met a fella named George recently at a bar.” 

“Oh?” Octavius was interested to hear more. 

“Yeah. ‘Parently he looks like me too.” 

Octavius thought of the irony of that statement. Lance looked like Jed and so did this George guy, allegedly. “That’s nice. I’m glad she found someone.” 

“Yeah. They really hit it off. Been texting everyday and Ames wants to know if we could do a double date sometime.” 

Octavius frowned. “I’m not sure about that, Jed. We don’t even know this guy.” 

Jed stopped messing with his hair long enough to stroke his cheek. “Hey there, boy, calm down. I know that and I told her we should wait.”    
“Good,” Octavius’ nervousness peeled away. 

“Yeah,” the silence returned, only briefly. “Would ya be interested in a double date, though? Ya know, when all this mess is sorted out?” 

Hmm, would he? Octavius would’ve honestly loved to go out anytime they pleased and hangout with Amelia and her boyfriend or whatever they were. It would be nice. And he’d never gone on a double date before! “Yes. I’d love to.” 

Jed smiled softly. “Okay. Soon as everythin’s good, we’ll go.” 

“Can’t wait,” Octavius yawned. The day was catching up with him. He’d hardly gotten any sleep the night before; being much too excited to see Jed again. 

He felt Jed touching his cheek again. “Go to sleep, Tavi,” he whispered tenderly. “I’ll wake ya up when it’s ready.” 

“No, that’s quite alright,” Octavius was defiant against the wishes of his body. “I’m fine.” 

Jed shrugged. “Whatever ya want s’fine with me.” He grabbed the remote, switching the channel to one of those old timely stations. Octavius tried to focus on the movie the blonde picked but found that he could barely keep his eyelids open. No, no. He couldn't fall asleep now. He had a limited amount of time before he was due back at the penthouse. What if he overslept? What if Charlie caught him just as he was coming in? Or worse-what if he slept until morning? Octavius couldn’t risk it. 

“Hey Pal,” Jed’s smooth voice was enough to keep him conscious. “I know this here's pretty random but where do ya like to be kissed? For future reference,” he added quickly. 

The Italian's mind was overturned with sleepiness so he didn't question the intent of it. “Oh I don't know,” he yawned again. “Perhaps my neck but not roughly, I don't like that very much. Just nice and slow kisses. What about you? What's your favorite place?”

He turned just enough to see Jed's face turn a light shade of pink. “My forehead,” he revealed. “Makes me feel safe.” 

Octavius smiled sleepily. “That's cute.” 

Jed shook his head. “No it ain't.” 

Octavius yawned once more, halting the  _ yes, it is _ that was on the tip of his tongue. Snuggled in the blonde's tight arms, comfortable from the warmth of the cozy apartment, Octavius drifted in a deep sleep where he dreamt of wedding bells. 

** 

“Tavi,” something was shaking his shoulder. “C'mon boy, get up.” Octavius grumbled and rolled over-right off the couch. 

“Oof!” 

Fully awake and with a pounding headache, Octavius groaned and sat up. Behind him was Jed, who sniggered. The Italian rubbed his eyes, becoming instantly alarmed when he noticed the sky was dark. It was night! He'd fallen asleep! 

“What time is it?” he asked, panicking. 

Jed checked the clock. “Little after nine. Cookies are all out of the oven. You were so peaceful I didn't wanna wake ya. Hope that's okay.” 

The last sentence was said shyly and unsurely. Octavius couldn't bring himself to be upset. “It's okay. I'm not upset.” 

Jed looked relieved. 

“Good. Did ya sleep good?” 

“Yes thank you.” Octavius felt completely refreshed, whereas in the penthouse, that was not typically the case. “I, err, I really liked sleeping with you,” he added further, “in your arms...” 

Why did he have to be as articulate as a bashful teenager? His face, he suspected, was red, as it usually was when it came to Jed. Speaking of Jed, the blonde seemed to be turning red himself. 

“Really?” He asked insecurely. 

“Yes,” Octavius found sudden interest in the floor. 

“I enjoyed it too,” Jed smiled shyly. “Think ya could stay a little while longer? Now that you're awake we could watch a movie and eat cookies or something.” 

Octavius wanted to stay, really, but in his gut he knew he'd better start trailing back home, much to his dismay. “I'd love to, personally, but Charlie will be home soon and I can't risk him finding out.” 

“Aww,” Jed pouted. 

“I know,” Octavius said softly. “I'm sorry. Perhaps one day we will be able to see each other without restraint.” 

“Yeah,” Jed frowned. “Maybe.” It was quiet momentarily, each one contemplating the situation. Finally, Jed spoke up. “Wanna take some cookies with ya? I know I can't eat em all.” 

Octavius smiled apologetically. “I would love to but where I hide them?” 

“In your pockets?” Jed suggested humorously. 

Octavius rolled his eyes with a smile on his face. “Funny but no. I'll eat some next time we meet up.” 

“Fiiine,” Jed sighed dramatically. 

Octavius stood up, smoothed down his clothes and began to put on his jacket upon reaching for it. As he did so, he remarked, “Who would put cookies in their pockets anyway. Think of the crumbs.” 

Jed snorted. “Only you, Tavi. Only you.” 

He stood up as well and wrapped his arms around Octavius’ body and kissing him sweetly on the lips. “I had fun with ya tonight,” he whispered. 

“As did I,” Octavius whispered back. They let go and the Italian was almost out of the door when he looked over his shoulder to say, “Jed?” 

Jed had turned around to start cleaning up their cookie mess-Octavius felt guilty he couldn't stay to help- and looked up. “Yeah?” 

“Thank you, again,” Octavius smiled.

Jed was confused. “What for?”  

“For being patient.” 

Jed grinned and glanced down. “Ain't no problem. Just tryin to be the person you deserve.” 

“And for that, I am grateful,” Octavius told him. “Goodbye, Jed. I'll text you soon.” 

“See ya, Tavi.” 

** 

Octavius strode down the hallway of the apartment complex, concurrently making sure he looked no different than before he left. His stomach tingled with butterflies as the memories of yet another enchanted evening with Jed reemerged in his mind. He was insanely lucky to have such a compassionate, kind, handsome man to call his. 

_ You already had one. Or did you forget about Lance? Your boyfriend.  _

He grasped the door handle, opening it gently. If Charlie was home, hopefully he didn’t notice his absence. Perhaps he went up for a bath with intentions of going to sleep immediately afterwards. He’d left the Italian alone for the most apart, aside from being oddly polite. 

The entryway into the penthouse was dark. Charlie definitely wasn’t home. He had this habit of turning on  _ all _ the lights, making it look like a runway at an airport. Octavius snuck in anyway. He took off his jacket and draped it over the couch. He was a bit parched, he decided to get a drink of water from the kitchen. Since he was able to maneuver perfectly in the dark, there was no need to turn on the light. As he was receiving his ice, he hummed to himself. It was the tune that was playing on Jed’s radio, he wasn’t certain of the song title but he liked it. Just after he poured the water in the glass, bringing it up to his lips, he heard someone from behind him say, 

“My, my. Seems to me that you’ve had a fun evening.” 

Octavius practually choked. 

_ Lance.  _ **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh! Lance is back! What will our hero do next!?


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter mentions rape!!   
> It's not terribly graphic but it gives you a bit of a picture and is located near the bottom of the chapter   
> Also, yeah im breaking the pattern again lol next chapter will also be in Tavi's POV then Jed's and we should be all good for the rest of the story! Idk how many chapters I'll end up with, maybe to 35 or less then

Octavius’ glass slipped from his grasp, falling to the floor with a crash, shattering to smithereens in a pile next to his feet. The Italian hardly cared; his heart was working overtime, beating at high speed, so much so that a wave of dizziness came upon him. 

This couldn’t be happening...could it? He wasn’t supposed to be home yet, not for another couple weeks. Did Charlie know? Surely he would’ve said something, most likely, unless Lance specifically advised him to keep it a secret. This, this right here was his worst nightmare come true. 

Octavius forced himself to turn around, to face his boy-boyfriend. Inwardly, he flinched. Lance didn’t come to mind anymore when he thought of boyfriend, Jed did. Jed had for a while now. So referring to Lance as his boyfriend, even just thinking it, was a betrayal. He felt like he’d betrayed Jed and that hurt more than any bruise he might receive. 

_ I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid.  _

But that’s the thing, he  _ was _ afraid, terrified actually. He and Lance had gotten into spats before, physically even. All of them ended up with Octavius in the wrong and nursing some kind of injury, whether physical or psychological. There was always a pattern; Lance was a vocal person and therefore, he had a tendency to say things one might deduce as offensive. If he ever managed to get Lance to be silent, that was a warning signal that things were about to get out of hand very quickly. 

And the silence that was occuring now was absolutely agonizing. 

A drop of water from the ice maker fell on the steel plate below, a sound impossible to discern amid the typical, everyday noises. Another drip followed, heightened by Octavius’ senses. His eyes darted to where Lance’s silhouette stood-Just how did he miss that coming in? His heart was still beating in that unnatural rhythm. 

Lance slide out from behind the shadows with approximately two steps forward, stopping by the kitchen counter. He paused, drumming his fingers on the countertop, slow and intimidating. It was still considerably dark, preventing the Italian from seeing his face but Octavius didn’t have to have any visibility to know that Lance’s eyes were filled with a fire.

Octavius felt like a trapped animal in a cage. Lance hadn’t closed the gap between them yet, he had enough space to take off running but not enough stamina to keep him going. The Brit was physically stronger than him, faster. He used to work out frequently, which gave him some impressible amount of muscles. He could pinned Octavius to the floor easily-and he had previously. 

Life, it felt like, was ,moving in slow motion. Lance stood there, unmoving, staring without an ounce of emotion on his face. Octavius’ legs had turned to jelly amid his terror. Against his better wishes, he didn’t dare move. He stayed near the refrigerator for safety. 

He began to wonder Charlie was in all of this. Did Lance send him on his way? Was he still out? Was he sent upstairs, unaware of the dangerous storm that was brewing? Lance wouldn’t dare hurt him if someone from his business life was in the vicinity. He wouldn’t dare take a risk for his reputation.

The sound of a tongue clicking sent Octavius jerking. He nervously peered at his boyfriend, breathing in with short, quick, inhales. “W-Where’s Charlie?” he could’ve slapped himself for asking out of order. Lance was the one to speak first. Lance told him to be seen and not heard.

_ Lance tells you to do a lot of things that Jed doesn’t.  _

_ Jed _ . 

Had tonight truly been their last night together? Octavius’ heart broke. He wouldn’t be able to take it. He wanted- _ needed _ Jed. He was the oxygen that the Italian needed to breathe with. He was the first man to show him true love. 

_ Lance showed you true love as well.  _

_ He hurt you? That’s not love.  _

_ Love hurts.  _

_ Not physically.  _

The war inside his mind was too much. Octavius could’ve spent a whole day pondering on his and Lance’s relationship, compared to his new relationship with Jed and still come to a dead end. He loved Lance, he always will but he also loved Jed. Ugh, this was entirely too complicated. 

 

“Out,” Lance said swiftly, his voice void of any emotion. Octavius’ heart sank. “I just came back from Hong Kong an hour ago. Imagine my surprise when I find my boyfriend is nowhere to be found. My assistant said you were napping, but, as I came to find out, that was incorrect.” His eyes roved up and down, studying his chosen attire. “You’re far too dressed up to be simply taking a nap.”

Desperately trying to control the panic that was slowly arising, Octavius tried to defuse to the situation. “Would you like something to eat or drink, Lance? I’m sure you’re tired from all that travelling.” 

“No, I don’t believe I will,” Lance smiled, a cruel smile that twisted up Octavius’ insides. “Actually, I would rather about your day. How was it? We haven’t talked for a few days and I’d like to reconnect with you.” 

“Oh, err, nothing,” Octavius stuttered. “Really, it’s been dreadfully boring. Charlie-” Lance’s eyes narrowed. “Sorry, your assistant told me that you said I couldn’t read so I’ve kept myself busy by watching TV.” 

“I see,” he was unimpressed. “Surely you didn’t go anywhere when I specifically told you not to?” The question was a figurative strike against him. He knew Octavius had been out somewhere, it was only a matter of where and with who. 

“Err, yes, uh,” Octavius stumbled over his words like a dolt. “ No! I mean, well, you see-”

“Save it,” Lance said coldly. Octavius flinched at the sound. “I don’t want to hear it. Just answer me this: Where were you?”

To what was he supposed to say? Surely before this ploy he’d been a terrible liar, his facial expressions never came through, but throughout the adventure he’d gained confidence and could lie with ease to Charlie’s face. It both disgusted and awed him. But Charlie was one thing, Lance was another. The Brit was the human version of a hound dog. He could smell a lie with cheetah speed. He knew Octavius better than Octavius knew himself.

“Well?” Lance boomed. “I haven’t got all night. Where were you, Octavius?” his arm extended out, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and yanked him forward. “ _ WELL _ ?”

Octavius whimpered, completely helpless at this point. He couldn’t let Lance know he’d been with another man, kissed another man, cuddled with another man. Lance had enough insecurities, but to let him know he’d been right all along, that Octavius couldn’t handle himself and was a whore when he wasn’t around; the Italian refused to let that happen.

So Octavius did nothing. He would stay silent rather than out Jed like that.

“That’s alright,” came the rapid change in Lance’s tone. He spoke in a friendly matter, albeit a forced one, and let go of his shirt. Octavius stumbled back, terrified by the change. In his own prior experience, that never meant anything good.

“W-What?” the Italian said fearfully.

“You don’t have to tell me,” the Brit continued, “I know you were with Jed.”

_ Crap. _

_ Oh my God, oh my God! _

He knew! He knew and Octavius was done for it. 

The color had drained from his face like a steady stream; his tanned skin now shaded a sickly white. His mouth had gone very dry, so much so that no amount of water could quench. Octavius grasped the refrigerator door, feeling very much like he would topple over any minute now.

“W-what?” Octavius gasped. “Y-You know?” 

“That’s right,” Lance sneered. “I know all about your little affair with that cowboy. And I mean  _ everything _ .” 

The Italian’s face paled even more if that was possible. “How?” he whispered, surprised that his voice was capable of working at this point. 

Lance reared back, his hand rummaging through his pants pocket to retrieve his cell phone. After a minute or two of searching, he found what he was looking for and held it up for Octavius to see. 

_ Looking for a man in his late twenties. Kinda short, black hair, glasses and was seen wearing black pants and a red sweater at the coffee shop on Main Street. Hit me up if you know his name. Thanks! _

“Sound familiar?” Lance hissed like a crazed cat. 

Octavius stared in shock. He’d never heard about that, surely it had to be about someone else. Jed would have mentioned this before, wouldn’t he? 

“I surely thought so,” Lance continued. “I wandered as to who could be so tacky to put this on the internet for all to see. But then I began thinking; it was the same day you whored yourself out and allowed someone to pay for you. I grew suspicious so I did a little digging.” 

“It could be anyone,” Octavius blurted out. “Just because it sounds like me, doesn’t mean it is.” He shrunk back when the Brit glowered at him. 

“Is that so?” Lance asked mockingly. He flipped to something else. “That low quality ad wasn’t the only thing I found,” he held up the phone again, “Imagine my surprise at seeing  _ this _ .” 

It was a picture from the night Octavius got together to have dinner with Amelia and Jed. Octavius was helping Jed clean up when the water from the pasta overflowed. The Italian focused on the blonde’s face. Amelia captured him glancing down at Octavius while he cleaned up the spilled noodles on the floor. At the top of the post, she captioned it: such cuties<3 

“Well?” Lance’s voice had lowered dangerously. “What do you have to say for yourself?” 

Octavius had nothing to say in his defense. What could he? It was there, he’d broken the rules and done the forbidden. He was going to pay. 

“This wasn’t the only thing that I found. This woman has written countless posts about you and Smith, claiming that you’re both in love but too dumb to see it; insisting you two were some kind of fairytale,” Lance said shrilly, fist clenching the phone so hard his knuckles turned white. Then he suddenly released it from his death grip. “But that wasn’t the worst of it.” 

Octavius flinched. 

The Brit back and forth. “No, no. The worst had to be learning that my boyfriend went on a date with this man  _ and _ BEGAN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM!” he thundered. Octavius’ body trembled. He  _ hated _ it when people yelled, especially at him. He was weak like that, crying like a little girl when someone raised their voice to him. He just couldn’t take it, embarrassing as it was. Lance grabbed the front of his clothes and shook his roughly. “Did you communicate any other way than just in person?” 

“I-I,” Octavius was frozen, staring back at his boyfriend with a horrified expression. 

“DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT!?” 

“Yes!” The Italian sobbed. “We texted each other. I kept running into Jed after that day and I tried to avoid him, I swear I did but i-it just kept happening. And then one night I crashed into him just outside a bar and we talked and agreed to go to another bar and talked some more.” His breathing began to quicken. “I never meant for it to go further, I swear! We kept talking and found similar interests and eventually we did go on a date but I didn’t enjoy it.” 

_ Liar!  _

“Give me your phone,” Lance commanded. Octavius paled. He would see all the messages from him and Jed. There was no way he could properly explain all the teasing, flirting back and forth between them. Worst of all, he’d see the messages exchanged between him and Ahk. 

He hadn’t spoke to Ahk since Saturday. What would his friend think if he suddenly stopped messaging him? Would he think Octavius was abandoning him yet again? What if by the time he got back to him, if such a time ever occured, Ahk wouldn’t accept his apology? 

“Octavius!” Lance barked, hand out. “Phone NOW!” 

The Italian shakily reached into his pocket and brought out his phone, not even did he just take it out when his boyfriend sized it from him. His heart pounded again as he watched Lance pull up the messages. Jed and Ahk were the only people he talked to so it wasn’t like they would be hid in a sea of texts. Lance’s lip curled with repugnance at what he was seeing. Octavius could only imagine what was swirling around in his head. 

“You’re talking to Ahkmenrah again,” he stated, his accent thickening. “Why?” 

Octavius took a deep breath to calm his nerves. “I-I, uh, I don’t know...” 

“RUBBISH!” Lance screamed. “TELL ME THE TRUTH!” 

“B-Because you wouldn’t me!” Octavius cried. “I missed him, Lance. I haven’t talked to him in years!” 

“And that’s exactly how it was supposed to stay!” without another word, Lance threw the cell phone to the ground, smashing it with his foot. Octavius watched with wide eyes as it was destroyed to pieces in front of him. WHen he finished, Lance stood there, panting. “Now,” he breathed in a gulp of air, “you’ll know better than to embarass me like that! What were you thinking? WHat if someone had caught wind of this? I’d be a laughing stock. Is that what you want? I bet you do. You want me to fail because you hate my success.” 

“What? No!” Octavius felt helpless at the moment. How could Lance think he was jealous? If anything, he distasted the Brit’s job sometimes.  

“Don’t lie to me!” Lance pushed him, resulting in Octavius hitting his head on the refrigerator door handle. Pain rushed through his veins and for a split second, he could’ve sworn he saw stars. “I have given you everything you could have ever wanted and this,  _ this  _ is how you repay me, by cheating and speaking to those I explicitly forbid you to speak to.” 

Octavius staggered to his feet, holding a hand to the back of his head. Oh Jupiter. That  _ hurt _ . It hurt so much that it took all his strength to pay attention to Lance so his boyfriend didn’t think he was ignoring him. 

“You are a waste of space,” Lance glared down at him. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Octavius’ face crumpled and he began to cry. Holding in all those emotions was never a strongpoint for him.  “I’m so sorry, Lance. Please forgive me. I know I don’t deserve it but I swear I’m sorry. Please!” the tears dropped down his cheeks, falling to the floor. He’d done it. He’d ruined the one good thing he had in his life. Lance would never take him back now. The Brit was currently eyeing him with such disgust Octavius couldn’t blame him. Not even if he wanted to. 

_ Don’t cry. You still have Jed. You love Jed! _

Did he? Or did he just project his true feelings for Lance on Jed to cover up the hurt he’d been feeling? Jed...he was just a cover up, a sham. That wasn’t to go against his character because he was a very nice guy, but just not the one for him. There for a while, he’d felt something, a spark, he’d thought. It wasn’t long before he began to believe in those pretend feelings, believing that Lance, his loving, thoughtful Lance, was actually abusing him. Jed’s story about Jake was unfortunate, he didn’t wish that kind of treatment on anyone. Lance was different, though. A few bumps and bruises didn’t equivalent to abuse, neither did some black eyes or slaps. Lance was trying to better him, he just didn’t listen very well. But in the back of his mind, a tiny voice protested this mentally. It insisted that this was all wrong, that he loved Jed, dearly. Octavius was at a loss. 

“You’re right, you don’t deserve it,” Lance scoffed, reaching over to slap him firmly across the face. “I trusted you, Octavius and you let me down.” The Italian hung his head low, resisting the urge to sooth his stinging cheek. “I thought I could leave you and not worry about you starting trouble like a child, but I was wrong. It has come to my attention that you need constant watch to control this urge to whore yourself out to anyone with legs.” 

Octavius’ cheeks burned. 

“Which is why I will be working from home for a while, to keep an eye on you. Things are going to change, Octavius. It’s only for your best interests, after all,” The Brit smirked. 

Octavius wiped another tear and nodded. He knew better than to speak. 

“I’m canceling the maid service, you’ll be doing that. You’ll be doing everything but the cooking. Shame, if only you had talent in that area as much as you do with lying.” Octavius flinched again at the sound of the Brit’s cruel laughter. 

“Is that it?” Octavius asked in a small, childlike voice. 

“For now,” Lance smirked. He pointed down to the broken glass on the floor. “Pick this mess up and meet me in the bedroom so I can begin your punishment.” 

Octavius’ stomach dropped. He knew what Lance meant by punishment. 

It also meant he might not be able to step outside for a very long time. 

** 

It was late, after midnight but not quite three in the morning. Octavius stumbled out of bed, careful not to wake Lance. The brit was sleeping soundly beside him.  _ As if nothing happened _ . As he passed a pile of sheets and clothes, he could see even in the dark, the spots of blood. They weren’t so much that they were consuming in sight due to quantity, rather, slightly alarming because that was all his. 

Octavius quietly opened the bathroom door, thankful that it didn’t squeak. He waited until the door was closed to turn on the light. And when he did, he nearly let out a cry. His face was unrecognizable and he imagined that was the same for the rest of his body. 

After Octavius finished cleaning up the broken glass in the kitchen, he thought about taking a run for it. Lance was all the way in the bedroom. He was in the kitchen. The front door was so close. If he was quiet enough, he could make it to the elevator before Lance would catch him. That train of thought was quickly derailed. This was ridiculous. Whatever Lance was planning on doing to him was his own fault. He was the one who decided to let loose and cheat. He was the one who foolishly convinced himself that he saw a future with a man he barely even knew. So, with that, the Italian gathered up his courage and met his boyfriend in their bedroom. 

And that’s when the beating began. 

Lance had ordered him to stand in front of him. Octavius did so and had the wind knocked out of him when the Brit punched him full across the face out of nowhere. Unprepared for the blow, he fell to the ground. He glanced up just to see Lance’s foot come in contact with his face. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, he tried to convince himself. Lance had kicked him plenty of times before. 

But kicking wasn’t all he had planned. 

Octavius’ first cry of pain came when Lance’s expensive shoe came crashing down on his face, trying to smash it. Octavius was surprised it didn’t shatter his nose. He became even more scared when he saw Lance removing his belt from the loop. 

“No, no, please,” he had pleaded. 

“You will  _ not _ disgrace me!” Lance said each word with emphasis, raising his arm and whipped him. Octavius had never,  _ ever _ felt pain this excruciating before. He screamed, he cried, he yelled; begging for forgiveness until his throat was raw. But Lance didn’t listen. He spoke over the Italian’s cries, instructing him to stay still and other things that Octavius couldn’t decipher. Time was irrelevant. He didn’t know how long the whipping lasted nor did he care. It was only a matter of pain and pain only. He was certain his back and backside were going to be fairly bruised up-and he was correct. Mid way through, Lance grew tired of his sobbing and forced a gag into his mouth-a small hand towel. Octavius was thankful he hadn’t chosen a sock. 

But the beating, as it turned out, wasn’t his only punishment. Lance came to a stop when the last few lashes drew blood. To Octavius, he assumed it was over when the gag was pulled out and Lance was sweet enough to clean him up. A bath was drawn, Lance rubbed and  cleaned his back while Octavius sat there, trying to keep his tears in when the cloth was like a claw scratching at his delicate skin. Afterwards, he was dressed in some boxers only. Lance instructed him to lay on the bed. Octavius knew where this was heading. He tried to protest, saying that sex was the last thing they both needed right now. Lance did not accept this; he slapped him yet again and informed him that he was in no position to deny him of anything. 

It was a red flag. This-this wasn’t consensual. Octavius didn’t want sex right now. But Lance did. He should run away, do something! But he was in his underwear only, what could he do? Lock himself in a room? Lance had keys to everywhere in the penthouse so that wouldn't work. 

Octavius suddenly became aware he left the water on. He shut it off, realizing that tears were sliding down his face. He tried to even his breathing with little results. What happened next became the most horrific thing to ever occur in his life. 

Lance raped him. 

He was forced to lay on the bed, tied up. His arms were tied over his head and his legs spread apart. As they made love, Lance would whisper how Octavius was only his, how nobody else loved him, even his family only put up with him because they had to. But the worst had to be the parts about Jed. 

Lance insisted that Jed only wanted him as a prize; to say that he had won instead of him (Lance) and that he never truly loved Octavius to begin with. 

“Jed would have never loved you like I do,” Lance whispered as he pressed a kiss on Octavius’ lips. He stroked his face, smiling cruelly at his tearstained, bruised face. 

 

The Italian sat on the closed toilet lid, currently, crying as quietly as possible. He wanted to feel safe again, secure. He wanted to know what it was like to feel worth again. He wanted to have real friends and family. Was Lance right? Had they only been pretending to care? Had his family really just put up with him? Did Jed only view him as a prize? Octavius didn’t know what to do. If Lance was wrong, he’d been wasting his entire life on somebody who didn’t care. But if he was right, he couldn’t bear to risk losing the most important person in his life. 

Octavius sat up, straightening the shirt Lance had graciously allowed him to use after their moment of passion had ended. For right now he wasn’t going to focus on what had been with Jed. For now he was going to focus on the now with Lance. For now he needed to get back to bed because he could hear Lance stirring. 

With one last look at his reflection, Octavius shut the light off. 


	31. Chapter 31

Thirty days. 

Thirty days without communicating with Jed or Ahk. 

Thirty days of silence, of guilt and of hopelessness. 

Thirty days of intense isolation, protruding silence that served as a reminder more than anything. A reminder of his failure to comply; a reminder that he'd rather forget. 

Octavius was settled on the large bed, nearing the edge with a longing stare that wasn't aimed at anything in particular. The month since being caught was a world of difference from the weeks of deception he'd been leading whilst Lance was away. He closed his eyes, sighing with defeat. Did he really believe he could pull it off? Did he really think it would go off without a hitch, that his boyfriend would never suspect a thing? He was stupid, completely stupid. One wild ride had nearly cost him something very dear to him. One very stupid decision that could've been prevented. He'll be lucky if Lance ever decides to forgive him. Heck,  _ he  _ hasn't forgiven himself yet. What he'd done went beyond forgiveness; Lance had said that many times during the night he'd come home. He didn't deserve it; he would never deserve it. 

After the night Lance came back, Charlie was no longer needed. Apparently, just before he arrived back, Lance had messaged him, ordering that he go home and could return in the morning to pick up his belongings. Octavius was directed to stay upstairs until Charlie had left so he wouldn’t see the damage inflicted on him. The Italian strangely missed his presence. He was a light in that dark penthouse. Of course, it was all done without the knowledge of what truly went on. 

After that, weeks passed; November turned to December. Thanksgiving happened with no real celebration. Lance only cared about that particular holiday when his family was over to eat with them; but that didn't occur this year for some unknown reason. So it was just another ordinary day. Instead of carving into turkey and mashed potatoes, he was watching Lance eat an extravagantly prepared dinner by one of the chefs that had been hired. He had to wait until the chef left before he was allowed to return downstairs. Lance didn’t want anyone to see what had happened to him. He was not allowed a drop of food that day, not even a scrap. No explanation, no further discussion. He supposed he deserved that.  

In a more positive light, Christmas was different. Lance was chosen to host the annual Christmas party for all of his colleagues. Octavius was the one that ended up decorating at the last minute. Lance was a bit irritated by this; namely because he insisted that he’d been talking about for weeks and Octavius just hadn’t listened to him. The Italian privately disagreed with his assessment. The Brit hadn’t mentioned a party until a couple days beforehand. But it didn’t matter. He didn’t wish to argue over something as irrelevant and trivial as that. 

As such, the responsibility of decorating landed on Octavius. It was a bit stressful; he’d decorated with his parents in his youth, sure, but to be the designated one that had to organize everything. To the best of his capability, he made sure most of the penthouse that would be in visual sight the most was made the most lavish. He’d draped garland mixed with tinsel over the banister, hung a huge wreath over the fireplace; put little figurines and knick knacks all over the place along with adorable little snow globes that he couldn’t help but shake, feeling like a kid again. The tree had been his favorite. Lance had chosen a fairly tall one (personally, Octavius would have picked something more smaller) so he had to use a step stool to finish with the top half. Underneath was the traditional red tree skirt and next came the colorful lights that the Italian struggled with for half an hour until he finally got them unwrapped from the tightly bound ball they’d found themselves in. He made sure to use as many ornaments and bows as possible. For the very last came the beautiful star; Octavius had to stand on his tippy toes to reach. He expected Lance to be very pleased; after all, he’d started at the last minute and finished it after only a day and a half. Octavius was proud of his work, impressed that even for a home that big, it hadn't taken much time for one person at all. And on top of that, it looked absolutely perfect. Almost immediately, though, Lance ranted about how much of a scatterbrain he was; nothing was done the way he thought it should be nor was it close to be up there with his expectations of how it should’ve looked. Naturally, Octavius was crushed that he’d messed up. He had been hoping this would help mend the bridge between them, to show that he wasn’t completely useless and could do what Lance wanted him to do. 

He offered to redo everything (and was slightly cringing at the thought) but Lance had snapped at him, informing him that they were out of time; the party was the next day and in no way, shape or form could it be decorated properly in that short notice. They’d just have to deal with it how it was. Surprisingly, the party went off without a hitch. The guest came over, complimenting him and Lance on how quaint everything looked. Octavius had raised his eyebrows, not really understanding their point of view or if it was said just to be polite. Charlie, he noticed, was not invited or perhaps rather just couldn’t show up. The food was cooked by a semi famous chef that smelled heavenly and, of course, accompanied with alcohol. Nobody bothered to talk him; his facial injuries were taking far too long to heal on their own so Lance hired someone to put makeup on his face as to hide them so he didn’t look so gruesome. The makeup artist had been astounded at the sight but Lance merely explained that he’d gotten into a fight while defending his honor. The girl had giggled, accepting it. Now at the party, Octavius knew they would all rather just keep to themselves so he poured himself some sparkling water and stayed in the corner. Afterwards, he suffered through a brutal lecture on his behavior, for Lance thought he looked to stuffy, sitting there by himself and ignoring their guests, seemingly forgetting that he’d told him on numerous occasions that he was not allowed to speak unless spoken to. Sometimes, Octavius honestly didn’t know  _ how  _ to act around him. 

Then Christmas came. Octavius didn’t have high hopes for much, thinking it wouldn’t be much different from Thanksgiving. What he didn’t know was that Lance’s parents and some other elite relatives that he didn’t know existed were coming over. He ought to have known about Lance’s parents, they came every year. When the time came for them to arrive, Octavius became a bit more shy. He introduced himself to the elite relatives and found that they weren’t really interested in meeting or getting to know him. A quick hello was said, pleasantries were exchanged and that was it. Lance’s parents weren’t really any better but at least they  _ attempted _ at a slight conversation instead of ignoring him completely. Dinner was practically silent, on Octavius’ part anyway. A sense of longing resonated deep within him. He tried to remind himself to feel grateful for what he had but he couldn’t help but feel that something was missing-a something that was unavailable and would be for the rest of his life. 

After dinner, it was time to exchange presents. The elite relatives gave him nothing, not that he expected anything. That was fine. Lance’s parents gave him wonderful gifts; albeit expensive and a bit flashy. His favorite had to be a large volume set of classic stories that had been in their family for generations. The Italian was touched by the gesture, vowing to treasure it always. To his unsurprise, Lance didn’t give him a gift this year. On Christmas, he claimed it was because the gift was still at the store being handled but that was just a cover up so no one would question it. Octavius had to feign a wide smile and giddiness when Lance, being the superb actor he was, had a mischievous gleam in his eyes and glanced at Octavius as he said it. Everyone bought it. Octavius didn’t fuss once. He knew he didn’t really deserve anything and that if they only knew the truth, he wouldn’t have gotten that collection of stories or that multiple carat watch. 

In between the holidays, the time after Thanksgiving and before all the Christmas activities began, life  at the penthouse was horribly mundane. As he had promised, Lance began working from home, spending an unhealthy amount of time on the internet. Octavius wasn’t sure how long this stint would last. At first, it was nice to have Lance being there all day when he typically wouldn’t. Even though he didn’t use the extra time to spend time with Octavius or try to fix when had been broken, the Italian was thankful anyway. Before long, what he thought had been a nice change was now turning into something entirely different. Lance was acting a bit more controlling, borderline obsessive. At least, that’s what a logical person would see. But Octavius didn’t see that. He didn’t see anything wrong with having his debit card cut off or his cell phone line. He didn’t see any issue with being forbidden to leave the penthouse for absolutely any reason. He didn’t see that it wasn’t normal that he was forced to lie on the floor at night without any pillows or blankets. He went through the motions, doing whatever task Lance requested ( _ ordered _ ) him to do. The maid service was cancelled so it was up to Octavius to clean the penthouse in its entirety. Cooking was still off limits; Lance had low expectations for his skill level and as such, only allowed him to cook his own food,  _ if _ it was apart of the diet the Brit had organized for him. It sounded reasonable in the beginning, Lance didn’t want to be embarrassed by having an overweight boyfriend. He had an image to keep. But Octavius found that this ‘diet’ he was placed on without even being asked, mind you, was a great hindrance. He was often hungry for the portions were so little and thus, stuffed himself at times he couldn’t control his will power. That always led to a huge blow up from his boyfriend. It made the Italian who he was really doing it all for. 

But it wasn’t just the diet that made him question things; Octavius began questioning the Brit’s true intentions with just about everything, starting with the lockdown that he’d been placed on. At first, Octavius hoped it was just for the duration of the time it took for the wounds he sustained to heal, but, to his horror, he realized that Lance was planning on keeping him prisoner until he felt that he had been punished enough for his misdeeds.

Punished enough? Octavius wandered how far he was going to go.

His books had been thrown out, including the one Lance’s family had given to him. Octavius tried to reason with him to at least keep that one, that one wasn’t his originally.  But Lance didn’t care about it having any sort of importance or value to his family.

The clothes he’d worn the night everything had unfolded were burned.

Anytime a guest came over that the Brit didn’t deem as needing Octavius nearby, the Italian was sent away somewhere else in the penthouse. It was like he had to be as far away from human interaction as possible, which was a tad ridiculous. It wasn’t like Octavius was going to jump the first man he saw. He wasn’t like that. Why couldn’t Lance understand that? Yes, he’d been unfaithful and yes, he’d fooled himself into thinking lies about Lance and their relationship; but that wasn’t going to happen anymore. Octavius was ready to settle down and be completely and only for Lance.

_ “I’ve seen a lot of relationships in my day and let me tell you, yours isn’t what it seems.” _

Octavius’ mouth molded into a frown. He remembered the dinner party all those weeks ago, the night when Marcus caused him to have a string of doubt. Of course his relationship with Lance wasn’t like others, it was better.....right? Marcus, he noticed,  wasn’t at the Christmas party. Then again, it had been nearly close to Christmas so he was probably spending time with his family. Unlike the others that worked alongside Lance, he prioritized family first and work second. Lance considered him unprofessional and routinely complained about it but Octavius admired him for taking a stand. Sometimes, he wished he had the gull that Marcus had. Maybe if he did, maybe things would be different. 

Octavius rubbed his eyes tiredly. Sleeping on a hard floor was not the best alternative for one’s sleeping pattern or back. He’d barely gotten a couple hours the night before. And it wasn’t because he’d been excited about seeing Jed-oh Jupiter! Octavius groaned in defeat. There he was, thinking about Jed again. In order to mend what his relationship with Lance, he’d tried extremely hard not to think about the blonde or Ahk for that matter. He just needed to forget about them. It was difficult, the first few days without texting either of them were the hardest days of the Italian’s life. His phone had been destroyed that night and he wept at the thought of those pictures he’d wished he could’ve saved. In all honesty, in the midst of the lack of communication between his best friend and his boy-his other friend, Octavius felt so lost. Lost and confused. With only Lance most days, his (hopefully) future in laws and some of Lance’s colleagues that seemed to rather keep to themselves than converse, it was like he had no one and that was very lonely. He missed his own family and the love that they shared. He missed Ahk, his sarcastic quips and Larry when he tried giving some help even though he had no reason to; and Nicky because despite barely knowing him, he treated him with respect and genuinely acted as though his well being mattered to him too. He missed Amelia; he didn’t know a whole lot about her but knew enough to know that she seemed to care a lot about him too. Her presence reminded him of Ahk. But most of all, he missed Jed. He missed the special thing they had going on, although forbidden. He missed the feeling of being held and treated like a human being. Jed didn’t care if he made mistakes or spoke out of turn. Jed didn’t care about the things Lance cared about. So, it shouldn’t have been that hard. He should’ve been able to choose, only, it  _ was _ hard. He wanted both of them and knew that wasn’t possible. He had to pick one and only one.

It was now the end  of December, close enough for the new year to be upon them in the coming days. Octavius couldn’t feel to excited about this. It would be a rather dull year, with this year’s escapades the only thing worth looking back on. He wasn’t anticipating much, why should he? His feelings felt so messed up and discombobulated that he didn’t know  _ what _ to do. 

The Italian jumped when he noticed Lance was standing in their doorway.  He bit his lip, wondering if he’d done anything wrong to warrant this impromptu visit. Lance normally buried himself in his work from the early hours until the late hours of the night with hardly a break in between. Octavius always knew better than to interrupt, there was a severe penalty if he did.

“Yes?” Octavius straightened himself up. “Did you need anything?” How long had he been standing there? Was he watching Octavius? The Italian was thoroughly confused when he noticed the warm expression on Lance’s face. 

Lance didn’t reply immediately. He walked over, halting when he stopped in front of Octavius, who wasn't’ sure what to do, especially when his hand was suddenly grasped. “Yes, in fact I do need something,” Lance placed his index finger on Octavius’ lip before he could anwer with a  _ what _ . “You.” 

_ Huh?  _

“I’ve been thinking,” the Brit continued further, “I’ve just neglected you, haven’t I? I’ve simply left you all alone and went about my business without a thought about what you want. It’s okay to say yes, Octavius. I can take it. Tell me, have I neglected you?” 

The cooing tone in which he spoke did nothing to help Octavius decipher as to what was going on. He could only nod in agreement because he didn’t want to risk upsetting his boyfriend. 

“No,  _ tell _ me that I’ve been neglecting you,” the smile never left Lance’s face. “Go on.” He lifted his finger momentarily. 

“You’ve been neglecting me,” Octavius repeated obediently. His mind was racing, trying to figure out what was going on. Lance used his other hand to stroke his face and the memories from the night he’d r-raped him came flooding back. 

“I know,” the Brit said softly. “And for that, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Octavius. You deserve much better than me. SO much better.” 

“No, no,” Octavius disagreed. “You haven’t done anything wrong at all. I should’ve known better instead of fooling around. Please, don’t blame yourself. You were busy with work to provide for me, how can I be mad at you for that?” 

Lance smiled lovingly at him. “You’re truly a remarkable person, Octavius. Truly remarkable.” 

Octavius blushed. He gave up on trying to think up a reason why Lance was suddenly being so nice to him. It was a rarity so he was going to take it. Besides, it felt nice. It reminded him of when they were dating in their earlier years. 

He flinched when Lance’s thumb touched a particularly sensitive spot just below his eye. “I really hurt you didn’t I?” he asked gently. The Italian nodded. “I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know why I’m so protective of you. You’re a grown man and sometimes I worry,” he cupped his face, “I was worried because Smith had you where he wanted you. He wanted you think that he loved you and you believed him, didn’t you?” 

Octavius whimpered and again, nodded. 

Lance pressed a sweet kiss on his lips. Octavius, craving intimacy, relaxed and kissed him back. It was slow and smooth, like they were rekindling. When they let go, The Brit said, “That, Octavius, is love. Smith never truly loved you like I do. He was toying with your emotions, knowing how weak you are.” 

The Italian hung his head low. “I don’t want to be weak,” he murmured. 

Lance’s face softened. “I know you don’t. But you have to realize it’s a weakness for you and you have to be aware. Now, I understand I overreacted when I found out about you and Smith but I’m willing to let it slide.” 

Octavius perked up. “Really?” 

“Yes,” Lance agreed. “I’m willing to let everything slide if you just answer one question.” 

“Which is?” Octavius’s jaw dropped as he watched Lance let go and drop to one knee, pulling out a black box. He opened it, showing off a beautiful diamond ring that sparkled from the light produced by the overhead light. His heart pounded in his chest, looking from Lance’s smiling face to the ring. 

“Octavius Caesar, will you marry me?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay peeps! Only a few more chapters to go! What do you think Octavius' answer will be? Next chap will feature Jed's POV


	32. Chapter 32

Thirty days. 

Thirty days without talking to Tavi. 

He wondered what he did wrong. Was he too forward? Too insensitive? Boring? 

The last day he’d seen Tavi, he promised he’d text him soon and never did. Oh well, the first day Jed didn’t give it much thought. He figured Charlie must’ve been home or something that was preventing him from being near the phone. Tavi would never intentionally ignore him. So he went about his business reckoning that he’d message him when he got a chance. The next day, he was a little antsy but tried to remind himself to stay calm. Getting all worked up wasn’t going to solve anything. Maybe he just forgot. No, Tavi wouldn’t forget...would he? No, definitely not. He ended up calling Amelia and sharing his concerns with her. She did her best to reassure him, saying that maybe he was just busy or something. She jokingly remarked that if he wasn’t careful, he’d be one of those clingy boyfriends and nobody liked those. This did nothing to help sooth his overworked nerves.  _ Had _ he been clingy? Jed began to fret. What if Tavi had stopped responding to teach him that he needed space? They texted each other a lot and nearly saw each other every day so it was possible that Tavi just needed a break from him. Would’ve been nice if he could’ve told him that instead of just leaving him out in the cold. Jed feared he was driving Tavi away and began to panic. He couldn’t lose him by being needy. He’d just give him his space and hopefully after a few days he’d reach out to him. 

But that didn’t happen. 

A week and a half passed by and nothing. Life still went on, Jed went to work, paid bills, ate and kept up his health but in between checked his phone like a hawk, wondering what Tavi’s deal was. This wasn’t just a case of being busy or something, Jed could feel it. He just didn’t know what it was. He’d been debating on whether or not to text him. If Amelia’s offhand comment about him being clingy was the case, he didn’t want to further annoy Tavi by being even more obnoxious; but the silence was worsening his anxiety. He had to find out, if he didn’t, it would just drive him crazy. So he sent a quick “hey” and waited. Not even two seconds later his phone made a soft  _ ping _ sound. He felt utterly relieved until he saw the message that had come back. 

_ This number is no longer in service.  _

_ Huh _ ? Jed was bewildered. No longer in service? What the heck!? Tavi’s number was just working a few days ago! His stomach dropped and he felt ill enough to puke. Wha-Tavi-why did he...? This wasn’t like him. He would’ve told Jed if he planned on getting a new number or something. Jed’s brain was on overdrive, completely baffled by the sudden change of events. They’d been doing great; everything was going smoothly. Jed was actively trying to think up a living solution for Tavi, who clearly didn’t want to live in the penthouse anymore. Amelia excitedly encouraged him to offer Tavi a place to stay at his place. Pfft. As if they were ready for that. Jed couldn’t deny that the idea sounded oddly nice; getting to wake up next to Tavi, cooking him breakfast, getting to spend each and every day with him. It was pleasant in theory but when they got down to it, neither were in a suitable state for making such a permanent move like living together. That would have to wait until everything settled down.

He’d thought so, anyway.

Did this mean everything was over? That he became unhappy and this was his way of saying they were done? Jed would have rathered he simply tell him in person. At least it would’ve been a little more forward. This, this was just cold. It was a huge shock at first and he wanted to be alone and ignore everybody. For three days, he did just that, leaving his phone on the nightstand next to his bed and not answering it for anyone-Amelia included. He figured it would die soon enough.  _ Nope _ . Stupid thing. He heard every one of those messages and after he turned it on mute, he still saw the screen light up. All from Ames, he might add. He knew she’d be worried but he didn’t really care right now. And over the course of those three days, he ate very little and the nausea ensued, leaving him slumped over the toilet, puking. Taffy was there for him through all of it. She’d headbut him and meow softly. He made sure that she got fed. He refused to neglect his cat just because he was suffering. 

On the fourth day, Amelia barged in, worried sick by his lack of communication as predicted. She found him curled up on the couch, tears streaming down his face, mixing with snot. She handed him a tissue but he was so ashamed that she’d seen him like that he refused to look her in the eye. She still demanded an explanation and that was when, through his tears and hiccups, he explained the situation to her; that he hadn’t heard or seen Tavi for a week or so and when he texted him he got that message that said the number was no longer in service. Well, her first instinct was to turn into a raging bull and beat the crap out of him. Jed immediately said no and talked her out of it. He may have been incredibly hurt but that didn’t mean Tavi deserved any. He had to be happy for him. Maybe that Lance guy finally came to his senses and apologized for everything he’d been putting Tavi through. Maybe they were recommitted and might get married someday. As soon as that thought entered his mind, that sickening feeling that had briefly left came back with a vengeance and Jed took off for the bathroom. 

Ghosted. Ghosted. That was the term that Amelia explained to him. It meant that someone ended a relationship suddenly and cutting off all ties of communication. It was awful, ugly. Jed didn’t wish that feeling on anyone, even his worst enemy. To think that he was experiencing the best relationship of his life and then this happens. It sucked, no, it was worse than that. Jed just didn’t know how to accurately describe it.

Well, there was one thing he could describe; it was how brokenhearted he felt. Nothing would be able to erase the giant hole in his heart or the memories that he’d made. 

As the holiday season approached, Jed’s co-workers talked eagerly about their plans for Thanksgiving. Jed had no plans to celebrate. What was the point? His family wasn’t with him and whatever he’d had with Tavi fizzled out. He’d just have a quiet day at home, eating whatever was in the cabinets. Naturally, Amelia was dead set against it and insisted, quite persistently, that he go over to her apartment on Thanksgiving. Well, she really wasn’t really giving him a choice so he agreed. So he went over and as soon as the front door opened, a wave of thin smoke hit his nostrils. Amelia was struggling with the turkey, poor thing was visibly burnt but still edible. It looked like the turkey wasn’t the only thing she had burned. It made Jed’s sad facade crumble and for a second, he smiled in amusement. 

He also got to meet George while over there. He arrived ten minutes after Jed and was a loud, kinda goofy man. He was alright, though and Jed could see the resemblance that Ames spoke of. Only difference was that he was a little shorter than Jed, not quite as short as Tavi but still short. He was surprised to hear George announce that he and Ames just started dating. Jed sent a look over to her and she just grinned in response. He was happy for her; at least she found someone. George seemed like a good fella. She deserved to be happy, lord knows how many times she helped him with his own love life. Jed gratefully helped himself to some turkey, mashed potatoes, a roll and some cranberry sauce. The blonde wasn’t really interested in talking all that much, thankfully George and Ames understood so majority of the evening was spent listening to the couple flirt shamelessly like teenagers. 

Much of the same happened during Christmas. Again, Jed didn’t have any plans for that either but of course, Ames wasn’t gonna let him sit in his apartment by himself. He scrounged up enough money to buy them both a present. The holiday season was always tough for a mechanic-not enough people needed a fix  and most usually flew anyway. For Ames he bought her a book on the Wright Brothers and for George, he just kinda guessed but from what Ames told him, he liked stuff on wars so he just went to the history section of the bookstore (whilst swallowing down the lump in his throat at the memory of when he and Tavi had gone there) and bought him a cheap history book. 

It was kinda fun, spending another Christmas with Ames and her new beau. Sure, he’d had high hopes for this year and they were dashed like the Titanic but that was his own fault for getting attached so easily. 

He received a brand new, shiny pair of cowboy boy boots and a red and black checkered flannel jacket. He knew they’d been bought by Ames but she signed it from her and George. He appreciated them immensely. His boots were still wearable but pretty soon he’d need some new ones. The flannel fit great and went over his long sleeve button up with ease. After they exchanged presents, they ate-a meal prepared by George this time. Jed had to hand it to him, not one thing burned  _ and _ it tasted incredible. The day was so great it even made him forget about Tavi-something that seemed to be impossible to do lately. He needed to get over it, Tavi wasn’t coming back but he couldn’t shake it. He couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe Tavi would come back. 

It was a silly, childish hope but maybe... just maybe... 

** 

It was well after midnight, like almost two in the morning. Jed wasn’t asleep yet; that insomnia was kicking his butt again so he was perched on the couch, absentmindedly watching a movie. His dehydrated and malnourished brain was hardly able to register the knock until it happened four more times, each one more urgent than the last. Finally, he sighed and got up, grumbling. If this was Amelia making another impromptu visit he was gonna have her head for it. She’d been checking up on him a lot lately and while he appreciated it, it got annoying. Fast.

“Alright, alright. I’m comin-” Jed opened the door, voice dying on his tongue as soon as he saw who it was. There, just outside the door in the drabest of clothes, his face was pale, exhausted. The blonde’s eyes lingered over the faded black eyes and bruising along his cheeks. He was tempted to ask, but chose not to. “Tavi,” he exhaled, hungrily taking in the man’s presence he’d been craving. 

Seconds passed before Tavi gathered up the courage to speak. By then, his eyes had wandered from Jed to the floor, twice. “Hello,” he bit down on his lip like he always did. Jed was mesmerized by the movements, only just registering Tavi’s voice as he began to talk. “May I come in, please?” 

His brain was itching for him to slam the door in Tavi’s face, watch as his jaw would drop and he would predictably cry, crumbling to the floor. Hurt him like he’d hurt him. It was fair game. His  _ heart _ , however, urged him to reconsider; to not force him away. It was a complex decision, one that should’ve took longer to make. “Sure,” the words stumbled off his tongue. He clumsily stood aside, feeling numb. 

He’d fantasized about this moment for over a month and none of the pleasure he’d thought he’d been experiencing came. He had so many questions, but he was incapable of wording them at the moment.

Tavi strolled on in, sparing a glance at him, looking distressed. “I-I know it’s late,” he started off lamely, “but I couldn’t help it. I needed to see you.”

Jed refused to inwardly acknowledge the leap his heart gave. He would  _ not _ give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d truly upset Jed. He just couldn’t do that. He was a man of pride. “Oh?” his eyebrows rose challengingly. 

He saw Tavi become noticeably flustered, face clouding over with an expression that could only be described as lost. He swallowed. “Yes. I have missed you terribly.” 

Missed?  _ Missed him _ ? Jed’s head spun, blazing with sudden raw anger that surged through his veins. How could he even say that? Never once had he tried to contact him, to come see him. Sneaking out hadn’t been a problem before. Even if it suddenly became so, why hadn’t there been any warning? 

“Yeah,” he spat out, “I’m sure ya did. S’why ya disconnected your number, ain’t it?” 

By the sharp flinch and look of pain on Tavi’s face, Jed reckoned he’d touched a nerve. His mouth opened and reopened but no sound came out. “Jed,” he said in a whisper. ““Jed, please listen to me. I swear none of this was ever on purpose. L-Lance was back when I came back a-and he was very angry with me. He knows, Jed, about everything.” 

Jed’s hostility came to a screeching halt. His blood ran cold. “What?” He couldn’t believe it. They’d been so careful, planning everything down to the minute. Charlie had been their biggest enemy. Never had the thought of Lance returning crossed their minds. 

Tavi nodded vigorously, desperately. “He found Amelia’s Facebook page and, um,” he trailed off fleetingly. “He came across some sort of ad back when we first met at the coffee shop.” He offered no further explanation, only adding to Jed’s confusion. “Jed,  _ please _ , I’m so sorry. Lance confronted me in the kitchen and told me he knew everything. He knows about you and Ahk and he smashed my phone,” tears were sliding down his face and it was all Jed could do to not reach out and wipe those away for him. “H-He said he had to p-punish me a-and,” Tavi couldn’t go on. He covered his mouth with his hand to stifle his sobbing.

“What? What?” Jed’s heart was beating as fast as a runnin fox. To heck with that stupid grudge. “What happened? What’d he do to ya, Tavi?”

Tavi’s red rimmed eyes stared back at him as he tried to control his breathing. His lip quivered dangerously, indicating a fresh wave of tears were on the rise. His mouth opened slightly, emitting breathy whimpers. “He beat me,” he confessed, sending Jed into absolute shock. “He beat me with his b-belt and gagged me. I-I have marks on my face and back.” 

Jed really didn’t know what to say after that. A twinge of guilt nipped at his soul, berating him harshly for putting Tavi in harm's way. It was so  _ selfish.  _ “I’m sorry,” he managed to say. “I’m so sorry, Tavi, for everything.” 

“That wasn’t the worst,” Tavi said in a shaky breath. Jed froze, fearing for the worst. “He...he also...” 

“Go on,” Jed encouraged gently. 

“He raped me!” Tavi burst out, collapsing to the floor. He broke down sobbing, sending himself into hyperventilation. Jed didn’t move an inch, stopping dead as the words repeatedly rang through his ears painfully. 

Raped. Jed glanced down at the man he’d come to adore. He couldn’t imagine, he didn’t  _ want _ to imagine, the horror he’d been through. He’d swore to protect him, to make sure what Lance had put him through would never happen again. 

And he failed. 

Tavi was curled in a ball, arms wrapped tightly around his knees like he was protecting himself from outward advances. Jed sank to the floor beside him, coming to touch him very,  _ very _ slowly. The last thing he needed was for Tavi to become more upset than he was. All in all, he desired so strongly to pull the man into his arms and never let go; to hold him with all his might. He felt the anger, initially intended toward Tavi himself, now aimed at Lance. And it boiled his blood to a greater intensity. 

“He tied me up,” Tavi’s breathless voice met his ears, dragging him back to reality. “He-he tied me to the bed n-naked and kept touching me and stroking my face and telling me that you didn’t love me.” His shakiness was becoming increasingly concerning. “He said you were using me and that you never truly loved me.” His tear-filled eyes glanced up at Jed. “I-Is that true?” 

Jed’s anger steadily ebbed away until the flame had been put out. The disgust, the absolute revulsion provoked from hearing those intimate details were still there, brilliantly hidden. It was a skill he’d perfected from those years of dealing with Jake. The utter outrage was just underneath the surface, threatening to erupt, not only at the horrible act done to Tavi, but the fact that he’d put that questioning thought into his head. It was the kind of thing Jake would’ve done, had he cheated on him with someone, and not surprising either. What really hurt was that Tavi  _ believed  _ it, or at least, semi believed it. Hadn’t he proved otherwise? Hadn’t he done enough to show that he was anything but kidding when it came to how he felt for him? 

“No,” Jed’s own voice was unstead, shook by raw emotion. “No, no, definitely not. I love ya, Tavi and don’t ever think otherwise. I’d never play ya like Lance is doing.” 

To his surprise, Tavi jerked away, looking  _ offended _ . “Lance isn’t playing me,” he spewed off in mild irritation. Jed didn’t quite know how to reply. He’d been the same way; refusing help and denying all of Jake’s negative characteristics. It was apart of the system. Still, he’d figured, he’d hoped that they were past this point. A month ago, Tavi sounded as though he understood that Lance’s actions were not good in any way, shape or form. Than again, that whole month being trapped there was enough time for Lance to undo all of the progress that they’d made. 

“Tavi-” 

“No!” Tavi’s voice was shrill before he quieted down. “You don’t understand. Lance loves me. He wants what’s best for me. I really hurt him when I cheated.” 

Jed scoffed under his breath. “I doubt that.” He doubted that Lance was really capable of feeling anything; especially when he went ahead and did the deplorable things he did to Tavi. Really hurt him. Ha, sure. 

The statement was laughable, but he didn’t dare act on it. He understood Tavi’s point of view and respected it...to a degree. He would’ve done the very same thing so he couldn’t exactly judge him for it, hypocritical much? 

“I’m sorry,” Jed said quietly. “I shouldn’t have said that. I hope ya can forgive me.” Bravely, perhaps kinda impulsive, he reached for Tavi’s hand to grasp it. But instead of letting it occur naturally like always, Tavi pulled away as though Jed’s hand was as hot as lava. The blonde’s heart sank a bit, though he chalked it up to being stressed about the situation. 

“It’s okay,” Tavi refused to look at him after that. “There’s nothing to forgive. You were just stating your opinion.” 

“Tavi,” Jed grew worried. Tavi was sounding less and less like a real person and more like a robot. First he denied him physical contact-which he respected, but they’d adapted to physical intimacy almost every time they got together so it was worrisome- and now this. His entire behavior wasn’t making any sense. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? If you’re upset about what I said, I’m really, really sorry. I hate to upset ya, ya know this.” 

“Jed, please!” Tavi burst out. Jed stared, startled a bit. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted,” he whimpered. “I just-uh. I’m so sorry, Jed. I just have a lot on my mind right now. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” 

“Hey, hey,” Jed stopped him mid-babble. “Ya don’t have to apologize. I’d be goin bonkers if I was in your shoes too. It’ll be okay, Tavi. I’ll be right here to help ya.” He opened his arms for an embrace, hesitantly, for he didn’t know if Tavi would want to accept. Miraculously, he did. He crawled forward and into the blonde’s arms, dropping his head on his chest. Jed rested his cheek on that fluff of hair that he so adored. He could’ve sworn he heard Tavi murmur something back but couldn’t be one hundred percent sure so he shrugged it off. His hand dragged up and down his back with the softest of touches, aware of Tavi’s external injuries. Not all of them had properly healed, as indicated by the flinch. 

“Does it still hurt?” he asked, tenderly. 

“Yes,” Tavi sniffled. “A little.” 

Jed drew circles on the back of his neck, watching the tiny spurs of hair stand up on end. “How’s bout I get ya some ice? Ya want some?” 

“If it is not too much trouble,” Tavi lifted his head, smiling weakly. 

“Course not,” Jed went over to the refrigerator/freezer and opened up the top half. He took a handful of ice cubes and put it in a ziplock bag. “Here ya go.” 

“Thank you,” Tavi winced as he stood up and as he did so, something fell out of his pocket, hitting the floor with a clunk. Jed’s eyes diverted to where the sound came from, widening when he caught a glimpse of what it was. 

_ An engagement ring.  _

“Wha-” Jed gasped. Oh my God. Was-was he planning on....proposing? It was a bit fancier than Jed would’ve cared for but he wasn’t as shallow to fixate on that more than his significant other. Tavi stared at the object, hauntingly pale. “Tavi,” he couldn’t believe it. “Where you...were you goin to propose to me?” 

“No,” Tavi said quickly then backtracked. “I mean...” Jed would’ve been lying had he said the denial hadn’t stung a bit. The topic of marriage had come up a few times, primarily by Amelia, and he realized he was nowhere near ready for that big of a leap. He wa sure Tavi wasn’t either. But in that split second moment, seeing the ring on the floor, he would’ve settled for anything. He would’ve said yes, because even in the midst of his insecurity, his hesitancy, that didn’t matter. That month without Tavi had only heightened his feelings. He loved Tavi. He  _ loved  _ him. 

“You mean?” Jed motioned for him to go on. 

“Lance proposed me-!” Tavi slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide as saucers. Obviously, the information wasn’t be spoken of so easily. Jed wished he would’ve kept it to himself. Really. The fact that Pretty Boy had proposed to his-Friend? Boyfriend? He honestly didn’t know what they were at this point-but more importantly, the fact that he proposed  and did the one thing that Tavi wanted so badly made it all the more enraging.  _ Of course _ .  _ Of course!  _ Of course he waited until Tavi found someone else, someone better than him. Jed wasn’t stupid. This was a sneaky, deliberate attempt at manipulating Tavi, to make him doubt Jed’s sincerity and bring in solidarity to his own. Now that he felt threatened by Jed, he felt he needed to act. Typical. 

“Oh,” Jed forced himself to sound the tiniest bit pleasant. Although he had the urge to strangle Pretty Boy, he would remain nonplussed. Tavi wasn’t wearing the ring nor did he mention anything about agreeing to it. Maybe everything was okay. Maybe he was leaving Lance for him! Maybe... This thought process redirected his foul mood into a cheerful one. He would’ve loved to have seen the look on Pretty Boy’s face when Tavi rejected him. Hoo boy. 

His mouth stretched into a grin, swiftly he plucked up a tissue from the holder, handing it to Tavi. “Ima get us some drinks!” he exclaimed. 

Tavi tilted his head to the side, confused. “....You are?” 

“Yeah,” Jed swung open the fridge. “You want some Sprite?” 

“Yes, please,” Tavi accepted the soda with a frown. “But Jed, I don’t understand. Why are you so-” 

Jed cracked open the cola and took a swig. He leaned forward with his elbows on the counter. “Tell me, how’d Pretty Boy react when ya told him no? Did he cry? I hope he did. Serves him right,” he huffed, though this did nothing to detour his mood. 

Tavi seemed to be rooted on the spot, realization upon his face. “Jed-” 

“Boy, I tell ya, I wanted to smack the livin daylights outta him when ya told me what he did. Ida probably done it if ya would let me.” 

“Jed, please. Listen to me-” 

“Course ya would probably tell me not to,” Jed rolled his eyes. “Ames says ya use your conscious too much. Speakin of Ames, she wanted to beat ya up after I told her everythin,” he paused, looking sheepish. “I’ll straighten it out later, promise. She’s protective of me ever since we met. Say, ya wanna stay for dinner? I’ll make whatever ya want. Spaghetti sound good?” 

“Jed, I didn’t say no!” Tavi was breathing deeply, rubbing his forehead repeatedly. 

Jed  _ slowly _ turned back around, staring at him flabbergasted. The wind had been knocked out him, so much that a wave of dizziness came over him. “...What?” he finally asked. 

“I didn’t say no,” Tavi admitted, gazing down at his shoes. “I said yes. I accepted his proposal. We’re getting married in a couple of weeks.” 

Jed’s heart shattered into pieces. His suspicions were confirmed. His and Tavi’s short fling was over. Lance and Tavi were recommitting to their relationship. His chest felt restricted, like something heavy was atop it. He didn’t know what to say-he was stunned into silence. His eyes casted downward when he heard Taffy meowing excitedly. She rubbed up against Tavi’s legs and jumped up on her hind legs to paw at his hands. Tavi gave her a weak smile but otherwise didn’t pay her any mind.

“Why?” That’s just what he wanted to know, what he needed to know. 

“Jed-” 

“No, tell me why!” Jed’s voice gradually rose, paving way for the hurt, the anger to come forward. “Tell me why you did this to me! Tell me why a month ago you led me to believe that you loved me and now this!?” he waved his arms around for emphasis. “Why!?” 

“Jed, please. I’m sorry,” Tavi’s lip quivered again. “I’m  _ sorry _ .” 

“SO?” Jed slammed his hand on the countertop, resulting in Tavi letting out a frightened cry. His hand throbbed, no doubt paving way for a bruise in the morning. “You think just because ya apologize that I’ll forgive ya and we can be friends?” 

“I-I’d hoped...” 

“Well forget it,” Jed said coldly. “I don’t wanna see ever again. Get out and don’t come back.” 

He shoved past the other man, making his way to his bedroom. He could hear Tavi protesting behind him. “No, NO! Please, Jed, please. Don’t do this. I’ll do anything, anything you want! Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me.” He fell to the floor on his knees, sobbing his heart out. 

The blonde whirled around. “Leave  _ you _ ? You’re leaving me. Ya think Lance’ll be okay with us bein buddies while you two are married? Ha. And ya know what? I can’t believe you’re even doin this.” 

“He loves me,” Tavi whispered. 

“He beat you! He raped you! He’s abusing you, Tavi. What about that sentence don’t ya understand? He’ll never treat ya right. He wants ya to think he will but he won’t! You’ll just be an object to him, something that he can control. I gave you true love, I showed ya what love is and ya just threw it away like it meant nothin,” Jed took a moment to breathe. “I love ya, Tavi. I love ya so darn much it’s scary. But if ya think Ima sit back and watch you marry this guy and pine over ya like some lovesick teenage girl you’re mistaken.” 

Tavi couldn’t speak properly at this point, he was too choked up. He was able to emit crackled sounds but that was it. Jed hated it, hated it with every fiber of his being that he had to break him like this but he refused to put himself through any kind of trauma again. He just couldn’t do it anymore. 

“Please,” Tavi tried again, face tearstained and broken. He gulped, continuing. “Please, Jed. Please. I’ll do anything. We can make this work somehow. I promise. Don’t leave me, I beg you. I won’t be able to take it.” 

It pained Jed to these words. “Ya should’ve thought bout that before ya told him you’d marry him.” 

“Jed, no. Please!” Tavi leaped to his feet, gripping Jed’s shirt and sobbing in his chest. “Please, please, please! Please don’t leave, please!” 

Jed gently guided him toward the apartment door, shoving him out, not hard enough for him to fly backwards but just enough. They made one last moment of eye contact before the blonde shut the door. 

“JED! PLEASE! LISTEN TO ME!” 

From the other side, Jed sank to the floor whilst tears rolled down his own face. He’d thought that dating Tavi was like a fairytale. He was the poor soul that Tavi had unknowingly rescued. Everything was supposed to be fine. Everything was supposed to be happy. They should’ve gotten their happily ever after. 

Only, this was real life. 

And real life didn’t get happily ever after's. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww...this was a really sad chapter to write. I hope y'all liked it and stayed tuned for the next one!


	33. Chapter 33

That last visit to Jed’s apartment was one he’d never forget.

It was done on impulse; without a way to communicate to explain the circumstances, Octavius feared the worst, triggering awful feelings that erupted, primary in his stomach. But what was he to _do_? Lance explicitly forbade him from leaving and there was no possible, reasonable answer he could form if confronted. Then, just mere hours after New Years Eve arrived, Octavius thought up an idea, a risky idea. He waited until he was absolutely sure that Lance had drifted into a deep sleep before he hastily dressed, unconcerned that his facial injuries were in plain view for anyone to see. He jammed his shoes on, hurrying out the door, all the while praying to the Heavens that Jed would be home.

The chilly December air cut right through him, as his clothing was particularly thin for that time of year. He passed by several homeless men, women and children, struggling to stay warm in the frigid temperatures. He experienced a pang in his heart, reminding him how lucky he truly was, even in the midst of his harrowing situation. He took slow steps, allowing him more time to fret on what he was to say. He needed something acceptable, something that was a suitable explanation for his sudden absence. No doubt Jed would be angry. Angry at him. Angry at Lance. Just _angry_. He deserved the truth; that Lance had come home unannounced and it went downhill from there. But every time he tried to think up a starter, his mind went a complete blank. Would Jed bother to listen? Would he even open the door?

The seconds Octavius stood just outside the door, raising his hand to ring the doorbell only to falter and drop it as if he were strung, were the hardest of his life. Eventually, he settled for just knocking-a few times incase Jed was sleeping. He really needed to speak to him _now_.

From the other side of the door, there was some rustling, a tiny thud presumably from a pair of feet hitting the floor. Jed’s voice could be heard, not that he understood what was said. When the door opened, forcing them to be face-to-face for the first time in a month, it left the Italian breathless and unable to speak.

Should he apologize? Quickly explain that he had no control over anything? Ramble until Jed would shut him up? Nothing seemed anywhere near right so he settled for a lame “hello” instead.

Time passed agonizingly slow before he was allowed to enter the apartment. He took notice of the empty bottles and overall messy appearance that hadn’t been there during his last visit. But his attention turned back on Jed; chest twisting painfully because Jed was angry. _At him_ . The Italian just _barely_ managed to muster up convincing replies that didn’t sound like he was suppressing emotions that were ready to burst. Jed was far less intimidating than Lance, but the remarks he had that evening had a certain way of jabbing him in the heart, which was unclear if it was intentional or not. He explained the precarious situation, watching that the blonde’s outer façade crumbled, allowing his worry to come to the forefront. Octavius’ heart leaped. He did care about him, perhaps not all hope was lost.

He’d only meant to give vague details, preferring not to go all in for his own sake. It was supposed to have stayed that way, not the opposite where he began spilling everything like a river. The beatings, the gagging, the marks, that was enough, but he just had to mention _that_ part, the part he’d been trying to forget. It was never meant to go further than the bedroom, no one else was supposed to have known what had gone on that night, especially not Jed. But there he went, shouting it out and dropping to the floor like some child. The tears came before he could stop them, get a hold of himself.

_Pathetic_

_Coward_

He was babbling at that point, sharing those intimate details, those pieces of information that made him downright _ashamed_. Lance was right, he was a whore. He’d enjoyed it, enjoyed it even through the minimal struggle he put up. It was a battle of loyalties and so far, the Italian didn’t know where his laid. Of course, then he remembered why he came, why it was all needed in the first place.

He wanted to postpone it, but for how long? How long could he put it off before it would all come to light? If he were to do so, it would be morally dishonest; Jed deserved to know the truth. And he meant it. At the same time, however, those feelings of guilt crept up and he couldn’t permit himself to act in cohesion with the blonde. He normally wouldn’t have minded the soft touch of Jed’s hand slipping into his until now where he quickly pulled away, mentally reminding himself that the electricity he felt was _bad_. He was bad. Dear Jupiter, what would his mother think of him now? That thought crossed his mind more than once, trapping him in a never ending band of guilt and angst.

Not that any of this mattered in the long run. Against his better judgement, Octavius fell in Jed’s embrace, powerless as his overly emotional state of mind took over his actions. Seconds before that occurred, Jed said he would be there to help him. It pained the Italian; he muttered that he wasn’t so sure but Jed never heard him or chose not to respond. Either way, he was grateful. By not acknowledging that statement, it meant he wasn’t forced to divulge the information sooner. And he wouldn’t have, had the ring been tucked somewhere else safely instead of his shallow pocket.

 _Clunk_.

He’d stared, feeling the blood drain from his face. He hadn’t....why...oh no. The ring sparkled from the dim lightning from the ceiling light above them, looking picture perfect. Octavius felt _sick_ , just sick and deeply afraid. He didn’t even _want_ to know what Jed was thinking. His face said enough; shocked beyond comprehension. Astonished, eyes wide. Worst of all, he’d assumed that Octavius was proposing! His throat ran dry, and he wished it could all just go away. So he did it; he blurted it out, that Lance proposed to him. Octavius had always been told he was the type of person to wear his heart on his sleeve, every emotion he felt were visible for everyone to see. In that moment in time, he saw that same tendency in Jed. The blonde’s face morphed into an expression of devastation, his solid mask of composure slipped-Octavius saw the raw hurt behind it. Almost immediately, he fell into a state of denial, convinced that he’d said no to the proposal and even offered sodas in celebration. That was most likely due to Octavius’ mistake of taking the ring off and leaving it in his pocket, deception, that’s what it was.

He had to fix it right away, starting with a correction, one that he did not want to make. He had to interject, interrupt him mid babble, to admit that, no, he hadn’t told him no he’d accepted. Jed looked worse than a kicked puppy, like he couldn’t comprehend the information he was just told. His body language told Octavius that he was overwhelmed, stunned. The Italian wasn’t sure how to proceed. Where was the infuriated outburst? The screaming? The beating? Lance typically reacted within seconds in a violent, noisy way. Jed...didn’t. His gaze was of clear cut disappointment, which ripped at Octavius in more ways than one. But nothing could have prepared him for what was to come.

He should have understood, shouldn’t he, that it wouldn’t go over well. What ration person would have accepted it? They’d begun an exclusive relationship, invested in something, what that something was, he wasn’t certain. A huge part of him cared deeply for the blonde; that part of him was certain that he’d be fine with whatever happened with Lance because, well, he had Jed. But the fear, the firmly rooted fear inside of him begged to differ. Jed’s self proclaimed adoration for him wasn’t concrete; it could easily change and that was perhaps the scariest truth.

Still, the rejection hurt. It _burned_ deep in his soul, destroying everything he had thought was safe and secure. It brought up all sorts of previous feelings of past hurts, altered truths that flooded his mind. He’d put his faith and trust in that man, and for what? To be kicked out of the apartment despite repeated attempts at reconciliation? It paved a way for a passionate burning of anger to come forth-never had he felt so raw before. It was magnified by his own adulterous behavior that strung Jed along, encouraging what began as something entirely simple into a complicated mess.

Complicated indeed. He’d reacted accordingly when he was told of-in detail-what Lance had put him through; but the added bonus of Lance’s proposal _and_ the acceptance that went forth with it-that was just the last needed strike for everything to crumble.

Then he’d _thrown him out_ without so much as allowing the Italian to explain, despite his repeated attempts. It wasn’t as if Octavius had _intended_ on breaking his heart; things just became entirely too complex for him to handle. The whole charade was a mistake from the start; it should have never happened. And it wouldn’t of, without Jed’s influence. He didn’t support his rebellion that gave way for this happen, per se, but the Italian was far better off before he’d met him in that coffee shop. He’d been a better, faithful boyfriend with his priorities straight.

That didn’t mean he didn’t feel disgusted at himself for believing in that train of thought. Jed wasn’t a bad person. He didn’t deserve to be kicked to the curb because Octavius’ longtime dream was coming true. It was just...perplexing right now. He was being tugged at both ends and eventually one was going to break. Jed deserved loyalty and as much as Octavius _wanted_ to remain loyal to him, to open that door his curiosity had been urging him to do, he couldn’t. Shouldn’t he have understood how difficult this decision was for him to make? Surely it wasn’t easy. Leaving Lance after everything they’d been through, after everything Octavius had put him through, would have been a deplorable thing to do. He practically owed it to the Brit. And the beatings, gagging, and....sex was all justified. It didn’t matter if it physically hurt or he didn’t want it, he should’ve have been thinking of what Lance wanted, not what he wanted.

After being kicked out, Octavius fell to his knees, forehead leaning against the cold wood of the door, sobbing pathetically. A couple of Jed’s neighbors peeked out nosily, one even cursed at him to go home. The Italian nodded through his tears, not wishing to cause a scene. Besides, he couldn’t risk Lance waking up only to find that he wasn’t there. He needed to act now. The long walk home was purely for him to recompose himself, but that never happened. His mind played and replayed the sudden events, focusing in on the cold, steely look in Jed’s eyes and when he’d ordered him to go away and never return.  That same gut stabbing, heart wrenching feeling struck him again and again. He’d deduced that with the return of Lance he would never again see Jed or feel himself wrapped in his arms, or anything. He was wrong. This, _this_ was the last time. Jed would never open his door for him again nor would he be open to listening to anything that he had to say.  Octavius didn’t blame him. He couldn’t. He’d played him and now he was paying the price.

Sometime later, with Lance still miraculously asleep, he crawled into bed after changing into something more comfortable. He slept on his left side, so as he was able to bury his face in the pillow to stifle the noise of his crying. The tears fell and they fell and they _fell_ until he choked up once or twice. He felt so lost, he wished Lance would wake up, maybe spoon him, hold him tight and reassure him that everything would be okay.

But that wasn’t Lance. Lance didn’t do sweet little gestures like that, and that was okay. He just...he just wished that for a second, the Brit could be like Jed because that’s what he needed right now.

He cried himself to sleep that, not even noticing the absence of his ring. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too boring but I felt that a recap in Octavius' POV was necessary. Also happy valentines day peeps!!! I might be able to get another update out tomorrow hopefully


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sad chapter   
> things will start to look up soon, eventually

Jed took a shot. 

The rain pelted against the decrepit apartment complex, increasing in its intensity. Its drops sprinkled down the windows at a slow pace. A flicker of lightning occured, stretching across the sky like a beautiful spider web. Unexpectedly, there came a roar of thunder that should’ve sent him flying under the covers.

But he didn’t flinch.

Not anymore.

He sat in his apartment,  _ alone _ in the darkness, unable to escape the pain of Tavi’s crushing decision other than by drinking. The temptation was great, pawing at him repeatedly until he had no choice but to give in. Vodka was his relief, his path to peace. Momentarily, until the high wore off and the weight of what had occured cae back to him, he was free. No worries, no sadness. It was all okay. 

It was a few days in the new year, inching closer and closer for the two weeks to have passed and for Tavi and Pretty Boy to get married. It disgusted him, like a foul smell that was right under his nose. It made him nauseated to think about it. What the  _ heck _ did Tavi see in him? And what the heck did Jed do wrong enough for Tavi to push him away completely? He didn’t think he’d ever know. 

He took another shot. 

Ever since that night, the night where his heart had broken into tiny pieces, he turned to alcohol for comfort. He wasn’t stupid; he knew it was risky, easy to slip into that routine of being an alcoholic that he pretty much was at one point in time. But, truly, he honestly didn’t care. Screw common sense. With each mouthful that burned like the dickens, it lessened the burning, stabbing pain he felt from Tavi’s betrayal. They’d discussed Lance and his abusive behaviors, they’d talked about a relationship and taking it slow. Where in Sam hill did it stop!? Because he sure as heck didn’t know. 

He was careful, he didn’t drink as much when he knew he had to be working. The last thing he needed was to cause an accident and be caught by his boss. No, he kept it to a minimum amount each other, a reasonable amount. And it always felt _so_ _good_. It never took long to reach that drunken haze he was accustomed to. The effects weren’t the same; he didn’t reach that same magnitude as he had in the beginning. There was still a buzz, it pleased him nonetheless. But it only meant, conditions providing, that he needed _more_. He craved more. It was always more than one bottle, guaranteed. But the first bottle, that was kinda special, he always made sure to chug it to get the night started. He didn’t know why, he just did. It was addicting, the feeling of it sliding down his throat, resulting in a coughing fit that would make a smoker proud. Only, he wasn’t proud. On the contrary, he knew what he was doing was wrong, but that didn’t mean he was stopping any time soon.

His hands trembled as he poured himself another shot. He didn’t bother to keep track anymore. What was the point? Either way he’d end up passed out somewhere in a pool of his own bodily fluids.

_ You’re disgusting! No wonder Tavi left you. I wouldn’t want to be around a drunken fool either.  _

He shakily brought up the shot glass to his lips, drinking it in one gulp. The wind felt like it had been knocked out of him, like a swift kick to the chest. Jake’s voice was back at it, taunting him for his mistakes. It had been pretty quiet for a while, as he and Tavi were navigating their way through their relationship. But as soon as everything go thrown upside down, it reared its ugly head, worse than before. He remembered the moment it came back; mere seconds after he pushed Tavi out of the apartment, laughing, ridiculing. He panicked, heart racing, palms sweaty, nearing hyperventilation. 

And it only got worse. 

Time was against him. His own mind was against him. The weight of the world came crashing down on him in a matter of minutes. He’d curled up, wrapping his arms securely around his knees like a small child, trembling. He felt so  _ pathetic _ . He was twenty-seven years old for God’s sake.  What was  _ wrong _ with him? 

He was just so tired, so worn. 

And that’s when he noticed the ring. 

The engagement ring. 

Tavi never picked it up after it fell from his pocket-that’s when their argument began. He stared at it for two solid minutes, gathering up enough rage that fueled what was already pushed on the back burner. It altered the images in his mind; Jed didn’t see a ring, he saw Pretty Boy proposing to Tavi, pulling him into an embrace, kissing him soundly. He saw them having a happy life together while he was left out in the cold. He saw them growing old together while he only grew bitter. He also saw Pretty Boy laying a hand on Tavi, hurting him for the smallest infractions, breaking down his spirit more than he already has. 

He took another shot. 

No, Tavi didn’t deserve that and he’d argue that point until he died. But he sure as heck wasn’t going to get his boots dirty to help, not after he tore down his own walls and allowed himself to get close to someone who would later stab him in the back like everyone else did. 

Like Jake did. 

Like Jake always did before he was taken to jail. 

He took another shot. 

The effects of the alcohol were beginning to take some toll. Being that he wasn’t required to be at work the next day, it left him free to drink as much as he pleased. He’d already warned Amelia in advance that he wasn’t in the mood to be lectured or nothin. She respected that, sorta, kinda. She was still worried about him but agreed for his sake to leave him alone. She’d previously visited, for a short time. Luckily it hadn’t been during the time in which he binge drank or she would have found him incapacitated on the couch or the floor. He’d given her the rundown, how Tavi abandoned him for the pretty rich boy and now he had no one. He’d sobbed until his throat was raw and hoarse, gripping her jacket and ignoring her useless attempts at reassuring him that everything would be alright. 

Alright? 

_ Alright _ ? 

As if anything at this point was alright, as if anything could ever be alright. He’d just lost the love of his life and she had the freakin audacity to say that everything was going to be ‘alright’? 

_ Oh, poor you! I’m sure Tavi and Lance would looove to see this, wouldn’t they? Watch you cry like a little baby while they’re sipping wine and laughing at your sorry excuse for a life.  _

Jed flinched, hard. His shot glass dropped from his hands, crashing to the floor and instantly shattering. The alcohol formed a puddle that centered near the leg of the stool.  Jed’s eyes brimmed with tears, perhaps at the loss of his crutch he’d been using on and off for years or maybe it was the symbolization.

He’d been broken.

Multiple times.

But it only took one time for him to completely  _ shatter _ .

A single tear trickled down his cheek until the silent weeping became full blown sobbing. He’d been so strong at one time in his life, so full of potential.

It was then after that his life went spiraling out of control.

He didn’t take another shot this time. 

In a fit of anger, he used his arm to push the remaining shot glasses off the table so they, too, could suffer the same fate as their predecessor. He watched intently, fascinated as the glass broke and made a bigger puddle. Somewhere, Taffy let out a screech, reminding him of her presence. He should probably clean that up before she drank it, he figured even amidst the looseness in his mind. 

_ Can you imagine if Tavi invited you to the wedding? How painful it would be to watch your ex marry that guy? To watch them kiss like you two used to-  _

The rage was back; surging through his veins like he was on fire. He let out a scream like a deranged animal, slamming his hand down on the counter repeatedly.  

He couldn’t imagine. He didn’t  _ want _ to imagine. The very thought of Tavi giving himself to Pretty Boy in front of everybody, wearing that smile Jed had thought was only for him, it was too painful to bear. 

From there, his mind went haywire, imagining the first night as a married couple; stroking, caressing their body, kissing roughly. They’d probably had sex loads of times before but this, that would be their first night of love making as a married couple- it meant something! Lord knows it would matter to Tavi. He adored romance and this would be no exception. 

A banging on his wall brought him out of him thoughts, making him vaguely aware that a neighbor was in protest of his erratic behavior. The aggressive attitude he experienced when drunk wanted to fight whoever was on the other side of the wall but, just as he had to refresh his memory on occasion, jail was the last place he wanted to be. Jail was no place for psychological drunk who had a low grip on reality. 

Jed sat back down, clenching his throbbing hand to his chest. He was darn good and lucky nothing had been broken, just bruised by his lack of care. The normal pink tinge of his hand was slowly being replaced by the black, purplish color. 

Shortly after Tavi left the apartment a month ago, the depression kicked in. He’d been prone to it, kinda, not only because of the circumstances surrounding Jake but because it also ran in the family on his Dad’s side. None of his siblings or either of his parents seemed to have inherited it except him. He kept it a secret during his youth, his parents had too much to worry about already, they didn’t need a little sadness affecting him on top of that pile. Though, he was sure they started to suspect after a while. He never sought professional help, hoping it would just go away. It wasn’t like he wanted to kill himself, he was just a little sad that sometimes meant he didn’t want to get out of bed. No big deal. Jake’s abuse took a huge toll on him, physically and mentally. It had gotten so bad that, at one point, he  _ did _ feel suicidal because unless he died, there was no way he could ever be set free. Jake would have never let him walk away- not if he wasn’t in a casket. But remarkably, he didn’t. He didn’t harm himself despite the inner voice of his urging him to do so.  

But that was the difference between Jake and Tavi; Jake had been brutal towards him, homicidal technically. His heart had been broken multiple times by that man. Tavi, well, he never did any of that crap Jake did but the abrupt way he left destroyed any miniscule hope he had left inside of him. 

He supposed there was always the option of seeking help. Amelia suggested it in one of their other conversations but that was most definitely out of the question. He wasn’t a wacko that needed a freakin therapist to talk him through his problems. He knew what was wrong, he knew what he’d done wrong. He didn’t need a stranger to point that all out to him again. He had his own way of coping and didn’t give a crap if it was “unhealthy” or not. If it was one thing life had taught him it was that he didn’t need nobody but himself. 

And that’s how it was gonna stay. 

Jed didn’t take another shot. 

He chugged the rest of the bottle and moved on to the next. 


	35. Chapter 35

The next day, Octavius awoke to see his ring finger bare. It occurred to him that he’d left it in Jed’s apartment, never bothering to pick it back up after it fell out of his pocket. He worried about Lance’s reaction to the lost ring, whether he would become angry or not. To his credit, the Brit took it in stride, blaming it on his stupidity when the Italian lied and said it accidentally got flushed. Lance would simply order a new one, as money was no object. 

After that matter was settled, it was time to get down and focus on the grueling details of wedding planning. Having never been around this kind of thing or helped with one, Octavius didn’t know what to expect. Luckily, Lance knew what to do. In no time, the venue was booked and ready to go. Lance had chosen to do a ceremony in the middle of a beach in Hawaii. It was beautiful to imagine; being surrounded by crashing waves, palm trees, hot sand, chirping birds. Privately, Octavius would’ve preferred a more traditional, a church, rather. Nature and the pleasant scenery were nice, but just didn’t quite have the same effect. That was Lance, though.  He liked lavish, big attractions that brought him attention. And what better way than a trip to one of the most beautiful-not to mention  _ expensive _ -destinations in the world?

Everyone that Lance invited was expected to come and pay for everything on their own. Octavius thought it was a bit unfair as not everyone was as rich and well off as Lance was. Charlie didn’t have that kind of money, yet there would be consequences if he didn’t attend. And due to their short engagement, there wasn’t plenty of time to save up any kind of spending money in advance. If Octavius had enough bravery, he would’ve tried to plead with his fiance about extending the engagement to give people more time. But the Italian knew better, he knew if he said anything he was just risking things. So he stayed quiet.  

It would’ve been easy to become upset by the way things were turning out. The whole wedding party was pretty much based upon everyone  _ Lance _ knew, not a single person of relation to Octavius. His family was rather small, without his parents and the absence of an aunt, uncle or some other relative to call up and invite, he was all by himself. But even if he had, it would’ve been out of the question. Lance had taken over the guest list, primarily inviting his family and business partners, but there was some random attendees that Octavius didn’t recognize. Come to think of it, Lance had taken over, well,  _ everything _ . The venue was where he wanted it to be, the guests were of his choice and his choice only. The decorations and overall color theme were chosen by him. Octavius thought it was all rather bland and lacking something. It was a peach color, not quite dark but not light either. He was surprised that even Lance, whom had the pickiest tendencies, had found it suitable. For their clothing, they both were to wear the finest tuxedo’s made by one of the Lance’s favorite designers, of which he bought all his clothing from. Even their guest had a budget they must come close to when choosing their clothing. The tux’s weren’t the typical black that usually were seen at weddings, no, these were the palest shade of white Octavius had ever seen. And rather ugly. Although he supposed it was a practual choice, given that they were to be wed on a hot beach under the sun and their reception was outside as well, extending that time period. Black would absorb the heat, whereas white wouldn’t. 

Speaking of the reception, Lance had disregarded his suggestion (after a hostile lecture on where his place in this relationship was) for karaoke or a simple DJ. Instead, he decided to hire an orchestra, a brilliant one at that. The orchestra was to serenade them as they kissed and throughout the reception. It all sounded so elaborate, so put together. Octavius wasn’t so sure how he felt at having however many of Lance’s friends and family-and strangers-with their eyes on them. He felt nauseous, to be honest. Too much attention on him made him anxious. 

He’d just have to suck it up. Just suck it up until afterwards and then he’d have Lance as his forever. He’d finally get the happily-ever-after he always dreamed of. 

A time ago, he might’ve been a tad disappointed at the lack of control he was able to have over the situation but he’d matured since then, realized his mistakes and learned from them. Besides, this was his  _ wedding!  _ This was a time to celebrate, not act petty It was a miracle that this was happening in the first place, so he should be grateful. Who cares if nobody he really knew well (excluding Lance’s family) would be there or if it wasn’t at the place he’d wanted or even if the catering was food he wasn’t too fond of? He was about to marry the love of his life, and that was all that mattered.

**

It was the day of the cake testing, arguably the most favorable aspect of wedding planning. Lance had flown in a specialized baker from France, Mr. Jean-Luc  Brind'amour. He was as fancy and proper as his name implied. He was dressed in a modest suit for the occasion and had arranged an array of cake slices and dollops of frosting on little plastic plates all along the counter in the kitchen. The entire alignment was wonderfully done, very professional. Privately, Octavius was surprised he’d been allowed to participate. Then again,  this was something that couples did that sort of thing together, so this was probably just done for image sake. Still, it was exciting. He’d dreamed of doing this from when he was a little boy (well, at that time it had been   because he wanted to taste all the cake. Now, it meant something else).

They’d run into a problem, though. The goal of testing all of those delicious slices of cake was to narrow down a particular flavor and they  _ had _ to agree.  Mr. Brind'amour had told them upon arrival that he would refuse to move forward if they couldn’t agree. Octavius silently winced. He knew that set off Lance internally. Not only did he despised being told what to do but they both shared different ideas on just about anything, cake included. And it showed.

Mr. Brind'amour, Lance and Octavius were seated in the kitchen, right next to the delicious looking samples. With a pencil and notepad in hand, the baker asked them questions about their big day. 

“Have you an idea of how many guests you’ll be hosting?” 

“One hundred and seventy-five,” Lance responded to Octavius’ shock. When had their guest list gotten so high? Last time he’d heard, it was around fifty. Even then, the Italian thought that was a little high but kept shut about it. 

“Any allergies? Either of you? Your guests?” 

“None,” Lance told him. “We’re very healthy.” Octavius knew he hadn’t bothered to even ask anyone if they were allergic to anything or not. 

“Alright,” Mr. Brind'amour jotted this down before glancing back up. “Have either of you thought of a basic design for your cake? Any particular flavors you’re interested in?” 

“I like chocolate,” Octavius piped up, cowering slightly when Lance subtly glowered in his direction. Mr. Brind'amour wrote this down too and looked to the Brit for his answer. 

“Vanilla or strawberry is fine,” Lance said tersely. “But I’m not picky.” 

“I see,” Mr. Brind'amour looked like he knew this was going to be difficult already. “Well, gentlemen, eat when you’re ready. We can talk designs later once we’ve picked a flavor.” 

** 

Forty-five minutes later, they were still cake testing. Mr. Brind'amour and Lance were getting fed up, as Octavius noticed. Mr. Brind'amour’s mustache twitched in irritation, lips pursing. “Well?” he asked in his thick accent, gesturing to the cake Octavius was currently consuming. “Is it to your liking? Have you come up with a decision yet?”

Octavius swallowed the mouthful of the smooth, moist red velvet, followed by a hearty gulp of milk. “Oh yes,” he said, nodding in approval as he wiped away the excess milk that had gathered on his upper lip. “It’s very good.”

Mr. Brind'amour and Lance exhaled in a way that told Octavius they were annoyed. The frenchman stood to his feet, throwing his hands up in the air. “He is impossible!” he accused, pointing a finger in the Italian’s direction. “Must you be so indecisive? This is supposed to be easy, is it not?”

Well, he’d officially ticked off the baker. Ahk would probably be proud of him. Come to think of it, so would J-

No, no, he fondled with the napkin. He was  _ not _ going to think of him now. Just Ahk. Ahk was a safe thought.

“I’m very sorry,” Lance apologized profusely, sending him subtle glares that the frenchman didn’t notice. “I thought he would be much more cooperative than this.” Turning back to Octavius, he said, voice laced with that fake sweetness he used around other people, “Darling, you’ve said that about every cake we’ve tried.” There was that forced, polite smile, too. The one that meant he  was in for it when Mr. Brind'amour left.

But it wasn’t his fault they were all so good. For one thing, his diet was severely restricted and this cake was the first proper sugary food he’d been exposed to in a while. Secondly, he was downright famished, having not eaten since one and even then it was just a measly half sandwich.

Beyond that, they really were delectable. Cake wise, the chocolate was absolutely heavenly and his favorite. The vanilla was just as good. The strawberry was decent, if a little overpowering , he didn't  like strawberries all that much anyway. There was some other flavors he couldn’t remember the name of but they were very good as well. But the red velvet was a definite second behind the chocolate. He was well into a sugar coma by the time he was ready to taste the frostings.

 

“Perhaps you have more cakes for us to taste?” Lance inquired to the baker hopelessly. Their session was almost up and they were still at square one.

“No,” Mr. Brind'amour said with a scowl. “I gave you everything. You need to choose. Now. I has another appointment in twenty minutes.”

“Of course,” Lance said, cutting off Octavius mid-apology, glaring at him sideways. “It’ll only take a moment. Excuse us, please?” Mr. Brind'amour huffed, scooting his chair backwards noisily and walking out to the terrace for a quick breath of air. As soon as the doors slid shut, the Brit rounded on him.

 

“What is wrong with you? Must you embarrass me like that? What is the meaning of this, acting so uncooperative? Does it amuse you, to waste our time, to waste Mr. Brind'amour’s time by acting like a child? Answer me!”

He was whisper-yelling, as to not alert Mr. Brind'amour to their little spat, and shaking his shoulders, gripping them tight enough for it to hurt.

“W-what?” the Italian stuttered. “Of course not! I s-swear!”

“Then why haven’t you picked something you brainless dolt?”

“I-I-” Octavius squirmed under the intensity of the Brit’s glower. “I wasn’t aware I was allowed to choose. I assumed you would do that for me.”

Lance rolled his eyes, massaging his temples in that way he typically did because Octavius irritated him to the point of a headache. “Are you not grown and able to think for yourself?” he retorted. Octavius looked down, ashamed. “Honestly. Besides, Jean-Luc would never allow me to just choose, anyway. So just pick something so we can send him on his way and I can get back to more important things.”

“Okay,” Octavius’s voice was tiny, as it usually reduced to when he was scolded.  “Errr, perhaps chocolate? Chocolate with chocolate frosting? Or a chocolate cake with cream cheese icing? How about that? Is that alright?”

By the curl of Lance’s lip and the irritation in his eyes, Octavius supposed not.  “No, NO. Absolutely not. I hate chocolate, don’t you remember?” Octavius stared, flustered. “Of course not. You don’t pay attention enough. Perhaps if I was Jed, you would remember, hmm?” He pushed past Octavius to let Mr.  Brind'amour back inside.

Octavius felt like time was standing still as his brain tried to comprehend the most recent conversation. “Have you decided?” Mr. Brind'amour asked, taking a seat and reopening his notepad while gripping a pencil firmly in his hand.

“Yes,” Lance lied, wearing his most charming smile. “We’ll have the largest cake size you offer, vanilla with fondant and we’d like it to be like a spiral staircase with a cake topper that looks just like us. We’d also like an edible bow to wrap around it if possible.” 

Mr. Brind'amour hummed as he jotted all this down. “This will cost you a pretty penny, no? Are you sure you want all this?” 

Lance feigned carefree, soft laughter. “I assure you, Mr. Brind'amour, that money is no object. I want this to be the best wedding for Octavius and I. Whatever he wants, he gets.” 

“Lucky man,” Mr. Brind'amour spared a glance at Octavius, oblivious to the frown on his lips. “Well, I suppose I’d better get going. I have my other appointment to get to. It was a pleasure doing business with you, Mister Camelot.” There was a hint of weariness to his tone as he shook Lance’s hand firmly. A hint that Octavius took as a sign that he was thankful this would be their only interaction, because Mr. Brind'amour only baked the cakes and came out for meetings to prepare but didn’t typically associate any more than that.

“As to you, Mr. Brind'amour,” Lance replied. He then put on a carefully constructed expression he wore whenever he was abou to apologize. “I’m also terribly sorry for Octavius’ indecisiveness and for wasting your time.”

“I’m a very busy man,” Mr. Brind'amour added with narrowed eyes at the Italian.

“Yes you are,” Lance agreed. “Again, I formally apologize for the both of us.”

“Mmm,” Mr. Brind'amour was unimpressed. “I shall have your cake ready very soon. I’ll have one of my employees give you a call.”

“Thank you,” Lance told him. “I appreciate your generosity and your time.”

Mr. Brind'amour  nodded, eyeing Octavius. “Is he going to be alright?” he gestured to where the Italian stood in a daze.

Lance laughed nervously. “Yes, of course. I think he’s just excited for the big day. He’s dreamed about this for years so imagine his face when I finally pop the question!”

The baker quirked an eyebrow. “I see. Good day, gentlemen.” He turned and left, shutting the door behind him. Lance immediately pulled out his cell phone, dialing up a number that he didn’t know until he started speaking.

“Send a gift basket courtesy of me to Jean-Luc Brind'amour. No, I don’t care where it’s from! Just make sure it has wine and cheese.”

He ended the call, exhaling through his flared nose like an animal. Octavius kept his eyes on the ground. He knew he screwed up but he didn’t mean to. Lance had given him a lengthy lecture before Mr. Brind'amour had arrived, instructing him that this process needed to go quickly and that he wasn’t to speak unless he was spoken to. It was understandable, Lance wasn’t as enthusiastic about the wedding planning as he was and just wanted to get it over with. If it hadn’t been for being unable to purchase plane tickets for an earlier flight, Octavius was sure they would’ve bumped up the wedding date sooner. Personally, he was grateful for the slight wait. Previously, he believed engagements should include a wait of a year minimum, as to not rush things. He recognized Lance’s need for urgency in the situation. He was just afraid of losing him. Octavius didn’t bother asking if that was at all true, the Brit would just deny it but that was okay. He’d just have to show him that everything was okay and he wasn’t in danger of him leaving him for Je....for someone else.

“What do you mean you don't like chocolate?” Octavius blurted out. He didn’t, he knew he didn’t. It wasn’t his favorite, as he preferred other flavors such as strawberry, but he didn’t downright hate it. He ate it sometimes. And to insinuate that Octavius didn’t pay attention to him because he wasn’t Jed! That was like a metaphorical stab to his already aching heart! He’d already been silently suffering because of his decision in regards to Jed, he didn’t need any more grief on top of that.  “You’ve never said that to me.” 

Lance’s lip curled. “I have. You never listened.” He sounded as if his patience was wearing thin, but, as usual, Octavius never knew when to stop. 

“No. I would’ve known if you’d said it, but you never-” 

WHAM! 

Octavius laid on the floor, clenching his face as the raw pain appeared, making it feel as though his face was on fire. Lance hovered above him, glaring. 

“Look at what you made me do! You know I hate doing this to you, Octavius, but you haven’t given me much choice lately.” 

Octavius whimpered. 

“And you completely embarrassed me in front of Jean-Luc! And questioning my judgement! How dare you. It’s time you remember your place in this relationship.” 

Octavius’ heart skipped a beat and not in a good way. 

“I-I-” 

“This is a stressful time for me and you’re not making it any easier. I have to do everything and you’re acting like a wild child,” Lance sighed aggravatedly. “Do you even know who Jean-Luc deals with?” 

It took Octavius a second to realize that he was asking him a question and expected a response. He shook his head. 

“Of course you don’t,” Lance said sarcastically. “I’ll enlighten you then: Jean-Luc’s clients are the rich and the famous. They’re the powerful people I interact with daily. If word gets out about our meeting this afternoon, I’ll be a laughing stock, ruined!” The dramatic flare was replaced with anger, anger that was directed at Octavius. “I suppose you want that, though. You want my career to be ruined.” 

How did they get there from just a question about whether he likes chocolate or not? 

“No, no,” Octavius hurriedly said. “I don’t want your career to be ruined. Of course not! I love you and I love what you do. Please don’t think that.” 

“You have a funny way of showing it.” 

Octavius flinched.

“Lance, I’m really sorry.”

The Brit ignored him.

“Please don’t be mad.  _ Please _ . I’ll make it up to you!”

This was a recurring theme. Where Lance deliberately ignored him until he was on the verge of tears or a panic attack. He’d hoped their recent engagement would change things, make it clear that Octavius was for him and only him. Perhaps marriage would.

“Enough of your whining and pleading,” Lance said firmly. “I have had enough of this nonsense. Now stay out of my way while I figure out the flower arrangement.”

“Could I help?” Octavius knew the Brit would have preferred to take care of everything but he felt a bit useless at doing nothing. “I know a lot about flowers. Mother taught me-”

“No,” Lance interjected irritably. “I’ve got this. Didn’t I say earlier to stay out of this? You’re not to intervene unless I specifically tell you too and I assure you that won’t happen.”

“Sorry,” Octavius said meekly. “I just thought you would appreciate the help, is all.”

“Not from you,” the Brit scoffed. “You know nothing about fine taste. What help could you offer me?”

“I-I’ve learned!”

“I doubt as much. You’ve never proven it any other time.”

“But-”

“Are you trying to anger me?” Lance glowered. “Are you trying to ruin this occasion?”

“No!” Octavius squeaked. “I-I-”

“Would you rather I cancel everything and take back our engagement?”

“NO!” Octavius was horrified. “No, please-”

“Then why don’t you listen when I tell you something? If you value us then you’ll listen,” Lance told him matter-of-factly. “I don’t like having to get firm with you, Octavius, but sometimes you need it. Stop acting like a child and grow up.”

“Okay,” the Italian whispered, ashamedly.

“Get out of my sight,” Lance covered his eyes with his hands, rubbing his face tiredly.

Octavius obeyed, heading straight for their bedroom. He waited until the door was shut, effectively creating a barrier that would stifle any noise he made. He fell on the bed, curling up in a fetal position with his face buried in the sheet. His chest ached and his breathing quickened. Why did he have to be so stupid!? WHy did he have to stick his nose where it didn’t belong? Lance requested one thing after proposing, that he let him handle the wedding plans. It really wasn’t asking much, yet he couldn’t even give him that.

He’d gotten so close to losing everything, to going back to square one. When would he learn? He didn’t have the right to demand anything, let alone that he do something that he was already told he couldn’t do. He’d keep this up and end up alone. Maybe he deserved it. It would definitely show who was in charge and who wasn’t.

He sighed.

Minutes passed.

He wished Ahk was coming to the wedding; at least he’d have someone there he recognized and loved. Asking Lance was out of the question, there’s no way he’d ever say yes. But...Ahk was his best friend, his best friend that he hadn’t seen in years. Why shouldn’t he be allowed to come? It was his wedding too. He ought to say something, to bring it up at an appropriate time. Maybe, if Lance was in a really good mood, like if he was drunk, maybe he’d say yes. He felt awful, awful for plotting like this. But this was his _wedding_! This was a time where he should be celebrating with the people he loved. Everyone on the guest was who Lance wanted to be there, who Lance loved. Not Octavius. He needed his own people.  The Italian rubbed at his eyes, hoping he’d just fall asleep to avoid annoying Lance further. He hadn’t meant to overstep any boundaries, he was just trying to help. And the cake, they _were_ all good. They asked for an honest opinion and he gave them one. He hadn’t accounted for them being upset with him for that. The downside of all this was that Lance’s negative opinion of him was spiraling down at each idiotic mistake he made. If he just kept quiet like he was routinely told to, there wouldn’t be any problems. 

The door swung open. Octavius shot up from the bed like a speeding bullet. Lance stood in the doorway, arms crossed. The Italian tried to make himself look the tiniest bit presentable, smoothing down his clothes that were inevitably wrinkled from laying on the bed. 

“ _ What _ are you doing?” Lance spat. 

“Just staying out of your way,” Octavius said quietly. “I thought I’d might take a nap.....is that okay?” 

“No,” Lance told him. “Go find something else to do. In fact, go mop. The floors are horrendously dirty.” 

“But I mopped yesterday,” Octavius frowned. “What's wrong with them? They should be fine.” 

The Brit raised his hand threateningly, and sure enough, Octavius bowed his head in submission. Lance dropped his arm, smugly. “Perhaps if you had done them correctly the first time I wouldn’t have you redo it. But you didn’t. Honestly, a blind maid could’ve done better.” 

“I’m sorry,” Octavius muttered, shame-faced. 

“You should be!” Lance exclaimed. “Now get moving. I want the halls to be spotless! Go on, GET!” 

Octavius obediently made his way to the broom closet where the cleaning supplies was held. He pulled out the mop, the bucket, the floor cleaner, some scrubbing pads and a few other things. When Lance meant to mop the floors, it was never actually just to mop the floors. He meant do everything else as well. The Italian sighed depressively, swishing the mop back and forth on the tile. Things would calm down once they were married. He was sure of it. 


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jed has dinner with George and Amelia but it doesn't go quite as planned

She didn’t have to drag him out like that. 

He could’ve stayed where he was, like he’d been doing, cooped up and wallowing in self pity. It was easier than facing reality. Besides, what other choice did he have? The days counting down until the two weeks were up slowly passed onto the next tauntingly. Partly, he was still in denial. That was another coping mechanism. If he stayed ignorant, if he just kept himself drunk enough to lose touch with everything, he’d forget what was going on and not remember a thing. Now he was paying for it. In just three days, Tavi would be marrying that sleazy jerk. It was a  bitter reality and really just so dang unfair. He still couldn’t fathom how the heck Tavi went from bein all lovey dovey with him to riding back to Pretty Boy as if it ain’t ever happen. It was freaking heartbreaking, and a clear sign he just wasn't meant to be with anybody. So he stopped going out unless it pertain to work entirely. He just stopped interacting with people period. If everyone was just in it to hurt him, well, then he’d just have to avoid everyone so he wouldn’t be hurt anymore. It seemed justified, any rational person would’ve done this, right? 

Unfortunately, Amelia did not have the same train of thought. 

She barged in, like usual, exclaiming about how unhealthy it was to keep himself inside  al time. She paused, however, when she noticed all the empty beer cans and vodka bottles laying around. She rounded up on him about that, too. At the time, he was too drunk to catch all her word and really listen to anything she had to say. Thankfully, instead of harping at him endlessly, she gave him time to sober up and to collect his head again. 

Then she harped at him endlessly. 

He’d heard it all before. He shouldn’t drink so much, it’s bad for him, addiction will kill him, it’s going to lead to depression (too late), yada yada yada. He  _ knew _ all of this. He knew all the risks. But he was an adult for Heaven's sake and he could have a darn drink if he wanted one. Course, buying more alcohol when he was beginning to get behind on his bills again wasn’t his smartest choice. That was just the collateral damage. 

So, completely disregarding the fact that he was dealing with a massive hangover, Amelia forced him to get dressed (as he had been sitting in the same pair of pajamas for a few days and they were starting to smell) after he took a long, warm shower. After that, they set out in the city where Jed was to accompany her and George for dinner, against his will, he should add. 

“This is nice,” Ames commented once they arrived, waiting just a second before the hostess showed them to their booth. It was a simple restaurant with a pretty basic menu that had a little bit of everything. 

“Yeah,” Jed agreed, eyeing the scenery and other patrons near them. They were seated more toward the back of the restaurant; each table and booth were a respectable distance from each other. Good. He really didn’t care to hear anyone’s conversations. Above them were ceiling fans with lights attached to them that gave off a yellowish glow. 

Their waitress, Emma, asked them for their drink orders and was soon off doing the same for a different table. It left the trio alone and a chance for chit chat, something Jed had successfully avoided in the walk to the restaurant. 

Jed put emphasis on reading the menu, trying to find something that sounded delicious but not too expensive either. Despite his numerous attempts at justifying why  _ he _ should pay for his own meal (even though he really couldn’t, not after what he’d spent on other ‘certain’ activities...), Amelia wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted it was her treat and he could order anything he wanted. Emma came back, ready to take their order. They ordered fairly quickly, afterwards settling into a short lived silence that quickly adapted into some kind of staring contest. Amelia’s he could handle but George...he just stared at him point blank without blinking. It was creepy. 

“Do ya have to do that?” Jed asked irritably. 

George broke away for a moment, grinning proudly. “I find that consistent eye contact rather intimidates someone, wouldn’t you say?” 

“I am  _ not  _ intimidated.” 

“But it made you uncomfortable, didn’t it?” 

“Oh shut  _ up _ .” 

“Boys, boys,” Amelia interrupted their banter. Jed was sour to note that she didn’t reprimand her boyfriend for trying to start an argument in the first place. “Jed, chill he’s just kidding around and George, try not to be so intimidating,” she instructed jokingly. 

Jed rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long,  _ long _ night out. 

Around ten to fifteen minutes later was when the food came out, freshly prepared and piping hot. He’d refrained from participating in the conversation since the little squabble earlier. His stomach growled with increased hunger as the aroma of his barbecue chicken and baked mac n’ cheese came up, hitting his nose with full force. He barely finished a bite before he heard George’s voice again. 

“So Jed.” Jed bit his tongue to stop himself from saying something he’d regret. George was a talker, he learned since of the first time they met back in December. He just kept talking and talking, taking no notice (or, maybe he just ignored it) that Jed wasn’t in the mood for any sort of conversation. And of course,  _ of course _ , Amelia didn’t stop him either. Traitor. “I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you doing? Must be heard after everything, huh?” 

He was midway to taking another bite when he suddenly dropped his fork.  _ What was he talking about?  _ He turned to his best friend for answers. “Did you tell him?” he asked, praying for the opposite. She wouldn’t, she’d promised. 

Amelia bit her lip. “Well....” 

_ Oh c’mon!  _

Jed felt completely betrayed. What happened to loyalty? She’d promised she wouldn’t say anything and went and did just that. All at once he wasn’t very hungry anymore. “You  _ told _ him?” he said, hurt. “You said ya wouldn’t.” 

Amelia had the decency to look guilty. ““Well I didn’t plan to,” she defended herself. “I dunno, he asked me and I figured since you and Tavi weren’t a thing anymore it didn’t matter, right? It was only to protect Tavi.  It’s not like he’s gonna say something, right, G?” she looked to her lover briefly then back at Jed. “And anyway, it wasn’t like I told him about Jake and all-” she slapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide at her mistake, face sheepish. “Oops. Sorry.” 

Jed’s insides curled with distaste. 

_ Yes, why don’t you talk about me? It’s very rude, Jedediah. _

Jed had fallen into a trancelike state, mouth agape just minutely and his eyes drew into focus ahead, on nothing in particular.

“Jed?” Amelia said worriedly.

He snapped out of it, shaking his head with a jerk. Amelia had a knowing look to her, she realized his odd behavior was related to mentioning Jake. George, however, was none the wiser. He just kept eating his pot pie, enjoying their company without knowing that Jed was trying to prevent himself from suffering from a breakdown.

Jed was aware that a few nosy busybodies had stopped eating to glance in his direction, probably expecting some kind of disturbance that would look great on their social media. Hey, look  at this lunatic, Jed thought to himself with a scoff. Quite honestly, he didn’t care for making a scene, he wasn’t a barbarian, after all. He cut up a decent size piece of chicken and shoved it into his mouth. Amelia and George shared a glance. “Anythin else ya told him, ya shouldn’t have?” Jed asked her with a slight attitude.

But George wanted to know more about Jake. “Who’s Jake?” he asked with interest. “An ex boyfriend?” 

“No one!” Jed’s headache was like a jackhammer in his head, made worse by George’s voice that seemed to hit all the wrong nerves tonight. “It’s none of your business.”

“Just drop it, G,” Amelia told him uneasily. “It’s not important.” 

“But-” 

“Drop it,” she said sternly. Jed didn’t think George was all that smart, book wise or street smart, but at least he knew when to back down, especially when Ames said to. “Well,” she was back to being cheerful, “since no one knows what to talk about, I’ll pick. G, how’s your new job going?” 

‘G’ furrowed his eyebrows, perplexed by her choice of conversation. “But I already told you about-off!” she’d elbowed him on the side, giving him a pointed look. 

“Thought ya worked for the museum on Dreary Lane?” Jed could pretend to care, only to be polite. 

“I still do. I work at the public library, giving tours for children who visit and talk to them about our history section,” George explained offhandedly. “It’s fascinating and a true pleasure to be an aid to our youth.” 

_ Boring.  _

“Some of the children have told me I look like George Custer the general,” he looked a little smug, adjusting his shirt like he was some important feller. 

“Mhm,” Jed was unimpressed. 

His enthusiasm for helping out children was commendable but the history part was something Jed couldn’t get into. He remembered during his teenage years he’d nearly failed history sophomore of high school. Hoo boy, did his mama have a fit. He could  _ still _ feel the licking she gave him. 

Thinking about his mama made his heart ache but it was better than the torturous feeling of despair that left him in tears from his mind wandering to thoughts about Tavi. It was darn near impossible not to think about that man. And that’s part of the reason why Jed had grown to hate him. Jake, he could forget, stuff him on the back burner until someone, or something, reminded him. But Tavi....he was  _ always _ on the forefront of his mind. It just wasn’t fair... 

He stuffed in another bite of his food, which had grown lukewarm since bring brought out. He could imagine what Tavi was doing at this very moment; preparing for what he assumed would be the happiest day of his life. 

_ It should be our wedding _ . 

God, he was so messed up. Marriage was a touchy, tricky issue. He’d expressed it before that he was definitely not ready for all the hubbub that came along with it. Realistically, he wasn’t sure if he was even marriage material. He wanted to be, for Tavi. He wanted to better himself for Tavi and be the man he deserved. Only, now all that time he’d used to better himself was a waste. Tavi had Pretty Boy. Underneath the abuse was someone that was at Tavi’s level. Why would he ever settle for less than he deserved. 

_ Does he deserve to be beaten? Or belittled?  _

Jed felt disgusted with himself. He’d gone through it, suffered at the hands of a man with no mercy yet had the delusional idea that they were meant to be together. There he was, justifying the abuse just to make himself feel better. What Tavi deserved was a real man, but, he reckoned, he just wasn’t that man. Seeing as Tavi had thrown their relationship aside as soon as it became an inconvenience, as soon as he started getting what he wanted. He didn’t want to be angry with him, he didn’t want to feel betrayed, but he just couldn’t help it. Tavi stirred up a lot of feelings, some of which had turned into hatred. 

“Jed,” Amelia poked his arm, bringing him back to the real world. “You okay? G and I were going to get some air. You wanna stay here or-” 

“Yeah,” Jed cut her off. “That’s fine. I’m good, Ames.” 

“Okay,” Amelia didn’t look to convinced. “If you’re sure. C’mon, G,” she slid out of the booth with George in tow. The blonde watched them leave through the restaurant's front door. When they were out of sight, he sighed, taking a drink of his soda. 

They must have been an unusual sight, a black sheep in the midst of all the happy, lovey dovey couples that were seated in their area. Maybe it was the time of day-nearing nine o'clock. He couldn’t imagine it to be the location. 

Across the way, a man got down on his knees. Jed saw his girlfriend’s face light up and the other restaurant goers paused in what they were doing to watch. The man gave a little speech on how they’d met, when he realized he loved her and how much she meant to him. Some of the women in the room awed. Jed was nauseated. Then, inevitably, he popped the question, showing her the ring. She said yes, tearfully,  and everyone applauded-everyone except Jed. 

Was this fate or something trying to show him a sign? Of all the times...why now? Why when everything had gone down the drain? Jed chugged the rest of his beverage, ice included. The pounding in his head had yet to cease, but the heightened senses hadn’t, so all the extra noises he was hearing were making his system twitch. 

“See, I told you he’d still be here,” Amelia said matter-of-factly as she and George came back. She let him go in first before sitting back down with a plop. “So, anything interesting happen while we were gone?” 

Jed shrugged. “Just a proposal.” 

Amelia nodded. “Nice.” 

“I guess.” 

Jed wanted nothing more then for the conversation to be dropped but  _ of course _ that didn’t happen. 

“You know,” Amelia’s face had that mischievous smile, “proposals always get free desserts,” she hinted with a sneaky smirk on her lips. 

“Do they?” George asked. 

“Yeah. Whaddya say we fake one? I hear the chocolate cake is amazing.” 

“No.” Amelia and George looked in his direction. “Just don’t.” 

“Jed-” 

“No. C’mon Ames. Don’t play like that. Marriage is supposed to mean somethin. Not for ya to play around with like a game!” 

Amelia grew quite flustered, an occurrence that rarely happened. “Jed, we were only kidding around. I wouldn’t do that.” 

“You’re always kiddin around! When ya gonna realize not everything is a joke?” Jed’s voice grew steadily more angry. He’d meant to throw his original remark as a side comment, but after that first one, he just kept on going. Kept on ranting. 

“And besides, ya told me ya wasn’t ever gettin married, yet a few dates with this fella and you’re already jokin bout it. What gives?” 

She shrugged, eyes scrunching up with something he’d hardly ever seen expressed by her- _ embarrassment _ . “I don’t know,” she glanced at her beau sideways. “Don’t worry about it, Jed. We just started dating. It isn’t like we’re going to run off and delope.” 

“Well we could, actually,” George told her. “The courthouse won’t care how long we’ve been together. Actually we could’ve done it the day we met-ow!” he whined, rubbing the spot on his arm where she’d pinched. 

“Not helping!” she hissed. Turning back to Jed, she said, “C’mon, Jed. What’s the real problem here? You never cared if I joked around before.” 

“That was different.” 

“Different how?”

“I-I...I dunno it just was!” He didn’t like how her face suddenly reflected sympathy. “Ames, don’t ya think you’re movin a little fast if he changed your mind about marriage already? Ya told me time and time again ya weren’t ready to settle down and a few dates with this guy and you’re already changing your mind?” he was incredulous. He didn’t know why he was focusing more on that point than any of the rest, maybe because it bothered him, because, in all honesty, it really, really did. 

George--Jed resisted the urge to groan--decided to put his two cents worth in the conversation. “I think I know what’s going on,” he said in that still smug, pompous voice of his.   

Amelia and Jed both raised their eyebrows. “You do?” they questioned in disbelief. 

“I do,” he affirmed. “Amelia, I think Jed has the hots for you!” 

Amelia rubbed her temples with her fingers. 

Jed rolled his eyes, wondering how someone could really be dumber than a box of nails. 

“G,” Amelia looked at her lover for a second, shook her head with a roll of her eyes and continued. “I really don’t think that’s it.” 

“You don’t?” he was disappointed. 

“No,” she said flatly. 

“Dang it,” George moped. 

Amelia looked torn between wanting to laugh or slap him upside the head, Jed was rooting for the latter. She took a deep breath. “Okay, yes G, as stupid as he is, changed my mind. I was a bit freaked out too. But seriously, Jed, don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t make that big of a decision without talking to you about it first.” 

That should’ve consoled him, at least a little. But it didn’t.All he heard was that she would eventually get to a point where she felt comfortable getting married and would do so. Getting married meant changing, it meant changing her last name, her living situation. It meant leaving Jed and that was something he wasn’t ready for. 

He would never be ready for that. 

“So you’d do it?” he choked out. “You’d marry him?” 

The tension around the booth was undeniably thick. Jed normally wasn’t one to attack Ames like this (okay, maybe that was a bit of a stretch. He did get a little testy with her, but nothing like this). He just-he just couldn’t _help_ it. Once he started he couldn’t stop. He’d cornered her and had to get the answers. George, as expected, was entirely clueless. He glanced from Jed to his girlfriend with those eyes of his wide as saucers. 

“Well? Ya gonna answer me or what?” 

He’d never seen her so flustered, so caught off guard. Worst of all, her apparent frustration was aimed at him and it almost never was. 

“Do we have to talk about this here?” she asked quietly. 

“You’re darn right we do!” 

“Alright, alright,” she seemed to be aware of just how many heads were turned toward them, just like the proposal, Jed realized but shrugged it off as unimportant. “But honestly, Jed. You’re not making a lick of sense. Why do you care so much if I want to get married to G  _ someday _ ,” she emphasized, pointedly looking at both George and him. 

“Because-because-” 

_ Because you’re pathetic? Because you’re desperate? Because you’ve finally realized that you have no one?  _

Jed began to sweat. The words just about refused to roll off his tongue. He had the attention of just about everyone in the area, waiting for an answer. 

He’d told himself this was going to be a decent evening. This was supposed to be a way to get things off his mind. But he did what he always did, he ruined it. Like he ruined everything. Like he ruined his relationship with Tavi. 

“Because if you do you’ll leave me and I’ll be all alone!” Jed burst out, taking off in the direction of the exit. 

“Aha! I told you he had the hots for you, ‘Melia!” 

Amelia glared, reaching out to smack the blonde upside his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done! Did you notice that I added some "bigger" words to Jed's vocabulary? Heh. courtesy of Tavi. 
> 
> Annnnnd I know people probably don't sober up that quick in my unspecified time but hey, it's fiction!
> 
> Next up is Tavi and Pretty Boy! Stay tuned!


	37. Chapter 37

Octavius hummed lowly, a smile gracing his lips bright enough to light up the whole city of New York.  _ Married!  _ He was getting married, for real, as the kids said these days. He’d known for countless days now that the day was coming, he’d even been counting the days off on the calendar. To think, that the day was approaching so quickly he would be a married man the day after tomorrow. It was unthinkable, yet undeniably joyful that it filled his stomach with the very butterflies he’d felt when he met Lance. 

The Italian held up a shirt, pressing it against his chest in a hug as a dreamy sigh escaped his lips. He probably looked like a cheesy scene out of a romance movie but he didn’t care one bit. This was the happiest he’s ever been and his happiness would only continue to grow once everything was official. In a matter of hours he was going to be Mr. Octavius Camelot. It was a title he’d longed for since their meet as teenagers and it was finally becoming a reality. It was perfect, so perfect. 

They were still having the ceremony in Hawaii. Lance had hired some people to set everything up so all they had to do was fly out there tomorrow in Lance’s private jet (that Octavius didn’t know existed until just recently). Today was a packing day. He found a few suitcases and duffle bags in one of the closets. Lance only liked to use a luggage piece so many times before he deemed it unsanitary and purchased a new one. He rolled one of them to the room and began packing the necessities. Lance had decided Hawaii was also where they would be staying for their honeymoon, which suited the Italian just fine. He didn’t particularly care where they stayed as long as he was with Lance. It allowed his imagination to wander, dreaming up wistful scenarios: rubbing a thick layer of sunscreen on Lance’s back, fingers grazing the soft skin.....watching a sunset together just outside their room, cuddling close...feeding each other fruit..... 

Octavius shook his head as if to rid his mind of those thoughts. He was getting ahead of himself. There were still a few last minute decisions to be made, a couple nerves to be soothed. Lance, dearest Lance, he was unnaturally frazzled by the hassle of wedding planning. The Italian admired him for taking on such a huge task basically by himself. The Brit wanted everything to be picture-perfect, and why not? Lance had hired some of the best photographers (because one simply wasn’t enough) to capture the best highlights. 

The sunlight gleamed through the windows, landing on the crisp white suit hanging on a hanger on the door handle to their bedroom door. Lance had fretted so much about placement, and location and appearance that he barely gave thought to how they were going to get their suits to Hawaii without any wrinkles. Octavius thought the obvious solution was to just wear the suits on the jet so they wouldn’t have to change. Lance did not agree, insisting that he (Octavius) was the last person that could be capable of withstanding a near nine hour flight in a suit without causing some type of damage to it. Octavius knew he was right, after all. He usually was. In the end, Lance just hired someone else to fly their clothing over to the hotel in which they were staying at. That person was to pick up the suits at approximately midnight and take it from there.  

He opened the door a little, enough for some air to seep through. It had become slightly stuffy. His cheeks no doubt were reddened. Down the hall, the distinct sound of typing could be heard. Lance was working again. Still. Octavius wished he would’ve taken off until after they were to come back from their honeymoon. Sigh. But he knew that was one of the disadvantages of marrying someone in that field of work. 

Lance had expressed no interest in having a bachelor party, which meant neither was Octavius. Personally,  while not a party animal, he would’ve gone along with it for, again as with the church, the sake of tradition.  It was a loss, not particularly tragic in its own right but still another aspect of the wedding process he’d miss out on. It might’ve been nice, having some people over, doing some kind of activity together. Then again what sort of party would it be if the only real friend he had couldn’t be there to celebrate with him? He supposed no party was for the best. 

A puff of air flew out from his mouth, he pushed down on the suitcase with all his might, perhaps as if he was giving CPR to someone. Alright, so he’d overpacked....a little. But in his defense, he hadn’t been anywhere since he moved to America. Octavius pulled at the zipper, groaning out loud when it stubbornly refused to go past the middle of the lining. He backtracked, figuring that would solve the issue. It didn’t. In fact, it only made it worse; it wouldn’t even come up to the halfway mark now. Frustrated, he just gave up. Lance had more he could use anyway. Although taking the contents out and repacking would be a bit of a pain. 

He went back to the closet, this time grabbing the same black suitcase Lance had used on his trip to Hong Kong. He knew this one worked. So he brought it back to the room, setting it on the bed, adjacent to the other one. He opened it up; this one would definitely be big enough. There were multiple pockets in addition to the already large space. One of the pockets was underneath right in the center-that could be a good place to store some of his more flat items. He lifted it up, instantly frowning in puzzlement. Inside was a photograph of some sorts in a plastic cover. It was flipped over so he couldn’t see what it was of. Seconds passed, he didn’t touch it. He really ought to leave it for Lance to see, as it was  _ his  _ suitcase. 

He licked his lips. 

It was just a photograph, though. What harm could it do to just have a peek? 

“Octavius!” 

The Italian flinched, heart picking up the pace at the unexpected noise. He looked around wildly, half wondering if Lance had installed some hidden camera to watch his every move. 

Well, it wouldn’t have been fair fetched. 

“OCTAVIUS!” 

His eyes lingered on the cover. Perhaps if he flipped it over quickly he could- 

“OCTAVIUS! I’M NOT ASKING AGAIN! COME HERE AT ONCE!” 

“I-I’m coming,” he called back meekly. This was not worth a lecture or worse. He scurried down the hallway to Lance’s office, cautiously knocking on the door before he heard Lance’s gruff voice allowing him entrance. It only took one time of him acting like an entitled brat, assuming he could just walk in just because he’d been summoned. Lance made sure to teach him respect. 

“You wanted me?” 

Amid the horribly cluttered desk, stacked with mounds of papers that seemed to circle him was Lance, who was still typing away on the computer.  _ Click, click, click.  _ Octavius was about to ask him again, thinking he hadn’t heard him, but that’s when Lance spoke up. 

“Have you finished the list yet?” 

Everyday Octavius was in charge of completing the list of chores Lance set up for him to do and everyday he was asked the same question, whether he had finished the list or not. 

The Italian shrunk back a little. “Erm, not yet.” 

Lance paused in his typing, making eye contact with him and as far as Octavius could tell, he wasn’t happy. “And why not?” he spat. 

“W-well I was packing,” Octavius explained, stuttering at first. “I was having trouble with the first one so I got another one and-” “Am I supposed to care about your luggage troubles?” Lance rolled his eyes, inhaling sharply. “Besides, why did you leave the packing for last? You know how much I hate procrastination, Octavius.” 

He hadn’t meant to. It’s just that, with the cleaning lady and the other help gone and the duties of the house dropping on to him, he just hadn’t the time. There was laundry, and that had to be done in certain ways, there was the overall cleaning, there was the dusting, the vacuuming, etc. 

No wonder Lance didn’t want him assisting in any of the wedding planning, he realized. If he was a mess for just this, he would’ve been a wreck with the other additional responsibilities. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized lamely. “I didn’t think it was going to take me long.” 

“Aha! You didn’t ‘think’. You never think,” Lance exclaimed. Octavius was shame-faced.  “You know, I won’t be so tolerable of this behavior once we’re married. It’ll be time for you to step up and act like an adult.” 

“Yes, I know,” Octavius whispered. “I understand.” 

“Good. Now go do your chores and get out of my sight. I have worked to finish.” 

He turned on his heel, only to halt, turning back around to face his fiancé.”Lance?” 

The Brit seemed to be trying to restrain himself from unleashing his temper on him.  _ This wouldn’t happen if you hadn’t disturbed him _ . “What it is?” he asked in a calm tone that was forced. 

“T-there’s still a hundred and seventy-five guests coming, right?” 

If Lance looked annoyed before, he was right ticked off now. 

“Yes. Why do you trouble yourself with knowing?” 

Octavius took a deep breath. He’d been secretly rehearsing how to ask this for hours now. Here goes nothing. “Well, I, erm, I was wondering,” he kept stumbling on his words. One of my flaws he had. 

“Get on with it! I haven’t got all day!” 

“I was wondering if we could invite Ahk!” he blurted out, noticing right away how rigid Lance became. “If it’s alright...” 

“Absolutely not!” Lance snapped, slamming his hand on the desh. “I’ll not have that fool make an embarrassment of me at  _ my  _ wedding. Definitely not! Why would you even dare to ask me such a thing?” Lance’s nose was flaring again. 

“I-I just thought that...since he’s my best friend he should be there,” Octavius couldn’t believe he’d referenced it as his wedding, not their wedding, his. As if it was all about him. “And it’s my wedding too, Lance. Shouldn’t I have some say in something as well?” 

Was it the afternoon tea that was making him brave? Or perhaps pent up frustrations? EIther way, it felt...good to get it off his chest. 

Unfortunately, before his brain could not only process what he’d said but that wa including the rapid way Lance sprung from the chair and was at his throat instantly, shaking him like a rag doll. “How dare you,” the Brit spat in his face. “How dare you  speak to me that way! Have you no respect? After everything I’ve done for you, you're not the least bit grateful!” 

“I-” 

“Out!” Lance shoved him, sending him to the floor in a heap, glasses skewed. He bent down, staring into his eyes. “Go finish your chores like a good boy and perhaps I’ll allow you to eat dinner later.” 

Octavius stared back with tearful eyes. 

“I don’t want to hear another word about Ahkmenrah Malek ever again, do you hear me!” Lance had grabbed his ear and was pinching it, wagging it. “DO YOU HEAR ME!” 

“YES!” Octavius cried back. “I hear you, I promise! I won’t say another word!” 

“Good,” Lance stood up, giving him a dirty look like he was the scum of the earth. “This discussion is over. No more. Now get your work done.” 

Octavius winced at the searing pain radiating from his ear. From one of the hallway mirrors, he could see that his ear was blood red and it felt warm to the touch. Well, that’s what he got for bothering him. He was lucky that’s  _ all _ he did. 

Now that they were typically the only two people in the penthouse, it was easier for Lance to leave a bruise on him without the worry of it being seen. The Italian knew he only did that to teach him a lesson and that he fully deserved it. One day he would learn not to question things Lance does. 

He knew he should’ve gotten started on that list, not doing so was just instigating. But, in the back of his mind, something told him that it was just easier to pack the rest of his things  _ then  _ to go on ahead and do the list. Besides, it would only take a moment. 

The sun was setting and that lovely, bright sunshine filled the room. Octavius always kept the curtains open for that reason. He was a sucker for sunsets  _ and _ sunrises but he didn’t get to see those anymore so he settled. 

He rolled up some of his beach attire, if, Lance allowed, that they’d be going to the beach or the pool. It was always effortlessly to just roll clothes when packing instead of just folding. It left much more room. 

His eyes found that pocket again with the plastic cover photograph still inside. He’d been going to explain it to Lance but he interrupted and went on to talk about something else. He really ought to...he should just go and- Octavius glanced behind him and, when realizing the coast was clear, he pulled it out. 

He’d been expecting a normal photograph, perhaps of nature or something related to his business trip. Anything different than what he saw. And, technically, it  _ was  _ related to his business trip, just not in the way he thought. There were multiple photos and, upon taking one glance, he wished he’d never touched them. 

There were photographs of Lance and some other man Octavius didn’t recognize. 

Photographs of them  _ naked _ . 

Photographs of them naked and in very intimate positions. 

In one, they were both glowing from the thick coat of sweat on their bodies. The other man had his hands on Lance’s chest and giving him a one of those sexy looks of seduction. In another, they--Octavius swallowed back the bile that rose up into his throat--were engaged in a very graphic ordeal of oral, with Lance sucking on the other man’s, erm, manhood. He dropped the pictures as if they had electrocuted him. He just couldn’t stand another look at them. 

Lance wasn’t a very affectionate person. Affection meant vulnerability; it meant letting his guard down. He was always strict about that. That’s why he preferred to refer to Octavius by his given name instead of a nickname and why he stopped touching him like he’d done as a teenager. 

But there, right on the photo paper, was the proof. He could be affectionate when he  _ wanted _ to be. 

Without him. 

With someone else. 

Octavius had to sit down, and he did, with a plop. He stared ahead, eyes glued on the wall, emotionless. 

He’d had his suspicions, Ahk had his suspicions. They were certainly sure of it when Charlie had said everyone but Lance had come back from the trip to Hong Kong. The reality came crashing down, though he hoped deep down it wasn’t the case. He didn’t have hardcore evidence to prove anything, just heresy. 

Well, he had his proof now. 

And boy was it explicit. 

Explicit and dirty. 

Did people actually do that? Was that a thing? Where someone was hired to take such....graphic pictures? 

His throat tightened. He wasn’t sure what hurt more: the fact that such an incident occured in the first place or that Lance had taken these atrocities with him to presumably look at again and again and again. 

Either way, a deep feeling of betrayal resonated within him, stabbing at him until he felt  _ actual _ pain. A wave of nausea came over him, furthered by the persistent thoughts  _ what if _ . It was a routine cycle, overthink until he became physically sick. 

It was pathetic. 

He squeezed his eyes shut. Perhaps if he closed his eyes and opened them again everything would go away. 

He tried. 

It didn’t work. 

He couldn’t even cry, despite how choked up he was about it. He. Just. Couldn’t. 

He didn’t even know what to do. 

Did he confront Lance about the photos? Did he leave it alone and pretend everything was all dandy when it wasn’t? He was clueless on how to act, if to act. 

On one hand, he didn’t want to disturb anything. The wedding was hours away and he couldn’t risk sabotaging anything. Not at the danger of Lance breaking off the engagement and leaving him for the mystery man in the photos. 

He could just pretend it never happened, pretend that he didn’t come across the photos, when he shouldn’t have been near the suitcase in the first place, and everything would be fine. Lance wouldn’t know and that was for the better. 

It sounded halfway decent for the circumstances, but deep down inside of him, was a feeling that didn’t match. He didn’t feel the same way. In fact, one might even say he was angry. 

And maybe he was. 

Lance had cheated on him, and for what? Some fling he would most likely never see again. It wasn’t  _ fair _ . Those pictures, the extravagant detail, the satisfaction on his face-it was all too much. Octavius couldn’t remember a time where he had given Lance as pleasure as that mystery man had. Believing that he had been cheated on, without the evidence, was a much less bitter truth than staring at the proof as he was doing now. 

....How did that even happen? How did Lance just go ahead and cheat on him so deliberately without once thinking of his feelings, how he’d feel once he found out? He could he propose the way he did when, in the back of his mind, he knew he had cheated on him who knows how many times? 

_ Whoa, whoa! You’re getting ahead of yourself, Octavius. Lance loves you. He’s always loved you.  _

But, if he had, shouldn’t that meant he wouldn’t have cheated on him? 

_ That’s irrelevant. He loves you. It’s you, it’s always been you _ . 

Octavius took one last glance at the photos and rose to his feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you guys noticed some of Jed's and Tavi's word choices are slipping into each others vocabularies? I'm trying to do it subtly. Also this chap occurs within the same day as last chapter and so will next chapter. The next one in Tavi's POV will occur the day before the wedding, just an fyi


	38. Chapter 38

The interrogation from Amelia led to inevitable panicking that was a shock to his nerves; darn her for being so persistent. He mentally berated himself for wigging at out at an innocent remark. She was a jokester at heart and besides, a fake proposal didn’t mean anything. True to her previous word, this-whatever she had going with George-wasn’t anything too serious. Yeah they were dating but it wasn’t like they were soulmates or something. He could’ve just laughed it off or said nothing at all. Instead, he single handedly ruined her attempt at getting him out of the house to socialize and have a good time. 

Sigh. He didn’t deserve her. 

After fleeing from the restaurant, Jed took off, wandering into an empty park. He was unfamiliar with this portion of the city, though only just. He took a split second to glance up. The night’s sky was vividly clear with plenty of brightly shining stars that would’ve been more visible had they not been in the middle of the city, that is. All in all, it was quite the beautiful night. If he was not deep in his sorrow, Jed might have taken the time to appreciate the scenery. But he couldn’t, not when a hundred million thoughts were running through his head. The most prominent one, perhaps, was the (irrational?) fear that he’d screwed up their friendship. 

Jed had slowed down from running to a slow walk, but even this proved to be too much. Just as he was about to drop dead, a park bench came into sight. He plopped down, leaning his head back and taking in gulps of air to compensate for the unplanned exercise. He slid down a tad, stretching out his sore, lanky legs,  relaxing enough for his body to register that he was absolutely exhausted from the ordeal; mentally and physically. He could’ve gone to sleep right then and there. It might be more comfortable than his bed-he wouldn’t have Taffy trying to hog it like she usually does. 

Another sigh. A part of him was grateful that he wasn’t so easily spooked. The park was completely deserted, except for the animals that roamed around and the random noises that came from living in the city. Jed had grown accustomed to those random noises, so they didn’t bother him. Every once and a while he’d glance in the direction he’d come from, anticipating Amelia coming after him, predictably to lecture him for running off and actin stupid. He was surprised-dismayed to find nothing of the sort. She was nowhere to be found. He supposed she’d stayed to finish her meal with George. 

Admittedly, as much as he wished to be alone and unbothered, he couldn’t help but feel an ounce of rejection. Why hadn’t they come after him? Sure, George was clueless and he didn’t really know him all that well, but Ames knew him. She could’ve came after him...unless, she didn’t care. That was a possibility too. A possibility that was like a stab in the heart. It was one thing to lose a boyfriend, but to lose a best friend, his only friend, that was absolutely heartbreaking.

_ That’s why she hasn’t come running after you _ .

_ She hates you. _

_ Everyone does. _

_ She only pretended to be your friend because she felt sorry for you. _

Jed didn’t have any inner strength left in him to refute Jake’s voice. What was the point? The more he pushed, the more it pushed back, nipping at his insecurities until they came crashing on top of him, drowning him. The blonde buried his face in the cold metal, his breathing shaky and his eyes welled up with fresh tears. He couldn’t, he didn’t  _ want  _ to believe that it was true; that Amelia had been pretending all this time and that she didn’t really care as much as she rejected.

She would’ve gave up pretending a long time ago if it was true, wouldn’t she? 

But than again, he should have known better than to snap like that. She’s always been so nice to him and this is how he repaid her; what a dummy he was. She probably won’t want anything to do with him anyway, no after tonight. She’d probably ghost him too. Going through it with Tavi was rough but if he had to deal with it with her too...he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. If he had nobody, what was the point? What was the point of anything?

_ Suicide is the coward’s way out, Jedediah. Don’t tell me you’re thinking about it. _

He hadn’t.

Not really.

Until now.

He’d probably fail. It wasn’t like he could do anything else right, let alone trying to kill himself. 

Jed let out a pitiful whimper. He didn’t know why he tried anymore. 

_ “There _ he is!” Amelia’s worried voice reached his ears. He cracked his eyes open to see her and George rushing over to him. Amelia’s face was pinched with worry and she pulled him into a hug as soon as she was close enough. “Don’t ever run off like that again! I was so worried about you!” 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized sincerely. He hadn’t wanted any of that. He was just...overwhelmed and needed to get away. Of course, in the process he completely disregarded anyone else’s feelings besides his own. 

SHe pulled away, holding him at arm's length, eyeing him suspiciously. “Yeah,” she said slowly, “well don’t do it again.” For good measure, she slapped him lightly upside the head. He barely held in his flinch. 

“I won’t,” he reassured her. Behind her, George was observing them with that creepy stare again. The Texas native cleared his throat-he wished he hadn’t, that only got him to start talking again. 

“Jed,” George had practically pushed his girlfriend out of the way so as he could face Jed, laying a hand on his shoulder, facial expression serious (and pretty goofy looking). “Now I just want you to know that I’m absolutely okay with you liking Amelia.” 

Amelia face palmed. 

“I don’t-” 

“I don’t have a problem with gay people, or bi people for that matter.” 

“But I’m not-” 

“Amelia said you were avoiding us and now I understand,” George nodded. “You were nervous because you weren’t sure how I’d take that.” 

Using every muscle in his body to refrain from rolling his eyes or being sarcastic with the guy, Jed simply said flatly, “Yeah.” 

George hit him not so lightly on the shoulder, barking out a laugh. “Don’t worry, man! I think we can both agree she’s a pretty fine thing, ain’t she?” 

Amelia had her head in her hands, Jed couldn’t blame her. He had a feeling that her earlier conclusion of George being a “bit” of  dimwit was greatly underestimated. 

“Yeah,” he repeated dully. 

Don’t get him wrong, she was pretty but not the kind of his type pretty. Looking at her, he noticed she didn’t seem offended by his response. She was more irritated by her boyfriend’s behavior. 

“Anyway,” she was massaging her temples. “That’s not what’s important here. I need to ask you something, Jed, and I need you to be honest.” George opened his mouth and, quick as lightning, Amelia interjected, “And _ not  _ about whether he likes me or not.” Her boyfriend immediately shut up. 

Thank God. 

Jed avoided her eyes. He knew where this was going. “Oh yeah? 

“Yeah,” Amelia sat down next to him. “I’m really worried about you. I know Tavi leaving you and getting married is affecting you more than you’re letting on.” Jed wanted to protest but ultimately knew better. “And it’s  _ okay _ , Jed. Really.  _ But _ -” He should’ve known that was coming. “You’ve got to have different coping methods, dude. Face it, yours aren’t working.” 

“Says you,” Jed grumbled. Unfortunately she heard him and got right angry. 

“Says me? I had to pull you away from your place. You’re getting drunk every day and won’t stop. What, do you want to end up dead or homeless or something? Because that’s the road you’re heading down. I get it you loved him but c’mon, Jed, don’t throw your life away for one person!” 

Jed had about enough of this. Throw his life away? He’d already done that with Jake and anyway, he wasn’t throwing his life away for Tavi. He was just tired, tired of everything. Feeling fed up, he tried to stand up and walk away but she caught hold of his wrist. “Let me go,” his command would’ve been more intimidating had it not shook. 

“Jed,” she wa pleading, “please don’t leave. Just talk to us, I-” they glanced at George who had pulled out a tiny mirror and was checking out his hair, self consciously touching it. Amelia let out an exasperated sigh. “Talk to me,” she corrected herself. “Talk to me so I can help you. You’ve never reacted that way before so what gives? I was just joking, you know that right? I never meant anything by it.” 

“How do I know that?” Jed really hated himself right now, with how much his voice was cracking. “How do I know you won’t just up and leave me to marry that idiot?” 

“Jed,” she said softly, “I would never,  _ ever _ make a decision that big without you and you think I’d leave you for him? Please. I care for G deeply but he’d drive me crazy if it was just the two of us.” 

A tiny smile grew on his face. 

“You mean it?” he asked in a small, pathetic voice. 

Amelia appeared to be relieved that he seemed to believe her, somewhat. “Yeah. Of course. You’re my best friend, Jed.” 

“Still?” 

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Whaddya mean still, Ace?” 

“I thought you would stop being my friend over what happened tonight...” 

“What?” she was ready to lynch him for that comment. “You’re crazy if you think I’d give up on you so easily, Jedi. You may  _ wish _ I would but I won’t.” 

A wave of relief washed over him. He’d really thought it was all over. “Ya mean that, Ames?” he repeated his earlier question. 

“Of course you dummy,” she grinned but that vasnihed, replacing it was a frown. “Now that we got that out of the way...I know that’s not all of it.” 

He stiffened up. 

“It is. I’m fine now,” he put on a very unconvincing smile, gesturing to it awkwardly. “See?” 

“Mhm,” she definitely didn’t believe him. “Right, and I suppose your eyes are red from rubbing them? They were itchy, hmm?” 

Okay, so he might’ve used that excuse before. 

“No,” he admitted. “I, er, I was crying.” 

Amelia nodded encouragingly. 

“I just..I dunno. This whole thing with Tavi is killin me. I hate him, Ames. I hate Pretty Boy Lance and his richy rich penthouse and the way he makes Tavi happy.” The tears were back but they remained unshed. “It should be me!” he let out what sounded like a poorly concealed sob. “It should be me making him happy and kissing him like we used to! It should be me bein able to make him smile. He shouldn’t have to worry bout gettin hit or not bein good enough for him!” Amelia wordlessly brought him into her arms, rubbing up and down his back as he sobbed his heart out into her shoulder. “It should be me marrying him! It ain’t fair, Ames! IT’S NOT FAIR!” 

“I know,” Amelia didn’t help much. “I know, Jed. It sucks.” 

Sucks didn’t even remotely describe what he was feeling at the moment. The pain, the heartache that had long settled in was deafening. Like a pillow that was constantly trying to smother him. It just hurt  _ so _ bad. He lost the urge to be around people, not that it was very strong to begin with. He supposed that he probably wasn’t handling his grief very well, not by typical standards anyway. What did he expect? He was screwed up. So screwed up. He didn’t know how to deal with things anymore. He hoped that if he just pushed his feelings on the back burner, ignore them and focus on anything but what he was feeling, it would all just go away. But it never did. 

The quote that “Time heals all Wounds” was a load of cow manure. The only thing that time ever did for him was make things worse. Nothing was ever easy after Jake, arguably, it could be said that it was ten times worse after Tavi. Nothing was the same, everything, the normal, ordinary everyday activities became increasingly difficult. Grooming himself and making sure he ate enough took several months to become accustomed to doing it on his own after Jake went away. He’d been so used to being ordered around that being the boss of himself and doing what  _ he _ wanted to do seemed foreign. Jed took every precaution he could to avoid another downfall like that. He kept himself basically invisible and absolutely  _ refused _ to get back in the dating scene. He’d made up his mind and no one was going to pressure him otherwise. 

But then Tavi came into the picture with his perfecty perfectness. 

His desertion destroyed Jed. He felt like the basic functions that he had to build himself up for were gone and he had to do it all over again. Eating was a nuisance, especially after all the crying he did. He just didn’t have the strength or energy to eat and gradually he lost a few pounds. He just couldn’t, not when he felt sickened by the sight. Cookies were the worst. Jed got rid of any cookies in his apartment and the ingredients to make them. It was like a haunted memory from their last, peaceful night together.  But most of all, breathing hurt him. Suicide hadn’t crossed his mind; in fact, nothing was really on his mind except for his broken, shattered heart and the memories that he wanted so desperately to forget. 

Jed took in a shuddering deep breath. “I want him back, Ames,” he whimpered, lips trembling and all. “Why won’t he come back?” 

Amelia played with a single piece of hair on the back of his head, one that was a bit longer than the rest (it was a self haircut gone wrong). “I don’t know, Jed. Sometimes things happen and it really sucks. I wish I could fix everything for you but I can’t. Jed, look at me,” she forced him to lift his head up, looking into her eyes. His were bright red, puffy and teary. “You  _ will _ get over him someday. It might take a while or even forever, I don’t know but things will get better.” 

Jed said nothing, just sniffled. 

“And we’re going to be with you every step of the way, right G?” They both looked in the direction of George, but he was preoccupied with a stray cat that had wandered over by his legs. Truthfully, it was a comical sight. George had formed a fighting stance and tried to act intimidating but the cat simply stared right back at him with an obvious attitude. 

_ Just like Taffy _ . 

“ _ Right G?”  _ Amelia repeated with a glare of her own. 

George, momentarily forgetting the feline, looked over and said, “Hmm? Oh, yes. Of course.” Though Jed was certain he had no idea what he’d just agreed to. 

“Anyway,” Amelia let out a snicker but recomposed herself, “see, Jed? We’re here for you and everything’s going to be alright. Eventually you won’t even remember why you liked the guy.” 

But that’s just it; he couldn’t just forget about Tavi. Not after everything that happened, not after realizing how deeply in love with him he was. It was all unforgettable. But for the sake of preventing another argument and blow up, Jed shrugged. 

“You can’t dwell on it Jed.” 

“Never said I would,” he responded with slight attitude. Wasn’t he allowed a time of mourning or something? 

“I’m just saying,” she must’ve recognized his incoming mood. “Don’t let yourself get caught up in what could’ve been. You deserve better, someone that’s loyal and won’t leave at the drop of a hat.” 

Jed bristled at the accusation in her voice; he was still a little--how did he put this--defensive about his ex, probably more than he should have been. He just didn’t tolerate Tavi being bashed-which was reasonable, he thought. It wasn’t like he’d upped and gone just because he could; he-he really believed he loved Richy Rich Lance and that’s just how it had to be, despite how heartbroken he was. 

“I guess,” he mumbled just to appease her. Quite honestly, dating was out of the question indefinitely. He’d opened his heart up and look where it got him, crying on a park bench at night. Alone. He just needed to stay within the walls of his apartment (excluding for work of course). This had been a risk, a huge one. His subconscious had known he was going to get hurt, well, this time he’d listen. 

“I agree with Amelia,” George had gotten over the weird interaction with the cat and came by to socialize. Jed was going to slap him silly if he brought up Jed’s nonexistent feelings for Amelia again. “You don’t need a man to be happy but if you happen to find that right man someday....don’t fight it. I remember a quote by Nicholas Sparks: ‘The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.’” 

Jed looked away, biting his lower lip. That was, maybe, the most painful thing he had to hear. It was true, he’d been so broken by Jake at one point in his life that he’d given up all hope for finding that special person...but then he met Tavi and his heart had finally begun to put itself back together. 

Until it completely shattered. 

Amelia squinted at her boyfriend, her face full of puzzlement. “Since when do you read romance novels?” 

George looked sheepish. “Heh. I don’t. I read it on a bookmark.” 

That made more sense. 

“He’s right, Jedi,” Amelia told him. “Look how long it took you to admit that you liked Tavi, even after you kept denying it. Don’t make that mistake again. Just learn from your mistakes and move.” 

“Or,” George interjected, “we can plot to get him back!” 

“ _ What? _ ” Jed and Amelia both looked at him strangely. 

“What in tarnation are you on about?” Jed wearily wiped at his eyes, rubbing away the itchiness. 

“It’s simple,” George said as though it were obvious. “We must plan an attack to seek him back! We’ll dress up as wedding guests and Jed, you can sneak into the dressing room and-” 

“G,” Amelia interrupted him. “Great plan and all but one problem, we don’t even know where the wedding is.” 

George pouted. “I suppose that is rather important.” 

“Just a little,” Amelia said dryly. 

Jed couldn’t believe the were having the conversation in the first place  _ right in front of him _ . He tried to get a word in edgewise but that was virtually impossible with them two jabbering. 

“But if I happen to find out,  _ then  _ can we attack?” 

“No,” Jed groaned. “Look, it ain’t all dandy and easy as you’re makin it out to be. I can’t just go kidnap the fella.” 

“I mean, you  _ could _ .” 

“ _ Shut up, Ames! _ ” 

“It’s not hard,” she ignored the dirty look he was giving her. “He’s tiny, just scoop him up and run.” 

“This is exactly why your dates don’t last!” 

“My dates don’t last because they usually end up with me trying to decide if I should exit using a window or not,” she said matter-of-factly. “And men are idiots.” 

“Except me, right?” George smiled dazzlingly. 

She didn’t answer. 

“Anyway,” she said. 

His face fell in another pout. 

Jed shot her a glare for her previous remark. “Don’t encourage him, Ames.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” 

Jed ran a hand over his face, sighing as his stomach growled like a dying whale. He hadn’t ate a whole lot in the past few days and the little he ate at dinner wasn’t enough, apparently. “What time is it?” The very little strength he would need to glance at his phone was strength that he did not have at the moment. 

Amelia checked. “Almost nine. Why?” 

“No reason,” well actually, it would be well after nine once they got back to his place and it would be the perfect excuse for why he’d rather go to bed instead of hanging out and talking or whatever Ames would try to plan. “Just feelin a little tired, that’s all.” 

“Already?” Amelia frowned. “I thought we could all get some ice cream on the way back and maybe you could crash at my place for tonight? You know, so you don’t have to be alone.” 

“I have Taffy,” was his short reply. 

But for how long? Sure she kept trying to get his attention most days but there was only so much more rejection she could take before just ignoring him altogether. His throat became dry. God, even his cat wouldn’t want him anymore. How pathetic. 

“You need more than just your cat, Jed,” Amelia gave George a helpless look, probably hoping for some help. “Jed, come on! You can’t keep pushing everyone away. I know it hurts, I know you’re devastated and you probably just wish everyone would leave you alone but guess what? I’m not. I’m not giving up on you, no matter what.” 

Jed covered his face with his hands, pushing out irregular breaths of air. Good God was he becoming so emotional lately. He felt Amelia wrap her arms around him, allowing his head to fall on her shoulder. Her fingers gently wove through his hair as she murmured. 

“Shh, It’s gonna be okay, Jed. I promise.” 


	39. Chapter 39

It was hours later, mere minutes until the clock would reach midnight. Octavius awoke to pure darkness with a tremendous backache. Lance had become thoroughly crossed with him after mentioning Ahk and forgetting his place in the relationship. More chores had been added to the already lengthy list, including cleaning every floor in the penthouse with only a toothbrush. The backbreaking work had taken hours, causing him to miss dinner, Lance wouldn’t let him have a late snack (“Do you  _ really _ want to gain a few pounds right before the wedding?”) so he had to settle for going to bed on an empty stomach. 

He knew he ought to be getting up by now; Lance had strict instructions on how they were to proceed as the hours counted themselves down. Lance’s private jet was a few miles away and they would be leaving very soon to board. Only, Octavius didn’t want to get up from the bed. The support from the mattress was minimal but better than a stiff seat for nine hours. The Italian reached over beside him to softly caress Lance’s back, only for his hand to drop on the empty spot. He sighed out loud, disappointed in the slightest. Lance was presumably up and about, hastily getting things ready for their departure. Admittedly, he understood that his soon-to-be husband was a very busy man but it would’ve been nice to wake up one last time together before the wedding. But, he remembered with a tiny smile that appeared on his lips, there would be plenty of nights spent together for years to come. That was something he could look forward to for sure. 

_ If he doesn’t go running back to that stranger _ . 

The smile fell from his face and the pain that felt as though it was consuming him yesterday returned. They hadn’t worked anything out on that matter, in fact, they never actually got around to discussing it at all. Octavius danced around the subject, foolishly hoping for it to be brought up on its own so he didn’t have to. As expected, it didn’t, Lance remained unaware that the Italian had ever come across those promiscuous photos. It was a tug at Octavius’ heartstrings, a weight that wanted to crush him. He felt so hurt, so betrayed, so...so... 

_ Depressed? Distressed? Devastated? Don’t you think that’s how Lance felt when he found out about you and Jed?  _

Oh Jupiter. Yes, that was probably exactly how Lance felt, yet here he was complaining about the situation like a hypocrite, like he wasn’t getting married. If it had been anyone else, he was wholeheartedly sure they would’ve left long before he cheated; a definite no to a possible marriage. Lance overlooked that, he didn’t care that he’d made multiple mistakes. But he  _ still  _ wasn’t the least bit grateful. 

His bare feet hit the cold tile, sending him wincing. He grabbed the warm water bottle off the nightstand, bringing it to his lips for a quick sip for his throat was as dry as the Sahara desert. Distantly, he heard the doorbell ring softly. He stayed put for a moment, wondering if Lance was going to get it. When he didn’t hear any footsteps, he went ahead in the hallway and to the front door. 

“Hello-oh. Hi Tony,” he blinked. 

Tony was standing there in casual clothes, holding up a large basket in his arms. His face wore an awkward expression. Octavius felt the same vibe for the most part. They hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in a very long while. 

“Hello,” Tony coughed. “Uh, where do you want me to, uh, put this?” he gestured to the basket with his head. 

Octavius opened the door wider to allow his entry. “Just set it on the table, please.” He kept an eye out for Lance, nervously shifting around like a hyped up rabbit. 

Tony set it down, releasing his arms with relief. Despite having worked at the complex for years, he still had never been inside the penthouse before, especially after they formed their friendship. The bellhop glanced around, seemingly unimpressed. 

“So,” Tony rubbed the back of his neck. Octavius did the same, silently praying that whatever it was that Tony had to say he would just spit it out quickly. The last thing he needed was for Lance to find them talking like that. “I heard you’re getting married today, uh, congratulations.” 

“Thank you,” Octavius knew it wasn’t entirely sincere but he wasn’t going to dwell on that. 

“Can I ask where it’s at?” Tony was trying hard to make pleasant small talk so the least Octavius could do was indulge that. 

“Hawaii,” Octavius answered, self consciously trying to smooth the wrinkles in his pajamas. Tony’s clothes weren’t exactly five star either but nevertheless, he was to look presentable in any setting. 

“Fancy,” the bellhop remarked. 

“Yes,” Octavius nodded automatically. 

“Yeah...” 

The conversation died down until the two men were in a lengthy silence that consisted of them awkwardly glancing at everything but each other. It wasn’t until Tony broke the silence that got things going again. 

“Nice place,” he said lamely. 

“Hmm? Oh, thank you,” Octavius repeated, nodding once again. “Lance did all the decorating.” 

“I can see that,” Tony muttered. “So, uh, are you guys moving after the wedding or are you staying here?” 

Octavius wasn’t exactly sure. They’d never specifically talked about moving or whatnot so he just naturally assumed they’d be staying there at the complex. “We’re staying, I think.” 

“You think?” Tony raised an eyebrow. “Lancie didn’t tell you?” 

“Well, we’ve never talked about it.” 

“Isn’t that kinda important when you’re getting married? Why wouldn’t you guys talk about it? Mention it, at least?” Tony was frowning. 

“It just never came up,” Octavius felt himself becoming the tiniest bit defensive. 

Tony must have sensed that. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you, it’s just that typically stuff like that couples talk about that before the wedding. I was just wondering, sorry.” 

The Italian immediately dropped his defenses, adapting an embarrassed expression. “No, no. I should be apologizing. I’m sorry for coming at you like that. I should have known better.” 

Tony’s eyebrows came up to his hairline. 

Octavius inwardly winced. Not only did he screw up but Lance would surely be down any minute. They had to leave for their flight and Tony didn’t look like he wanted to leave any time soon. 

“So, is there anything else that you needed?” 

Tony gave him a look, he knew that look. It was a look that said he knew exactly what Octavius was trying to do: get him to leave. It wasn’t like he wanted to, really. It was nice to see his friend after being stuck in the penthouse since last year. But why did he have to do it  _ now _ ? Couldn’t he have waited until they’d gotten back? Having heard no answer, Octavius was about to show him the door when he suddenly heard the older man’s soft voice. 

“Why didn’t you invite me?” 

“Huh?” Octavius was startled. 

“Why didn’t you invite me to the wedding?” Tony was clearly upset. 

‘Well, err, I just-” 

“Look, I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit hurt that I didn’t hear about your wedding until now,” the older man spoke up seriously. “I just thought....since we hung out...you’d, ya know, invite me or something. I thought we were close; we  _ were _ close until Lance started controlling you.” 

“Lance doesn’t control me,” Octavius said quietly. “That’s absurd.” 

Tony scoffed. “No, what’s  _ absurd _ is that I can’t hangout with my own friend because his boyfriend can’t handle it. Don’t you ever wish you could do what you wanted, when you wanted? Don’t you ever get tired of being treated like dirt? I’ve seen how he acts towards you and I’ve gotta say, I can’t imagine any reason you might have for staying. I would’ve broken up with him a long time ago.” 

_ But you don’t know him like I do _ , Octavius wished to say. Tony was speaking purely from his own experiences and emotions. It would’ve done no good, though. He would have insisted upon how wrong their relationship was and compare it with his own. It would just end with upsetting him and this was his wedding day, he could not afford to be upset. 

“Are you even listening to me?” Tony asked him, exasperated. Octavius motioned for him quiet down and he did so, reluctantly. 

“You just don’t understand,” Octavius whispered. 

“Oh my  _ God _ . Octavius, how can you marry that guy? Honestly.” 

“I love him,” Octavius said simply. “I love him more than anything.” 

“Even more than that blonde guy?” 

His heart practically stopped and the blood drained from his face. “What blonde guy are you referring to?” he asked, purposefully playing dumb.

“Cut the crap, Octavius. I know you know who I’m talking about,” Tony crossed his arms, resembling Lance in a way but without the aggressiveness. “What’s his name, I don’t know it but he came in once, looking for you. He was a lil flustered too. What happened to him?” 

Octavius swallowed thickly. He remembered that day well. He remembered Jed coming after him, wanting  _ him _ , worrying about them and their future as friends.  _ But _ , that had also been the day everything changed between them, how both had secretly, perhaps more obvious than they’d originally thought, wished for things to be different. “I don’t know,” he blatantly lied. “I haven’t seen him since last year. I assume he lost interest in me.” 

Well, that was partly true. But Octavius couldn’t be sure if the last part was as well. Had Jed found himself enveloped in the arms of another man? Did they share intimate moments just like they had? Did they bake cookies together? Did they go on ice cream dates or roam around local bookstores? 

_ Get a grip, Octavius _ . 

All this thinking was making him more queasy than he already was. 

Tony stared at him skeptically. “You’re sure about that?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Octavius asked in mild panic. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Tony. Ever.” 

The bellhop clicked his tongue, appearing to be a mixture of amusement and curiosity. “I never implied that you did.” 

The Italian chewed on the inside of his cheek, eyes downward. “Err, right...” In his mind he decided that Tony needed to leave right away, after all, nothing, it seemed, needed to be said. So there wasn’t much of a reason to continue to stay, was there. “You should go,” he blurted out. 

“But-” 

“I’m sorry,” and he meant it too, “but Lance and I have to go. He’ll be irritated if we’re behind schedule.” 

“Of course he will.” 

“Please,” Octavius begged. “I’m deeply sorry you aren’t able to come. I promise one day Lance and I will come see you and your girlfriend soon.” 

Tony gave him the stink eye. “I don’t want Lance around, I want to meet up with you, have our weekly movie nights like we used to,” he said straightforwardly. 

Octavius felt immensely guilty. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing!” Tony’s face softened when Octavius flinched at the noise. “Look, Octavius, just answer this one question, okay? Are you happy?” 

.....Huh? Octavius was confused. He blinked slowly at his friend. “Happy? What do you mean? Of course I am. I’m getting married, Tony.” 

“I know that,” Tony glanced behind him, as if making sure Lance wasn’t around. “But when Lance was gone, you went out a lot more, stayed out longer. You were...much more happier, more happy than I’ve ever see you. Did it happen to be because of that blonde guy?” 

Octavius didn’t answer right away. He was much too confused within his own thoughts.  _ Even Tony noticed something was different. Was it really that obvious? Was I really happier without Lance than with him?  _

Tony waved a hand in front of his face. “Helloooo? Earth to Octavius? You there?” 

The Italian shook his head, pushing away his thoughts. “Sorry, sorry.” 

“Well?” Tony prompted. 

“Well...” Octavius hesitated. “Yes, and no.” 

This got the bellhop’s interest. “Really? Why’s that?” 

“Well, Lance makes me happy,” Octavius began. “He’s my first and only boyfriend. We’ve got so many memories together, but...I shouldn’t tell you,” he ultimately decided. “Lance would be angry at me for sharing.” 

“Lance isn’t here right now,” Tony reasoned. “He’s upstairs. He can’t hear us. Go on.” 

“You really want to know?” Octavius watched his friend nod eagerly. He inhaled before explaining. “It’s not a big deal,” he forewarned, “It was just one mistake. But yesterday while I was packing I found pictures in Lance’s suitcase from his trip.” 

“What kind of pictures?” Tony tilted his head. 

“Dirty pictures,” Octavius whispered. “He was with another man, Tony.” 

“Oh crap!” Tony slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. “He cheated on you.” 

Octavius nodded miserably. 

“Well, did you talk to him about it?’ 

“Well, no,” the Italian admitted. “Not yet.” 

“Why not?” 

“I just haven’t figured out how to bring it up, I suppose.” 

Tony frowned. “Octavius, you’re marrying this guy in a few hours. How can you just not bring it up? If my girl was cheating on me I sure as heck wouldn’t put it off. We’d be having a talk as soon as possible.” 

“But I’m not you,” Octavius told him, fearing he was stepping out of line for that remark. “Lance and I, we’re different. We’re not like most couples.” 

“You’re right, because most boyfriends aren’t jerks.” 

“He’s not a jerk,” Octavius told him, feeling shocked. “He’s actually a very loving and supportive boyfriend.” 

“Loving? Supportive? God, Octavius, when are you going to realize it’s time to move on?” 

“What?” The Italian whispered. 

“Move on, dude. Newsflash: Lance doesn’t care about you. He never has. He’s using you, for his image or whatever and you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You’re wasting energy trying to make this relationship perfect when it will never be perfect. You’ll never be treated like you deserve and you’ll always wonder what’s wrong with  _ you _ when it was never your fault. Okay? Normal boyfriends aren’t as controlling as he is and they shouldn’t make you worry about them being angry. Don’t you see a pattern here?” 

Pathetically, predictably, Octavius shed a tear. It fell down his face and hit the floor below. 

“You gotta do something, dude. You’re gonna spend the rest of your life pining for a guy that doesn’t love you, that’s cheated on you and I don’t want to see that happen,” Tony looked genuinely sympathetic. “Can you imagine how things will change in ten, twenty years? You might still be together but you’ll be miserable and treated like a servant than a husband.  Or,” he emphasized, “you’ll divorce and Lance will spread a rumor saying you cheated on him or something. You’ll be crying to yourself and you’ll have no one because Lance made you push everyone away. The blonde guy will have moved on already and you’ll be wondering about what might have been. Is that what you want, to be regretful for the rest of your life?” 

“I-ah, uh, well, no,” he stammered. 

Tony let the subject drop from then on, nodding curtly and walking past Octavius to the door. “Just think about it, alright?” With that, he closed the door, leaving the Italian all alone. 

** 

Tony’s words sunk in like a knife to the neck. It was painful, realizing that in some ways he was right. He really should talk to Lance about the cheating scandal. Perhaps it was just a misunderstanding. Most people wouldn’t cheat on their significant other while they were away, especially seeing that they’ve been in a relationship for so long. Most people had loyalty. Lance had loyalty. He just needed to straighten out this mess before everything got out of hand. 

** 

Octavius didn’t even knock, he just let himself in to the office. “Lance, we really need to talk.” He just needed to know one thing, and he hoped he wouldn’t be reduced to a bloody pulp after it was all said and done. 

Lance was on the phone, speaking sharply with both legs thrown over his desk, making him look like a lazy teenager on a break. His attention broke away from the phone call to give him a dirty look-a look, he’d come to recognize, was on that indicated his patience was wearing.

“Yes, yes. Later today, we’ll be on Maui-”

“Lance,” Octavius spoke again. “Please. We  _ need _ to talk.” Truthfully, the Italian felt some annoyance at seeing Lance just sitting there, as if they didn’t already have a long flight to deal with it. He’d harped on Octavius for procrastinating on packing, but he could do this with no issue?

The vein on the Brit’s neck was pulsing, his jaw was rigid, there was a glimmer of something in his eyes-perhaps surprise. Octavius himself was surprised at how far he’d gone already. His inner voice urged him to just give up and forget about it. However, another voice was urging him to do the opposite. He needed to confront him, to get answers.

“I know, I now. I don’t like it either but-” Lance’s voice trailed off at the sight of the photographs firmly clenched in the Italian’s hand. “I have to go.” He hung up almost immediately. Octavius faintly heard someone’s voice, a male voice, on the other end. He also noticed how quickly the Brit’s posture changed. He retracted his legs off the desk, stiff as a board.

“Where did you get those?”

Octavius held up the offending items. “You mean these? In your suitcase.”

“What were you doing snooping in my suitcase?” Lance’s nose flared.

For the first time in a long time, Octavius  _ glared  _ at his lover. It was miniscule, a small way of showing just how angry and upset he truly felt. “I wasn’t snooping. I needed something to pack my clothes in and yours seemed big enough. It was when I pulled open the pocket that I found these!” He slammed them on the desk, pupils dilated.

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ raise your voice to me!” Lance roared, jumping to his feet and towering over the Italian. “I’ve given you everything you’ve ever wanted and this is how you repay me?!”

A look of pure disbelief crossed his face. His jaw dropped and he could not decide if he should laugh or not. “Repay you!? First of all, YOU cheated on ME! You gave yourself away to some guy you don’t even know and I’m the bad guy?”

The faint smell of mint was blown on Octavius’ face, it was Lance, exhaling through his nose sharply. “Perhaps if my needs had been met adequately by you, I wouldn’t have needed them fulfilled elsewhere.” 

That was a low blow. While he wasn’t the most dashingly handsome, or very skilled when it came to foreplay, Octavius did his best to please Lance, though, it usually ended with the opposite effect. 

“How could I have?” he choked out. “You stopped touching me, you wouldn’t even kiss me after a while. I-I couldn’t figure out why.” 

The Brit’s face was nonplussed to his emotional venting. “You’re a prude, Octavius. You didn’t even want to have sex the first time we did it, because it was “too soon.”  You’re much too affectionate for my taste as well.” 

“Too affectionate?” Octavius repeated incredulously. “I’m hardly such. I like closeness, yes, but I’m sure I could be much worse if I so pleased.” He couldn’t believe Lance was complaining about something like  _ that _ . 

“Have you seen yourself?” Lance laughed humorlessly. He then did a horrible impression that was nowhere near the Italian’s voice range. “Kiss me, Lance. Hug me, Lance. I miss you, Lance. I can’t to marry you so we can have the happily ever after I’ve always wanted!” the façade dropped and the scowl was back on the Brit’s face. “You’re so clingy it’s a wonder I’ve managed to deal with you for so long. Anyone else wouldn’t have lasted.” 

Octavius flinched. He’d never had such a blow up with Lance before, not even when he came home early and caught him coming home from Jed’s; that wasn’t nearly as explosive as this was. “Well, perhaps I’m clingy because I know you’re easily swayed. I know that if you want it, you’ll find somebody better than me, somebody who makes you more happy than I do.” 

“That wouldn’t be a hard find.” 

Octavius stared at his long time lover, his eyes becoming misty. Did he really mean that? He couldn’t. He wouldn’t... 

“Oh stop the tears, Octavius! I don’t have time for that!” Then, he asked sardonically, “Are you aware that the incident in Hong Kong wasn’t my only time with another man?” 

Octavius’ brain failed him. He was absolutely stunned. “What?” 

“You heard me. I’ve cheated on you before,” he said it so easily, so casually, like he didn’t care. What kind of person did that?” 

“....Why? Would you do that Lance?” he whimpered. “Why?” 

“Haven’t you heard a single word I’ve said!? You aren’t pleasing to me anymore, Octavius. You weren’t willing to try new things. So I found another man that would.” 

He sounded as if he thought he did nothing wrong, which baffled Octavius. How could he have a mindset like that? Didn’t he understand right from wrong? All this arguing was giving him a headache. Ugh. 

“How could you?” Octavius found himself asking. “How could you do that and not care how I would feel?” 

Lance leaned forward, a snarl on his lips. “Perhaps that should give you a clue. I don’t care what you think.” 

“You should.” 

It was blurted out before he had the sense to stop it. Lance’s face turned from shock to anger in a matter of seconds. He reached out, shoving the Italian back. 

“Don’t touch me!” 

“Don’t you DARE tell me what to do!” Lance grabbed him by the front of his shirt, shaking from anger. With his right knee, he sung up, hitting Octavius in the stomach, with the shorter man letting out a huff of pain, eyes wide and mouth agape. “That will teach you not to back talk me, won’t it?’ he whispered, his breath on the Italian’s ear. Had the circumstances been different, Octavius would’ve considered it to be a romantic gesture. 

“Why do you do this?” It was a simple question, one that Octavius needed to know the answer to. “Why do you hurt me? What have I done to deserve this? I thought you loved me.” His voice was hollow, a reflection of how he felt on the inside. 

It was further damaging to see a  _ smirk _ , a smirk of amusement on the Brit’s lips. “You thought I loved you?” he asked mockingly. “Oh Octavius, you poor, misguided, naive soul.” He chuckled at the look of pure confusion on his face. “I never loved you at all.” 

It was like a blow to the heart. “What?” his voice cracked. 

“How could I? You’re insufferable.” 

“B-But you proposed,” he almost didn’t trust himself to speak, the words were coming out in a hasty panic. “People don’t propose to people they don’t love. Why-why would you do that?” 

“Image,” he said carelessly. “Father was expecting us to marry soon and the only way I could move up higher was to get a husband. I didn’t want  _ you _ but it was expected.” 

Octavius felt like he couldn’t breathe. Lance just admitted what Ahk had suspected all along and what he had originally been in denial of. “How could you do this to me?” 

“You’re really going to victimize yourself now, aren’t you?” 

“I don’t see why not seeing as you played me!” 

“Played you?” Lance let out a laugh. “Please. You were so desperate for a cheesy romance that you would’ve settled for anything.” 

The Italian’s lower lip trembled. He kept inhaling and exhaling, trying to keep the tears from falling. “Does anyone else know about this?” 

Lance’s eyes hardened. “No and you’re going to keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you. I’ll not have you ruin me for the sake of revenge. You and I are getting married just as we planned and you’ll stay home like a good husband instead of gallivanting around like a harlot. Do I make myself clear?” 

Silence. 

Lance grabbed his chin. “Again, do I make myself clear?” 

“Yes.” 

“Good,” he let go, satisfied. 

Octavius sniffled, tears welling at the thought of his fate he was being subjected to. 

_ Don’t cry Octavius. Don’t cry. It’s okay, it’ll all be okay _ . 

“Jed warned me about this,” he spoke very softly but unfortunately for him, Lance heard him clear as day. 

He was swiftly cut off, pushed back into a while with large hands circling around his throat, tightening their grip until a wave of lightheadedness began to take effect. He let out sputtering noises, eyes wide and beginning to gloss over as the lack of oxygen intensified. 

“You will not bring his name up again in this house, do you hear me?” Lance jerked him around, shaking vigorously, speaking in the coldest tone. “ _ Do you?”  _

With it being nearly impossible to speak properly, Octavius did his best to nod, to show the Brit that he had indeed heard him. “Good,” Lance breathed, not letting up just yet. “You want to please me, don’t you Octavius?” 

Another nod, another pleading gleam that was deliberately ignored. “Splendid,” the Brit chuckled humorlessly, sending chills down the Italian’s spine. “I expect better of you tonight. Do you not disappoint me, Octavius. You know how I hate being disappointed.” 

 The hands around his throat loosened until they were away entirely. Octavius rubbed at his neck, coughing. Lance leaned in closer to whisper, “Go get ready, Octavius. We’re leaving soon.” 

Octavius did so wordlessly. He went back to their bedroom, taking a glance around the room anxiously. When they came back, they were going to be married! Husband and husband. The Italian grabbed his suitcase, mentally running through his list to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. 

_ “Lance and I, we’re different. We’re not like most couples.”  _

_ “You’re right, because most boyfriends aren’t jerks.” _

Octavius shook his head. Tony’s words from earlier were resurfacing. Just what he needed. 

_ The blonde guy will have moved on already and you’ll be wondering about what might have been. Is that what you want, to be regretful for the rest of your life?”  _

No, that wasn’t what he wanted. Octavius walked out to the front of the penthouse, glancing back at the stairs that led up to Lance’s office. Loving Lance was something that had taken over his life, it revolved around it. He truly knew in his heart that Lance was and would always be his true love. 

Octavius wheeled the suitcase out the door, taking one last glance at the penthouse. 

And left his engagement ring on the table. 

Tony was right. He wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life being regretful or a punching bag. He was going to start over and move on.  **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, he finally left!! Wooohoo!
> 
> Lol @ at the fact that I previously said this would be completed before the 40th chapter. More like 45
> 
> EDIT: Some of Tony's speech to Octavius was inspired by the Nanny when Niles gives that speech to CC so all rights goes to them


	40. Chapter 40

Octavius stretched his arms over his head, engulfed by the morning sun that snuck in through the closed curtains. Sleepily, he let out a yawn, masked by a hand that covered his mouth. His mother always said it was in good manners to cover a yawn no matter where you were. Beside him, in the midst of a crowded night stand, the clock read that it was a few minutes after eight in the morning. His lips curved upwards into a tiny smile. It had been ages, too long to count, since he’d been able to properly rise at a more appropriate time before the afternoon. Now he would be able to accomplish much more. 

He slid out of the toasty blankets, exposing his body to the chilly air of the apartment. The air conditioning must have been turned on sometime between last night and this morning. He’d have to turn that off momentarily. After taking a quick trip to the bathroom to alleviate himself and run a brush through his unruly hair, now was a good time for an actual breakfast. As if on cue, his stomach growled obnoxiously, like a dying whale. Admittedly, he was still a bit cautious about snooping through the cabinets and eating food that wasn’t his, despite having been given the okay. He was reassured and told that it would probably be a long time before he was able to adjust completely. Octavius noticed a note on the kitchen table, plainly so it could easily be seen. 

_ Octavius,  _

_ Went downstairs to work. Today’s my morning shift. I should be done around five or so. Do whatever you want and we’ll watch a movie when I’m done.  _

_ Tony  _

It was a second before he was able to decipher the scribbly handwriting but he got the message. Today would be a good day to settle in the corner with a good book or maybe even clean. While he was certainly hospitable, Tony’s apartment was lacking on cleanliness. He could open the curtains, let the sunlight in and give the place a good scrub. Tony had already repeatedly said he didn’t mind what Octavius did while he was gone and quite honestly, the Italian felt eternally grateful to be there. 

_ Octavius’ heart was hammering in his chest, sweat was accumulating on his body and his throat was raw, deprived of any liquid. He’d just done the unthinkable, the unimaginable.  _

_ Lance was going to see, see it shimmering on the table and he was going to be furious. He wheeled the suitcase down the hallway at the speed of lightning, fully aware that he would probably wake someone up in the process with the thumping from his feet-oh, he wasn’t wearing shoes, why wasn’t he wearing shoes? He didn't even change his clothes! He was still wearing the same ones he’d slept in.  _

_ He glanced back over his shoulder hesitantly. Maybe he should go back? He really ought to change. Lance liked him being presentable- _

_ No! No, he shook his head. He couldn’t go back. If he did he’d just be sucked back in again. He could hear the tiny voices of both Tony and Jed encouraging him, Jed being the loudest. He could do this, he’d made it this far.  _

_ Swiftly, nervously, he pressed the button for the elevator, leaning against the back wall, swallowing back the nausea he felt. Was he really doing this? Was this even real? God, he was torn between feeling liberated and disgusted at what he was doing. He was standing up his fiance juist hours before their wedding. What kind of a person did that? It was going to crush him.  _

_ Good, Jed’s voice echoed.  _

_ The doors slid open, revealing the lobby, he inched his way out, observing those few people around him and feeling envious of how normal they were going about their morning. None of them appeared anxious or jumpy. They were just sleepy, perhaps one was drunk by the way she was petting that potted plant like a dog. His eyes darted to the door leading to the stairs. Lance typically used the elevator but if he was in a hurry and impatient, he’d take the stairs.  _

_ “You lost or somethin? Move outta the way!”  _

_ He snapped out of it, blinking. A man with his family peered at him as if he was dumb. “Sorry, sorry,” he murmured, hastily stepping aside. He heard them whispering about him but ultimately ignored it, for it wasn’t important right now. To avoid another encounter like that, he drifted off toward the side, exploring his options.  _

_ He couldn’t just go back to Jed’s apartment, as he highly doubted the blonde would take him back or even lend him shelter after all he had done to him. Why would he? Then again, the private jet wasn’t that far away. Maybe he should just board the plane and forget all about his worries. The wedding would cheer him up. But, a nagging voice in the back of his mind urged him to keep going. Life with Lance wouldn’t be as smooth sailing as he thought. Maybe Tony was right. Maybe Marcus had been right. He just needed to leave. But where would he go? _

_ He thought there was a homeless shelter he’d passed before but couldn’t be sure where it was and the temperature was nearing the negatives so it wasn’t wise to go out and about in a time like this. Think, think, think. Unfortunately he was running out of options that didn’t involve going back to his--ex?-- fiance or ex boyfriend.  _

_ He caught the sound of somebody whistling a tune. He knew that whistle. Whirling around, he saw Tony dropping off some letters to the front desk, turning on his heel with his hands shoved in his jeans and off he started to go in the opposite direction.  _

_ Tony! He could help him find a place to stay! “Tony!” he called, grabbing his suitcase to catch up with him.  _

_ The bellhop turned around at the sound of his voice, surprised. “Oh, hello. I thought you’d be gone by now?”  _

_ Between the seriousness of the situation and the short distance of jogging he just did, Octavius was out of breath. “I...I left him,” he said breathlessly.  _

_ “What?” Tony said in amazement. “You left him?” The Italian nodded. “Seriously? For real? For good?”  _

_ “For good,” Octavius confirmed shyly, holding up his ringless finger. “You were right and so were Marcus and Jed.”  _

_ Tony didn’t even ask who Marcus and Jed were. He was overly ecstatic by the pleasant changes and embraced him, patting him on the back. The Italian hugged back. He didn’t cry, though he was close. The emotional toll was wearing on him. But there was one thing for certain:  _

_ “I have to get out of here,” Octavius abruptly broke away, panicking. “Lance-he’ll, he’ll come down any second. I-I have to hide, hide now!” _

_ “Where are you going to go?” Tony was concerned. “You haven’t got any family, do you?”  _

_ “No,” Octavius fretted. “No, I haven’t.”  _

_ “Go to the blonde guy’s house. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”  _

_ He stared at the bellhop in horror. “I can’t do that!”  _

_ “Why not? Lance isn’t here to tell you what to do.”  _

_ “I-I just can’t,” Octavius groaned. “It’s just not a good time. But I’m afraid I’ll have to spend the night on a park bench. I have nowhere else to go.”  _

_ Tony frowned, shaking his head adamantly. “Come with me,” he said simply.  _

_ “To where?” Octavius asked dumbly.  _

_ “My apartment. You can stay with me,” Tony smiled. He started to take the suitcase from the Italian, not even waiting for a yes or anything.  _

_ Octavius pulled the luggage closer to him. “I can take it,” he insisted.  _

_ Amusedly, Tony chuckled. “Dude, it’s okay. It’s my job.” Reluctantly, Octavius gave it up, allowing him to take it. “C’mon, we’ll take the stairs.” Thank goodness he wasn’t terribly out of shape. The climb up to the apartment was a long one. They were the only ones using the staircase so between the thudding of their shoes and Octavius’ panting, it echoed in their ears.  _

_ His heart pounded with uneasiness. Hiding out in the same complex was dangerous, okay, maybe that was an exaggeration but it isn't recommended!   _

_ The complex had a mixture of penthouses on the higher level and nice looking apartments on the middle to lower level. Being that Tony was an employee, he was given the apartment as part of the job. Octavius had been there before, when they had their weekly Friday nights. It was technically kind of like Lance’s penthouse, looks wise, but way smaller. It was only when Tony opened the door that he remembered a crucial detail; it was a one bedroom apartment.  _

_ “Welcome back to La Casa Tony,” Tony grinned. “Make yourself at home and, heh, sorry for the mess. Haven’t really had any time to clean.”  _

_ Usually when people apologize for their home being messy there’s a sock or something minor on the floor and that’s it. But Tony’s was just...messy. There were clothes laying around and dvd cases and poker chips and more. He watched as Tony shoved a pile of clothes off the couch so he set the suitcase on it.  _

_ “It’s not a problem.” And it really wasn’t. It kind of reminded him of Jed’s, though not as messy.  _

_ Tony started on about the sleeping arrangements. “Only got one bed, as you know, so you’ll take the bed and I’ll take the couch.” _

_ “I can’t let you do that,” Octavius protested, feeling like he was taking advantage of him. “I’ll take the couch, really. I don’t mind. I’ve slept on the floor before so this will be softer-” he shut up when Tony’s eyebrows went up to his hairline at the part about sleeping on the floor.  _

_ “Lance made you sleep on the floor?” he questioned. He didn’t really look shocked or surprised as much as he looked hurt. Hurt. Hurt by what? Octavius was confused.  _

_ “Not all the time,” he quickly reassured. “Just sometimes when he felt I deserved to.”  _

_ “Such as?” Tony asked icily.  _

_ Octavius really didn’t want to discuss it anymore, but he knew better than to think Tony would let it go so easily. He also knew that by escaping Lance maybe he should learn to trust others but he just wasn’t ready. Not now. It was entirely too soon. What if Tony judged him for how he acted? What if he thought he deserved it all? By Jupiter, even he still assumed he was in deserving of some of it. Logically, he knew that was a rather irrational thought. Tony was the one who tried talking him out of marrying Lance. He wouldn’t just blame him for everything. Unfortunately, rationality didn’t belong with emotions.  _

_ “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”  _

_ His voice had softened, his face full of sympathy. Octavius glanced at him appreciatively. Perhaps someday. One day. Just not now.  _

_ “Thank you, Tony,” he said softly.  _

That was two weeks ago. He hadn’t ventured out of the apartment since arriving, fearing he would run into Lance. The Italian spent his days improving on his cooking skills (Tony was insistent that his cooking skills were superb but he wasn’t entirely convinced), watching television and reading. Tony didn’t have a big collection of books, being that he didn’t like to read. But he was more than willing to go out and buy some, even a spare pair of glasses since he’d left his other ones back in the penthouse. He felt terribly spoiled and undeserving of everything. The housing was more than enough. 

If he was honest, he was curious as to what Lance was up to since he stood him up just hours before their wedding. Tony had come in a few days after he moved in, snickering about Lance’s fury. Apparently, he was a very foul mood, and, unaware of his current whereabouts, was keeping to himself these days after being very vocal about having to cancel everything. He was a bit ashamed to admit to think that he deserved that. 

Octavius cracked an egg on the side of the pan, dropping it and hearing it sizzle. At the moment, he was unable to pay any sort of rent to compensate for him living there so, after going back and forth with Tony, the two decided on setting aside certain chores and responsibilities for each other to do. It was an organized system, one that helped him feel like he was contributing instead of being a freeloader. All in all, he wholeheartedly appreciated his friend’s generosity. It was unexpected, especially after he basically ignored Tony for so long because of Lance’s orders. He became reacquainted with Leann, Tony’s girlfriend. She never pried and was always respectful in terms of his situation. The first thing she did was pull him into a hug, immediately starting to fuss over him  and how skinny he was. Octavius was grateful for both of them. They kept him sane during those dark times where he would be deep in regret, reconsidering the decisions he’s made. 

Sighing, he flipped the egg on a plate along with some orange juice. It’s been so long since he’s had a real breakfast, not just some muffins or lunch. He remembered his mother would make breakfast, a big one with everything one could imagine. Tony didn’t like breakfast all that much, what did eat was unhealthy and the reason he had breakfast foods in the fridge was because of Octavius and Leann. 

He chewed on the egg, yearning for some noise in the quiet apartment. It was just  _ too quiet _ , or, maybe he was too jumpy. Either way, a radio would have suited or perhaps an open window had it not been winter; something to mask the protruding silence.

Something to mask how alone he felt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Jed's chapter is up next and im running out of ideas for that POV so this one might take a little longer


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello this took nearly a month to write but I decided the next couple chapters will just focus on Octavius and soon enough we'll get back to Jed. It's only because I really don't have any new material for him an I don't want to just keep repeating stuff, ya know?

The sizzle that was emitted from the frying pan disrupted the tranquility of the apartment, drowning out the soft music that came from the old radio on top of the bookcase. Had his hands not been caked in a thick coat of grease, he would’ve turned up the volume. It was vital, though, that he wipe down the pan with grease on a paper towel (and wipe his hands as well). It was how his mother had done it, and he intended on carrying out those traditions, even though he hated the feeling of his hands becoming dirty. 

With a swift glance over his shoulder, he eyed the clock, simultaneously wondering if Tony would be back in time for dinner or if he should wait. He was out downstairs, working a shift that he never intentional in the first place. Around six in the morning, they were woken up by the obnoxious ringtone Tony had chosen for his cell phone. He answered sleepily (that was after letting out a string of curses for his interrupted sleep), mumbling replies back to the person. Octavius came striding out of the bedroom, curiously peering as he watched his friend clumsily dress himself and munching on a banana (with his mouth quite full, he might add). It was supposed to have been a lazy day, well, more so for Tony. They’d been looking forward to his two days off so they could watch classical movies all day. Leann was even going to join them later after she got off of work. It was sad to say that wouldn't happen. Tony’s boss had called; he was needed to cover a shift because someone else hadn’t shown up. It was a huge let down. Octavius managed most days in dealing with the silence of an empty apartment with no one to talk to (despite Tony’s encouragement of using the phone that was hooked up to the wall). He just wanted to spend a little time with his friend, yet nothing ever went as planned. Although, he noted,  there was the promise of a three day weekend to compensate for the unexpected scheduling. Tony accepted, of course. 

The Italian leaned against the kitchen counter, distancing himself the stove for safety. Going back to the phone issue, he was still fairly unsure. Tony repeatedly said he didn’t care if Octavius used it or not, it was just hanging there for the most part. And, well, he understood that but nipping at the back of his mind was Lance, berating him for daring to think he was privileged enough to use something that wasn’t his. It was another habit he would have to break-doubt. It was a feeling he’d often struggled with even before Lance came into his life. He didn’t know why, perhaps it had to do with the low self esteem that had pledged him all his life or was it the lack of his friends he seemed to never be able to acquire? Ahk was his best friend for sure, but a little part of him wanted other friends as well; a nice big group to hangout with and share life experiences with. 

But, he supposed, there was no point in any of that now. He was itching near thirty within a couple of years with no real future ahead of him. If anything, he needed to get his life straightened out first before he even pondered on having any new friendships. Besides, at his age, did it really matter whether or not he had any friends? It wasn’t like he was completely, totally alone. He had Tony and Leann, too. Really, he should have been grateful for their companionship instead of whining. Perhaps  _ this _ was why Lance snapped at him so often. 

_ Splat!  _

Octavius hissed under his breath,  clenching his arm close to his chest. On his right arm, close to his wrist, was a spot that was bright red in color and it stung horribly. He figured sooner or later there would be a welt in its place. He breathed in and out through his teeth, groaning. He should have covered the pan with a lid instead of allowing it to be uncovered. The boiling hot grease was popping from every direction due to being set on the highest possible temperature, fogging up his glasses terribly.  _ Where did Tony keep the lids? _ He searched through the cabinets, careful not to mess anything up. As was the other rooms in the apartment, the kitchen wasn’t as organized as the Italian would have preferred it to be. The pots, pans and lids were all cluttered in one medium sized cabinet, squeezed in to make sure nothing would be left out. 

_ Finally _ . He grabbed the nearest one, hoping for a perfect fit. Luckily, it happened to be, but not before one last pop of grease hit him directly on the cheek. He gasped, his hand flying up to cup his cheek. He whimpered, inhaling sharply to push back the tears. 

He couldn’t remember his mother ever having this kind of trouble as she cooked. She always did her best to avoid accidents like this from happening. One would assume that from years of watching and observing his mother cook a multitude of fabulous meals, he would have gained some of her skills. That was not the case. 

“Honey, I’m home!” 

The door opened up and in came Tony. Octavius could’ve recognized those heavy footsteps anywhere. Turning around, he watched his friend drop his bellhop uniform (on the  _ floor _ ) and flop on one of the chairs in the kitchen. “Dude, what happened to you?” he gestured to the burns he’d sustained. 

“Dinner,” Octavius said with a sigh. “I’m afraid my cooking skills are less than par at the moment.”

“Yeah and I’m the queen of England,” the bellhop scoffed. “Seriously, man, you’re way better than me. If you weren’t gay, I’m pretty sure Leann would be all over you.” 

The Italian blushed, unable to hide the pleased smile. “Oh hush.” 

“It’s true,” Tony insisted. “Girls dig guys that can cook. Dunno how it is for gay guys but you’re pretty much a keeper.” 

_ Oh Jupiter _ . His face could rivel a tomato right about now. “T-Thank you,” he accepted the compliment, biting his lower lip. 

“So what’s for dinner, anyway?” Tony asked with minimal interest, he was far too occupied with stacking bags of sweeteners on top of each other. Neither of them used them in their beverages but Tony liked to take them from the coffee cart for fun. 

“Italian,” Octavius responded cryptically, subconsciously rubbing at his cheek and wrist. 

“Aww, c’mon, Octavius,” Tony chuckled. “What is it? I wanna know!” 

“You’ll have to wait. It’s almost done,” The Italian told him with a smile. 

As it happened to be, the rotation for dinner fell on his turn. He spent most of the morning deliberating on something suitable for the both of them, eventually choosing Italian; pasta to be specific. But he didn’t want it to be ordinary pasta, no, this had to be spiced up. That was why he chose to saute onions, mushrooms and spinach in olive oil with plans to stir in some pesto sauce and pour that combination on top of angel hair noodles. If only he’d of had some crushed tomatoes, that would have made a superb addition. Octavius couldn’t remember the last time he’d an actual italian meal that didn’t include pizza. Sure, it wasn’t as authentic as he had used to eat with his parents, though it was still mouthwatering. 

“Gaaah,” Tony reluctantly lifted himself from the chair and began to set the table. The Italian was grateful for the help, though it wasn’t entirely necessary. He didn’t mind doing both, but that was a rule that his friend had set in place; that whoever did dinner was excused from setting the table and dishes. And there was no use in trying to fight it, he’d been there and done that. “Quit teasing me, Octavius. It isn’t nice.” 

A low chuckle escaped his lips as he drained the vegetables into a strainer, running some hot water alongside it to wash away the oil. “Could you hand me the pesto, please?” Octavius felt the jar being handed to him moments later-he didn’t realize Tony was that close. 

He didn’t anticipate on Tony’s arms wrapping around his frame. Embarrassingly enough, he squeaked, feeling himself being pulled back against Tony’s chest. “Sorry,” his friend murmured-and the Italian could practically hear the grin in his voice. “It’s like the Titanic, don’t you think? Except I’m  _ way _ better looking than that Dicaprio guy.” 

Octavius snorted out a laugh. “I don’t know. Have you  _ seen _ him? He’s fairly handsome.” He hadn’t seen the movie except for the trailer but Tony had; actually, he and Leann had. In the end, he was told by a laughing Leann that Tony was considerably grumpy because of Dicaprio. 

“Not you too,” his friend groaned. “C’mon man.” 

“Sorry.” Admittedly, he was still apprehensive of people in general, even Tony and feared upsetting him the slightest bit. Most of the time, he just put on a brave face, not wanting to let his friend in on how much he was truly hurting inside. 

Tony didn’t further comment in regards to Octavius’ apology. He let go of the Italian’s waist, patting him on the shoulder. “Is it done  _ yet _ ?” 

“Just about,” Octavius stirred it all together, careful not to be too rough so as nothing would spill out. All in all, it was looking relatively decent and he was itching to take a hearty bite. “So how was your day? Better than yesterday, I hope.” 

The clinking of the glasses and cracks from the just opened soda cans rang through the air before Tony answered his question. “Kinda sorta, yeah. Pretty dull.” Yesterday hadn’t been so dull at all, Octavius remembered. It had been one of those days. Not only had he dealt with rude patrons who didn’t like to take no for an answer, but a handful of unruly children had run amuck not only through the lobby but the hallways as well; riding up and down the elevators to play a game of tag. As one would expect, the front desk was flooded with complaints about the kid, some veen threatening to check out if the situation wasn’t handled. Needless to say, Tony was visibly stressed out by the time he came home later that night.  

“I’d hope so,” Octavius sat down the pot on the center of the table. He smiled appreciatively at his friend for having got his drink for him. “I hope you like it, I’ve been cooking it for over an hour.” 

“I’m sure I will,” Tony reassured him, taking an inhale just above the pot. “Dude, it smells great. What’s in it?” he peered down at it. 

“Angel hair, pesto sauce, spinach, mushrooms and onions,” Octavius replied as he sat down. “I would have preferred to use some tomatoes as well but it seems we’re out.” 

“I’ll grab some when I go to the store next,” Tony grabbed two spoonfuls, eager to dig in. “Oh man,” he moaned, nodding and waving around his fork for emphasis. “Dude, this is so good.” 

Octavius blushed again. “You’re just saying that.” 

Tony stared at him for a solid minute after swallowing the rest of what was in his mouth. “Tavius, before you came I ate frozen dinners. So when I say it’s good, it’s  _ good _ .” 

Octavius couldn’t hide how pleased he was. “Thank you,” he said shyly. 

“So,” Tony took a gulp of his soda, “how was  _ your _ day? Have anyone over?” he wiggled his eyebrows teasingly to which Octavius laughed. 

“Heavens no. I cleaned.” 

With his face in his hand, Tony rolled his eyes. “Tavius, we talked about this. You can use the phone and invite whoever you want over. I really don’t care.” He’d been more than willing to allow full use of the phone, although he had been curious about the whereabouts of his previous cell phone. Octavius hadn’t wanted to lie but he was given no choice, so he said that it accidentally got dropped  down the stairs. Tony didn’t believe him, that was clear, but didn’t press any further. 

The lightheartedness in the air turned a bit tense. “I’m aware,” the Italian avoided eye contact. “I don’t have anyone to call.” 

It was a load of crap and they both knew it. 

“Right,” Tony said unconvinced, “what about that blonde guy, Jed? You have his number, don’t you?” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Octavius became rigid. Jed had been one of the last things on his mind lately and why wouldn’t he have been? There was no reason to be consumed by those invigorating thoughts. 

“Octavius,” Tony spoke in a tone that clearly told him he wasn’t getting out of this. “Don’t you?” 

Good Jupiter his mouth was awfully dry. His tongue roved around in his mouth. He needed a drink. So, to avoid answering his friend’s question, he took a large gulp of his soda, exhaling with relief at how good it felt to quench his thirst. Eventually, he was halfway done with his glass and Tony was still staring him down expectantly. 

Octavius glanced down at his mostly full plate. “No,” he muttered. “I don’t.” 

“You’re sure?” 

“Yes.” 

There was a tightness in the Italian’s voice, an edge that made him look down in shame. Tony seemed nonplussed to his reaction, he reached a hand down, patting Octavius’ in a comforting ‘I got you’ way. 

“You know, Tavius,” Tony was talking again, though octavius would have greatly preferred the silence, “you can talk to me about anything, remember that. I’m not pushing you to talk,” he added when the Italian opened his mouth to protest. “I’m just saying. We’re best friends, you don’t have to go through this alone.” 

“I know,” Octavius whispered, suddenly feeling not so hungry anymore. His stomach was churning, nauseating him and turning off any desire for food consumption. “I know, I know. I just...” 

“Just?” Tony prompted gently. “Just what?” 

“Nothing,” Octavius said quickly, making his friend frown. 

“Octavius...” 

“I’m sorry,” he burst out, “really, I am. I’m wholeheartedly grateful for you’ve done for me but I can’t talk about it. I-I-I just can’t.” 

“Okay,” Tony took a deep breath. “I respect that, but don’t forget that I’m here for you. I feel like you do sometimes.” 

In actuality, he did. For the longest time, Octavius was on his own, navigating through life, trying to figure out his relationship with Lance and how to further it. Without Ahk around to give him advice, he felt incredibly lost, even more so without Jed as of lately. 

“I’m sorry, Ahk,” he mumbled with pain in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” Ahk probably assumed he abandoned him again, after all they’d done to repair their friendship. It had been a long while since they last talked. 

“Who’s Ahk?” 

Octavius’ head whipped up and he stared stupidly at Tony. “W-What?” he stuttered. 

The bellhop repeated, “Who’s Ahk?” 

For a nano second, Octavius felt complete and utter panic erupt inside of him. Ahk was a subject that was never supposed to come up; Tony didn’t know about Ahk and he couldn’t ever recall if Ahk knew about Tony. What could he even say? Anything of that sort could lead to a discussion about Lance and that couldn’t happen. 

“A friend,” he squeaked out. 

Tony’s eyebrows rose. “Like a friend or a  _ friend _ ?” he winked. 

Octavius shook his head, inwardly torn between amusement and nervousness. How absurd, him and  _ Ahk?  _ It might not have been a bad idea in retrospect but Larry might have some objections. “A friend,” he stressed. “Just a friend.” 

Tony held his hands up in surrender. “I come in peace,” he chuckled. “Dang dude, with that attitude I’m not sure if I’m convinced he’s ‘just a friend’,” he used air quotes for the last part. 

“He is,” Octavius said hurriedly. 

“Okay, okay, he is. Whatcha so nervous about? Does he like you? Did you two have a previous love affair? Does he not approve of the blonde guy?” 

“No to all of that,” Octavius was beginning to feel the tiniest bit defensive. “What’s with all the questions? You’re reminding me of, of-” 

“Leann?” Tony offered with a hint of amusement. “Yeah. Guess she’s rubbing off of me.” 

_ Fantastic,  _ was Octavius’ uncharacteristically sarcastic thought. He wasn’t usually this cranky, but Tony’s interrogation was becoming rather nonsensical. Was the goal to completely drain him emotionally? A wave of fatigue came over him and he wished nothing more than for the appropriate time to curl up in bed to arrive. 

“So what’s he like?” 

Octavius peered at his friend confusedly. “Ahk,” Tony clarified. “What’s he like? Where’d ya meet him? Has he met that blonde guy?” 

He should have known Tony to inquire about Ahk, he was about as nosy as it gets. “We met in kindergarten,” he revealed. “Ahk was, he threatened to beat up a kid that took my crayons. After that, we became best friends.” 

“Feisty,” Tony chuckled. “He still like that?” 

“Oh yes,” Octaviu rolled his eyes fondly before recalling that Tony couldn’t know about him reaching out to Ahk again. “Or so I’ve heard.” The bellhop’s eyebrows rose up to his hairline. 

“ _ What? _ ” 

“I wouldn’t know because we stopped talking to each other years ago.” 

“Was he being a jerk or somethin?” Tony questioned. 

“Well,  _ no _ .” 

“Then what-” the realization dawned on Tony’s face. “Oh. Lance made you stop talking to him, didn’t he?” 

Octavius didn’t want to reveal any more information but it was too late; the damage was done. His face contorted into a deer in the headlights look that gave away everything. 

“Oh, Octavius,” the bellhop looked at him sadly. 

The Italian could only look away in shame. 

“Why’d you let him control you like that?” 

_ Crash!  _

Tony flinched but Octavius remained freightningly still. His drinking glass was shattered, half of the remnants were on the floor and the edge of the table. A pool of sprite had already began to create itself near the Italian’s feet, dampening his shoes. Strangely, he didn’t react, at least, not appropriately. His face was rather emotionless. 

“Octavius,” Tony reached across the table to physically shake him. “Dude, you okay?” 

Octavius blinked, snapping back into focus. When his hand set foot back on the table, it was right in the middle of the shards of broken glass. Emitting a slight gasp, he gripped his wrist, examining himself for any injuries. There was none that he could see. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” his voice sounded off, so light and airy which highly contradicted the alarm that was clear as day on his face. “I’m sorry, I’ll, erm, clean it up,” he clumsily stood up and looked for the napkins.  _ Where are they? I just saw them!  _ His breathing changed; panting, shuddering.  _ I know I saw them somewhere, why can’t I find them!?  _ He was on the verge of crying. There was a huge mess that needed to be cleaned up  _ now _ and he was so incompetent that he couldn’t find those freaking napkins. 

“Octavius?” Tony’s voice rang through his ears but at a distance, muffled, horribly muffled. It was like he was underwater and the waves were drowning out his voice. 

_ Tick tock, tick tock.  _

When did the clock become so loud? He groaned, fingers clenching his head. Between the clock, his heart that was pounding in his ears and Tony’s frantic calls from behind him, Octavius felt overwhelmed. 

“I need to find, I need to find it,” he repeated to himself as he opened drawers, cabinets but no such luck in finding any sort of napkins. 

“WHERE ARE THEY?” he screamed out, kicking the set of cabinets nearest to him. “I CAN’T FIND THEM!” he slumped to the floor, choking out a sob with his hands covering his face in utter shame. 

_ You stupid fool! How could you lose control like that?  _

Tony’s strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him into the older man’s lap, rocking him like a young child. “I can’t find them, I can’t find them,” the Italian said repeatedly with tears on his cheeks. 

“Shh,” Tony advised. “You’re okay, Tavius. Everything’s fine, you’re okay. You’re safe. I’ve got you.” 

It was several minutes before they lifted themselves off the floor. The back of Tony’s pants were wet from the spilled soda but he hardly cared. He was more concerned for Octavius. “Tavius? How are you feeling?” 

The Italian was perfectly perched in his lap, laying against his toned chest, much calmer than he was previously was. “I...I believe so,” he said, sniffling. 

Tony stroked his hair. “Has this happened to you before?” 

Octavius shook his head. 

“I think you had a panic attack. I’ve dealt with those before. They’re not pretty.” 

He’d heard about those before, read about those in school. Why would that have happened to him? He wasn't ill or anything. He was perfectly healthy. Was Tony trying to say he was mentally ill? 

Tony must’ve noticed the look on his face, so he added, “Sometimes those things happen, especially after all you’ve been through. I don’t think you’re sick or anything, though.” 

“Okay,” he mumbled, red faced. His senses slowly came back, where he wasn’t in a delusional crying fit and he was quite aware that he was setting in his friend’s lap. Embarrassment immediately set in and he felt entirely sorry for putting Tony through this. “I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” 

“For crying,” Octavius whispered. “I acted like a complete child.” 

“No, no, no. Octavius, it’s  _ okay _ . I’m not mad. You can’t control it. Actually, it’s all my fault.” 

Octavius looked up at him with wide, tearful eyes. “What?” 

“I shouldn’t have questioned you about Lance so much. You weren’t ready. Look, from now on, I won’t mention him unless you say it’s okay. Sound fair?” 

“Okay,” the Italian mumbled again. “Sounds good.” 

“Do you want anything to drink, to eat? You should really have something to get your blood sugar back up.” 

“Can I have some more sprite?” Octavius asked shyly. 

“Of course.” 

He maneuvered himself out of the bellhop’s lap, crawling over to another part of the floor. His legs felt too shaky to stand on. “Here you go,” Tony handed him another ice cold can. It burned his fingers yet his throat relished the feeling as it slid down his esophagus. 

“I’m gonna go change,” Tony griminced, glancing down. His pants were black, so Octavius couldn’t see anything, although he could imagine how sticky it must have felt. “You gonna be okay?” 

“Yes,” Octavius reassured him, though he wasn’t so sure. “I’ll be fine.” He watched Tony nod and walz into the bathroom after grabbing a pair of shorts. 

_ I don’t know how I can keep going on like this.  _

Octavius leaned his head back, exhausted by the whole ordeal. Tony would be worried for him now, worse than usual. He’d have to fake it, fake it like he did with Charlie. If it was one thing, he despised pity. Tony would pity him for having a panic attack and probing. He didn’t want any of that. He just wanted to be treated normally, like a regular person. 

His eyes were irritated, itchy and no doubt red from crying. He still couldn’t believe he’d let it slip about Ahk. He wasn’t supposed to know! It would only add to the temptation of...of- 

No, he shook his head. No, he wasn’t about to call him any time soon. What would he say? What would Ahk say? No, things were better left off like they were. Don’t get him wrong, he  _ wanted _ to call him, oh how desperately he did; but he was struggling with deep rooted shame that he couldn’t shake off quite so easily. He was still coming to terms with facts about Lance’s behavior, the various things he tried to justify. 

_ Ugh _ . Octavius rubbed at his face tiredly, exhaling deeply. It felt like a never ending cycle. He’d been through this with Jed, where he’d tried to point it out that what Lance was doing (and had done) was wrong. And by God, he wanted to believe him; honestly he did. And he had, for a brief time. But those insecurities kept springing themselves up, causing him to wonder if he made the right decision, if he was just throwing his life away for some fling. 

_ Jed’s not some fling.  _

_ Oh yeah? Then what is he?  _

_ He’s-he’s-  _

“Brought you back a shirt,” Tony’s voice intruded on his thoughts and, overcome by surprise, Octavius flinched. “Figured yours was still sweaty.” 

“Thank you,” the Italian accepted the red patterned shirt with a tiny smile to show his appreciation. If he was going to be technical, the shirt didn’t belong to him but rather, Tony. All of his clothes were rather stuffy and constricting, unsurprisingly uncomfortable to wear on a typical day. His friend noticed right away and assessed the situation by offering to lend him some of his clothes to wear until they were able to buy him new ones, whenever that would be. It was a grand gesture, selfless and without hesitation. 

The bathroom wasn’t that far away but Octavius didn’t trust his legs to withstand the minimal walk, so he settled for taking his shirt off right then and there whilst shyly avoiding eye contact with Tony. As if reading his mind, his friend casually turned around, pretending to be looking for something. 

The shirt was a tad too big, being that Tony himself had a few inches over Octavius. He didn’t mind; the tee-shirt was large and flowy, a vast contrast from those tight, fancy collared shirts. Personally, he’d never been much of a tee-shirt wearer for no particular reason other than that’s how he was raised but now he was starting to see why people valued comfort so much. 

“I’m done,” he announced after pulling it over his head. Tony turned back around, holding a dirty towel from the basket and used his foot to wipe up the spot. 

“Go relax, Tavius. I’ll take care of this.” 

“If you’re sure,” Octavius wasn’t too fond of the arrangement, truthfully it made him feel like he was being lazy. Tony shooed him away to the living room, with intentions for him to watch television or something. 

He seated himself in the corner of the couch, right in the view point of that darned phone. For now, he concentrated on something else, forcing himself to divert his attention before he actually did pick it up and call Ahk.  His phone number was ingrained in the Italian’s mind, much to his dismay. It wasn’t something he could just forget. 

“I’ll be in there in a few and we can watch a movie.” 

“Okay,” Octavius replied, eyes back to the phone. “Okay..” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I (somewhat) accurately described a panic attack. I was trying to make it dramatic enough for the story but not over do it because the goal was for it to be realistic


	42. Chapter 42

Octavius was deep in slumber, his head was buried in the crook of his arm with one leg drawn up to his chest while the other was straightened. His lips were curved into a tiny smile, pleased by whatever he seemed to be dreaming about. However, that was cut short when he felt himself being shaken rather roughly by the shoulder. His eyes flew open with alarm flickering across his face. Tony was hovering just above him with his face inches from his own. Startled by the invasion into his personal space, he gasped, jerking away and sat up halfway, itching near the headboard of the bed. “Don’t do that,” he advised, clenching his chest rather dramatically, “you scared me!” 

“Sorry,” his friend grinned, not sounding very sorry at all, Octavius noted with a huff.  “You wouldn’t wake up. I called you five times and you ignored me.”

_ Because I was sleeping!  _ “Perhaps you should have let me sleep then,” Octavius groaned, feeling as though he could have back down for a few more minutes-or an hour. He yawned into the back of his hand, not quite feeling refreshed. “Why did you wake me up, anyway?” 

Tony regarded him, raising his eyebrows. “It’s movie night,” he said matter-of-factly, taking a seat beside him, throwing his legs over Octavius’. “You gotta get up so we can get started. Leann’s already here.” He squinted at him. “You didn’t forget, did you?” 

_ What? No....well, maybe.  _ Octavius rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. He stretched out his achingly stiff muscles, a notion that his body soundly rejected. “I must have forgotten,” he muttered more toward himself than to Tony. His friend appeared to be unbothered by this. “Apologies. Now, what time is it?”

There was a two second pause, as Tony craned his neck to glance at the clock. “Seven.”

_ Seven?! You have to be kidding me!  _ Octavius couldn’t even remember falling asleep. “You could have woken me up sooner.,” he spluttered. 

“You were peaceful,” Tony shrugged. “Didn’t want you to be all grumpy with me, trust me, Leann does that enough.” He let out a snicker.

_ I can see why.  _ “I understand but next time please do so,” the Italian requested. It was horribly distressing to know he’s wasted most of the day lounging in bed when he could have been accomplishing other tasks.  _ Lance is always telling you to get it together.  _

“Kay,” Tony nodded, taking note, though the Italian wasn’t at all sure he’d remember. “I got the movie picked out and ready to go. But oh, what about snacks? You know what, I’ll do that while you freshen up,” a teasing smile was sent his way. “Whaddya want, by the way?”

“Popcorn, please. But without all that butter,” the Italian requested, wrinkling his nose at the notion. Honestly, how did these Americans enjoy such salty, unhealthy things? It made his mouth pucker with disgust.

Tony snickered, shaking his head. “Of course, you oddball. I’ll get right on that.” He scooted of the bed, bidding him one last glance before trodding off to the kitchen. Octavius could hear the distant noise of plastic ripping-the popcorn bag- and the slam of the microwave along with Leann scolding him for the unnecessary noise. 

Blinking away the excess sleep, he wondered when he had fallen asleep, he wasn’t supposed to. After doing his morning chores, a little reading and a light lunch, he felt quite sleepy and decided to curl up on the bed long enough to rest his eyes before Tony would return home and dinner was in need of being fixed. That was at two earlier that afternoon. He hadn’t accounted on drifting off entirely. And to think of how much time he’d wasted in bed, he frowned. 

Eliciting a yawn, he sat up with the blankets tangled around his feet. Much to his displeasure, his clothes were wrinkled and he was fairly sluggish.  _ That _ was why he wasn’t too keen on naps; a good night’s rest should have been adequate enough. 

He slid out of bed, his feet just ghosting over the floor at first due to the chill of the tile. He smoothed down his shirt in order to appear more presentable. It wasn’t necessary to change completely but he didn’t have to look like a slob while doing so. Had it just been him and Tony, he would have been a little less hesitant to keep on the clothes he already had on; but Leann was there. He needn’t do that in front of her, it was only polite.  _ Lance would be furious _ , he noted, taking a glance in the mirror at his aggy tee-shirt and slightly-too-big shorts that were tied a total of three times to keep them from falling down. Both were Tony’s, he had graciously allowed him to barrow them. The combination was so unlike him. As a child, he’d always been sort of fashion minded, not like a snob that always made sure they had the latest of everything, but just liked to make sure he looked decent at the very least. 

A part of him was intrigued to know of the movie they were about to watch. It was Tony’s turn to pick and he refused to divulge a single hint.

Octavius emerged from the bedroom and into the kitchen/living room area, settling on a chair as he watched Tony prepare the food for that evening, though, perhaps food was a bit of a fancy word for popcorn and sweets, he thought mildly.Leann was unloading more food items from a few heavy grocery bags; she noticed him and right away rushed over to give him a hug.

Octavius was ready for this; Leann was a hugger and did so every time they were together. Opening his arms, he allowed her into his personal space, inhaling her fruity perfume that Tony said she often bathed in. 

“It’s so good to see you,” she kissed his cheek, acting as though they hadn’t seen each other in months when in actuality, it had been very recently. 

“It’s lovely to see you always well,” he smiled shyly. “You’re looking beautiful as always.” 

Leann flipped her hair back, grinning. “Oh, you always just know what to say to make a girl smile! If you weren't gay I’d say Tony has competition.”

Octavius ducked his head, blushing. 

“Now look what you’ve done, Lee, you embarrassed him,” Tony teased. 

“I’m sorry,” Leann giggled girlishly, her hand covering her mouth in an attempt to smother them. “I’m sorry, Tavius. I’m just kidding.” 

“Right,” Octavius said awkwardly. He was unsure of how to proceed beyond that. He wasn’t really that well educated in the world of social interaction.  _ Except with Jed, you were fine with him.  _

“See, Lee, this is why we don’t have any friends. You won’t shut up,” Tony snorted. 

“Me? You started it,” his girlfriend said challengingly. 

“Did too.” 

“Did not.” 

“Did  _ too _ .” 

“Did  _ not _ .” 

Octavius was unsure if he should interject or not. The clock was ticking on eight and if he was correct, Leann would have to leave by ten in order to attain a suitable amount of rest before work the next morning. 

Tony scowled, pouting. “You suck.” 

“You weren’t saying that last night.” 

“Okay,” Octavius cringed at the mental picture. “I mean no offense to you both but I would rather be kept in the dark about your sexual tendencies.”

They grinned mischievously, forgetting what they had been arguing about. Tony slung his arm over Octavius’ shoulder, pulling him in for a manly side hug. The Italian tensed briefly. “C’mon, Tavius, where’s the fun without a little  _ Oomf _ ?” he nudged him for emphasis. 

“Oh, leave him alone.” Leann must have noticed how uncomfortable he looked. “Octavius, I apologize on behalf of my obnoxious, stupid boyfriend.” 

“Hey,” Tony was offended. 

“Seriously, it’s like taking care of a stupid son.” 

“ _ Hurtful _ ,” Tony said pointedly. 

Octavius cracked a smile. 

_ Beep, beep.  _

“Popcorns done,” Tony said cheerfully, untangling himself from Octavius.  “Grab me the big bowl, Lee.”

“Don’t be so stingy,” his girlfriend scolded him as she watched him pour most of the bags contents into the bowl reserved for him. “You’re supposed to share, nimrod.”

“I am,” Tony dumped the rest-a considerably less amount-into hers. “For you, millady.” 

“Men,” Leann muttered to herself, popping a piece inter her mouth. 

The trio wedge themselves together on the couch with Octavius on one end, scooting as close as he could to allow the couple enough room. It wasn’t particularly comfortable but he didn’t want any questions to arise as to why he wasn’t seated with them so he endured it for the time being.

Tony had picked  _ Stan and Ollie _ for their movie and was quite eager for it. It was a new film, having just come out on DVD a couple weeks prior. Octavius ate his popcorn a couple pieces at a time, unlike his friend who was keen on stuffing a handful much to Leann’s disgust.

It was an okayish movie, sort of boring at the beginning but he was certain it would pick up later on. “Ya know, Tavius,” Tony was cut off by Leann. 

“Stop talking with your mouth full!” 

“Sorry,” Tony said distractedly. “Anyway, that guy playing Stan kinda looks like you. Don’t you see it?” he asked them, gesturing with his free hand. 

“I don’t see the resemblance,” Octavius frowned. “Besides, he is significantly older than I am.”

“Oh come on, I’m telling you, you guys could be twins.”

“I think you’re high,” Leann rolled her eyes. “They look nothing alike.” 

“Whatever,” Tony was drawn to a nice looking girl on screen. “Whoa baby-I, I mean,” he faltered a bit when his girlfriend raised her eyebrows. “Whoa, she must have a baby. She seems like the type.” 

“Nice save.” 

Octavius was unable to concentrate on the movie, he was overcome with a sense of jealousy, noting that their interactions, while comparing them to what he had with Lance, were vastly different even when they were in disagreement. Tony didn’t spew out hateful words and Leann didn’t threaten him. They treated each other with respect and love. Their insults toward each other were said without malice and an ounce of fondness. He’d never heard either threaten the other to break up or question the relationship at all. 

Did that mean his relationship with Lance was never real to begin with? That sort of behavior was typical for him, it was just apart of who he was as a person. Sure, he wasn’t the nicest but- _ There you go again! You keep defending him.  _

_ It’s natural for me to do that.  _

_ And wrong. So wrong. Lance wasn’t nice to you, everyone saw that but you.  _

_ Well that might be true but-  _

_ No, no. No ‘but’, he wasn’t. Plain and simple.  _

_ Okay, okay... But he was nice at certain times, such as in the beginning of our relationship. I don’t recall him ever lashing out then.  _

_ Two words; Christmas. Break.  _

_ Curses. I had forgotten...  _

_ Of course you did.  _

_....I can’t just forget everything in the blink of an eye.  _

_ No one is expecting you to. But you allow him to keep drawing you back in and that’s not getting you anywhere.  _

_ I know... But I left him, doesn’t that mean anything?  _

_ Of course it does but the question is, will you go back to him when you feel desperate enough? I think we both know the answer to that.  _

_ I-I don’t know.  _

_ Oh but you do.  _

_ I have no one.  _

_ That isn’t true. You have Tony and Leann. You have Ahk too if you’d just call him.  _

_ I can’t.  _

_ You mean you won’t. And what about Jed? You know he’d be around in a heartbeat if you’d just apologize and explain what was going on. You really hurt him that day.  _

_ I know but I still cannot. He’ll never forgive me and I don’t blame him. I would never forgive me either.  _

_ You haven't even tried! If you’d just try, sincerely, he might give you a chance. Instead you’re hiding out like a scared little rabbit!  _

_ I’m hiding out because Lance could find me!  _

_ Take a risk. He isn’t around to control your life anymore. You’re free to do what you want Be the person you want to be, not who Lance wants you to be. You’re a grown man-act like it!  _

_ I’m scared.  _

_ I know. That’s to be expected. But you can’t let fear rule your life. You can’t live like that.  _

Octavius spared a glance at his friends. They were watching the movie intently, enjoying themselves. Leann had scooted closer to her boyfriend, snuggling into his side while his arm was draped over her. They looked happy and content. 

_ I want that _ , he thought sadly.  _ I want to feel that way too.  _

_ Than get off your butt and go call Jed, better yet, go see him.  _

_ I cannot. He has already probably moved on by now. He’s a very attractive man, I would venture to say he has loads of people lined up for him.  _

_ Now you’re just exaggerating. Have you forgotten everything he’s told you? Everything about Jake and how he wasn't ready to move on until you came along? What makes you think he would be up to another relationship? He hasn’t had enough time to heal from this one.  _

_...I hadn’t thought about that.  _

_ That’s not a surprise.  _

_ I suppose I have been rather occupied with my own issues.  _

_ That’s an understatement. Have you given any thought whatsoever about how you’ve affected Jed?  _

_ Admittedly, no.  _

_ You ought to start. It probably hasn’t been easy for him too. And Ahk, think about how he must feel You barely started talking to him again when you just stopped talking again.  _

_ But he has Nicky and Larry; he isn’t alone.  _

_ Just because he has people doesn't make it any better. Haven’t you ever alone even in a room full of people?  _

_ Well, yes.  _

_ Then he has too! Honestly, your mother would be so displeased by your selfishness.  _

_ Our mother. You’re my conscious so she’s your mother too, and don’t bring her into this.  _

_ Why not? Hit a sore spot, did I?  _

_ No....I just don’t want to hear about it. She’s long gone, no need to bring up the past to prove a point.  _

_ That’s your opinion.  _

It took more strength then he’d of liked to admit for him not to emit a groan. Tony and Leann were oblivious to his internal distress, far too busy concentrating on the movie and their ongoing physical affection for one another. 

He was startled to find that the movie had already gone a tad past halfway. Had he really been engrossed in his own thoughts for that long? 

_ Time flies when you’re having fun.  _

Octavius scowled.  _ There’s nothing fun about this conversation.  _

_ I disagree.  _

_ You would.  _

Scarily enough, and perhaps this was a vital sign of him undergoing premature senile, his own conscious  _ sighed _ , annoyed by his incessant blundering. 

_ Oh my God, are you really that dense?  _

_ Did I just call myself dense?  _

_ Call Ahk and Jed. Go see them. Do something! You can’t keep doing this to yourself, not if you want to avoid another panic attack.  _

_ That was merely a coincidence.  _

_ Right. Just a little pent up stress, am I right? Obviously has nothing to do in regards to the situation whatsoever.  _

Octavius considered this. He’d done all he could to avoid dwelling on the... _ incident _ and focus on everything but. He was aware that Tony was rightly concerned, thankfully, he didn’t share his concerns with Leann. As much as he adored her, the very thought of someone else knowing a privet detail that pertained to him, was enough for him to inwardly shudder. 

_ Yeah, erm, gotta get a hold of that. You’re too private.  _

_ You mean we’re too private.  _

_ You, we, us, whatever. The point is, you need to trust people.  _

_ Easier said than done.  _

_ Of course it is. If it wasn’t, wouldn’t everyone do it?  _

_ I suppose.  _

_ No, there isn’t any “I suppose” about it. You’re literally hurting yourself and everyone around you by acting this way.  _

_ I hardly think-  _

_ That’s your problem! You’re not thinking. You haven’t thought properly for a long time.  _

_ I really don’t understand where you’re going with this.  _

_ It’s simple. You let Lance take control over you and now you don’t know how to act for yourself and that terrifies you. You don’t know what to do without being told constantly how to act, how to live. Tony doesn’t do it, neither would Jed or Ahk.  _

_ I don’t care.  _

_ I think you do, actually, I know you do. Don’t you remember when you and Jed first started dating- _ Octavius flinched- _ or whatever that was and he confided in you that he was worried you guys were moving too fast?  _

_ I can vaguely recall.  _

_ You told him to tell you what was okay and what wasn’t. He told you he couldn’t dictate the relationship.  _

_ And that is relevant, how?  _

_ You’re trying to do the same thing with your relationship to Ahk and Tony. You’re constantly apologizing and acting thoroughly submissive. You weren’t like this before. Something changed.  _

_ I didn’t have to deal with what I’ve to deal with now.  _

_ Exactly.  _

_ Exactly? What’s that supposed to mean?  _

_ What have you had to deal with that you didn’t before?  _

Silence. 

His eyes bore into the TV ahead, drifting off further into his daydream. It him like a ton of bricks; it just clicked. 

_ Oh, I suppose I see your point.  _

_ Finally. Thought I was going to have spell it out for you.  _

_ It is a bit difficult to accept.  _

That was an understatement. 

_ As it would be.  _

Octavius felt nauseated. Sickened. The first time hadn’t been much of a realization as it was now and fear trickled over him as he recalled he’d defended and gone back to him. How stupid was he? 

_ You aren’t stupid. A little dense but not stupid. You can’t fault yourself for that. It happens all the time unfortunately, it’s part of being abused. He just had that hold on you.  _

_ But I should've gotten away sooner. I should have listened.  _ The guilt just heaved itself all over him. His parents, they’d tried to tell him, so did Ahk, Tony and Jed... 

His throat tightened up, the lump felt constricting. His eyes became moist but he couldn’t allow himself to become so distraught in his friends presence. 

_ Why? Don’t you trust them?  _

Of course he did. It’s just-well, he supposed he didn’t really have a reasonable excuse other than shame; deep rooted shame that went far back, as far as his teenage years. He yearned to trust them, really, he did. Now just wasn’t the right time. 

_ Is the right time ever going to occur?  _

_ I don’t know.  _

It was the truth. He didn’t. 

_ You’re confused. And scrambled. And messed up. I know it hurts right now but it’s okay. You just need to talk to someone.  _

_ Like a therapist?  _

_ Preferably but we both know you wouldn’t.  _

_ Of course not. I see nothing to accomplish from divulging your most darkest secrets to strangers.  _

_ Strangers with a degree.  _

_ That doesn’t really mean anything.  _

_ Right. Definitely doesn’t mean they’re professionals or anything.  _

_ Ahk was right, sarcasm doesn’t really suit me.  _

_ At least it’s one thing you admit he was about.  _

_ Oh shush.  _

Octavius mumbled an excuse to leave, claiming he was in need of relieving himself. The two love birds didn’t seem to notice and that was fine with him. While in the bathroom, he turned on the cold water, splashing it directly on his face. He felt uncomfortably warm to the point that he contemplated on asking Tony if they could turn the heat down a tad. 

His eyes wandered up to the mirror; blinking owlishly at his reflection. Dear Jupiter did he look a mess. He wasn’t in any particular mood to finish the movie, having lost interest ages ago. It would have been more desirable to crawl back into bed and curl up until he fell back into a deep sleep. But, a tired gleam clouded his eyes, that would have raised questions. And he didn’t want that. 

Wiping away the excess water droplets, the Italian made his way back out, taking his seat back on the end of the couch. He had a little more room now, now that Leann had wound up in Tony’s lap. Running a hand through his curly hair, he propped his elbow on the arm of the couch, cupping his face in his palm. 

_ You’re bored.  _

_ You already know this.  _

_ So, why don’t you just leave? They won’t notice.  _

_ I can’t. That would be rude. We made plans. I cannot just leave them.  _

_ You could, you just won’t. But, back to what we were talking about.  _

_ That again?  _ Octavius did groan this time, lowly.  _ Why?  _

_ Because it clearly hasn’t sunk in yet.  _

_ What do you mean? I believe it has. Lance was a-abusing me and I’ve come to realize that.  _

_ You aren’t saying a whole lot and besides, he’s not the entire issue.  _

_ I’m in shock. This is a shocking thing. And who else is involved?  _

_ Don’t play dumb, you know who. You might be able to avoid all conversation with everyone else but not with me, yourself technically.  _

_ There is nothing else to say. I was abused, I was offered a way out and I didn’t take it and now I’m paying for it. What else is there to say? I screwed up.  _

_ True, but there’s always another way out if you want there to be.  _

_ ‘If’ I want there to be? What do you mean by if?  _

_ Do you like it here? Are you comfortable?  _

_ What kind of question is that? Of course I like it here. Tony has been very hospitable to me and Leann is very kind.  _

_ Why did you accept his invitation to live with him?  _

_ I-I had nowhere else to go! It was either Tony’s or the streets!  _

_ You could have gone to Jed. He would have let you in.  _

_ Jed!? How could I ever face him after what I did? You-erg, me-said it yourself, I hurt him.  _

_ Yes, you did.  _

_ Then how could I ever have the audacity to ask for housing? I committed the worst possible deed against him and broke his heart. He will never forgive me.  _

_ You might be surprised. I have a feeling Jed is a little more forgiving than he lets on.  _

_ He told me he never wanted to see me again.  _

_ He was angry. Angry people say things they don’t mean.  _

_ I’m quite sure he meant that part.  _

_ Stop being stubborn. You’re using every excuse you can right now and it’s not working. You need to man up and tell Jed that’s it’s over, that you’ll never see Lance again.  _

_ He won’t believe me.  _

_ There you go assuming again. Who says he won’t? Even if he doesn’t, you’ll just have to show him. It really is’t a surprise if he doesn’t trust you immediately. You know what he’s been through.  _

_ Yes...  _

_ You have to take in account for that. Remember how you were months ago when you and Jed first got together? You were hesitant and so was he. It’s natural after everything that’s happened for you two but you won’t let it go.  _

_ I want to.  _

_ That’s good but you actually have to do something about t, admit it and go from there.  _

_ I have admitted it.  _

_ Not to yourself, well, yes to yourself but not just yourself. Tell someone else-Tony, Ahk, anybody.  _

_ I miss Ahk.  _

_ I know you do, so you should call him and explain everything. It’s only fair.  _

“Well that was a great movie,” Tony’s voice startled Octavius. “Whatd you guys think?” 

“I liked it,” Lean complimented. “Stan was pretty too.” Tony frowned. 

“Hey now!” 

“I, erm, I liked it too,” Octavius said quickly. “Excuse me.” 

He rushed back into the bedroom, leaving his friends bemused. **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it!


End file.
